--BigBrotherWithTheCrew--

Day 1 - Scott admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Anna. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Zoe is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Mark later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Roland creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Nene hits him with a Spoon.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Sydney Opera House out of Pizza. After much persuasion by Roland, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the Sydney Opera House task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Mark, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the Pizza. Nene is furious.

5 - Today is the day when the Sydney Opera House task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Mark farts and blows Sydney Opera House over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Anna cries.

6 - Roland gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Anna admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a Spoon. Scott says he never wears condoms because they make his Dick sore and Roland agrees. Zoe goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. Mark sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Roland.

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Scott goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Nene and Anna are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Scott.

9 - Nene and Anna are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Zoe sings them a song - Who let the dogs out - to make them feel better.

10 - The public vote Anna out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Anna leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Anna's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Zoe has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Nene is visibly depressed and is comforted by Roland, who tries to touch her on her Breast.

12 - The Big Brother psychologist replays the footage of Roland touching Nene's Breast over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumference of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Mark refuses to run because his Dick hurts a bit.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Mark finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Nene calls Mark a lazy Dick.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Scott tells everyone individually that he thinks Nene is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Nene and Roland are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Scott.

16 - The nominations are announced. Nene can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Roland is equally stunned and turns to Nene for comfort. Mark is distraught and confesses to Zoe that he thinks he is in love with Roland. Zoe says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know

17 - The public vote Roland out of the house. Nene says she is gutted and even gives Roland a clipping of hair from her Breast to prove how much she cares. Mark is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Roland leaves.

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Nene clipping the hair from her Breast. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Hungry in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Hungry sounds like but Mark says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Scott as the one who must complete the task.

21 - Scott successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Hungry but also God Save The Queen, Who let the dogs out and the theme tune to That 70's Show. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.