In case you needed
further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some
actual label instructions on consumer goods.
1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping". (Gee, that's the
only time I have to work on my hair)
2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside". (Evidently, the shoplifter special)
3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And
that would be how. . . ?)
4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions:
Defrost."(But it's *just* a suggestion)
5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn
upside down". (Oops, too late!)
6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
heating". (As night follows the day . . . .)
7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
(But wouldn't this save more time?)
8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication". (We could do a lot to reduce the
rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)
9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness". (One would
hope)
10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use
only". (As opposed to what?)
11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use".
(I gotta admit, I'm curious).
12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts". (NEWS FLASH)
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet,
eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta).
14. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you
to fly". (I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one).
15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
or genitals". (Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?...Good
grief)
16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: "Do not use on food."(Hey
mom we're out of syrup! It's ok honey just grab the Palmolive!)
17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste: "If swallowed contact poison
control." (Oh please have you ever heard about someone dying from
swallowing a little toothpaste?)
18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent: "Remove clothing before
distributing in washing machine." (Hey no more swimming in the washing
machine, sorry kids)