“Don’t be afraid.”
Right.
“It’s okay, don’t be afraid.”
Don’t know how to break this to you big guy, but my NOT being afraid is about as likely as you showing up to work tomorrow dressed as Cinderella.
“You’re going to be fine.”
You know I’d almost believe that if I weren’t trapped under a car, pal.
“Come on, stay with me, Chief.”
And where the HELL am I going to go? Car on person prohibits travel!
“How’s he doing, Jim?”
He’s had better days Simon, thanks so much for asking. Now kindly go back to busting balls so I can get out of here. I have a reservation at Cascade General.
“It won’t be much longer now. Just hang in there Sandburg.”
You know Jim, I really love you man but I know bullshit when I hear it and “It won’t be much longer” is not the way my brain translated the squeaky guy’s last statement. I may not be able to talk to you right now, but my hearing is just fine! It also is not helping my confidence that you’ve got this whole worried, jaw clenching thing going on you never could obfuscate worth a damn.
“Stay awake for me, Buddy.”
No. I don’t want to. I’d just like to go to sleep and wake up when you have me out of here, cos I have to be honest with you, man, I am getting more than a little freaked here and my legs really hurt. My whole body really hurts and if you see the Deer responsible I want you to shoot it and kill it and then hunt down his little friend Thumper, cos I know he put Bambi up to it! Justifiable homicide man, no jury in the world would convict you.
“Come on Blair, open your eyes.”
What part of NO didn’t you understand? I open my eyes and I am gonna know this isn’t some horrible Disney induced nightmare. I’m gonna know that I am really stuck UNDERNEATH my CAR! I don’t want to know that Jim. I want to stay here in blissful self-delusion land. So please don’t make me open my eyes!
“Please, God Blair please open your eyes buddy!”
You know that is SO not fair, using that voice. You know the one man, that tone you only use when you’re seriously worried. Okay fine, see my eyes are open and I hope you’re happy, cos I’m sure as hell not. Oh man don’t look at me that way. Jim please, you have to believe that it’ll be okay. You have to make me believe it! God Jim you’re eyes….shit I’m not going to be okay am I?
“No Blair, it’s okay, you’re doing fine. Don’t be afraid.”
You’re repeating yourself man, and I am afraid and evidently I am crying and this is not dignified at all but damnit Jim I don’t want to be here, I want to be home, warm, safe not dying under my Volvo! God Jim Please I don’t want to die like this man!
“Blair I have to let go for a minute while the move the car. You just hand in there. You hear me, Chief? Just hang on, we’ll have you out in no time.”
I’ll try. I just know this is going to hurt, Jim. I wish I could talk to you man. I wish I could tell you, man. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. You gave me a home, a brother and a best friend. Thank you. For everything man, thank you so much…Oh god!
“I know you can hear me…”
Beeping. Do they have heart monitors in the afterlife?
“Come on Junior, you’ve slept long enough.”
Uh I don’t think I have. I could have sworn I was dead…who changed the script?
“Jim? Any change?”
Simon. Well either Jim and Simon are both dead too, or I survived Bambi’s evil cousin.
“No. I thought he was waking up but…”
Geez Jim gimme a sec. I’m working on it.
“The doctor said he might take his time….he was in surgery for quite a while.”
See there…time. So just hold your horses Jim. Wait a second…SURGERY?!
“I know Simon and I know he’s going to be fine-.”
Well that’s good news!
“Blair?”
Did I say that out loud? Last I knew my mouth wasn’t cooperating with my brain. Okay let me try this again. “Jim?”
“Welcome back buddy?”
I open my eyes to see my very haggard best friend smiling back at me like he just won the lottery and I think I smile back. Not really sure since my face is kind of numb. “Mmmm thanks. Did you shoot him?”
“Shoot who Blair?”
Jim looks thoroughly confused, so I think I should clarify for him. “Bambi…and Thumper. Need to be stopped….menace…drivers everywhere.”
“I think you need a little more sleep there, Chief.”
I think you’re right man. “Mmm kay. Thanks Jim.”
“For what?”
“Everything.”
The End.