WHY DO BABIES GET ALL THE TOYS?

Babies. They get all the toys. They get more stuff than they can count, and yet I, the Best Person in the World, get nothing from anybody. Why do babies get all the toys? They don't even know how to use them. All they do with them is drool on them, bite them, break them, choke on them, puke on them, anything but play with them right. and in the 0.00007% of the time they do play with them, it involves throwing it or hitting someone else with it. Babies are stupid, don't give them any of that shit (unless they choke and kill themselves with it, in which case we can sacrifice the baby to my sexy image, then eat it.)

Stop giving babies toys. No matter how simple you make them, babies will always find a way to use it in the stupidest way possible. Instead of wasting your money on stupid toys that will only be used for about a week, spend it on getting ME some cool stuff. I know how to use cool stuff. I'm smart. Face it, that's a good idea. I can make your spending money worth it.

BUT NO. You people continue to spend on babies. Babies who don't know a damn thing. Fine then, waste your money. I don't care anymore. Go ahead and piss all your money away on stupid babies. I hate you people. I could use some stuff. BUT NO. You people just keep on driving to your baby nephew's birthday party and then when you're a block away from their house you realize that you don't have a present for the baby and that when the baby finds out he's gonna jump out of his playpen and stab you in the throat so you rush to the Toys 'R Us and and find what you think is the coolest toy in the world for a baby so you rip your purse open then subsequently spilling all your possessions, including money and checks and credit cards and some hobo runs by and steals a few Benjamins (a Benjamin is a 100$ bill, for those of you too stupid to know) but you don't care because you are runing late for your nephew's birthday party and the baby is gonna jump out of the crib and stab you in the throat if you don't get there so you pour the rest of the money on the cashier clerk and tell him to keep the change and then you run to the car and drive down the street at 107 mph and run a few red lights so you can get to the party then you crash the car through the wall of your baby nephew's house and dash out of the car and say "Sorry I'm late, but I got him the best present in the world" and you show the people your gift but everyone gives you a cold stare because you gave the same exact present the parents gave and you realize that you lost 800 dollars and went through all that trouble for nothing and the baby gets mad that you didn't get him something else so he jumps out of his crib and tries to stab you in the throat but you pull out a gun and you blast the kid to hell but you go crazy so you take your belt and hang yourself in the living room from the chandalier and your soul gets damned to hell because yo're a bad person and because you screwed around with your husband's brother and had sex with your boss.


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