“Nick?”
“I was in the area,” he offered with a casual shrug of his shoulders.
“I see,” she said, tempted to pry. “Come in,” she said instead. She took his coat, watching as he eyed her apartment suspiciously. “Something wrong?” she asked.
“Nope, just wondering where you’re hiding your hot date? I’m convinced he’s got to be here somewhere,” Nick said matter-of-factly.
“Actually, you just missed him. I made him go down the fire escape,” Jessica replied with a smile.
“I’m glad. Three’s company you know,” he said, trying to sound as serious as possible. “So really, what were you doing alone on a Saturday night at 11… 11:08?” he asked glancing at his watch.
“I’m robbing a bank tomorrow. I was actually trying on different disguises. You caught me before I could change. I call this my ‘pretty in pink’ look. What do you think?” Jessica quipped, groaning inwardly at her own stupidity. As if I don’t look stupid enough standing here in my pink fuzzy pj’s.
“You look way too cute to be robbing a bank.”
“Well, then my plan worked. I’m distracting you,” she said feigning seriousness. They shared a laugh a few seconds later. Jessica laughed nervously, silently chiding herself again for being so childish. Unfortunately, her terrible sense of humor had developed as a defense mechanism. Whenever she was nervous, she suddenly became the world’s worst comedian.
“So, you want something to drink?” Jessica asked clearing the air.
“I’m fine.”
“Oh, okay,” she responded awkwardly. For the next few seconds she just sat there, a forced smile plastered stupidly across her face. It wasn’t so much that she was feeling shy, it was more uncertainty. What was Nick expecting to happen between them? They had been spending so much time together recently and there had certainly been a few too many awkward moments over the past week. It was almost as if Nick had wanted to tell her something, but hadn’t.
Jessica saw the way he looked at her. Most of the time she pretended not to notice, scared that if she even so much as glanced back at him he would take it the wrong way. She wasn’t quite sure what she expected him to make of their relationship, but she didn’t want to give him any sort of false encouragement.
Most of the time, Jessica was pretty sure that she knew Nick’s type. He was a “wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am” type guy but with more than enough sweetness to make you think he was genuine. Or at least that’s what he pretended to be. There were times when she couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that it was all an act. That underneath all his confidence and suave lines he was really just hurting - maybe even as much as she was.
After a few more moments of silence, Nick casually took a seat on the couch next to Jessica and turned his body toward her slightly. Instinctively Jessica moved away from him, squeezing herself into the opposite corner of the couch. Nick didn’t seem to notice, or at least if he did, he never said so.
“Do you ever get lonely here?” he asked.
“Sometimes,” Jessica mumbled uncomfortably. Part of her wished that she could tell him just how lonely she really was. Of course, she couldn’t though. He would probably just tell her what she already knew, that she had no one to blame for that but herself. That maybe if she didn’t keep shutting everyone out of her life she wouldn’t be so lonely. He would probably ask her about her family and why she never talked about him. That was the last thing she needed.
“You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met you know. Well, at least not since Melissa,” he added quickly.
What the hell do I say now? At that moment she couldn’t think of anything to say so she nodded instead, feeling like one of those marionettes she had as a child. It was as if she was completely at the mercy of some all-seeing puppeteer who was manipulating her into doing strange things. This was actually the part where she was supposed to tell him how tired she was and then make up some excuse so he would leave. Apparently though the puppeteer had other plans for her.
She was vaguely aware that Nick was still talking but she couldn’t seem to make out a word he was saying - like she was in some fog induced trance. Suddenly everything became all too reminiscent of how things had started with Ryan. One night during high school, she was home alone and he had called and told her that he was coming over. They were just friends back then too. Sure, she had liked him since elementary school when he had stood up for her in the playground when silly boys had been pulling her hair and teasing her. But Ryan had always had one girlfriend or another so any childhood aspirations she had had of marrying him and having ten million of his babies were long gone.
That night that Ryan came over, her life changed. He said he was just coming over to talk. He had just broken up with his girlfriend. Of course he was very sad and needed some comforting. And who better to comfort him than a girl who he had barely spoken to in the last year?
They sat talking for a few minutes and before she knew what was happening he was telling her how pretty she was and that he had never met anyone like her. All the other girls he had dated meant nothing to him, he had always wanted her. At first she thought she was dreaming but Ryan kept sweet talking her until she would have done just about anything he asked of her at that moment.
He kissed her too that night. It only last a few seconds but it was enough to make her knees weak. It was that one expression of seemingly innocent adolescent lust that had led to four long years of passion and torment. Four years of her knowing that she had to get out because he didn’t really love her. She never could break up with him though. It all came back to that stupid kiss and the way he always made her feel when he kissed her.
As she sat there, she began to remember everything about that time. Her parents had of course loved him right away. However, Jessica was never really sure if they loved Ryan himself or the mere idea of her dating him. The children of two of North Hempstead’s biggest business tycoons dating one another. It was a perfect match and big news amongst the who’s who of the town.
The more public their relationship became, the more problems they seemed to have. When they turned 18, their parents started talking about marriage. At first they appeared to be joking, because of course both of them had to finish college first.
When the marriage talk began that’s when Ryan started pressuring her to sleep with him. As her parents slowly became more and more serious about them getting married, he pushed her more. One night she finally gave in. She hated every minute of it and afterwards ran to the bathroom where she sat crying her eyes out. Ryan, not bothering to check on her, had fallen asleep right away.
Jessica had stayed in the bathroom for almost an hour trying to convince herself that really, she hadn’t done anything wrong. She loved Ryan. Or at least she thought she did. Their relationship had become so public now and her parents were so involved that sometimes she felt as though she had to love him.
As she sat upon the cold bathroom tiles that rocking herself back and forth, she vowed to herself that no matter how much she thought she loved him, she wouldn’t sleep with him again. At least not until they were married. He would understand. He had to.
Ryan hadn’t understood at all. He was angry at first but soon he became indifferent. One night he announced that he didn’t care one way or another but then he proceeded to barely speak to her for a month. Things were so strained between the two of them that even Jessica’s parents started to worry. They blamed everything on her of course, telling her that obviously she was responsible for whatever difficulties they were having. Jessica of course, kept her mouth shut. She couldn’t tell her parents what was really going on.
Eventually she began to think that maybe her parents were right. Maybe everything was her fault. She called Ryan and begged him to meet her so that they could at least talk. The rest was history. Ryan promised that he would change. And he did… for about a week. After that he went back his old ways, pressuring her every time they were alone. Every time, Jessica hated herself even more for giving in to him but she couldn’t help it. Ryan always said that if she loved him, she would do it.
Jessica snapped out of her reverie just then and found Nick’s face alarmingly close to hers. She knew this was the point where she should pull away, now before anything even happened, but somehow she couldn’t. His gaze was so intense and for the moment she wanted to just be. Not think of anything, just lose herself in the moment and whatever came next.
She barely had a chance to consider what ‘next’ might be before Nick’s lips were on hers. The kiss started out slow and sweet but quickly gained intensity. Nick’s hands were suddenly all over her. Things were becoming serious fast and Jessica knew that she should stop, but there was something about the way that he touched her. He was so intense yet gentle at the same time.
When they finally broke apart, Nick looked apologetic. “I shouldn’t have done that,” his said in a low voice.
Something told Jessica that she should say something, anything, but all she could do was stare at him dumbfoundedly.
“I should probably go.” He rose slowly, almost as if he were waiting for her to tell him not to leave. She didn’t even look at him though.
Nick headed toward the door quickly. Much as he wanted to, he didn’t look back. Within seconds, he was gone and Jessica was left alone on the sofa, her face emotionless as she gazed at the ground.