Return to the Galliard
Cloak Like a Romulan
(to the tune of "Walk Like An Egyptian" by the Bangles)

By the old bloodstains on the wall,
You must've hit a web-caster wall!
Your shields went CRUNCH! Oh-way-Oh!
Now you're tumblin' like a domino!

If you wanna find those Klingons,
They're hangin' out in the Port-a-johns!
Zip up their pants - Oh-way-Oh!
They hit the bridge dressed like "Wrath of Khan!"

Al the Feds with their swelled up heads say -
Way-Oh, Way-Oh! Photons A-way-Oh!
(You'd better) Cloak like a Romulan!
Cloak like a Romulan!

By your anguished screams and your moans,
You must'a sucked up Kzinti drones!
Your shields went CRUNCH! Oh-way-Oh!
Watch all the warp and the weapons go!

If you wanna fight the Kzin,
You'd better have lots of ECM!
You'll scream and rant, Oh-way-Oh!
When another shot hits your tractor beam!

Scatter packs and the Ready-racks go
Way-Oh, Way-Oh! Type IV's A-way-Oh!
(You'd better) Cloak like a Romulan!
Cloak like a Romulan!

Ever since the first turn began,
You're running from the Andromedans...
You fired your torps, Oh-way-Oh!
They sucked 'em up, then they fired again!

Fighting off a Mauler's no fun,
If it gets within a range of one.
Your ship won't last, Oh-way-Oh!
And your crew is cooked 'til they're well-done!

If you wanna end up the same,
Go ahead and play the Star Fleet game.
And when your engines blow, Oh-way-Oh!
Don't tell me I didn't tell you so!

And if you face a rabid screw, Say:
Way-Oh, Way-Oh! Let's run A-way-Oh!

(You'd better) Cloak Like a Romulan!
Cloak Like A Romulan!




Do The Station Caitian
(To the tune of Do The Locomotion)

Soon our shift is over, let's get covered in fur, now
Come on Starfleet, do the Station Caitian
I think you'll really like it when we all start to purr, now
Come on Starfleet, do the Station Caitian
Come on, come on, do the Station Caitian with me!

Come on and swing your tail now
It's blue. Oh look, now it's green
Every Deep Space Station thinks it's really keen
It's easier than doin' the Away Team
Come on, come on, do the Station Caitian with me!

All of Cait is really jammin' and Kzins on the prowl, now
Come on Starfleet, do the Station Caitian
Who put the purr in purr-fect and the mix in meow, now
Come on Starfleet, do the Station Caitian
Come on, come on, do the Station Caitian with me!




Bajoran Spritual Ballad
(To the tune of Joy To The World)

Jeremiah was a Vedek
Was a good friend of mine
He never understood a single prophecy
But he always made good Spring Wine.
(Chorus:)
Singin' Joy to Bajor
For love instead of war
Joy to the Prophets livin' way up high
Joy to you and I!




Crossover DS-9  (To the tune of Hotel California)

On a dark galactic highway
Artificial atmosphere
Dull talk of young doctor
Echoing in my ear
Up ahead through the wormhole
Uncloaked a Klingon ship
Say, you look like someone we know
You've had quite a trip
As she stood on the station
We heard a Terran scream
Bashir was thinkin' to himself
I sure hope this is a dream
Her hips swayed in tight clothing
As she lead me away
There were voices down the corridor
Thought I heard them say

(Chorus:)

Welcome to crossover DS-9
Just a leap through space
A familiar face
Life's never a bore, here at Terok Nor
Through the looking glass
Better watch your ass

Then she called me attractive
And I can see why
Don't know how well I know myself
But I doubt that I'd lie
How they worked in the ore mines
Sweet Terran sweat
What price is their freedom
Is Ben Sisko a pet?
Cardassians and Klingons
Synthahol on ice
And she said
Terrans are just prisoners here
Due to Kirk's advice
One rule on this station
Grab power while you can
Garak wants to rule the roost
But he just can't seize command!
And still through subspace and far away
On a coded frequency, I can hear them say!

(Chorus)

I said to the bar keep
I've no gold latinum
And he said
We haven't seen any profit here
My life's over and done
Bashir, Sisko, and Miles
Secured our Runabout
We had to take the Wormhole back
Some of us had to get out!
Whisper good night to Odo
Who ran the mines with ease
He'll explode into some milky chunks
Before he lets us leave!

(Chorus)



Doo Wah Kitty
(To the tune of Doo Wah Ditty)

There she was just a-crouchin' in the brush,
Singin' meow, m'-meow, m'-m'-m'-meow, meow, m'-meow.
Stalkin prey in the jungle so lush,
Singin' meow, m'-meow, m'-m'-m'-meow, meow, m'-meow.
She looked good, (looked good,)
She looked fine, (looked fine,)
She's the Caitian on my mind.
Soon she was a-rubbin' up on me,
Singin' meow, m'-meow, m'-m'-m'-meow, meow, m'-meow.
And her alluring scent was makin' me dizzy,
Singin' meow, m'-meow, m'-m'-m'-meow, meow, m'-meow.
She's in heat, (in heat,)
She's in deep, (in deep,)
Caused fur to stand and heart to leap.
Then there were some kittens on the way,
Singin' meow, m'-meow, m'-m'-m'-meow, meow, m'-meow.
Little fur balls with my tail for to play.
Singin' meow, m'-meow, m'-m'-m'-meow, meow, m'-meow.
We had nine, (had nine,)
So fine, (so fine,)
Claws and teeth all the time!




Ev'rybody Wants To Be a Cat
(To the tune by the same name from Aristocats)

Ev'rybody wants to be a cat
Because a Kait's the only cat
Who knows where it's at.
Ev'rybody's pickin' up on the Caitian beat
'Cause ev'rything else is obsolete.
Beware of a square
When he offers to share
His favorite dish.
If it hasn't been tried
I suggest you provide
Your own s'krit k'rish.
I've seen some Dabo girls who tried to prance
But, still a Kait's the only cat
Who knows how to dance.
A purr between to furry friends may be old hat
But ev'rybody wants to be a cat.




The Gambler
(To the tune of the same name by Kenny Rogers)

You got to know when to acquire
Know when to evade 'em
Know when to take a chance
and know when to cheat
You never count you latinum
while you're sittin' at the table
though that shiny, sparkling latinum may look good enough to eat

(Chorus)
Trust the Rules of Acquisition
to guide you to your riches
But trusting anyone you love
can lead you to despair
The stars are made of latinum
and greed will shine eternal
but those who seek out love, not wealth
build castles in the air

Now every Ferengi knows
The secret to survival
Is knowin' when to squeal in fright
and turn your tail and run
Well, you've got the lobes for business
but don't argue with a Klingon
'cause once your body parts are sold
your business days are done!

(Chorus)




I'm Just a Hologram
(To the tune of I'm Just a Gigolo)

I'm just a hologram
And everywhere I scan
Carbon life forms surround me
They play me on this deck
Don't give me no respect
Oooh, it astounds me
They say that I'm their friend
But when this program's at an end
What will they say about me?
In the medical scans
I am just a hologram
The ship can run without me!
'Cause I ain't got no body
Nobody cares for me!
Songs