Takes place right after “Beyond Repair.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ After Abby finished the beer and her conversation with Joyce, she somehow got to her apartment with it mind still clear. It wasn’t the alcohol that was having the effect on her, but knowing what she had just done. Somehow, though, she didn’t see it as six years down the drain, but as a personal test. She hadn’t passed the test, but she hadn’t failed either. She wasn’t surprised that no one had known it was her birthday, although with Richard it was a little frustrating. Richard. He was getting married and having a family all at the same time. She had sat there so wanting to tell them about the family that they could have had, if she hadn’t been such a coward. She was living this fearful life. Fearful that she might get too attached to something or someone and have to trust them. She had let herself get attached to Richard and then he had gone and screwed it up. She had wanted to trust Luka. She sincerely did, but there were just too many other things involved in their relationship. Then there was Carter. She supposed she had gotten attached to him too. But it was different with John. She had wrongly assumed that he would always be there to talk to. By blocking out his open feelings, she had hoped to distract him into not wanting anything else to happen. Having to give Douglas up that day had been like the day she had gotten rid of her own child. It had been a pretty spring day, but she had focused all of that out of her head as she went to do what she felt needed to be done. One of the first things that popped into her head when she realized that she was pregnant was her mother. Could she stand it if her child was born and had the same disease as her mother? Working in OB she had seen so many mothers who said they would love their child no matter what. She couldn’t promise the same thing, though. She didn’t want to have to go through raising another Maggie. So she had taken the easy way out. Three years had gone by though. As the alcohol had gone down her throat Abby thought about what she was really doing. She was throwing her life away again. She was letting something material consume her. Was that how she wanted to spent her entire life? Trying to get one thing accomplished and throwing it away? Thoughts went running threw her head as she lay on her bed. Suddenly she realized what she wanted. A baby. It all seemed so simple all of a sudden. She could take care of it and raise it on her own. She was finally willing to get past her fear and look it in the face. A baby. Then the negative side of her brain took over again and made her look at things more realistically. Morning sickness, swollen feet, labor, 2 am feedings, constant screaming, doing it on her own. “I can handle it.” Abby said to herself, pushing the positive thinking back into her head. “I’m not afraid anymore.” Another problem arose though. The father. She wouldn’t go to a sperm bank and have some stranger’s child. It would have to be someone she knew and trusted, and someone who wouldn’t be too emotionally attached. Luka would never agree to it. He was going to Bosnia anyway. That left Carter. Abby sighed as she thought of this second choice. Well, the child would certainly be gorgeous. She smiled as she thought of this. Her smile faded as she began to think of a way she could get him to help her. Of course if he was still going out with Susan, the plan would be ruined. Looking at her watch, she realized it was still early. She quickly picked up her phone and dialed John’s number. “Hello?” A voice answered the phone. “Uh, hey John. It’s me. Abby.” She said quickly. “Oh, um, hi.” Carter said, a little uneasy. “Susan isn’t there is she?” Abby said, sensing that John was tense about something. “Uh, no. She’s not. We broke up. Tonight actually.” “I’m sorry.” Abby said truthfully. “It’s not your fault.” John said. “I, uh, just wanted to ask you something, but I didn’t really want to do it on the phone. What time are you on tomorrow?” Abby asked. “9.” John responded. “You wanna meet at 8 at Doc’s?” “Sure.” “Okay. See you tomorrow.” Abby said and hung up the phone quickly. Part one of her plan was now taken care of, although she was sure she had left Carter wondering what was going on. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* |