THE PERSONAL POETRY OF THE BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD

Poem I.

I do not get the female sex
I just don't understand
Why they must spend so much time
Putting polish on their hands

Does anyone care how they fix their hair?
I don't care, not me
And all that smelly makeup shit
Makes my eyes watery

Reminds me of two girls I knew
Becky and Maria
They wore too much of that smelly crap
And it gave my diarrhea

And I hate all those obese girls
Who swim in a bikini
Not only does it make me barf
It makes my penis teeny

Why the hell do they wear high heels?
It's not comfy anyway
Who gives a damn if your look tall?
I hope you trip one day

Makeup and lipstick don't change your looks
For better or for worse
To all you girls it’s the end of the world
If your shoes don't match you purse

"Maid in Manhattan" and "Bring it On"
Are the only movies you like to watch
If I ever saw one of those films
I'd get a pain in my crotch

Ah, the hell with all you females
Makeup smells like a skunk
The only time a girl is good
Is when she's really drunk


Poem II.

In the summer in the black of night
Little Johnny said to me “Do you wanna fight?”
I said “ok” and I nodded my head
I pulled out a gun and shot him dead


Poem III.

I am a man, a man I am
I hate Susan B. Anthony, that feminist wo-MAN
No feminist ever shook my hand
They’ll lead us to hell, they will be dammed

When a feminist said “Hello” to me
I treated that bitch like a sidewalk tree
I became a dog and pulled out my weenie
I raised my leg and on her I peed


Poem IV.

People aren’t as good as me
I am the ultimate best
When some guy told me to piss off
I shot him in his chest

No one can ever prove me wrong
I kick so much butt
When a girl told me that I was ugly
I bayoneted that filthy slut


Poem V.

I was on a train one time
Sitting in the caboose
Some girl started singing Mandy Moore
And now she hangs from a noose

The same girl’s friend had really bad breath
Oh man, did that mouth smell
So I made a hole in the earth’s crust
And threw her into hell


Poem VI.

One day I was standing in line
At the grocery store
I was already pissed but a kid began to cry
And I got pissed some more

So I pulled out a flamethrower
And I burned that kid to hell
I took its head and bit it off
Man the taste was swell

Just so you understand something
Little kids I eat
I just can’t get enough of that taste
And that tender juicy meat


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Copyright THE BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD 2003
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