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Web Phone pals and pen pals seem so ancient now. The nineties saw the advent of the Internet and the proliferation of mobile phones with sms, or text--that's why we now have textmates, e-mail friends, chatmates, and ICQ pals. Some people may even have faxmates, for that matter, if they're willing to spend on the thermal. Using new technology, people can communicate with each other in near-complete anonymity and security. In chatrooms, you can be whoever you want to be, among people who may similarly be assuming fantasies of their own. The beauty of it, of course, is that the people you're communicating with can be sitting in front of a computer in Africa or just beside you in a cybercafé. The Internet can create global communities where ideas can be shared, conspiracies may be born, or love can be exchanged. Emotion runs high in chat, never mind that it is mostly text. A psychologist once said that users let their guard down online, and that the medium gives people a false sense of intimacy and timelessness, causing them to lose their inhibitions. I have interviewed and talked to some people for this article, asking about their good and bad online experiences. It's not surprising that most of those people have occupations related to the Internet, but what struck me is the fact that many eyeballs end up in bed. [I didn't get that much action during my chat days. ;)] Before we proceed to the interviews though, I have some tidbits to share. I used to work in Clark, Pampanga, where, about two years ago, public Internet access was scarce. I eventually found an expensive (P90/hour) cybercafé-bar in the red light district along Fields Avenue, and discovered that the place (I forgot the name) also offered this popular service among bar girls. The girls were offered as e-mail friends to foreigners, their pictures splashed on the bar's Web pages. When new mail arrives, the bar prints it out and they probably charge a fee for it. It is not uncommon to see those same girls chatting using mIRC, trying to hook a padded foreigner--they all dream of leaving the bar someday. Back in my heavy-chatting days, I have posed as an eighteen-year-old girl and have hung around in sex rooms. You can size me up psychologically now (how's that for self-defense?), but if you ask me why, well, I was just curious how men really reacted to a purported hot chick. What I got in return was some flimsy attempts at cybersex, and pictures of scanned scrotums and semi-erect dicks. Isn't there some radiation involved with that? Wouldn't you get sterile? A lot of those kinds of people hang around in chat rooms, and they might not really be whacked in real life. Take the case of American Patrick Naughton, a former executive for Disney's GO and Infoseek Network, and one of the developers of Java. He was recently convicted of possessing child pornography, which carries a 10-year prison sentence, but had a mistrial on the more serious charges of "crossing the state lines to have sex with a minor." Naughton was arrested when, after chatting for months, he eyeballed 13-year old KrisLA in a Santa Monica Pier, with the "intention" of having sex with her. But KrisLa was actually a 27-year old sheriff's deputy, and the person Naughton had been chatting with was a male FBI agent all along. The chatroom was also an FBI ploy, designed to catch people who exploit minors. Naughton's personal computer was searched, and evidence of child pornography was in his hard drive. To add to the woe of his sentence, Naughton's wife filed for divorce, and he had lost his $183,000-a-year job, and about $15 million in vested stock options. But is the FBI catching criminals or creating them? Anyway, on the showbiz side, when I once interviewed Rosanna Roces for The Web magazine (www.theweb.com.ph), I asked her about the nude photos of her on the Internet, and she commented, "So? Bold star naman ako, hindi wholesome. Bago pa umabot sa Internet 'yan, nakarating muna sa Quiapo iyan." That comment drew boisterous laughter from the writers gathered around Rosanna, and I hope that you enjoy the following confessions in a similar fashion. What follows are two of the best responses that I had from the questions that I sent around, both from females.
******************************** The Romantic Fairy Tale ******************************** From a 20++ freelance writer * how did you meet? We were "email pals" at first before we met in person. He was in Singapore, while I was in Manila. Since I post a lot of stuff on the Web, he managed to read one of my posts and decided to write to me. We wrote to each other everyday for over two weeks before we decided to "progress" it into phone calls and ICQ chats. He didn't even know what ICQ was before our meeting! Then, after about a month, he said he has a holiday from work coming up and he asked if he could visit me in Manila. I said NO. But admittedly, at that time, I was already praying about it. In fact, I asked my friends and my sister to pray with me about it. They did and they said they'd help me out, if I want. So we met "halfway"--I could meet him if and only if I'm with other people. So there I was, with my sister and two male friends at the NAIA, waiting for this man I feel that I know deeply, but then again... maybe I don't. And nope - it wasn't love at first sight. You'd even laugh when you find out what I first thought of him. My hubby's quite indignant about my first impression, too (I thought he was too "nice" and said he must be gay!)
* what made you fall for him? OK - I don't really like this mushy thing called "falling in love," like it's some uncontrollable thing or whatever. When I was younger, maybe, I'd call it that. But things become different when you go through the things I went through. Anyway, let's just say it was more of a decision to love. It's not the let's-get-to-business kind of a decision, but more of a calculated risk. We had a similar sense of humor and we were of the same faith. These two were "biggies" for me. And though I'm not really a Carl Jung follower, I sensed synchronicity. Also, I sensed his sincerity. You see, I was really a tough cookie at that time. Even my husband tells me now that he can't believe he still went on pursuing me even if I was a bit rude to him at first.
* details about the courtship process, the romance, and the eventual marriage... There were lots of prayers and talks with friends and my family. Honestly, I hardly discuss my lovelife with my family. Much less, one that hasn't happened just yet. Especially not with my parents. But that time, I felt as if I needed to. That if my parents go ballistic about the idea--I'll run away like crazy. Because somehow, somewhere deep inside, I know something "clicked." It was like asking God, "Lord, is he the one? Are you sure?" And God goes something like: "I'm sure - are *you*?" So, I sought my parents' blessings. Not for a boyfriend, mind you. But for a husband. And even though my parents rejected my three previous boyfriends, this time they gave their blessings without batting an eyelash! If that doesn't sound freaky, I don't know what is! After his first visit (which was cut off earlier than planned because he thought he's not getting anywhere with me), he went back to Manila after over a month. He proposed three days before my birthday (two months after we met as email pals), while we were in Baguio with my family (yes, we barely had time to ourselves all througout our courtship--in fact, our first real "date" happened when were already married!). Now I know what it's REALLY like to be offered a solitaire diamond engagement ring! We laughed and cried and didn't care if there were at least a dozen people staring. We were engaged for about 8 months. We had two weddings--one in Singapore and one in Manila. His parents and sister flew from South Africa for the wedding. Some of his friends from the UK also attended. Everything seemed like a dream--even our parents got along very nicely! It was amazing! We went cross-country travelling across the UK for our honeymoon and I can't help but feel awed still when I remember that. Because I love literature and writing, going to England had always been my dream--but that was all I thought it was: A Dream. But, nope, I actually went to see London (watched Les Miserables and Phantom of the Opera for the first time in real London Theatres!), Edinburgh Scotland, Stratford-upon-Avon (Shakespeare county!), Windsor and others. Yep, we went castle-hopping. Who would've known? And I learned so much about him as I saw his country of birth and all. I also met his University friends who were very nice. One of them was even a pastor (a vicar). They were telling me how strange and romantic it all is because they know my husband is not really the impulsive type. He's more of the sensible, let's-plan-this-properly kind of guy (he is, after all, a first-class honor student from a Reading University in UK).
* would you recommend looking for that special someone in chat/the Internet? To risk being branded "goody two shoes," I still have to stay I could never recommend anyone to "look for love"--be it on the Net or in "real life." LOVE HAPPENS. Love comes to those who wait. Love happens when it's ready. If you push it, you'll end up with someone bad--or you'll never know if you got the best one yet. I know it sounds trite, but it's true. I believe the best love stories are the ones that're not forced or contrived. But I have to admit, romance on the Net is becoming more and more common nowadays. It takes a lot of trust and a lot of discernment to get things right with "love on the Net," but it's possible. The same thing with "real world" romance, I suppose. Avoiding vulnerability is important so you won't easily get swept away. If a man starts promising you the world or avoiding "serious" topics or is being "too serious too soon"--then hit the road! It's important that you also don't keep the relationship a secret. After all, if it's something you can't talk about with people who know you and care about you (friends and family), then there must be something wrong already. Everyone should watch out for these kind of signals. We all deserve a wonderful love story. After nearly half a year of being married, I still have no regrets whatsoever. I mean, sure, I'm not saying things are too good to be true. We've already had our bouts with reality checks. Yes, we've also had arguments already. But the thing is, my husband is really who he said he is when we were first getting to know each other. We are comfortable and happy together. My decision to love him and get married is one of the best decisions I've ever made. I couldn't ask for a better life or a better love story. I know I have the best.
******************************** The Kinky Horror Story ********************************
From a 22-year old programmer * What chat pick-up lines are most effective in hooking your prey? "R u open minded?......so tell me all of your sex fantasies." Something like that, and just in case I've had done their fantasies, I'd share mine and everything goes well. * Have you ever gone on a date with someone you met in chat? Yes. It was totally funny. More often that not, I always end up disappointed. Sometimes I'd drag along a friend so just in case he/she's not my type, my friend would be there as my proxy. * Have you gone all the way with someone you met in chat? Details... Well, it's like this. I've never done it all the way with the one I chatted with, but with whom my friend had chatted with. I dunno, it's like a pimp-manwhore thing, whenever I feel the urge, I'd call up my friend and ask if they have someone interesting then all else would follow. Sometimes, I don't have to go through days of fone conversations just to get to know the person. So you see, there's no preliminary acquaintance stage, basically the initial thing I consider to f**k with is that he's got to have the physical attributes i'm looking for. If my friend/s find him/her physically endowed, then everything goes. And there's also this female bisexual that i got hooked up with. Well, it all started with a real decent chat, (but) the thing that drew me to her was that she's bisexual, and I was like, curious (about) what it would be like to (do) it with the same sex. So we swapped numbers, she's the one who usually calls up. Then we met up, (and) the first meeting was great, I was totally attracted to her, never thought she'd be that pretty and we hanged out in Starbucks, we talked and talked and talked till the topic led to sexperiences and sexcapades. She was still a virgin with guys, she just goes for girls. Then everything (happened so suddenly). We ended up kissing, though it never really crossed my mind for her to be that fast and aggressive, (and then) we hailed a cab (to go) to her place. In minutes we were in her room, by the time she closed the door, she took off her top and her bra and i was like, whoa!! Funny how i remember myself in that situation, coz for the first time in my life i felt like a virgin boy, seeing a topless woman for the first time...just imagine the rest. * Do you engage in cybersex? No. I mean, if I want to get laid, I'd go for the real thing, and if I feel the urge and feel hapless? Well i'd just sleep the thing over. Well the truth is, I did it once, and I was so turned on with this guy and I was so adamant to see and do it with him, but f**k, man! The time we met was like the most cursed day i've had!!!! He was nice, but my hopes and expectations were high, and I was so damn disappointed (with him). After that meeting I never talked neither chatted with him again. * What turns you on in chat? Quick-witted people with good humor, and who're really liberated and open-minded. Someone sensible, actually anyone would do, as long as the chat's spontaneous and consistent, I just hate it when something shitty happens like heavy bad lag (log???) and bad connections and whatsoever. The initiation doesn't have to be about sex and sexcapades and fantasies. If they keep on insinuating that they're game, then that's the key. Another 'potential fucker/fling'. Of course he has to pass the physical test, but with foreigners, I just drop them off and ignore them. I prefer chatters within the country, so that's another factor that has to be considered: proximity. * What turns you off in chat? Those kids under 18 with real aggressive and pathetic pull up lines like, "Hey wanna sex? Hey wanna cyber??" Well actually when it comes to picking up, i have this criteria of my own: he/she has to be from a reputable school, either students or professionals would do. Of course, I prefer people who're into IT just as I am, so I wont have any problems with topics (I want) to talk about.
* would you recommend looking for that special someone in chat/the Internet? Well, no, coz for me all the people in the chat are not a potential 'special someone,' they're just like anyone from bars and discos, an ephemeral acquaintance. Generally, people who hook up there only want to make a score, and they only want to fulfill their sexual conquests. * Tell me more stories... I was damn bored then and I wanted to try something different, so I logged on as a male bisexual and surprisingly there were a quite number of guys who acknowledged. Funny, they even left their contact numbers...as if! Sometimes, if my friend likes the guy he had chatted with, and had gone out with, she'd share him with me, like we'd call up this guy for a threesome. (There was this time) I was in my friend's place and she told me (about) this guy she once hooked up with. She told me that one of his so-called quests would be a threesome. I thought she was just pulling some crap at first, but out of curiosity, my friend decided to call up that guy, and he told her that he's coming over. I laughed at the idea, coz I've never done any threesome then...you don't know how my heart palpitated!!! At first the idea was exciting...but as the minutes passed by, I was chickening out, and I told her to withdraw, but it's too late the guy was on his way, like he's just ten minutes away from our place. Shit! My heart raced then, I thought of what to do if he comes. I mean, I do have a vague idea of what a threesome's like, but it never occurred to me that it's the day that I'm going to be in it!!! So the guy came, my knees wobbled pretty badly when I heard my friend shout 'He's here!' Gawd, I thought I felt the stairs shaking...and there he was, he was very tall, well-built, and I was damn surprised that he's incredibly handsome. He was a half-Spanish guy from La Salle. So we all sat down and had a little conversation as we prepared to pucker up our tongues...imagine the rest!!! (But) nothing actually happened as in all the way, nada. What we just did was a threesome foreplay. Then the guy started macking me (in chat)...well I didn't take him seriously coz, reality check, all he's just after is sex and that's it. He stopped macking me, and lately I've heard from other chatters that he's been screwing up every girl in the chat room!!! He even fucked my friend's ex, that's how small the world is in chat...it's a circle of people fucking each and everyone!! Good thing I didn't do it with that Spanish guy, coz from what I heard, he even fucked someone in her period...yech!!! He's that desperate!!! And what's even worse is that he didn't even use any protection! It would be like close to bestiality if I had done it with him! I've got friends who host orgies,
(but) I've never been in one. All of the people involved are chatters.
Like they've been telling me it's a great trip...a luxurious venue, name
all the vices, it's there. But it's too much of a danger zone for me,
I mean, it sounds exquisite, but then, i'd be dealing with total hardcore
maniacs... |
