Tree huggers must be among the dumbest people to walk the earth. Or drive a car. I was on the freeway on the bridge on the way to San Francisco when I saw an enourmous convoy of tree huggers driving by to protest the development of some plot of land. All their cars had the conventional environmentalist fixins: 20 anti-deforestation bumper stickers, pro-vegan slogans painted on the windows, half-flat tires, peeling paint, and bumpers and hub caps about to fall off and fly into the windshield of the car behind it and then smash someone's head off. But one major thing struck me the most: THEY HAD THE SHITTIEST CARS ON THE ENTIRE BRIDGE.

Have you ever noticed that when the rest of society has bought newer cars with better mileage and burn their fuel cleaner, the tree huggers keep the same old cars from the hippy era: VW Beetles with rusted pipes, broken exhaust, and leaking gas. While the people who don't care about the environment unknowingly own cars that help save the trees (damn, I'm one of them), the people who waste their time on trying to save animals and trees own cars that probably have failed their last 7 smog tests. These people are contributing more to the destruction of the very things they are trying to save. These morons have got to be the most stubborn hypocrites ever to own the right to be called humans. Tree huggers (hereafter referred to as Homo hypocritus, Homo stupidae dumbus, Homo sexual faggutus, and RETARDS) need to get laid. They've got nothing better to do than protest about a load of bullshit.

I forgot that the Retards have a deep connection with nature. I've got an idea. To be in touch with trees, we should give them the opportunity to live the amazing life of a tree. We can have animals shit on them, we can piss on them when we're in the middle of nowhere, pull thier leaves (hair) off, etch love phrases like "Kim & Nick 4 Ever!" on their bark (skin), and (this is the best part) have them breathe car exhaust. Maybe we can even chop them down and make homes, desks, and pencils out of them. Hell, I'm sure at least 75% of all Retards have houses made primarily of wood, unless they have big fancy houses on a big plot of land that used to be home to a few trees

Basically, their message is this. Why just try to save the trees when we can drive cars that pollute our world even more? It's a great idea! Forget logic, we're Retards! Protesting is fun; you should do it too.

There. That is pretty much why I hate tree huggers

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