ALE, with it's typical gumption has convinced the Burning Terror, to share his wisdom with our readers.  Anyone who would like advice from Diablo please send it in to this address.

Dear Diablo,
    I and my family live in California, where we've recently lost our house to a wild fire.  We lost every possession we owned, and everything we held dear in the blaze.  The government money keeps us going, but I just don't know how we'll all pull through this as a family.  What should we do?

Unhomed

Dear Unhomed,
    Yes I know about losing homes.  Your mentioning of blazing and fire has brought back many fond memories.  Since you might be in the market for new dwellings, let me just give you one piece of advice.  Stay away from young children and fighters.  The fighters always end up looking like walking scabs and the children are too weak to contain your blazing power.  My brother Baal and I have had some bad experiences, and are currently looking for something in a low price fixer-upper.

Diablo
 

Sincerely,
    Jilted

Dear Jilted,
    The answer to this problem is simple, UNLEASH ALL OF THE FURIES OF HELL ON THE WENCH AND HER PATHETIC FRIENDS!
A man once laughed at me in an opium bar.  Believe me, there's nothing more satisfying than seeing the offender being blotted up with Handi-Wipes.  We'll see if the Next Prettiest girl in school turns you down after that!

Diablo

    I am 4 and a half years old.  My daddy says there is no monster in the closet, and that I shouldn't be scared when the lights go out.  But I know it's there.  I want to be brave, like you Diablo.

Timmy

Dear Timmy,
    Of course there's a monster in you closet!  Who do you think put him there?  Foolish mortals.  I would suggest your daddy spend a night in your closet, and then when he wakes up in the morning with his head on a pike, we'll see who is telling the truth!!!

Diablo

    All my life I have been an exceptionally lonely person.  I've never really been able to relate to people, and I find myself the odd man out in conversation.  Sometimes, I see a pretty face, and I yearn to talk to them, but I just clam up.  I'm so lonely.

    Please Help,
        All Alone

Dear All Alone
    I know exactly how you feel.  After all, I was trapped inside a small, glowing, red rock for centuries.  If you're having trouble breaking the ice with people, just do what I do:  HAUNT THEIR DREAMS WITH TWISTED NIGHTMARES, AND FILL THEIR EVERY WAKING MOMENT WITH UNBEARABLE TERROR.  This should make them vulnerable and emaciated enough, that you should have no trouble taking control of any conversation.  Just remember, Domination is the best policy.

Diablo