This letter has been around the world 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 times. Do not be the one who breaks the chain. If you do, then small men will come in your sleep and do nasty things to you with pointy sticks. This letter is as authentic as any other junk mail chain letter. It has an anceint (token misspelling) shamanistic curse on it that is actually AMPLIFIED by its transmission over the internet.... after all, how else would we know how many times around the world this thing had gone before we even mailed it?

The instructions are as follows: Mail this letter to 3.4 billion of your friends. If you do not have that many friends, you are a loser, and losers get the small men with pointy sticks. If you do mail this letter, a bag full of your national currency will fall out of the sky, directly on top of your worst enemy, making you rich and killing your enemy. Also, droves of attractive peoples of the opposite gender will flock to your house, begging you to engage in marital agreements amoung other things. Also, you will gain the ability to fly, walk on water, and hold your breath for as long as two minutes. Durpie Sho-dongle of Hmnhndfas, Nevada got this letter and did not send it in time. He died instantly, hit by a flaming meteorite, later revealed to be a dead alien. The alien didn't send the letter in time either. Jawnayya Smurf of Jkddcyioh, Montana did not send this letter in time and had all of his innards promptly fall out. Let this be a lesson. If by chance you do send this letter in time, you get diddly. You must send this within to next three seconds, starting now. Time's up! The pointy stick men are on their way, loser.

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