Ask the Skank

Listen here, kidlets. This is how it works: Send me, KT, the webmistress, an
e-mail asking me a question. All questions are welcome, such as "Why does your site suck so bad? What were you thinking?!" or "What are some uses of the element Gallium?" or even "What are your thoughts on cheesecake?". Then I will put your questions and my answers on this page. Please specify in your letter whether or not you want me to include your e-mail adress. Strap on your safety harness please, while I commence with my brilliance.

Do you think that there will ever be a time when everyone has run out of bizarre questions to ask? Just thought I might ask.. -JenniferWillson

No. No I do not. And why is that? Because people are stupid. And they smoke crack. And croak smack. Peace.

Hello! To start off, I really like you site. ^.^ I'm just curious... Is your computer evil? o.@ -.- If your computer is evil... please give me a rating as to how evil it is? (1-10) Okay well, I know that seems like a very stupid question, but oh well. ^.^ Thank you very much for your... euh... time. Good-bye bye now. From Erin, the psycho penguins, and the crazy monkeys. O-O Mooonkeeys...! Do-be-do-be-do...

Dear Erin, psycho penguins, and the crazy monkeys:
Well, by nature, all computers are evil. We are a blasphemist species who uses technology to play god and to spread pornography to small children. But relatively, my computer isn't that evil. My internet service can be evil, that's for damn sure. But computer isn't evil... just a little pyscho. Much love, KT

dear skanky scoo,
hello, what are your thoughts on how unbeleiveably sexy skylar m. is? wouldn't you like to tap that ass? well, you probably need a bigger hand, but thats besides the point. i think that me and you should raise mangos together on a small farm in dallas. close to brenden boyd. what do you think about that? ~you cannot handle by god-like name

Dear God-like Name that cannot be handled,
For the record, I wouldn't tap anything belonging to Skylar M., that fucking stoner. But you can go on loving her just as much as you please (**coughnarcisusscough**). As for the mangos, I'm afraid they simply don't exist. They are a figment of your imagination implanted by the government in order to gather up a small vegetable-fighting army for when the Great War breaks out in the near future. "Brenden Boyd", as you call him, isn't from Dallas; he's a skater from California! >_< And his name is BRANDON!! Now go forth, and do good deeds in the name of Jesus Christ our Savior.

Dear Infoskank, I love you so much. I mean, I really do love you. Why do you shun me so? Why do you hate me? Why will you not make sweet, sweet love to me? I love you so much. Love, Michael P. Williamson
Dear Michael, You should know that you are not alone in your shun-ness-ness, and also, you are the schwayest of all twelve year olds. The fact of the matter is that I am a heartless wench who feels no emotion and has no sense of sympathy. If I were to love you, your mind would positively explode. I'm afraid the world just isn't ready for my kind of love. But maybe you can hook up with the mango lady in the above letter.

"Dear Skank, what are your thoughts on September 11?" There, I asked one, does that make you happy? But you probably think I'm rambling on, or that maybe I'm a little weird, so...whatever...Ashlea (

Dear Ashlea:
Oh my freaking god. September 11th. Not my favorite subject. In fact, its my least favorite subject. Basically, my thoughts on are this: it was a terrible, terrible tragedy, it has greatly boosted the sale of red white and blue jewelry and hair accessories, and the sooner we stop hearing about it ALL THE TIME the more calm I will remain. Those are my thoughts on it, sorry if they're a little weak. I have a tendency to ignore the world around me because of my enormous angst. Ta-ta, thanks for writing.

what are your thoughts on sandiwiches? (from VBStud37)

Dear VBGimp uh.... I mean VBStud:
I'm sincerely glad you asked that question. If you asked me (which in fact you did and that is why I'm answering), I'd say sandwiches were just about the saddest and most uncivilized foods ever conceived. The only sandwich I can even tolerate to eat is a grilled cheese, which is divinely toasted and melted together, or perhaps bacon on toasted bread. When you think about it, sandwiches are for the weak; all different foods are thrown together sloppily for the lazy eater. Its absolutely disgusting and speaks poorly upon our society. Thank you for your letter, VBStud, and I hope you read the owner's manual before cracking into a dell.

Dear Skank, What are your thoughts on the false shields people put around their personalities in order to fit in with a certain group. Bet u didnt think i would ask that! Sincerely, Thomas Howard.

Dear Thomas:
Well, sir, you are correct! I did not expect you to ask that at all. It's actually a very sensible and deep question. I don't know why you're asking me of all people. How can my site possibly be humorous with all you people wanting me serious opinions?! But since you asked, here's my thoughts on it: it's been done to death. Everyone and their dog covers up their true selves. It's funny how much people claim that they want to stand out, but all they really want is to be just like everyone else. Even I do, as freaky as I am, the only different between me and the rest of the world is that I'm too damn lazy for one of them thar shields. Sometimes you'll never know what someone's really like until you fuck them. Catcha on the flip flop, stay awesome!

Why are you still here? Go write your
freaking e-mail! Go on! I know you wanna.