And, were all sent to me by a great co-worker. Thanks so much Betty!
I hope you enjoy seeing them here. :-)
"Well", said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog for $50." "That's a lot for a frog", the woman replied. "This one is special," the clerk said. "It gives blowjobs." Since the woman did not relish the act, she thought it might be a great idea, and bought the frog.
When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical, but said he'd give it a try. The woman went to bed happy, knowing she'd never need to perform a less than riveting act.
In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the Frog reading cookbooks.
"What are you two doing at this hour?," she asked. The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is outta here!"
He tried and tried to dig it out but only succeeded in pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.
Just as they were ready to leave, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out.
The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out.
The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter took the young man into the kitchen for something to eat.
Once he was gone the mother turned to the father. The mother said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?" The father replied, "According to the smell of his fingers,... our son-in-law!"
(I was going to call that
"The Nose Knows"
but it might
have given away the punch-line. hehehe)
One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter." The child told her mom what her dad said and her mother responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now because there's a red ribbon in the typewriter."
The child went back and told her father what mommy had said.
A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."
The child told her father, then returned to her mother and announced, Daddy said "never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."
