"Porcelain ashes scattered. Eternity, succumbed in an instant. Desolation found its horrid foundation. Obsession festered and flourished. I heard only the silence. Cruelly disallowed this sanctity. Betrayal and pain paved the way. Darkness showed the emptiness. Love lifted the veil."

-Louis de Pointe du Lac

Twice, I was changed forever. First, in the year of 1791, and then again, 1999, when I was pulled from impending death by those who refused to let me slip away. I had sought for years, explanations and answers from those of my kind, only to arrive at nothing in the end -- or so I believed.

Now, a creature reborn, given that second chance, I can say that at last the night is filled with beauty for me. No more do I wish to die. No longer do I feel the despair I once knew as the only center to my being. I have found peace and the true meaning of happiness, that which I had thought lost to me forever.

The reasons for this seem so simple now. In my beautiful Merrick, I see the promise of wonder, of purpose and of light. After Claudia died, I never thought to know love again. I had tried so hard with Armand, my willing teacher, the one who promised me answers that eventually I had to admit he could not fulfill. We parted, and eventually I returned to Lestat. Despite the fondness between us that never died, there still existed an uneasiness that I could never quite dispose of. When he went into his coma-like state on the floor of St. Elizabeth’s, I remembered how much I needed him.

I had so much I wanted to say to him, and so I sat there, night after night, playing him music, reading him books, waiting for him to be strong enough to listen to me without smiling, without making a jest or stinging me with my own words.

And then Merrick came into my nights on David’s arm. David spoke to me of her, made me long to meet her, and when I did, I knew I had stepped onto a path from which there could be no return. I knew at once that she offered me something that no one else could. At first I thought it was the chance to find peace with my lost Claudia. It was only after the spirit had come that I knew that it was something more. And that was the happiness and solidity of which I speak. In that love, I made her my own. And in that love, she helped pull me back from the depths of eternal nothingness.

And then there is Lestat. In him existed a purity of love that extended far beyond the selfishness of which he is known. I would not be here now, were it not for him. And because of this, he will have my eternal devotion and gratitude. He awoke from his astral wanderings to come and save my life. My poor, foolish attempt showed me absolutely nothing, except that I do not want to die.

This was the second time that Lestat saved my life with his blood. This was the second time he changed me completely. Now, I am no longer the weakest among the vampires. My skin is like white marble, and, like Lestat, I hide my eyes behind sunglasses to prevent mortals from being overwhelmed by their brilliance. Yet the change goes deeper than the physical. I at last feel a sense of peace, which eluded me for so long. I feel a true part of the family Lestat tried to create for me two hundred years ago.

Now our family is threatened by the Talamasca, and I am torn. My Merrick was a part of the Talamasca for so long, as was David, and they do not wish to see them harmed. Lestat wants a war. And so I will wait to see what happens, wishing only to do what I must to protect my loved ones. I will not lose what I have only so recently gained.