This small section of this web page is dedicated to Mahal ko (my love) AKA Honey ko, and Honey Pie! Meet Evelyn Libante Buenafe. Evelyn and I met in August 2000 through a penpal club, Filipinas.org, which was run by a wonderfully encouraging and patient man, Steve Nelson. This site unfortunately, is no longer offering penpal services and is no longer operating since he is focusing on his family. Good for you Steve! Great choice. As time passed and writing attempts of mine met with dismal failure, I would write to him seeking imput. As a result, I got to know him a little bit. Steve Nelson ran an excellent web site and he personally offered good, sound advise and a lot of personal integrity. Even after he closed his site from time to time I would drop him a note.
I had written to several women on his site with varying degrees of success, most of which was a great lack of success. After MANY failed attempts I wrote to him lamenting my frustration and seeking his advise. Steve, being the compassionate man he is, was about the only one I knew who understood where I was in my life and what I was feeling as a result of these failed attempts and a desire to meet the love of my life. I had almost come to the point of giving up on ever finding that soul mate for my life, but I knew I would never be satisfied unless I followed the dream.
Durng the process of our correspondance, I happened to ask about a young Filipina beauty who for some odd reason had 2 separate listings/profiles and pictures that was listed on his site. This was unusual for the same person to have the same profile but just 2 different photos. This beauty had been on his site for a while and then off of his site and then again back on. I was certain she was probably very busy with multiple penpals and I was also convinced in my mind that she had probably entered into a relationship with someone. I was convinced this was the case. Then there was a time that her profile and photos were not published. This really freaked me out, but there was a reason for this. Her brother Danny had died in a work accident. They were close and she wasn't up to relationships. I don't know, Steve Nelson must have felt sorry for me or something because he sent me her contact information without charge! Even though I was almost convinced she was taken and had entered into a committed relationship with someone, I was even more convinced (since I spent 5 months praying about contacting her) that she was the one God had chosen for me. It's kind of funny. The wording in her profile was like a hundred others, yet each time I read it, it took on a life of it's own like she was speaking to ONLY ME! After not being able to remove her from my thoughts and summoning enough of whatever it is that allows us to face personal rejection again, I acted on her contact information, by writing and mailing her a letter. In retrosoect, I agonized over this letter, about what to say, how to say it, how I would be precieved, etc.
SHOCK & AWE!!! The most unexpected and most desired thing happened. I got a reply from her!!! Much later when I read it when we were together in the Philippines, I was puzzeled as to what she found special about it. In effect, she said it came to life for her. If I had recieved a letter like that, as a first letter, it's not likely I would have responded because I would think the person sending it would not be very much fun to be with or wouldn't be a very playful soul. Amazing isn't it how God speaks to us when we're listening, what He reveals and how He makes our hearts know what plans He has for us. Something that really distinguished Evelyn from many other women I had either met in person here, on line or through a penpal club was the fact she wasn't interested in what shopping was like here, my job, car house or career. She wanted to know what I believe about God, marriage, children and family. This was a refreshing change.
We began exchanging emails and between the email and snail mails we immediately discovered that our attraction to each other was real and genuine but we were both uncertain about how we could express that to the other without being to forward. My curosity about her and desire to know Lyn more was growing and building as each day passed. I knew I had to hear her voice. Would her voice be gentle, soft and melodic or would it sound like fingernails across a chalkboard? I had to know. One Sunday I decided to call her, but she was not at the boarding house where she lived. Lyn had gone to spend this Sunday as she would every other Sunday, her only day off from her job as an accountant, with her parents. I was really disappointed she wasn't there and I was afraid my element of suprise was ruined, but it wasn't.
Being more determined than before I resolved to make contact with her by phone not matter how long or how many attempts it took. Fortunately for me, on my next call I reached her. Lyns voice was as beautiful as she is and as soft and gentle as her personality. Evelyn will say, "BOLERO!" to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I'm full of bull!!! I have to make a confession here. As we spoke the first time by phone, I was so nervous and shaking because I did not want to make a mistake or say the wrong thing or even appearing to be nervous. My goal was to sound and come off as a sincere, gentle and genuine man with confident humility. Little did I know at that time, she was at least as nervous as I was if not more so! She said she stood there in her boarding house office, on the land line shaking in her shoes!!!
From this first phone call, and many others that followed, I knew I needed to know her better. One or two emails a week was not satisfying my need to learn more about this incredible woman and was taking longer than I felt was necessary to know her better. I decided to take a chance by making a suggestion that we meet in Yahoo chat. Much to my great suprise and delight, she was interested in knowing me better also. Thanks God, and thank you Yahoo! The folks there at Yahoo.com probably have no idea how greatly they have contributed to our lives and enriched us because of how we, and others we now know, used Yahoo Instant Messanger as a tool to get to know each other and to shape the rest of our lives! It is good that Yahoo.com and are worldwide. We have friends now that are communicating and getting to know each other from here and the Philippines based on our Yahoo.com reccomendations.
One additional way we managed to stay in real time contact was through text messaging. Here in the USA we are way behind much of the world with these kinds of communications. We're beginning to catch up, but in 2001 when I was in the Philippines they were already the text messaging capitol of the world. There, almost everyone has a cell phone and very few have land lines. Even though most people have cell phones, they generally send text messages instead of calling their friends or family. My wireless AT&T service could recieve text messages only from the Philippines, but not send her a text message. Their explainations about why I couldn't send one was garbage. As an AT&T wireless reseller, I would recommend a better, more competant service. A friend from Florida who was also involved in the process of bringing his Filipina fiancee here told me about an incredible text messaging web site SMSXchange. The cost is very reasonable and Benedict, who either runs the site or is the primary tech support person is prompt and professional with his assistance which is rarely needed. We still use this site several times a week for Lyn to stay in touch with her family & friends.
Back to our story. After a couple of failed attempts at chatting with each other in chat through Yahoo, we finally connected with each other on line. Our first chat lasted a few hours and was satisfying enough to leave us both wanting to know the other better. We each found our time together satisfying and wanted more time togeether. We agreed on a schedule that would remain in place for the next 18 months. We would meet from 5AM to 8:30-9:30AM on Tuesday, Thursday and Saurday mornings (here) and Saturday evening (here) from 9PM to 5AM Sunday morning. We spent about 20 hours each week together on line, not to mention our emails, snail-mails and phone calls that were becoming weekly. In fact, my phone calls eventually became daily! This schedule nearly killed me because I was working full time and completeing my third Bachelors Degee, an accelerated BS in Information Technology from the Harvard of the IT world, DeVry Univerty.
A Potential Death Sentance...
I had been treated for a condition that recent advertising on TV has popularized about the "Purple Pill". I suffer from an advanced case of reflux esophagitus better known as Barrett's Esophagus. If you are having any symptoms, DON'T DELAY. DON'T DENY, JUST GET IT CHECKED OUT.
One Saturday evening I was sitting alone in church and during the service I felt a prompting from the Holy Spirit that I needed to have this condition checked. Please check out this link to our church, The Columbus Vineyard. I heard, I listened and I acted. The last time I was scoped I told my doctor, Dr. Thomas Ransbottom, I wanted to do this annually to make sure I wouldn't have any insurmountable health issues that couldn't be addressed early. Three years later I was having this procedure done. Geeze, no need to rush, especially since I was not having any synptoms.
I really hate having this procedure done. I'm wasted for an entire day for these reasons, it would make me vomit until the medication passed from my system, plus you have to fast until a couple of hours after the procedure is over. For some reason unknown to me I agreed to have this done around 2PM on this particular day. I was getting pretty frustrated and anxious waiting on Dr. Ransbottom. I just wanted to get it over and get a cup of coffee and a hot meal...Well at least a cup, or should I say pot of coffee! His partner, Dr. Richard Sheet was comming down the hospital corridor and the nurses must have sensed I wanted out of there, so they asked him if he could/would do the procedure. He agreed to scope me and I was on my way to some hot coffee!!! FINALLY!!!
A few says later as Lyn and I were concluding our Thursday chat and I was about to head off to work, I got a phone call from Dr. Sheets. I thought this was weird since they normally send you a written report instead of calling you...unless...unless...unless the news is not good.
Dr. Sheets went on to explain the test results, what was going on with me and why he called. His examination/procedure revealed something called high grade dysplatia, a VERY fast track to cancer. The cells were beginning to transition from dysplastic cells to high grade dysplatia. I later learned during my consultation in April with Dr. Ransbottom, the next stop has a short time line to cancer and he didn't want me to wait until fall or winter to have treatment. Dr. Sheets went on to tell me that I must be the luckiest man alive to have discovered this at this stage, simce most people rarely do and present with stage three cancer. He went on to tell me that I had several good options for treatmant available. I didn't feel like the "luckiest man alive". It was as if I had been handed a death sentance with an execution date. At least that's how I felt. It was days before I could focus on much of anything beyond what I believed was a verdict of certain death. It wasn't until much later that I could embrace feeling like the "luckiest man alive". I kept asking him if one of my options was to make funeral arrangements for myself, and he kept reassuring me I was a very long way from that point with many options to exhaust before I would die.
Several options were available to me. In breif they were to double my medication and get checked again in 6 months. This was stupid since we already knew something was there, I refused to bury my head in the sand. Behind door #2 was a surgical option to re4move that portion of the esophagus. That one had a six month recovery period from the surgery alone, not to mention burning my bridges for any future treatment options. The one I chose was a cutting edge treatment called Photo Dynamic Therapy (PDT). He said I was an ideal candidate since my change in condition was discovered so early. I'll spare you the details, but the advantage of this treatment is that since my disease was at the cellular level and was only beginning to transition, PDT gets down to the cellular level, to individual cells and has to potential of eliminating all of the bad, transitioning cells before they become more of a problem. He even tried to replicate the intitial results, but was unable to. That's how early into this I was. Obviously, this treatment was successful.
But something else happened that was even more remarkable before I recieved treatment. Not having shared this information with anyone, only a few family members and Evelyn knew about it. I was again sitting in church one Saturday evening and at the end of the service Rich Nathan, our senior pastor (a Messianic Jew), said there was someone here that had a life threatening condition stomach condition and they were to find one of the other pastors and seek prayer. I knew this message was for me and I obeyed the directions and found one of the other pastors for prayer. Bear in mind, this is a large church of 5-6000 people attending each weekend, so to have a reasonable degree of "specific insight" with that many people is unlikely. Also, it is NOT a practice to randomly toss up for discussion medical conditions and knowing with the number of people there, something is bound to find a home. This doesn't happen. It's simply an obedience to the Holy Spirit and a desire to be like Jesus.
Then, in June 2001, after a couple of attempts to go to Davao to visit her in person I was finally able to go to Davao City and meet Lyn face to face. Work committments had delayed me once in January and then again in March and Lyn was getting very discouraged. In fact, she later told me that was my last chance to come there since I had caused her a great deal of disappointment by not comming. Despite the delays, by this time we knew what we had between us in our relationship was special and our plans were to marry as soon as we could navigate through the bureaucratic nightmare required by INS. Lyn needed to recieve her K1 visa first before she could come here and we could marry.
This woman, and generally I could say from all of the ones I know, Filipina women are worth the wait and sacrifice. Any of you that decide to bring a Filipina here from the Philippines need to be prepared to wait. I have to tell you again, that you really better get ready to wait because it will take a minimum of 6-9 months. Dealing with government burreaucracy can be extremely frustrating especially if you are dealing with one of the BCIS (INS) "lack of" Service Centers and their incompetence such as Nebraska or Texas.
FINALLY, after many long months, long winter months I might add, and needless delays from INS, on February 12, 2002, she arrived here in Columbus, Ohio, and then on February 14, 2002, Lyn became my wife!!! This I know for certain, she is the woman I have waited my entire life for and will love forever!
Some of my most vivid memories of our first few moments I was in the Davao Airport as we were waiting for my baggage to clear through customs were the stolen glances and looks of my beautiful bride to be. I can remember stepping back as I stole the glances, sometimes getting caught by her, and thinking, "Steve, how'd you ever get this lucky! Could this a dream?"
Every Filipina is required to attend a seminar sponsored by the Commission on Filipinos Overseas (CFO). This experience was extremely interesting. We flew from Davao to Cebu and spent the night there. The seminar was the next morning. A big part of us going to Cebu I believe, was a test Evelyn was putting me through to see how interested and sincere I was about marrying her.
Our experience with this seminar was pretty remarkable also. The location in Cebu is not well publisized or well known. We got stuck in morning ruch hour traffic on our way there. Then, the cab driver got us close to it within a couple of blocks. We had to walk, ask and seek out this location. It is not well marked and is in the upstairs of this office building, but very poorly marked.
We got there just in the nick of time with only a few minutes to spare. What is even more amazing is that there are only certain days of the week that women going to overseas countries are allowed to attend, based on which country they are going to. We had no idea what day the USA seminar was scheduled, but we just happened to get it right. Luckey? Maybe. God in control? Definately. Only 12 women are allowed to attend the seminar at one time. Evelyn was #11. Just before it began I was politely asked to leave since the seminar wasn't for me.
I was concerned about what was going ot be discussed in this seminar. I was afraid it would be full of anti-American rhetoric or male bashing saying American men were pigs. In some cases that's true, but I was completely wrong. Actually, I felt the material presented was very well balanced. They were objective about American men, how direct we can be at times, and perspectives on our culture. It also served to reassure these women of their rights if they entered into an abusive relationship and how to make contact with those that could provide safety for them, even a way home back to the Philippines if needed. I was so impressed with how these topics were handeled and those women presenting them.
As I continue to edit this page I add new information that should be valuable to you. I needed a plan to be able to financially afford to bring Evelyn to me so we could begin our lives together. I met a man named Ron Perry who had a wonderful penpal site at one time, but now, with his wife Fe, is who I would recommend you contact about airfares. Ron is a man of integrity. Don't let the text on their page confuse you. This is NOT exclusive to the agricultural market, anyone can use it. I don't earn a commission or anything like that for referals so don't worry! But Ron made it happen for me. I do OK at making money, but I'm terrible at managing it. (Thank God Evelyn's an accountant and does EXTREMELY well at money management. I was almost out of money and I knew I would certainly be out of money when the time came for Lyn to come to me. He was able to put together a prepaid ticket for me. When the time came for Lyn to come here, I had a small adjustment with the ticket price to pay of about $100. It was painless and didn't kill me. For me this method was perfect.
This picture was taken in the Cebu Airport. Cebu has a western flair to it. It's a city I would very strongly consider living. I liked it that well. The Pizza Hut restaurant pizza didn;t have pepperoni, but it was good. I also discovered Max's Chicken. Oh, this is probably the best chicken I have ever eaten. Even better than the Watts Restaurant in Utica, Ohio.
Davao Insular Waterfront Hotel
Love in the South Pacific
This first series of pictures were taken in Davao City. The next two pictures were taken here in Columbus literally within 5 minutes after Evelyn's arrival and getting off the plane at Port Columbus International Airport!
My dream finally came true! She's here, FINALLY! After so many long and lonely months of waiting. Government bureaucracy makes the process slower than necessary because of backlogs, outdated, antiquated, and archaic processes. If anyone reading this plans of marrying a foreign national, BE PREPARED to wait. BE PREPARED to wait. I can't say it often or loud enough, but BE PREPARED to wait, but you'll be blessed beyond your wildest dreams in every part of your life if you do. But before you can find and fulfill your destiny, you have to BE PREPARED to wait. The waiting for me was torture. I never wanted to be apart from Lyn ever again. Truer words were never penned that reflected what I felt about being apart from Lyn. It was so painfully accurate.
Oceans apart, day after day I Will Be Right Here Waiting For You
And I slowly go insane.
I hear your voice, on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain.
If I see you next to never
how can we say forever?
Wherever you go, whatever you do
I will be right here, waiting for you.
Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you.
by Bryan Adams
Here are some other truly unique characteristics to the Filipina. If we use Jeff Foxworthy's way of putting it, "You might be a redneck if...". . Well, of our Filipina wives we're going to say...
You know if you're Filipino if:
As she arrived in the airport I had one of the security staff take our picture. I'm grateful he did, even though he should have been doing his job and not helping me.
Together at last!
We have only one picture from our wedding day here in the USA. This is it! We'll have more when we return to the Philippines in the future.
Our Wedding day!
These next few pictures were taken at various times, locations and events over our first few months together.
A Big HugLong into our relationship one morning as we were getting together on line, a time I always cherished and guarded, Evelyn informed me that she had just made contact with a girlfriend she had not seen in years. In fact, they had been neighbors and best friends in grade school as they were growing up. There as well as here, our lives change, families move and even best of friends lose contact. This was the case with Evelyn and Gina.
Evelyn's best friend GinaBut it gets even more interesting than that. As it turns out, Gina had only a few months previously had married an American guy, Matt, and as good luck would have it he's from Hamilton, Ohio a 90 minute drive from our home! I couldn't believe it. Now Evelyn was going to have a real close friend not to far away! Here's a picture of Matt and Gina. Funny thing, Matt and I have many of the same interests and we have chosen very similar career paths.
You know, I really have no logical explaination for it, but I know it's true and as certain as the sun will rise in the morning and that is that Matt and I are two VERY lucky and blessed men! We have good and satisfying lives and very beautiful wives!
Christmas 2003 at Sawmill Lodge Christmas Photo by the Christmas tree and fireplace!
Lyn and Steve on a couch!This was a spontaneous picture was taken by our friend Der at her place one evening after work! Just a couple of minutes together and another chance to show the other how much they are loved.On February 11, 2004, we returned to the Philippines for the first time since she arrived here. On February 21, 2004, we were married in the Philippines, at Santa Anna Church in Davao City. Our Wedding I started to cry as she came down the asile to me. She was so beautiful, so perfect, every breath she took was mine.
