ANTHONY
Am I in Pitcombe?

MICHELLE
No, sorry. This is Las Vegas.

ANTHONY
I'm looking for the Grey House.

MICHELLE
Oh! Well- If you turn left, then it's up behind the church.

ANTHONY
Right.

MICHELLE
Mr. Jordan's brother, is it?

ANTHONY
I am Mr. Jordan.

MICHELLE
Yeah, well. If you want Mrs. Jordan, she's out. My mom's with the kids. You're going to the church, though, after three. She'll be doing the flowers.

ANTHONY
Thanks.

**********

ANTHONY
Ali?

ALICE
Anthony!

ANTHONY
Ali! Oh, God, Ali! You are a vision.

ALICE
Oh, I'm just happy.

ANTHONY
You've got religion, have you? It doesn't surprise me, ten years married to Martin.

ALICE
Ah. You're still the same old Anthony.

ANTHONY
No. A bit more sick and tired.

ALICE
Hmm. Well, we would have to make you better.

ANTHONY
Yeah. Make me better, Ali.

**********

ANTHONY
So it's going to be Martin, the family solicitor. How appropriate! He was destined from birth to be a pillar of the community.

MARTIN
And what are you going to be? If you ever grow up.

ANTHONY
Unemployed.

MARTIN
Temporarily?

ANTHONY
Maybe permanently. I live off mother.

MARTIN
Get a wife. Nice and rich.

ANTHONY
Are you rich?

CLODAGH
Beyond the dreams of avarice. Not nice, though.

ANTHONY
Martin's rich.

MARTIN
Comfortable.

ANTHONY
Martin's rich.

MARTIN
Comfortable.

ANTHONY
Rich.

ALICE
Stop it! I want to hear about your farm.

ANTHONY
Do you have a farm?

MARTIN
I've spotted her inheritance.

CLODAGH
It's called the Window --. Beautiful square house. Six hundred acres.

MARTIN
Six hundred and thirty.

ANTHONY
Jesus! Puts us in our place, doesn't it? When will you live there?

CLODAGH
I might, eventually.

ANTHONY
Do you live here?

CLODAGH
I live at home. I spend most days here.

ANTHONY
Why?

MARTIN
Because we like her to.

ANTHONY
Oh, I see.

CLODAGH
Do you know how to like people?

ANTHONY
I know how not to like them.

MARTIN
Now, cut it out, you two!

CLODAGH
Don't stop us now. We were just about to have a most interesting conversation about love.

MARTIN
Love? How did you run to that? Big jump, isn't it? From liking?

ALICE
Love is the only thing worth talking about. It's the most important thing there is.

MARTIN
Any more strawberries? Well, you don't change, do you?

ANTHONY
What I don't understand is why anyone expects me to.

**********

ANTHONY
Will she be around forever?

MARTIN
Oh, don't be ridiculous. Now, frankly-- she has some sort of a crisis in the States, so she came home and pal up with us. It's been awful for Alice. She's been a terrific help all around. I'm sure she'll find somewhere else to go after this summer.

ANTHONY
Mother doesn't like her. Why?

MARTIN
Oh, for heaven's sake! You know mother. One minute she's saying how she made new friends. The next she's moaning about being neglected, isn't it? Nothing pleasing her, is it?

**********

CLODAGH
Night, everyone.

ANTHONY
Night.

MARTIN
Night. Bed, Alice?

ALICE
I won't be long.

MARTIN
Well, I'm off. Sleep well.

ANTHONY
And you. Seems to be all systems go for Martin.

ALICE
Yes. I'm really pleased for him.

ANTHONY
Is this really what you've always wanted, Ali?

ALICE
It's enough games for one night. Night.

ANTHONY
Night.

**********

ALICE
All right, darling. I'll see you later, bye. That was Martin. He's going to be late. That's the celebration for his partnership. What would you like to eat?

ANTHONY
I'm not hungry.

**********

ANTHONY
You said you'd make me better.

ALICE
You are better. You look better.

ANTHONY
I'm falling apart, Ali.

ALICE
Sorry. We did try.

ANTHONY
Oh, I see you all tried. Unfortunately I'm a hopeless case. Do you know why I went abroad?

ALICE
You got a job in Hongkong.

ANTHONY
No. I- I couldn't face it, Ali. I just couldn't face seeing you with him. I still can't.

ALICE
What are you talking about?

ANTHONY
He's inadequate, isn't he? Not much experience. He doesn't really know how to please. He- He can't satisfy you. But I know. Oh, I can please you, Ali. I can please you better than anyone.

ALICE
It's no good.

ANTHONY
Oh, you're not in love with him. He can't give you what you need.

ALICE
I'm going to look at the children.

**********

MARTIN
So when do you leave?

ANTHONY
Have I overstayed my welcome? I'll go tonight when this is all over.

MARTIN
Back to Damridge?

ANTHONY
Yeah, I might.

**********

ANTHONY
Miss Las Vegas, isn't it? What do you say we go and have a drink together? You and me.

MICHELLE
Well, I'm helping at the White Elephant, so I'll see you later there.

ANTHONY
Well, don't be long, or I may lose interest.

**********

CLODAGH
Sold out. Sorry.

ANTHONY
Yeah, that's right. Sold out. Your time is up.

**********

ANTHONY
Is he your boss?

MARTIN
Well, he is my top client. Ralph Unwin.

ANTHONY
You called him 'sir'.

MARTIN
Yes, well, I can call him Rafe in private. He's okay. He's quite a decent chap.

ANTHONY
Does this, um, decent chap know about his daughter?

MARTIN
Know what?

ANTHONY
She's a dyke. You know, a dyke. A lesbian.

MARTIN
What do you mean? Rubbish. Rubbish! How would you know? How do you know?

ANTHONY
I know. I know because, um, she's having an affair with Alice.

MARTIN
Alice is my wife.

ANTHONY
Yeah. Alice, your wife, is having an affair with Clodagh Unwin.

MARTIN
Oh! Shut your f***ing mouth! Don't talk such utter bloody s**t! Go on! Get out! Go on! Just go now!

ANTHONY
No one but you could have possibly lived with that set-up and not noticed.

MARTIN
Because it was such a lie! You made this up because you want her!

ANTHONY
I don't want her. She's no good to me.

MARTIN
You liar! You bloody liar! Get out! Go on! Get out!

ANTHONY
I can't leave this place fast enough. Merry England! It suits you, though.

Directed by Moira Armstrong.
Written by Alma Cullen, based on the novel by Joanna Trollope.