I was watching Late Night with Conan O'Brien (which kicks ass, by the way) and I was laughing my dick off when they had to go into a commercial break. My extreme episode of laughter was immediately brought to a grinding halt when they aired that dumbass commercial for Panasonic which was advertising some DVD camcorder, where some little bitch is taping her brother and his girlfriend singing some song with stupid lyrics: "Honey you are my shining star..." AARRRGH! Stop singing these songs.

It's like 90% of all songs are about love. Why? There are few things worse than hearing two and a half minutes of someone pulling touchy-feely-emotional words out of their ass and singing them to a melody that makes people barf. Who sings about shining stars, anyway? People on pot, that's who. My spine literally cringes when I pop open the radio expecting to hear "Al Gore is an asshole..." but instead stupid *NSync singing "When I look into your eyes..." gets pumped through the speakers. Please stop. No one wants to hear the same "romantic" bullshit over and over again.

All love songs are the same. They all have the words "baby, girl, boy, love, eyes, kiss, lips, smile, heart, ooh, oh, and yeah." And when people write these songs, they just take that list, rearrange it, then sing it to a new but crappy tune. It's repetitive and annoying, especially when you repeat the same word: "Oh baby baby", "Ooh, baby baby", "baby bye bye bye". Stop at once.

Isn't it also weird how some of the more famous artists who sing love songs are perverted pedophiles? I mean when R. Kelly sings something like, "Ooh yeah BABY", he really means BABY. GROSS. Sick perverts.

We need more songs about killing people, especially songs about badass warriors killing people who sing love songs. How's this for a good verse:

I am an indian warrior here to kill you
I am so menacing if you saw me you'd go poo poo
Because you sing boring love songs
I'll pull out my sword and chop off your schlong
You're stupid touchy-feely songs are nothing but crap
And you molest little kids and give them the clap
Genital herpes is the only thing you give
You're a sick bastard with no reason to live
I'll castrate you, R. Kelly, you stupid wussy
Wait, never mind, you're a fag with a pussy

Oh man that song rules. Check out those kickass rhymes. Only someone as cool as me could write something that great, especially the part about herpes. Oh man herpes sucks. I'd hate to have my crotch rotting way. Good thing I don't. I win.

Send me hate mail at: ihateallthings1@yahoo.com