PG-13 for language, challenge response, fic on demand.
My friend Gina asked for a fic with these five elements, Depressed
Blair, At wits end Jim, Pissed off Simon, Over protective Joel and Megan
carrying coconuts.
This is the result. Be warned this is not beta'd, it was written at
about 2am and in about 30 minutes. No other warnings need apply.
A special thank you to Gina for being the best friend a person could
ask for. Thank you for being there for me when times got tough.
This story is dedicated to friendship and the ways we are there for
each other even when we are miles away.
Summary: There are some days when it’s best to stay in bed. This is
one of them. Multiple First person POV’s.
Blair.
I wonder why it is I always set my self up for this crap. How is it someone who has an IQ somewhere close to the stratosphere can be so appallingly stupid? How can they exhibit a lack of common sense that is basically beyond a normal person’s imagination? How do I do it?
Practice, lots and lots of practice.
I have been down this road so many times before I have given all the rocks littering it names. Tells you something about the state of my love life don’t it? What? You thought I was talking about something else? What other force on the planet could have me debating the merits of driving my Volvo into a cement truck? Nothing other than a woman.
I can sure pick them. Of course on the bright side, this one didn’t try to kill me. Well okay she did, but her heart wasn’t in it, I could tell. She could have put a lot more muscle behind that baseball bat she was wielding. If she were really serious about killing me, she probably wouldn’t have fainted at the first sight of my blood on the bat. She obviously hadn’t done this before.
She did faint however and I managed to make my escape, and let me tell you what an escape that was, I crawled really fast. So here I am, wherever the hell here is, I think it’s an alley, but I can’t be sure my line of sight is ending at my nose right now. I’m digressing, here I am, bleeding all over the place, pretty sure most if not all of my ribs are doing a fair impersonation of a jigsaw puzzle, slowly going blind. I am having one fucked up day and it’s depressing as hell.
You know what really sucks, other than the fact that I am probably going to die here, I really liked Michelle. She was smart, absolutely beautiful and sweet. Okay sweet up until the enraged spirit of Babe Ruth possessed her. God, I am such a loser.
I think I should try to stand up again at least to make a show at surviving, though I doubt I really have it in me. It’s not like I want to die, I really don’t I mean I’ve got so many more psycho’s to meet…. and date. Seriously, I do not want to die, yes I know it’s a foregone conclusion that I will die eventually, just don’t really want to do it right now. I am also pretty sure that Jim wouldn’t take it well at all, he’s really had no time to prepare. You know how anal he is and my dying would throw his whole schedule out of wack.
I know that wasn’t fair, but I am not at my best right now. Knowing what I know about Jim, it’s a sure bet he’ll be devastated when they find my body. I don’t want to think about that right now. It would be much easier if I still believed he didn’t care. I know better now and that is knowledge I do not care to have now. It would be easier if I didn’t know how much this would hurt him. It would be the same for me if he died, I know I would never be the same, you can’t loose part of your soul and continue on as if you were still whole. You learn to compensate, but you are never the same. It just doesn’t happen.
Goddamn that psych minor.
I am trying as hard as I can to stay alive, but I am beginning to think that Michelle was pretty serious about killing me after all. God I am depressed. I want to keep moving, make it to a phone at least, but I just don’t have it in me. I would love it if either Mr. Wolf or Mr. Panther would make an appearance right now, both of them actually would be best. I don’t think I am going to make it on my own.
Man, depressed doesn’t even begin to cover it right now.
Jim
If this idiot opens his mouth again I won’t be held responsible for my actions and where the hell is Sandburg? Ugh. I really need a vacation.
Yeah yeah, tell it to the judge pal, you’re under arrest for being criminally stupid! I’ll probably be right along side you at the mass arraignment because I am going to kill my partner when I see him.
I hope he’s okay, it’s not like him not to call.
Oh he’s okay alright, he’s with Michelle enjoying the sex fest that is his love life. I really hate him. Well not really, but I strongly dislike him at the moment. Mostly because I am jealous, there I thought it, it’s true I’m jealous…I wish I could make women swoon the way he does, I wish I had a little black book. I wish I could WRITE MY FUCKING MEMIORS TOO, OKAY!
I am calm, I am calm. I am going to kill him.
No I’m not, I won’t kill him, really I swear. I’m just not into pissing that many people off at the same time. I like to spread it out a bit and if I killed Sandburg, the whole of Major Crime would be drawing names to see who got to fire bomb the loft first. It wouldn’t be a pretty scene, so I think I’ll head that one off at the pass and just not kill him. Perhaps a good maiming instead, then they’d only firebomb the truck and it’s not like my insurance premiums can go any higher, right?
Do you know what amazes me? The kind of loyalty and protectiveness that man inspires in people. I should know, I am one of “them” people. Somedays that fact pisses me off to no end. Kind of like today, even though I am extremely angry with him, I am also getting worried. Damnit! It would be much easier if I could just pack him in a trunk and send him to Siberia. Of course I would worry about him over there too. I just can’t win can I?
Okay fine, I’ll take care of Idiot Bob and then I’ll start searching for my errant partner.
Christ, I need a vacation.
Simon
I will not react badly to this. I will not.
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN SANDBURG’S MISSING…AGAIN?
I think I handled that pretty well don’t you?
How does one single person manage to find so much trouble? The kid is the poster child for bad karma! What the hell did he do in his past lives to get this kind of cosmic payback? Good God! Listen to me, I don’t even believe in that crap! It’s just that Karma happens to be the only reasonable explanation for the walking disaster that is Blair Sandburg.
I know that sounds harsh, the kid’s more than competent,
incredibly fast on his feet, absolutely excels when the pressure is on
and has managed to get him self out more scrapes than he hasn’t. It’s the
fact that he gets into said scrapes that sends my blood pressure careening
out of control. I had no idea the words “Civilian Observer” were synonymous
with professional victim of violent crime.
Hindsight is always twenty twenty.
Of course that does not explain why I let this partnership continue. I should have put a stop to it after the kid was kidnapped and drugged by David Lash. Hindsight again.
Jim is pacing, it’s definitely time to go, collect Sandburg where ever he is and whatever condition he is in, then argue with Jim and possibly Sandburg about his ride along status, lose the argument and consider retiring…again.
Joel
You guys are not leaving without me, the way you look you’re liable to kill him when you find him. Someone has to stand up for Sandburg and I am just the guy to do it.
Damn I hope he’s okay, but the way Jim looks I am doubting it. I’ve seen that look before and it’s never a good sign. Ellison has this weird sixth sense when it comes to the kid and he is rarely ever wrong. I hope he’s wrong this time. I really hope he’s wrong.
Megan
Finally some decent coconuts.
Hey, what’s with them? Too many people standing around that alley to be nothing. The coconut will have to wait, I need to check this out.
Oh dear, this is not good. I’ve got the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end. Hey, move aside and let me through I am a cop here!
Oh no, Oh God! Sandy!
My friend is on the filthy ground, his face is covered with blood and there is a child holding his hand, crying over him and pushing blood soaked hair away from his face.
SOMEBODY CALL AN AMBULANCE!
I hear one of the crowd say one is on the way and I wonder why no one other than this child is helping him. Why are they just standing there letting him bleed?
I approach and the child starts screaming at me not to hurt him, she lets go of his hand and stands between us like a she bear protecting a cub. For a waif this kid is damned intimidating.
“I am not going to hurt him.” God I would never hurt him. “He’s my friend, I’m a police officer and I want to help him. You want him to get help right?” I edge closer to the child as I speak and hold out m badge for her to see. She stares at me for a moment and then steps aside.
My God Sandy, what happened to you? He looks dead and my hand shakes as I go to find his pulse. I love it when looks deceive me, I find a pulse that is surprisingly strong despite his appearance and obvious injuries. You just keep hanging in there, Sandy.
The sirens wail reaches my ears and it is the most blessed sound I have heard in a long while. It’s going to be okay. He’s going to be okay.
Simon
I thought Jim was going to have kittens when we got the call. The look of fury, concern and helplessness on his face was nothing new where Sandburg was concerned, but it shakes me every time.
I just want to know who did it and hope whoever it was resists arrest. I know that’s not very Captainly of me, but I am sick and tired of people beating up on MY police observer!
God, I hate this. I hate being here! I hate the fact that the staff here knows all of us by first name. I hate the fact that the ER attending has the pertinent information on Sandburg’s medical file committed to memory!
I’m retiring and I am taking Sandburg with me. We’ve both had enough!
Jim
Jesus!
Jesus!
You’re going to be okay though, so that’s okay.
But Jesus!
Why does this keep happening, chief? That’s it, you and I both need a vacation and I’m not entirely sure that we need to come back. You need a break, I need a break before the put us in side by side rubber rooms. It’s too much!
But we won’t quit will we? Nope, we’ll keep right on going, trudging along like we always do and that’s okay we can do that, just with fewer trips to the hospital alright Chief?
I also take back every thing I said about being jealous of your love life there pal. Michelle confessed, everything. I am really sorry about that, sorry about a lot actually. Most of all I am sorry I wasn’t there, I know there was no way I could have known, but still I am sorry.
Every time I see you like this it scares me. I realize that there will come a day when you’ll be gone. I just hope to God that it’s many many years from now. I would really like to see our grandkids playing together, you know?
Of course the whole grandkid concept is contingent upon finding a woman who doesn’t want to kill you, but you’re a smart guy I’m sure you’ll figure something out.
Sorry I know that wasn’t kind, so think of it as a new chapter for your dissertation. Sentinel’s inappropriate humor at the bedside of their concussed guide.
I care, Chief. I was, uh still am more than a little freaked by this whole thing. You know the dependency issue. I need you, not just as a guide to help me with this sentinel thing, but as a friend. I need you as a friend more than anything.
God, I wish you were conscious right now. You’re missing the emotional side of Jim Ellison. The next one won’t happen for another twenty years!
Then again, maybe it will happen right after you wake up. You never know.
Blair
This is amazing.
Jim Ellison pouring his heart out. I already knew that big guy, but I have to tell you it’s nice to hear. I’ve heard it twice now in as many days.
I may not be good a picking girlfriends, but I think I am doing okay in the best friend department.
Thank you, Jim.