Sexual Expression / Frustration?

Is there a change in the air and are we facing times of profound inner transformation and self discovery? I believe we are. There are those who fear change and will stagnate, and in the process they will do their utmost to suppress this change, and those who do seek change will begin to discover their true nature, and will no longer be suppressed and sexually frustrated by religious dogma.

Many people look outside of themselves for happiness, pleasure, and enlightenment, but for those who want to change then we need to take a close look at ourselves and to search inwardly within ourselves for understanding. This inner journey will bring a sense of meaning and purpose into our lives and our intentions will be guided by love. Religious people call this a part of "The New Age Movement"and will advise their followers and you to give it a wide birth. They want you to remain as sexually frustrated as many of them are with their inhibited ways.

Sexuality is a social structure. Some societies have Polygamous (having more than one wife, has biblical approval Mormon's for example.) Polyandry (woman with several husbands)

Human sexual behavior is diverse and in our present society we have a mainly monogamous (one woman one man) system of morality which seems to work reasonably well. We also have homosexual and lesbian couples. Past history tells us that they have always been among us but sometimes suppressed. However no one can really say what's better or what's worse. To me the most important thing is when two adults have the same values.

What has happened to human sexuality in the past 2000 years? Christianity has turned human sexuality from something that should be wonderful into something that is filled with guilt, perversion and shame and people are led to believe that not only sexual activity but even thoughts of sexual activity including masturbation are sinful. Why did we allow this to happen? May I answer this? We allowed ourselves to follow the opinions and judgments of others instead of following our basic instinct. The church says that today we are in the last days because of our immorality, they have been saying this for centuries anyway, Paul of the New Testament thought he was in the last days in his generation, but I see it oh so differently. Some of us are finally being set free of church dogma, which has inhibited and frustrated people for centuries. This church's attitude on sexual activity does not only apply to those within the church, because the church's narrow mindedness over 2000 years has slowly infiltrated all areas of the media and society, and today some sexual practices are seen as something that is dirty and perverted even within a marriage.

I'm sure that there are many people that would agree with me that there are those special moments when sexuality can be a profound way to express our love for each other. There is no other experience on this earth that can compare to those intense feelings of oneness created as a result of unselfish, sexual intimacy between two individuals who make love or love one another. This is more than just procreating, it is a powerful desire of passion and we have allowed ourselves to be diverted away from its true meaning. We should not look upon our sexual desires with shame, nor with guilt, nor with fear.

The church will tell you not to use sex as personal gratification, but sex is something which is intensely personally gratifying.

The church will tell you that you are not to feel good about the joys of the body and definitely not to feel good about sex. Well I believe that the "good news" is, it is alright to enjoy sex, and to love sex. It is alright to desire your partner, sex is a means of joyful celebration.

Sex can also be seen as an expression of love, love of another human being, and love of life. Why should the church or anyone else sit in judgment calling one sexual action good and another sexual action evil between consenting adults? Marriage today is failing because of expectations, fear, materialism, ego based intentions, and one partner trying to dominate another. What is marriage? The dictionary says that marriage is "A legal or religious ceremony that sanctions or formalises the decision of a man and woman to live as husband and wife". I can understand the legality of the laws for government to have some form of control over marriages. The registration of marriages, divorces, births, and deaths is an essential part of our social structure.

Although it is a common practice, what business is it of the church to marry people? They have been doing this for centuries but on who's say so. There is no scripture in the bible to say that they are to marry people. I believe that this is only tradition and if you’re an unbeliever seeking marriage within a church ceremony then they try to convert you, and of course the church turn it into a financial exercise. What does the bible have to say about this marriage business? From a biblical perspective the marriage is actually a covenant. What is a covenant? It is an agreement between two or more parties. In biblical usage it means. The agreement or engagement of God with human beings as set forth in the old and new testaments. In ancient times from a biblical prospective it was the shedding of blood that sealed the covenant. In Genesis 15:10. The First Blood Sacrifice Covenant. The direct requirement of a blood sacrifice as the means of establishing a covenant first appears in this episode of Genesis verses1 - 21. The establishment of the new covenant from which the New Testament came into being according to Christianity, came about because of the shedding of Jesus blood while hanging from a stake. (not lynching) At this point I only want to establish the importance of shed blood in relationship to a covenant. Now a biblical marriage is a covenant. God said Gen.2:24 "Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife and they become one flesh". R.S.V. To cleave may mean desire and permanence, flesh gives the implication of sexual union, passion and emotional intimacy.

What follows is my view of how I see it, and you may not agree but that's o.k. This is where I believe it becomes very interesting as it is the consummation of a marriage that seals the biblical covenant. What is a requirement for a biblical covenant? Blood of course. On the wedding night when consummation takes place the maiden looses her virginity and she bleeds. It is this shed blood that seals the marriage covenant. Do they have to be married by a minister of religion or a marriage celebrant to make the marriage legal in the eyes of God? I don't think so, let's look again at Genesis 2:24 . There was no minister present to give approval to the man to cleave to the wife. To me this suggests that when a man cleaves unto himself a woman and she sheds blood the two become one flesh of the covenant. In ancient time I do not believe that there was a formal marriage as we know it today. The covenant was sealed when two people had sex for the first time. So today I believe from a biblical point of view that if a young couple have a one night stand and the young woman looses her virginity and sheds blood then the covenant is sealed in the eyes of God. You may not agree with me but that's the way I see it. If you are a believer then all covenants in the eyes of God require a blood sacrifice. Think about it? The bible to me these days is just another religious book but to those who want to believe in this book then the blood covenants should be a very important issue.

If you want to experience yourself as a person and have sex for the joy of sex without love then that is your decision and no one else should be able to condemn you for it. But if you have sex only because it feels good for you then this can be called selfishness and does not reveal your true self, and you are missing a glorious part of the sexual experience. There will be a time though when you will change and want to share your thoughts about who you are and who you may one day love and want to spend the rest of your life with.

It is a natural urge to mate as this is part of our need for survival of the human race but it is more than just survival. It is to experience oneness with someone you love, which is the true nature of your being. This elevated sexual experience is sharing love with another person and this is when we realise that the passion of sexuality is a great gift to celebrate our love for one another. This is not without its problems in our present society. A young woman will begin to menstruate as young as 11 or 12 years of age. This is natures way of showing that she has reached womanhood and is now capable of conceiving a child, and therefore can fulfill her role in populating the planet. At this time in her young life she is beginning to become interested in the opposite sex and her own sexual desires, which are after all only natural. The church and society try to get these young people to conform to a standard and suppress these urges and the consequences are sometimes tragic. The female adolescent is vulnerable as the church forbids sex, condoms, contraceptive pills, masturbation, and if her desires get the best of her and she becomes pregnant then the church forbids abortion. Most of this stuff isn't even scriptural. Forty years ago a pregnancy out of wedlock in our society was considered shameful. These young women were put into homes usually operated by the church, months before the birth. They were cajoled by their parents to give consent, being told that the infants would have a better chance at life with their adopted families. These babies were then taken from them and adopted out into homes with tragic consequences for the natural mother. The adopted babies also in later years became frustrated as they also wondered why their natural mother gave them over to adoption agencies. Let's just hope that we never return to such archaic times ever again. I believe that the aborigines suffered even more so as children were taken without any consent or if consent was given it wasn't understood. The sole purpose of the church was to Christianise them.

We seem to overlook the blood - line which binds the natural mother to the infant for life, adoption or no adoption. This blood - line is our genetic make up which today we are just beginning to understand from a scientific point of view. The church of course rejects scientific advancement as it is seen as a threat to biblical history. Many of these young adolescents rebel as their natural desires are telling them to experiment sexually. We should be honest with ourselves and look upon our own time spent as an adolescent and how we felt at the time. Sex education was taboo and was even considered sinful and pornographic in my youth. We as adults should be advising our offspring on how to avoid diseases and unwanted pregnancies, by the use of condoms and pregnancy prevention programs.

We should be able to look upon all past sexual experiences as reference points as without them how could you ever experience the joy of physical union based on unselfish love for your partner.

I have included here an article written by a clergyman's wife in 1894. Is this a true example of the church's attitude as to how Christian women should conduct themselves in regards to sex after marriage?

Jim Lee. 2001

On the Conduct and Procedure of the Intimate and Personal Relationships of the Marriage State for the Greater Spiritual Sanctity of this Blessed Sacrament and the Glory of God

By Ruth Smythers
Beloved wife of The Reverend L.D. Smythers, Pastor of the Arcadian Methodist Church of the Eastern Regional Conference

Published in the year of our Lord 1894, Spiritual Guidance Press, New York City.

To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and the most terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her needs for the rest of her life. On the negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time the terrible experience of sex.

At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride.

One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.

On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme. While sex is at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured, and has been by women since the beginning of time, and is compensated for by the monogamous home and by the children produced through it.

It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the groom to forego the sexual initiation. While the ideal husband would be one who would approach his bride only at her request and only for the purpose of begetting offspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the average man.

Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency.

Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's best friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and bickering also prove very effective, if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction.

Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage.

By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual contacts with the husband. By this time she can depend upon his love for the children and social pressures to hold the husband in the home.

Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as low as possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention to limiting the kind and degree of sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices. These practices include among others performing the normal act in abnormal positions; mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.

Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing photographs and drawings depicting or suggesting sex are other obnoxious habits the male is likely to acquire if permitted.

A wise bride will make it her goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her. Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in total darkness. Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves and pajamas for their husbands. These should be donned in separate rooms. They need not be removed during the sex act. Thus, a minimum of flesh is exposed.

Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights, she should lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom. When he comes groping into the room she should make no sound to guide him in her direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement. She should let him grope in the dark. There is always the hope that he will stumble and incur some slight injury which she can use as an excuse to deny him sexual access.

When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible. Bodily motion on her part could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic husband.

If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she should turn her head slightly so that the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek instead. If he attempts to kiss her hand, she should make a fist. If he lifts her gown and attempts to kiss her anyplace else she should quickly pull the gown back in place, spring from the bed, and announce that nature calls her to the toilet. This will generally dampen his desire to kiss in the forbidden territory.

If the husband attempts to seduce her with lascivious talk, the wise wife will suddenly remember some trivial non-sexual question to ask him. Once he answers she should keep the conversation going, no matter how frivolous it may seem at the time.

Eventually, the husband will learn that if he insists on having sexual contact, he must get on with it without amorous embellishment. The wise wife will allow him to pull the gown up no farther than the waist, and only permit him to open the front of his pajamas to thus make connection.

She will be absolutely silent or babble about her housework while he is huffing and puffing away. Above all, she will lie perfectly still and never under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in progress.

As soon as the husband has completed the act the wise wife will start nagging him about various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on the morrow. Many men obtain a major portion of their sexual satisfaction from the peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act is over. Thus the wife must insure that there is no peace in this period for him to enjoy. Otherwise, he might be encouraged to soon try for more.

One heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is the fact that the husband's home, school, church, and social environment have been working together all through his life to instill in him a deep sense of guilt in regards to his sexual feelings, so that he comes to the marriage couch apologetically and filled with shame, already half cowed and subdued. The wise wife seizes upon this advantage and relentlessly pursues her goal first to limit, later to annihilate completely her husband's desire for sexual expression.