embassy

Ok, first I will give you some 411 on my situation. I have been married to Manuel for almost 10 years. Manny is not a bad person per se, in general he is basically tranquilo and gets on well with most people. Hoever, with me and sometimes our kids, well, things are nasty. I have lived with physical abuse that started a few days b4 I gave birth to my son Nico. I have had many nasty bruises and marks on my face and body over the years with him. Whenever I would go with the proof, a.k.a my face terribly beat, the Corrigador or Juez would not want to get involved because in that time, my Suegro was the Ministerio de Agricultura. Nobdy wanted to help me and they would only call my father in law and ask him to straighten it out. They would say, "you must understand you are married to so and so“s son, this is a delicate situation" and blah blah. Whatever. The problem is I would try to get a separation from Manny and the Juez would say , Well he needs to agree and sign the papers or you can not get the separation....like Manny would ever agree to it. So I have been stuck here all these years now and NOBODY wants to help, not even the American Embassy.
I have been alone, totally absolutely alone for many years, I have no Mother or Father who want to even be in contact with me, I have no aunts or uncles .... nobody. The only thing I have are my children.   Thing is, I cannot take them out of Panamį without their fathers permission,,,,, though they were BOTH BORN IN THE UNITED STATES.
I have NOBODY to help me. If I even had one tru friend who would say, Lisi, come here I will help you, it would be different, but I dont.   I tried to escape last year with my babies ..... when Manny went to work I rushed to school and drug them out and made it to Panama city to get their passports, as I was leaving the hotel I was in, I opened the door and there was mi cuńado and Manny..... mi cuńado took the kids. WHAT CAN I DO? I had to come back.
My in laws know too many people here, everytime I fine a plan, somehow they find out or already have it figured out. I can trust no one here. I am constantly watched. throughout my marriage to Manny he has never allowed me to go to the movies with a girlfriend, go to any parties (simple ones not wild) I have not been allowed to even go to the next town by myself to go buy a damn magazine. I am only allowed to go to the gym (when there are no men there that is) and thats it. I am 28 years old, yet I have no control over my life. Im allowed no girlfriends except on the internet. I try to leave but he wont let me work, and if I try to get a job anyway its illegal because technically I have no panamanian working papers.
His family doesnt give a hoot they are no help.... they say if he beats on me then I MUST be doing something to deserve it. Please dont get me wrong, I dont want to make everyone think Manny is the monster here, the only bad one. I am aware it takes two, I also have screamed and called bad names and done everything possible to defend myself. He is NOT a horrible person, I only wish the best for him and I would be absolutely devestated if anything ever happened to him..... He deserves to be happy with a woman who is more to his liking than me.   I have been told time and again that something could happen to me and nobody would ever know who did it, He told me just a few weeks ago that he "hopes something terrible happens to me" so that he can live in peace with our kids. I am not even being totally honest about how bad things really are here..... I have suffered things I know for a fact very few women would..... they would leave their kids and hightail it out of here. I love my babies too much, I could never ever leave them. I am really really reaching my breaking point and dont understand why in gods name cant SOMEBODY HELP ME? I dont think anyone realizes how serious the situation is and to be honest,,,,,, I am starting to fear for my life. Really I have not much desire left to stay alive but my kids, they dont deserve to lose me. I have a very special bond with them, sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me because I am SO CLOSE to them. All I want is to get out of here with them and live in peace. A normal life without the fear and drama everyday.
I have pleaded with the American Embassy over and over and over and over to no avial. THEY say this is a DOMESTIC problem. It is NOT. THEY say I should do what is best for the "children involved" which in their opinion seems to be for me leave them with their father. I think they get so sick of arguing with me they just cant stand me anymore. The last man I spoke to said in this nasal whiney tone of voice "well if you hate it so much here mz. miranda, then why dont you just leave and leave the children with the father?"
THESE FUCKING PEOPLE WERE EITHER BORN STUPID OR LEARNED TO BE HERE IN PANAMĮ. HELLO, are they DEAF or DUMB?
I asked him, why are you getting so irritated with me? He says he cant help me and doesnt want to repeat the same things over and over.   I said, but what if he takes his gun and shoots me in the head with it? "WELL MZ. MIRANDA, now that would be a crime". duh duh DUHHHHHHH. whateverrrrrr. Well what if I just get so fucking sick of all this I just shoot MYSELF? They would probably be relieved. I cant sneak out I have tried it, next time I will be put in jail.....I cant legally take my babies without his permission. I cant get his permission cuz he would rather see me dead. I cant leave unless I want to be a prostitute because I cant get a legal job. I cant hire a lawyer because I have NO MONEY, and even if I leave him and live somewhere else here in panama, its been made clear I will meet and early death. WHAT DO YOU THINK? leave any messages in my G-BOOK.