some funny shite
RIP John Hart
To reflect upon the great coaching career of one John Hart.
A man who sadly today, passed away as coach of the All Blacks, much like the hopes of the New Zealand All Blacks World Cup team. A man whose brilliance and forethought shone through...........
A man who took the best fullback in the world ...... and played him at centre.
A man who took the best winger in the world ..... and played him at fullback.
A man who took a moderate centre.... and played him at 2nd 5
A man who took a flanker and played him at no.8
A man who took the best 1st five in the world.....and told him that he was crap
A man who took our best halfback....and swapped him for newbie in the quarterfinals of a world cup
And last but not least a man who picked the single most pussy liveried "nice guy" on the team and made him captain
Yes john hart was a great coach...he will go down in the record books... Records to be proud of....
Biggest losing margin by the All Blacks
Biggest defeat ever by the All Blacks
Most points scored against the All Blacks
And one of the worst coaching records of an All Black coach
Farewell John may ye rest in peace
"Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman"
1. A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.
2. Christmas trees don't get mad if you use exotic electrical devices.
3. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet.
4. You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home.
5. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you look up underneath it.
6. When you are done with a Christmas tree, you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away.
7. A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas trees.
8. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day.
9. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.
During the Average Lifetime, a person will
Spend three and a half years eating
Eat 7300 eggs and 160 kilograms of chocolates
Spend more that six months on the dunny
Work continuously for eight years
Spend 12 years watching TV Spend
Spend 2.5 years on the phone
Kiss for two weeks
Have sex 2380 times !!!!!!!!! WENCH
Have five partners
Fall in love twice
Be able to name 2000 people - and call 150 of them friends
Grow two metres of nose hair
Shed 19 kilograms of skin
Grow 950 km of hair
Shed 65 litres of tears - an average 28 drops each cry
Talk continuously for 12 years
Live for 70 years
Have two children and four grandchildren
Some Interesting Facts:
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is: uncopyrightable
Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian coat of arms for that reason
The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," which means "the king is dead"
Pinocchio is Italian for "pine head."
In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere
All porcupines float in water
Cat's urine glows under a blacklight
The only nation who's name begins with an "A", but doesn't end in an "A" is Afghanistan
Pamela Anderson Lee is Canada's Centennial Baby, being the first baby born on the centennial anniversary of Canada's independence
The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building
All elephants walk on tip-toe, because the back portion of their foot is made up of all fat and no bone.
The Top Ten Sentences That You'll Never Hear Your Girlfriend Say:
10. If I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna burst!
9. Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies?
8. That was a great fart! Do another one!
7. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping!
6. Let's subscribe to Penthouse
5. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?
4. Honey... our new neighbor's daughter is nude sunbathing again. Come see!
3. I know it's a lot tighter back there, but would you please try it again?
2. Let's get a good porno flick, a case of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tammy over for a threesome!
And, the No.1 sentence that you'll never hear your girlfriend say...
1. I'll swallow it all... I love the taste!
YOU MIGHT BE A IN-BRED MOTTER IF....
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your old lady or old man.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."
Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!"
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
You have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
Something other than smiley faces.... :o)
(o)(o) Perfect breasts
( + )( + ) Fake silicone breasts
(*)(*) High nipple breasts
(@)(@) Big nipple breasts oo A cups
{ O }{ O } D cups
(oYo) Wonder bra breasts
( ^ )( ^ ) Cold breasts
(o)(O) Lopsided breasts
(Q)(O) Pierced breasts
(p)(p) Hanging tassels breasts
\o/\o/ Grandma's breasts
( - )( - ) Flat against the shower door breasts
|o||o| Android breasts
Some More Interesting facts:
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps blood out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
The strongest muscle in the body is the TONGUE.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
Did you know that you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider?
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
In ancient Egypt, Priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. OINK!OINK!
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
Polar bears are left handed.
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds, that makes the catfish rank #1 for animal having the most taste buds.
The flea can jump 350 times its body length, that is like a human jumping the length of a rugby field.
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Starfishes haven't got brains.
After reading all these, all I can say is....Damn Pigs.