Horoscopes are great. There are few things I enjoy more than reading plastic cards that tell me what I am gonna eat for dinner. I was at some gift shop and they were selling horoscope cards for days of the year. So I went to the stand and said to myself, "Gotta see what the starts have in store for me today!" HMM, it's November 4, and I'm a Pisces. I picked up the card, bought it, and I began to read: "Today you will re-ignite that old dusty relationship. You and your significant other will have a romantic night and the love that you share will grow ever stronger. Bright things lay ahead!" Oh, rapture! I can't wait to have a romantic evening with my "significant other"! So I went to my house and, since it was almost night, I went to get ready for dinner. I sat down and waited for the romantic evening to begin. Didn't have a "significant other" so I assumed that the almighty power of the horoscope would provide me with one. So I sat there. Waiting. Waiting for a hot babe appear out of nowhere and start cooking me some steaks and fries with a beer; then subsequently a nice 2 hour porking session. 30 minutes had gone by, but alas: nothing. No hot babe, no steak, no beer, no romantic evening, no 2 hour porking session. I was pissed. I couldn't undrstand why. The card promised to "Tell Your Fortune" but I was still sitting waiting for a hot babe. 'Twas then I realized that HOROSCOPES DON'T WORK.
Feeling that I had wasted an entire night, I made up for it by watching hours of hours of nonstop porn while having a great time wanking off. So I did have a good night, and my date was with my hand.