The gang is chilling at the ALE Pub.  The in-house network is connected to battle.net thanks to mounopano’s latest invention, the Beer-Electron Transmogrifier.  “How does it work?” one might ask.  “ ’the hell should I know?” quips mouno. “I just put some beer in it, and then some electrons, and shit just started happening!”  Through use of this space-age contraption, the gang is actually able to enter the world of Diablo.  So, anyway…
 
 

Bigun:  <wandering around the Rogue Encampment> Has anyone figured out how to tap this stupid keg?

Shaidar Haran:  Maybe that’s what the Chat Gem is for!

Incubus reX:   Yeah, that’s it, Shaidar…  fucking cretin.  I’m going to the Blood Moor now <begins singing…> How much is that Quill Rat in the window…<skips gaily out of the Camp>

<other ALE members exchange furtive yet bemused glances, then cover mouths to keep from bursting into laughter>

Rahl_SoT:  Screw politeness; ha ha!  This I gotta see! <chases after Incubus, tears streaming from eyes>

Mog’ons:  Bigun!  Me make ALE Irish Stout!  No need tap Rogue keg!

Bigun:  Yeah, yeah… I can make beer, too.  Fuck your syrupy crap.  I want some of this sweet, sweet Rogue Ale.

‘99-3000GT:  Man, I’d like to “tap” Charsi… after a 5-Scotch lunch, of course.  Ha ha!

Idahochick:  GOD THAT TURNS ME ON!  <drags 3K into Gheed’s wagon>

Shaidar:  I’d say there’s definitely some “trading” going on in there!

Kashya, Rogue Leader:  I can set you up with a Rogue or two, Mr. Bigun.  When you “hire” them, you hire them!

Bigun:  <pays for a pair of nicely-endowed Rogues; begins walking towards the tent with elbows linked, one Rogue per side>  Wow!  Real life skanks!  I thought this kind of thing only happened in bad porn flicks!  Say, baby, what exactly do you do with those Ice Arrows?

Mog’ons:  Oh, well.  More Stout for me, me guess…

Shaidar: <In a loud, deliberate voice> So, folks!  I wonder where Tatia could be off to!  I think that she mentioned something about the Cold Plains.  All of you stay here, while I go look for her!  I’ll just take the Waypoint;  I’ll be back in a jiffy!  Please!  Stay here for the love of God!

<Idahochick and 3K peek out of wagon cover flap>

Idahochick:  Man, that boy’s gonna get into some serious trouble.  TROUBLE TURNS ME ON!  JUMP MY BONES AGAIN, YOU BASTARD! <pulls 3K back into Gheed’s wagon>

Gheed <shaking head in misery>: Geez, people!  I just had that thing reupholstered! …say there, Mog’ons… how about some of that Stout?

Mog’ons:  Sure, if you give Mog’ons discount when Gambling!

Meanwhile, Shaidar Haran has made his way to the Cold Plains.  He is sneaking around, peering leerily over stone walls, looking for Tatia.  She is just finishing off a pack of Corrupted Rogue Spearwomen with her massive axe.  He approaches her.

Tatia:  <flirtatiously> Were you admiring my cleavage, Shaidar?

Shaidar:  In more ways than one, Tatia. <winks, Elvis-like>

Tatia:  Ooh!  Such things you say!

Shaidar:  Well, a picture is worth a thousand words, baby…

Tatia <has to think about that one for a second>  Riiiight… so, what brings you out to the Cold Plains, anyway?

Shaidar:  Well, I thought you might need a good warming.

Tatia: Like you wouldn’t believe!  Let’s get down to business!  By which I mean sex!

 Meanwhile, back in the Encampment, Incubus and Rahl have returned from the Moor.  They are standing near Warriv, swaying drunkenly, and singing “Bishibosh is Comin’ to Town!”

Inc and Rahl: He’s raisin the dead!  Wearin a  crown! When you kill him he splashes all ‘round!  Bishibosh is comin’ to town!
 
3K and Idaho are enjoying the town’s lovely fire.  Two figures approach from the distance.  As they draw nigh, it becomes apparent that it is Shaidar and Tatia.  Tatia has a rather disappointed look to her.  Her hair is mussed, and she sighs heavily as she enters town.  Shaidar goes off to drink with Inc and Rahl, and 3K follows, whilst Idaho approaches Tatia in a concerned, motherly fashion.

Shaidar <exchanges high-fives with the other three>:  Man, did I ever just teach Tatia how to “joust!”

Incubus:  Really?  That shounds like ffun…

Rahl:  Hehehe… we’ve all been trying to get in her “sash” for awhile!

Shaidar:  Well, fellas… she won’t be needing anything anytime soon, except for maybe a Potion of Rejuvenation! Ha ha ha!

3000GT: Hey, man… after 10 Shcotches…  there’s shumething different about your look…

 Back to Tatia and Idahochick…

Idaho:  You sheem frustrated, Tatia.  Have shum tequila and talk about it.

Tatia <obviously flustered, shoots 5 tequilas>:  Well, you’d think that a Level 13 Barbarian would be a little more proficient with his sword… and I guess the guy’s never heard of a Stamina Potion…

Idaho:  I’m real shorry, Tatia…

Tatia:  It’s okay, Idaho; while he was “thrusting” away, I stole the Perfect Topazes right outta his Turban! <laughs maniacally>

Idaho: <exchanges high-five> Yeah!  Way to go after the Family Jewels!
 

 What will become of the sordid relationship between Shaidar and Tatia?  Will ALE ever want to return from the world of Diablo?  Will Bigun ever tap that Camp Keg?  Stay tuned for more ever-exciting episodes of A Day at the ALE Pub!