Once in a while, these are some of the junk mail that I received from my friends via email. Some are stupid while a few can be quite funny. These jokes are to be read with an open mind..
The other day, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek! Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She calls the guy back over, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek. In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the bill. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks, again. My relief was short lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guy gyrates over to me! Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy's egging me on to try to top the $50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do? Then the marketer in me took over! I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass, grabbed the 80 bucks, and went home.
It's Saturday night and the Super Heroes are having a party. Everyone is going to be there: Batman, Robin, Spider Man, The Hulk, the whole group. Superman is especially ready to party after a hard week of saving the world. So he throws on his cape and heads off. Along the way he passes Wonder Woman's penthouse suite. To his surprise he sees through her open window that she is still at home, naked, lying with her legs apart. Feeling a bit in the mood, he thinks to himself," I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I can fly in there, have sex with her and be gone before she knows it." So, in an instant, Superman flies in, does the deed and flies out, with a big smile on his face. At this point Wonder Woman sits up and says," Did you hear something?" "No," replies the Invisible Man, "But my arse is killing me."
There was a boy, whose parents were very strict in his upbringing. They never allowed him to meet any girls, except his own relatives. However, one day, he saw one of his best friends kissing a girl and he went to his Mother and asked her what they were doing.
His Mother told him. "It's called kissing and any boy who does that to a girl will die that very minute!"
On his 21st Birthday, he went out with some friends, who introduced him to one of the sweetest girls around town. She knew that he had never been kissed before.
When she eventually got some time alone with him, she tried to kiss him but he resisted. She asked him, "What are you afraid of? It won't hurt." He replied, "My Mother said if I kiss a girl, I'll die that very minute!" She replied, "Don't be a baby, now come on kiss me." With that she gave him a hot kiss, square across the lips.
He began to cry, "Oh no I'm going to die." She asked,"Why are you going to die?" He replied, "I've just kissed you and already one part of me has begun to get stiff!"
1. Why do women wear red lipstick?
To warn people it's the wrong hole!
2. What's the similarity between a woman's legs and bread&butter?
Delicious when spread!
3. What's the difference between a bowling ball & a pussy?
You can only put in 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
4. Sex is like MATH: ADD the bed, SUBTRACT the clothes, DIVIDE the legs, and MULTIPLY!
5. What do u get when u cross breed a rooster with an M&M?
A cock that melts in your mouth not in your hands.
6. Why are Santa Clause's balls so big?
Coz he only comes once a year! Ho! Ho! HO!
7. Dodi saw his driver in heaven and said:
I said I wanna fuck Di in the tunnel, not fucking die in the
Tunnel!"
8. Why do men get paid more at the sperm bank than in a blood bank?
Sperm is handmade.
9. What happen to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies!
10. What part of the human anatomy that ocassionally drips & feels good
when
blown?
The NOSE!
11. What are the 2 best parts of a wedding?
Playing of the organ & Coming of the bride.
Please sign my Guestbook, thank you.
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