Jim

I shouldn’t have yelled at him, I really shouldn’t have. I admit I was wrong. I am also an idiot for forgetting rule number one. ‘Don’t piss off the Guide.’ It’s a pretty simple rule actually and one by now you’d think I had learned, but *no* I haven’t because this morning I pissed off the guide in a MAJOR way. ‘Why?’ Because I am STUPID! I mean look at him down there, his body language says it all. Oh yes he’s definitely pissed. I don’t blame him for not wanting to come up here, on a good day he hates heights and believe me this is NOT a good day! It’s cold, it’s raining and some psycho wants him to scale a two-hundred foot radio tower to save -let me just say it now- my unworthy butt! Which brings me to rule number two ‘Never alienate the only guy who can pull your proverbial butt out of the proverbial fire.’ We all know how well I have done with rule number one, any guesses on how I did with rule number two? I didn’t think so.

At this point I wouldn’t blame him if he just decided to pack up, go home and forget about me. It would serve me right, but I know what kind of guy he is. I know after he finishes debating the merits of leaving me handcuffed to a radio tower in the rain, and believe me right now there are merits, he’ll shove his fear to the side and risk his neck to come get me. Then we’ll go find and arrest the psycho, that is if he’s still talking to me.

It amazes me, his concern for me always out weighs his sense of self-preservation. He’s started climbing now, grumbling about short fused sentinels that don’t cooperate. That would be me. Truthfully it wasn’t much of a request and I won’t even excuse my refusal by saying I was tired, the fact is I just didn’t want to. Normally that would be okay but this time my timing really stank. He’s been bending over backwards for me this week, rearranging his schedule to accommodate mine and he asks for one little test and I say no. How fair is that?

Why did I say no? I was in a crappy mood and he wound up on the receiving end of it again. I honestly don’t know why he puts up with me, granted he’s not perfect. Sometimes he’s an honest to God pain in the ass but at least he has the good character to apologize when he’s wrong. What do I do? Well let’s just not go there all right?

Truth be told I know I was a jerk and I *Did* feel bad bout it even before said psycho handcuffed me to this tower. I was actually on my way to apologize, I swear but as you can see I got a little sidetracked. So here I am 200 feet in the air and my best friend the acrophobe is on his way up to get me down. We won’t go into the number of times this scenario has ended badly in my head. Okay so it’s ended badly every time. At least I’m consistent.

It’s really cold, I don’t normally mind the cold all that much but right now after hanging out in the rain for over three hours. I. Am. Freezing. I’m a little concerned, I was pretty sore a little while ago, but now I am pleasantly numb. This presents another problem. I don’t know if I’ll be able to move once Blair gets to me. This is not good. I know he won’t be able to support me all the way down. He’s gong to be freezing himself by the time he gets up here. I can tell he’s not exactly t his best now anyway, his heartbeat’s way to high and if he doesn’t get a grip he’s going to hyperventilate, pass out and fall. I saw it happen the seventh time I ran this scene through my brain.

I am willing all the support I can into him. I know you can do this Chief, just settle down. I admire him, I really do. I know he’s terrified but he just keeps climbing. He gets higher and higher, closer and closer and I don’t know how I am going to break it to him that I don’t think I’m going to be able to climb down.

"Shit!" I hear him shout as his foot slips and I am painfully aware that his heart rate has just tripled, then again so has mine. Neither of us has to worry about falling we’re both going to have heart attacks right here, right now. I want to shout down to him but the tape over my mouth makes that impossible. Come on Blair pull yourself up! I know he’s panicking, his breathing is so fast. I am so focused on his hand, the fingers that are separating him from certain death and I am helpless as his grip begins to loosen. Oh please God don’t……

Blair

You know I can think of a thousand other things I’d rather be doing right now, including having major dental work done without the benefit of anesthesia. At lest I’d be warm. But no, what am I doing? Hanging out in the cold, very cold rain halfway listening to Simon explain to me why Jim is handcuffed to a VERY tall radio tower and why I, yes you know me the person who would rather walk barefoot through broken glass than be any higher than six feet above sea level, am the only one who can go and fetch him. I know why, some psychopath had a boring moment and decided it was time to make life difficult for Jim and Blair. Ha! Well I guess said psycho should checked to make sure I was still speaking to my roommate before he went to all the trouble of hauling his sorry butt all the way up there. I’m sorry Mr. Psycho but I’m so not in the mood to play today.

If I were being rational, and I’m not, but if I were I wouldn’t be angry. I was concerned when I got the call, angry on the drive over, concerned when I arrived. Now I am angry but I plan to be concerned again soon, probably when I start climbing. Face it we all know I’m going. I’d just like to say for the record, THIS REALLY SUCKS!

Simon is finished with his explanation and in my brain some synapse sends an electronic signal to my feet telling them to start moving me toward the radio tower. All of this happens against my better judgement, which is telling me to go home and come back when the sun is shining and it’s a balmy seventy-five degrees out. Once again my better judgement is overruled and I am still traveling toward the tower. Did I happen to mention that it’s a very tall radio tower? Just in case you missed it the first time it’s two-hundred feet tall. It’s also very rainy and very windy and very cold and if either of us happens to survive this latest adventure Jim is going to owe me his first born and about a decade’s worth of tests. I don’t think it will come to that though, I’m fairly certain were going to die. I know I’m not being very optimistic right now, so sue me.

Well isn’t this just lovely, I looked down. Now if I had been aware at all that I had begun to climb the view would not have come as such a shock to me. However I wasn’t and it has. I think I am going to be ill, that of course would be bad so I am trying hard not to be. I am calm, I am calm. I. Am. Calm.

Bullshit! I am about thirty seconds away form a psychotic break. If I shake any harder I won’t have to worry about reaching the top because I will be rattling this whole tower down on top of me. I’ll just tell you right now, that was the wrong thought to have. I did not need that mental picture. Okay Sandburg lets work on this whole serenity thing again shall we? I know I am so colossally full of shit, but a bit of self-delusion never killed anyone right? Yeah, uh-huh sure. Just put one foot up and then the other, keep moving and you’ll be fine and what ever I do don’t look down. Ooookaaaaayyyyyy. Here we go again. Moving onwards and upwards and when I reach the top Jim had better be damn glad to see me.

"Shit!"

Ohshitohshitohshit! I’m dangling by one arm about eighty feet off the ground and for the life of me I can’t move. I also can’t breathe. This is really not the way I saw my death, though at least it won’t hurt long. Great Blair NOW you start playing the glad game? No way man. I am so not going out this way. Left arm you are going to reach up there and grab that wrung now! It’s an ORDER!

What do you know it’s moving! Of course my right hand is now holding on to nothing.

Oh crap!

Jim

I can’t look! What am I talking about? I can’t not look.

Ouch!

That had to hurt. I don’t know how you managed that one Chief, and I can imagine you’re going to have one hell of a bruise on your chin, but I am really, REALLY glad you’re not falling any more. Now if you’d get both feet back on the ladder I’d almost be happy. There you go buddy that’s it. Yep if I were you I’d be hugging the tower too. Thank God you didn’t fall…far.

I do not ever want to see anything like that again. I really have to think now, am I worth this? It’s the age-old argument between the two of us, should he be risking his life to save mine. I say no, he says yes. Pot-a-to po-tah-to you know the drill. It’s impossible, he should be safe and warm in the loft, not climbing a radio tower in the cold rain, obviously scared out of his mind. Of course he’d say I’d be doing the same thing for him, and he’s right I would. It’s my job. I know he sees it as his job too, but…. ah hell there are no buts about it, he’s right again it is his job. Score Sandburg about a million, Big stupid sentinel: three.

I’m beginning to see some very basic truths here. I can’t imagine my life without him in it. Period end of sentence. I also realize the same holds true for him. Yeah I know I’m slow. It’s insane, but it works. Who could have seen this coming? Who would have guessed that this kid, whom I all but dismissed as a complete and total nut case upon our first meeting, would come to mean more to me than my own life. That’s what it all boils down to, I’d rather die than see him hurt because of me, my work or some random happening.

Ellison what is wrong with this picture? I mean aside from the obvious. If I could move my head I’d be shaking it. Why is it that I can be infinitely introspective when I’m suspended two-hundred feet in the air, but when I’m down on the ground having a good day my deepest thoughts revolve around how the Jags are doing in the playoffs. I need help. I have help see him down there slowly making his way up the tower. That’s my help, and I wouldn’t trade him for anything. Regardless of what I might say sometimes. I love that guy.

Whoa! Hello! Did I just think what I thought I thought? I need to get out of the cold, because I am not at all comfortable with that thought. Well now hold on a second, I mean I obviously didn’t mean it *that* way. But I’m still not comfortable with it. That’s just great Jim, why the hell not? Could it be that my macho ego can’t take the fact that I love the kid? Ellison defense mechanism number forty-two: Disavow all feelings of an even remotely touchy feely nature. There can be no room for warm fuzzies in your life. I can just hear Sandburg now.

"Get a grip Jim. There’s a difference between love and in love. Big freaking difference man."

If he could read my mind he’d be laughing his ass off and then climbing right back down and leaving me here. Thank God the kids not psychic, I’d be screwed.

Well look who made it to the top. Hi Blair, welcome to the party! Why do I have the feeling I am about to be punched?

Blair

OUCH! Sonofabitch that hurt! Good news, I’m not falling. Thankyouthankyouthankyou.

Ow ow ow! Man I think my lower teeth have driven my upper teeth into my brain. I now fully understand the meaning of ‘seeing stars’. I think I’m going to be sick. Come on Sandburg hold it together, breathe in, breathe out and whatever you do, do not look down. The world is spinning enough with out my adding a wholly inconvenient case of vertigo to the equation.

Jim must be having a cow up there. Well that’s too damn bad now isn’t it. Huh, guess I’m still slightly annoyed at him, go figure.

Okay I know this situation is not his fault, he did not purposefully get handcuffed to a radio tower. Regardless he’s still handcuffed to said tower and I am STILL climbing up to get him down so I’m gonna be pissed if I want to be pissed OKAY! My life nearly ended a minute ago therefore any faults in my attitude are going to be excused now and for the next oh eight years!

The truth is I really just want to cry. Not really macho I know, but there you have it. I’m tired and I’m scared and truth be told I don’t have the first clue how I’m going to manage to get a waterlogged sentinel off a two-hundred foot tower short of pushing him off. While I may have given that option momentary consideration at the start of this adventure, it is definitely not an option now. I’m afraid of failing him. I’m afraid of what will happen if and when we manage to make it back down. I’m afraid of loosing him. So now that we’ve established that I’m a big coward, which by the way has been so good for my morale, now what?

Now I keep moving up and hope I have this whole thing figured out by the time I reach the top. That would really be nice, it won’t happen, but still it would be nice.

I know I’ve said it before and I’m saying it again. This really sucks! Man I knew when I woke up this day was going to be shit and what do you know? Ta Da! It is, maybe I should think about getting my own Nine Hundred number. Oh Jim would definitely have kittens over that one, he already thinks I’m a flake. I know he told me this morning.

Goddamn! That pisses me off, just because I suggest a technique that is out of the norm he designates me a flake. What the fuck is the norm s far as this whole sentinel thing is concerned? I get so freaking tired of being on the receiving end of his temper-tantrums. Granted I’ve had a few of my own and I’m not proud of those moments but at least I apologize. He completely tore me apart, for what? What the hell did I do that was so wrong? I tried to help him and if that’s suddenly a fucking crime then fine he can kiss my ass all the way to Borneo!

I want to scream now that I’ve reached him. I want to shout at him for making me climb a two hundred foot radio tower and for making me feel like I don’t count. How much don’t I count Jim? How much don’t you need me? What’s it going to take to make me snap and kick your butt into next week? Now that we’re face to face I can see the relief in his eyes and I decide that I might just feel better if I smack him a good one while he’s still handcuffed.

Jim

YEOOOOWWWCH!

That was completely uncalled for! Okay well maybe it was a little called for, but damnit that hurt! It’s not like he hasn’t done this before, he’s had lots of practice. He should be a freaking expert by now. Oh my poor mouth! Well at least I won’t have to worry about shaving that area for a while and it definitely gives me a whole new respect for waxing. I do not envy women that.

I uh suppose I should say something since Sandburg is here and was kind enough to oh so gently remove the tape from my mouth. Though I don’t know if now is the appropriate time to voice my concerns about getting down. The way he’s looking at me now, if I tell him I don’t think I can move he’s liable to just give me a solid push and see if I can take out the Volvo. He’d probably regret it immediately, well I hope so anyway. He really likes that car. He used to like me too.

"Hi Chief, thanks for coming."

Blair

I should have hit him. I couldn’t, I couldn’t bring my self to do it. I’d like to think I am better than that but the truth is he looks so pathetic I couldn’t do it. I am a true weenie. Though I did settle for the next best thing. That makes me a slightly evil weenie. We’re definitely going to have to put some thing on that when we reach the bottom. If we reach the bottom.

Why is he just staring at me, I really hate it when he gets the deer in the headlights look. It annoys the shit out of me. Your mouth is no longer taped shut man, say something. Any bright ideas on how to get down alive? Anything, anything at all?

"Hi Chief, thanks for coming."

I’m going to hit him.

Jim

He hit me. I can’t believe he hit me. Granted he didn’t hit me hard it’s tough to get your body behind a punch while you’re hanging on to a radio tower for dear life, but still it’s the principal of it. He hit me.

"I guess I deserve that."

He looks at me and his eyes are hard, angry and hurt. They tell me what he’s thinking or at least what he should be thinking. No Jim, you deserve worse than that. He’s right I do and I am so very sorry for what I said to him earlier.

"I’m sorry."

"You should be."

Damn.

Blair

I’m definitely going to be sick the moment my feet touch the earth. I’m going to be sick and then I’m going to crawl into a hole and hide. I cannot believe I hit my best friend. What the hell is wrong here? I know he didn’t mean it. Just like the countless other times I know he doesn’t mean it. God I am so sick and tired of this shit! I do not expect the man to ooze but there is a medium between insensitive bastard and Richard Simmons. It’s not that goddamn hard Jim.

"I’m sorry."

Before I have time to think about my reply I say, "You should be."

Damn.

Jim

I want to be home. I want to be on the ground and home. I want to be able to work this out. I want to not keep making the same mistakes time and again. Most of all I want him to look at me, smile and tell me everything will be okay.

I don’t ask much do I?

"Blair-."

"Don’t… let’s just get down from here alright?"

He looks at me with those damn eyes and there is no masking the hurt there. Damnit I am so sorry! I can’t stand to look at him and know how he’s feeling and feel guilty because I know I did it. I CAUSED IT! Is anyone here happy now? We all know I was the bad guy here okay! I’m sorry! What the hell else do you want from me?

"Damnit Jim!"

What did I do now?

Blair

"Blair-."

Oh man we are not going to do this now. We are going to get our collective butts back on solid ground, then we’ll say what we need to say and maybe I won’t make him walk home. "Don’t…let’s just get down from here alright?"

He has no reply for this. What is he thinking? Perhaps he’d like to stay? What the hell is going on in his mind, he’s been up here for hours. Time is of the essence man; hypothermia is a real possibility here, for both of us.

Now I get it. HELL! Jim when are you going to learn I can’t pull you out of the guilt zone. Now I feel like a total asshole and a large part of me resents it. "Damnit Jim!"

I never would have believed it possible but for a second there he looked like he was afraid of me. I really do get it now and yes I believe he is afraid. He screwed up and he knows it but I screwed up too, only he doesn’t see that. He’s only aware of his own wrongs and mine don’t count to him. Possibly that’s what angers me the most. According to Jim we're never both wrong. Truthfully according to Jim I’m never really wrong and if I am it’s still okay because he was more wrong than I was. He’s in his own perverse way protecting me I guess but what he doesn’t understand is that I deserve that responsibility. I’ve earned it and I want the right to be wrong. It makes sense to me, whether or not he’ll get it is beyond me at this point. Jim was a jerk, but I didn’t handle it well. We both screwed up. End of story.

"Let it go Big Guy, it’s not the end of the world."

Jim

"Let it go Big Guy, it’s not the end of the world."

What? I hate it when he does these unscheduled attitude shifts. Still I feel the need to apologize again. So I do.

"I’m sorry."

He smiles at me and says the last thing I expect him to.

"I’m sorry too, now as stunning as this view is I think I’ll appreciate it more from the ground."

He reaches behind me and unlocks the handcuffs. The moment of truth has arrived. I have to tell him.

"Um Chief?"

"Yeah Jim."

"I can’t move."

"WHAT?"

Blair

"Um Chief?"

"Yeah Jim."

"I can’t move."

Excuse me? "WHAT?" Nonononono NO! Not moving is not an option here. "Maybe someone didn’t explain the rules to you Big Guy, I come up WE go down!" He looks at me and his eyes reflect the desperation he feels. He knows he’ll never make it down but I know he has to. I will not let him die up here.

"Jim turn around!" I order.

"Blair I -."

"Do it!" his eyes plead with me not to make him do this. "I will NOT let you fall." Slowly, reluctantly he begins to rotate in his precarious position with my help. I can feel the tremors shock through his body as he tries to get uncooperative and stiff muscles to support him. "Just concentrate Jim, all you have to do is concentrate on keeping your legs under you. I’ll do the rest."

I see him nod, but he doesn’t say anything as he’s now facing the same direction as I am. I’m just going to say this right now and get it out of the way before we head down. I’m scared I won’t be able to so this. God please help us, we need it. "You ready to get off this tower Jim?" My voice sounds surprisingly more confident than I feel. Again he nods and I go up another step and reach around his back to the ladder covering his body with my own. "Okay Jim, take a step down."

Jim

"Okay Jim, take a step down."

I hesitate, I can feel his body pressed against mine to support me on the way down and it terrifies me. If I fall he’ll fall right along with me. I don’t want this, I don’t want him to risk it.

"Trust me." He says quietly and it ceases to be my choice. I trust him with my life. I trust him with everything so I take that step. My legs are weak, my hands are numb but the body behind me is rock solid and strong. He will not let me fall. I have made that first step down and I hear his quiet exhalation into my back.

"We can do this."

I believe you Chief and I take another step. His physical support never wavers and we’re soon into a rhythm as we get closer to the ground. He keeps up a constant stream of encouragement and before I know it were almost down. Fifty feet, forty feet, thirty feet, just a little bit more, twenty feet, fifteen and then I miss the ladder, my hands betray me and Blair who had begun to take his next step isn’t ready for my weight as I crash into him. There wasn’t a big distance between us but I hit hard enough to break his hold on the metal structure and we free fall the last fifteen feet to the ground. I hear him hit the ground a split second before I land on top of him. I hear him scream and then I hear nothing.

Save for the rain. I still hear the rain and I still see the tower looming above us a surreal contortion of metal against the darkening sky.

Breath reenters my lungs and I use every last ounce of strength I have to roll off the man who saved my life. I lie there for a moment to rally enough strength to look at him. He is on his back beside me, frighteningly still, a thin trickle of blood flowing from his mouth diluted by the rain. His body shifts in and out of focus, the world around me dims. I think I hear voices, fear but I can’t bring my tired mind to wrap itself around them. I reach out for his wrist ignoring the pain of the movement. I feel the slow beat of his pulse beneath my fingers and it’s the last thing I know.

Blair

I remember falling. I hate falling. I remember pain. I hate that even more. I don’t remember anything else. I do know that wherever I am know it’s warm, but I still hurt. I would actually imagine that getting hit by a truck hurts less. Maybe if I just went back to sleep for a bit. Am I even really awake? I don’t think I have actually opened my eyes, but the way my head hurts I don’t think I want to. I’m confused. I think I should be somewhere else, I was doing something important and I was mad, but then I wasn’t.

Oh man, I am definitely awake, sleeping never hurt this much. Jim man I think I’m gonna need a little help getting off the sofa…JIM! Oh my God, oh my God we fell! I let him fall! Oh God! I let him fall! "JIM!"

Jim

I have never been accused of being a patient man. If someone would just tell me how he is I would sit down and shut up and be a good detective. I just need to know. Simon keeps telling me to sit and I do for about thirty seconds and then I’m back to pacing again, well more like limping again. I didn’t get out of this completely unscathed, but it’s nothing serious only bumps and bruises, a little concussion and a little exposure. I was very lucky. Blair wasn’t or they would have told us something by now.

"JIM!"

Before I am even aware of what I am doing, I push my way through the double doors to the trauma area.

"I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry." I hear him repeating over and over and I follow that sorrowful sound until I find him. He’s standing on wobbly legs beside the gurney and I know he’s confused and afraid. I can see it on his face. "Chief?"

He looks at me and his expression saddens. "I’m sorry I let you fall."

"You got me down." He shakes his head no. "Yes, you saved my life." I put my hands on his shoulders and he stares at me for a long moment. His eyes are dilated and dazed.

"Okay." He finally whispers as his knees buckle and he sags towards the floor. I help him back onto the gurney and settle him in as the doctor returns.

"I was just looking for you." she smiles at me, not the least bit perturbed that I am where I am not supposed to be. She knows us though and I think she has given up trying to keep either of us where we belong. "But I see you’ve already found him." She looks at Blair who is staring at me with half open eyes and forestalls my question. "He’s going to be fine, very sore for a while but fine." Knowing I want a full accounting of my partner’s condition she continues again before I ask and I feel that this is an all too familiar scene. "Three cracked ribs, a mild concussion, he took a decent sized chunk out of the inside of his cheek, sprained right knee and left wrist. The rest of everything else is bruised. No major internal injuries. He is going to be fine." She stresses the last sentence.

"When can I go home?" the groggy sound of that question makes me chuckle and the dopey smile on his face when she brushes his hair out of his eyes makes me laugh.

"How about I keep you tonight and then you leave tomorrow."

I can tell they have him on some very strong pain meds as my normally articulate partner says. "Is that megnociable, uh neg- nego…oh okay."

Yeah, I really do love this guy.

The End.