"BETTY COOPER: THIS IS WHO I AM"
Author's note: The following story is a work of true fiction. All characters in the story are not of my own creation. They were created by John L. Goldwater and are copyright © 1999 by Archie Comic Publications, Inc. The characters' names are the exclusive trademarks of Archie Comic Publications, Inc. The following story is copyright © 1999 by Mark Moore. It was written from Monday, June 14, 1999, 7:40 PM to Tuesday, September 7, 1999, 3:00 PM.
Hello. I've been a fan of Archie comic books since 1992. Actually, I only bought two Archie Digest Magazines in 1992. My sister got me a one-year subscription to the regular thin Archie comics in 1993. In late 1998, I began purchasing the comic books again. However, I now only buy issues centered on the female characters: Betty Cooper, Veronica Lodge, and Cheryl Blossom. I get new ones every month and search for old issues at the flea market. I'm hooked!
Now that you know of my passion for the female Archie characters (shut up, I like lesbians), you might be wondering "What's the big deal? The stories are monotonously repetitive. There's little continuity. The comics are only good for cheap laughs." Well, I'll agree with that for the most part. However, I recently (2 days ago) found issue # 82 of "Betty and Me", dated March of 1977, at the flea market. There's a four-part story inside called "Betty Cooper Betty Cooper". What surprised me is that the story is dramatic. They actually wrote a story that has Betty crying when Archie gets into a car accident, praying for his recovery, and nearly getting murdered (strangled to death). I think the story is great. It really shows the potential Betty Cooper has as a dramatic character. She's not a superhero or a person accustomed to pain and tragedy. She's a happy high school teenager that likes to have fun. Being placed in a terrible situation really shows her inner strength as well as destroying her happiness and ruining her character which I like to do.
With that in mind, I present to you, the readers, a novella about Betty Cooper. It is comprised of a series of short stories, like in a comic book (only longer and without pictures). A word of caution: The subject matter is far more serious than what you'd find in a typical "Betty" comic book. There is some swearing and violence (serious violence, not comic violence). The mood is often dark, and the story is deeper.
This is the true story of Betty Cooper, high school teenager.
"Essay About Myself" by Betty Cooper
Betty in "Ring in the New Year"
Betty and Veronica in "Dateless in Riverdale"
Betty's Diary: "Thoughts on Friendship"
Betty in "Late Date"
Betty and Veronica in "Friday Night Feud"
Betty and Veronica in "Shop 'Til You Drop"
Betty's Diary: "Too Much Control"
Betty and Veronica in "Breaking Up"
Betty and Veronica in "The Pact"
Betty and Veronica in "Abused"
Betty's Diary: "Changing Feelings"
Betty in "Don't Mess with Me!"
Betty and Veronica in "Showdown"
Betty's Diary: "In My Own Defense"
Betty and Veronica in "The Dawn of a New Day"
Betty and Veronica in "Friends Forever"
"This is Who I am" by Betty Cooper
"Essay About Myself" by Betty CooperSince I'm supposed to talk about myself for this school assignment, I guess I'll start from the beginning.
My name is Betty Cooper. I was born and raised in Riverdale, New York. I've got two loving parents and an older sister. I attend Riverdale High School. My grades are pretty good, but not outstanding. Sometimes I'm too busy thinking about sex to study. Oops, I shouldn't have said that, sorry I had a blond moment.
I'm a very athletic person. I play tennis, racquetball, basketball, baseball, soccer, and football. I'm also a cheerleader.
I love to watch science-fiction and horror films. I also play video games. In fact, I'm the Super Nintendo Champ of Riverdale. I love Nintendo so much but really my favorite is Playstation, I use the duel shock controllers as a vibrator. Oops, another blond moment. Sorry.
My best friend is Veronica Lodge. We've known each other our whole lives. I call her Ronnie. We spend a lot of time together, mostly shopping or hanging out at Pop Tate's Chocklit Shoppe. I really like her, sometimes I dream about her and I together but I know it would never work out.
I've got a boyfriend. He's Archie Andrews, the love of my life. Someday, I hope to become Mrs. Archie Andrews. Of course, seeing as how Ronnie and I constantly fight over him, I'm not sure if or when that's going to happen.
I haven't made up my mind yet of what I want to be. It would be cool to be a lawyer or a judge. Maybe an astronaut or a teacher. Perhaps an exotic dancer. Being President of the United States would be neat also. I could be his intern.
There really isn't much more I can say about myself. I'm not really a deep person. I am blond after all.
See me after class, Betty. This essay was beyond boring.
Betty in "Ring in the New Year"
The bell rang to end class. Most of the students got up and left the room. Betty walked up to the teacher's desk. "You wanted to see me, Miss Grundy?" Miss Grundy stood up. "Yes, Betty, I did. I wasn't very pleased with your essay." "What didn't you like about it?" Betty asked. "It was too...superficial. You barely scratched the surface of who you are and what you're really like." "Not true, Miss Grundy. When it comes to me, it's pretty much WYSIWYG." Miss Grundy raised an eyebrow. "Wissy-wig?" "It's a computer term." Betty explained. "What You See Is What You Get." "Oh. Well, I don't believe that." "I could look it up in the dictionary." Betty offered. Miss Grundy shook her head. "No, I mean I don't believe that what you wrote in that essay is everything you are. I'm going to give you a second chance. Reach deep into your soul, Betty! Write an essay that reveals your beliefs and your philosophy on life! And for heaven's sake, please leave out your sex life!" "I'll try, Miss Grundy, but I'll need a lot of time." "I tell you what. I'm giving you until the end of the school year, but I expect a great essay. You may go now." Betty nodded and left the classroom.
"Well, this school year has certainly gotten off to a lousy start." Betty said. She slurped her chocolate shake. Betty and Midge were sitting at the counter in Pop's, relaxing after school. "What am I supposed to write?" Betty asked. "I dunno." Midge slurped her chocolate shake. "But let's not worry about schoolwork now. We came here to relax." Betty nodded. "You're right, Midge. So, how are you and Moose doin'?" Midge nodded. "Pretty good. He got to second base with me. You and Archie?" "Well, I'm hoping to get a date with him for this Friday night." Just then, the door opened, and Archie Andrews walked in. "Hey, Pop!" Archie greeted with a smile. "Gimme a chocolate shake." "Sure thing, Archie." Pop said. Archie got his chocolate shake and sat down at the counter with Betty and Midge. "Hey, Archie, you wanna go out Friday night?" Betty asked. "Sorry, Bets." Archie said. "Ronnie and I have a date on Friday." "How about Saturday night?" "She's got me then, too. Sorry." Betty sighed. "I should have known." "We'll go out some other time." Archie promised. "Okay?" "Okay." Betty said, disappointed.
Betty and Veronica in "Dateless in Riverdale"
Betty rang the doorbell. Soon, the front door opened. Smithers, the butler, stood there. "Yes, Miss Betty?" Smithers asked. "Where's Veronica?" "In her room."
Betty opened the bedroom door. Inside, she saw Archie and Veronica sitting on the bed, kissing. Betty stormed into the room. "Veronica Lodge, you get away from my Archie!" Veronica looked at Betty and smiled pleasantly. "Ah, Betty! What a nice surprise!" "Save it, Ron! Archie, you were supposed to take me to the movies!" "Oh, right!" Archie said. "Sorry, Betty, I completely forgot! See, Ronnie asked me to come over, and - " "I don't care!" She pulled Archie by the hand. "C'mon! We'll be late for the movie!" Veronica frowned as they left the room. "You won't get him that easily, Betty Cooper! I got him hard but he'll go limp the minute you touch him!" "Fuck off!" Betty yelled as she left.
Betty and Archie sat down in the theater with their snacks and drinks. "We missed the previews." Betty said. "The movie's about to start." Soon, an usher walked over to them. "Archie Andrews?" "That's me." "There's a phone call for you from your mom." Archie stood up and looked at Betty. "I'll be right back."
Archie walked over to the telephone. "There's no one on the phone!" "Hi, Archie!" Veronica greeted. "Ronnie! What are you doing here?" "I was just buying a ticket for a movie, and I saw you standing here. Would you like to join me?" "Well, actually, I'm with Betty." Archie told her. Veronica placed a hand on Archie's cheek. "Betty won't miss you,...but I would. You know how wet I get while watching Tomb Raider.." Archie smiled.
After the movie was over, Betty walked out of the theater and into the lobby. "Archie didn't come back. I hope there wasn't some kind of emergency." Just then, Archie and Veronica came out of another theater. They were walking along, arm in arm, laughing about a part in the movie they had seen and both smelled of sex. Betty looked over and saw them. She grew mad and stormed over to them. "Archie Andrews, how could you leave me during a date?!" Archie was frightened to see her. "Betty! Uh, listen, I can explain!" "Phone call from mom, huh?!" Betty took her half-empty box of popcorn and spilled the contents over Archie's head. Then she turned and walked away. Archie slumped his shoulders when Veronica started laughing at the butter running down Archie's face and remarking how she'd love to lick it off.
Betty's Diary: "Thoughts on Friendship"Dear Diary:
Tonight I thought I'd share with you my thoughts on friendship. Friendship is liking a person. I like Veronica. She's my best friend and I think I'm in love with her. Well, next to my sister, that is. I love my sister. Friendship also means enjoying communicating with a person. I talk with Ronnie all the time. We joke. We hang out and have fun together. Whenever I have a problem, I share it with my parents or sister. They help me however they can. Another aspect of friendship is the ability to forgive your friend. I forgive Veronica for constantly stealing Archie from me or trying to one-up me. And I forgive Archie for falling to Veronica's charm. He can't resist it. Well, I have nothing else to write tonight. Until tomorrow, dear diary!
Betty in "Late Date"
"Yes!" Betty hung up the phone. Mrs. Cooper smiled at her daughter. "Why are you so excited?" "Archie and I are going out tonight!" Betty was ecstatic. "I actually beat out Veronica in asking him! He's picking me up at seven!" She went and ran up the stairs. "I gotta get ready!" "But it's only four!" her mom said.
Betty took a shower, did her hair, dressed in her best clothes, and put on make-up. Then, at 6:59 PM, the phone rang. Betty picked up the phone in her bedroom. "Hello?" "Hi, Betty, it's me." Archie said. "Archie?" Betty asked. "Aren't you supposed to be on your way over by now? Where are you?" "I'm at home. I'm calling to tell you I'll be a little late. My mom asked me to go to the store for her." "How late?" "About fifteen minutes." Archie replied. "That's fine." Betty said. "I'll be there soon." Archie hung up. Betty hung up as well.
At 7:10 PM, the phone rang again. Betty picked up the phone in the living room. "Hello?" "Hi, Bets, it's me again." Archie said. "Listen, I have some bad news. I got a flat tire while driving home from the store. I don't have a spare, so I'm gonna have to call a tow truck. I'm afraid I'll be a little bit later than I thought." "How much later?" "Probably another ten minutes." Betty groaned. "Fine."
Betty waited,...and she waited,...and she waited. It was now 8:15 PM. "Poor Betty," Mrs. Cooper said, "sitting there on the couch waiting for her date." "I don't like that Archie." Hal Cooper said. "Any boy that keeps my daughter waiting is a bum and a homosexual." Just then, the doorbell rang. Betty leapt to her feet, ran to the front door, and opened it. There stood Archie - and Veronica. "Archie Andrews, what is the meaning of this?!" Betty demanded. "Betty, it turns out I didn't need to call a tow truck!" Archie said with a smile. "Ronnie was driving by, and she had a spare and gave it to me!" "How convenient." Betty said. Veronica hugged Archie. "I always help those in need...especially you Archiekins." With a wink, she reached down and squeezed his balls. "Archie, can we go now?" Betty asked impatiently. "Actually, Ronnie's offered to take us to an exotic nightclub. Wanna go?" Betty's heart sank. "No." "Suit yourself." Veronica said with a smile. "Come, Archiekins." Archie and Veronica turned and left. Betty watched them get in Veronica's car and drive off. Then she closed the door and turned. Her mother and father walked up to her. "Betty?" Mrs. Cooper asked. Tears were rolling down Betty's cheeks. She sniffed. Her parents hugged her, and she cried on their shoulders.
Betty and Veronica in "Friday Night Feud"
Veronica picked up the phone in her bedroom. "Hello?" "Hi, doll!" Archie greeted. "It's me!" "Hi, Archiekins!" Veronica said with a smile. "Would you like to go out tonight?" Archie asked. "I'd love to!" "Great! I'll pick you up at 7:00!"
Later that day, Archie was walking down a street. Betty ran up to him. "Hi, Archie!" "Hi, Bets!" Archie said with a smile. "Wanna join me in Pop's for a chocolate shake?" Archie nodded. "Sure!"
That evening, Veronica was pacing on the floor, waiting for the doorbell to ring. "Where is Archie?!" Veronica asked no one in particular. "He was supposed to be here a half-hour ago!" "That boy is so irresponsible." Hiram Lodge told his daughter. "I'm serious, Veronica. You should forget about him and find somebody nicer like Betty, she's always there for you." "I'll consider it, daddy. Oh, I can't wait here any longer! I'm going out to look for him!"
Veronica stormed into the video arcade at the mall, where Betty and Archie were playing a game. "So, this is where you've been, Archie Andrews?!" Veronica said. Archie slapped his forehead. "Oh, darn, I forgot! We have a date tonight!" "Had a date tonight!" Veronica corrected. "I will not go out with someone so irresponsible!" "Oh?" Archie asked. "And I suppose you've got someone else." Veronica nodded. "I'll go out with Reggie! At least he doesn't forget our dates! Betty, he's all yours!" Veronica stormed out of the arcade. Archie slumped against the arcade machine. "I just lost Veronica." "Uh, hold on, Archie. I'll go talk with her." Betty walked out of the arcade. I can't believe I'm doing this!
"So,...Carrot Top stood you up, huh?" Reggie Mantle asked. "Yeah, and for the last time." Veronica said. "I am through with him!" Veronica and Reggie were riding in Veronica's convertible. Just then, Betty's car drove up in the lane to Veronica's right. "Ronnie!" Betty called. "Give Archie another chance!" "Why should I?!" Veronica asked. "He was devastated when you broke up with him!" Veronica smiled. "Really?!" "Yeah!" Betty said. "So, you'll give him another chance?!" "Sure!" Veronica said. "Let's go pick him up at the arcade, and we'll all go on a double date tonight!" "Great." Reggie muttered.
Betty, Veronica, and Reggie walked into the arcade. Then they stopped in their tracks. Archie was standing in front of an arcade machine with Cheryl Blossom. "Ooh, this is so exciting, Archie!" Cheryl said. "Thanks for teaching me how to play this game!" "No problem, Cheryl." Archie replied. "I've got all the time in the world for a hot babe like you, wanna make out after this?" "You got it Red, I need your wet tongue in my mouth..." Cheryl replied. Betty and Veronica turned and stormed out of the video arcade. Reggie followed them with a huge grin.
Betty and Veronica in "Shop 'Til You Drop"
"I don't know, Archie. I'll get back to you." Veronica hung up her phone. Betty walked into Veronica's bedroom. "Hi, Ronnie." Veronica turned around. "Oh. Hi, Betty." "You sound troubled." Betty sat down next to Veronica on the bed. "I am." Veronica said. "Archie just called and apologized. He wants to get back together with me." "He called me and told me the same thing." Betty informed her. "I came over to talk with you about it." Veronica fumed. "That jerk! That cock-sucking jerk!" She stood up. "Come on, Betty!" Betty stood up and followed her out of the room. "Where are we going?" "To the mall!"
Betty and Veronica walked through the Riverdale Mall. "Ah! Nothing like shopping to calm oneself down!" Veronica said. "Um, Ron,...don't you think we've calmed ourselves enough?" Betty asked. "These bags are getting heavy." "I suppose so. Let's go back to my place and try our new clothes on." "Hi, girls!" Betty and Veronica looked. Archie was walking toward them. "What do you want?" Veronica asked. "I, uh, I was wondering if you girls have forgiven me." Archie said. Betty and Veronica looked at each other, then faced Archie again. "We don't know, Archie." Veronica said. "Trying to get back together with both of us is pretty rotten." Betty said. "I promise it's just the two of you." Archie told them. "From this moment on, I swear off all other girls, even that lusty slut Cheryl." Betty and Veronica looked at each other again, then faced Archie again. "All right, we forgive you." Veronica said. "Just please stay away from other girls." Betty added. "Deal!" Archie said. Betty and Veronica kissed Archie on his cheeks.
Betty's Diary: "Too Much Control"Dear Diary:
Sometimes I don't know what to make of Archie. He can be so sweet and charming. He takes me to the movies and out for chocolate shakes. We hang out at my house and watch TV together. We usually have a great time. However, lately I've noticed that Archie tries to control me. He does it discretely. For example, he usually decides which movie we go to see or rent. Sometimes I feel I'm only there so Archie has someone to comment to on the movie! I wish he would finger me like he does to Ronnie! When he comes over to my house to play video games, he decides which games we play. It's my house! I should pick the games. When we go to the arcade, it's the same thing. He insists we play against each other, even when I don't want to. For instance, I was playing Mortal Kombat yesterday, and he came and joined in, so I had to fight him. He makes me use up my quarters! Whenever we go out to eat, he usually picks the place. He gets so jealous when I see other guys. How does he think I feel when he sees Veronica, Cheryl, or some other girl?! Like I said, he controls me discretely. Well, I'm going to start asserting myself more! Won't he be surprised?!
Betty and Veronica in "Breaking Up"
"What's going on here?" Hiram Lodge asked as he walked into his den. Archie smiled. "Hi, Mr. Lodge! I hope you don't mind, but we're going to use your den to practice." Mr. Lodge groaned. "All right, but try to keep it down! I'll be on the phone with some important business associates!" "Don't worry, Mr. Lodge, we will!" Archie said. Veronica's father turned and walked out of the den. "Hey, guys, I wrote a new song." Betty said. "Can we play it?" "No, let's play 'Dizzy Dizzy'." Archie said. "I improved the chords." "Okay." Betty said, upset. Archie picked up his guitar. Reggie picked up his bass guitar. Betty picked up her tambourine. Veronica stood behind her keyboard. Jughead sat behind his drum set. "Let's do it!" Archie said. "1, 2, 3, 4!" They went through 'Dizzy, Dizzy' once with Archie singing the vocals. "Well, what do you think?" Archie asked. The others agreed they liked the changes, but they weren't very enthused. "Hey, guys, I was thinking." Veronica brought up. "We don't have a group wardrobe. I bet I could design some great band clothes." "Band clothes?" Archie asked. "What's wrong with the way we dress?" "It's too plain." Veronica said. "Let's dress with some style! Some sex appeal! I could show my nipples and get a belly piercing." "No band clothes!" Archie stated firmly. "My decision is final!" Betty frowned. "Archie, may I speak to you privately?" "Betty, anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of our friends." "No. Privately." Betty insisted. Archie sighed. "Fine." Betty led Archie to a distant corner of the den. "Okay, what is it?" Archie asked impatiently. "I've got a problem with your attitude." Betty told him. "You refuse to let us play my new song and instead make us play a song of yours that we've heard thousands of times before. You also rejected Veronica's idea - something you shouldn't be able to do. You're a control freak, Archie." "I control everything, because it's my band. What's wrong with that?" Archie replied. "What?" Betty asked in repulsion. "I started this band. I own it. You do things my way, I'm the man, I have the penis and I know everything." "Archie, you may have started this band, but you don't own it. A band is a group of individual people brought together. It's not something any one person can control." Betty said. "We're a team. We're supposed to make decisions together. Instead, you're treating this as a dictatorship where your word is law." "But it's my band and I have the dick you ditzy slut!" Archie insisted. "No. It's not. Either you listen to our suggestions, or I'll start an uprising just like Stormer did on Jem." Betty threatened. "I can do it, too. We're all fed up with you." "You wouldn't." "Try me." "They won't listen to you." Archie said. "You're not half as charismatic as me! Besides, look at you. You're just having another blond moment." At that, Betty turned and stormed back over to the other band members. "Attention, everyone! Archie Andrews has declared complete ownership of and total control over this band." "What?!" Reggie yelled. "Archie, you're nuts!" "You're just jealous cuz I have a bigger dick than you, Reggie!" Archie yelled. "Okay, that's it, Archie. You're out of the band!" Betty yelled. "What?!" Archie asked in surprise. "You heard her!" Veronica yelled. "Pick up your guitar and get out of my house!" Archie stared at them for a moment. "Fine! I don't need you guys anyway! I'm bigger than all of you put together! Cheryl said I'm the biggest she's ever seen!" Archie unplugged his guitar and picked up his music sheets. Jughead stood up. "I'm afraid I'm gonna have to go, too. I can't play in a band without my best friend." Archie and Jughead walked away. "And Archie!" Betty called. Archie turned around. "What?" "We're through." Betty told him. "So are we." Veronica told him. "You're joking!" Archie said. "Get out!" Veronica yelled. Archie turned, and he and Jughead walked out of the den. At the same time, Mr. Lodge walked into the den. He watched Archie and Jughead leave, then turned and faced Betty and Veronica. "Is practice over already?"