Quotes

-Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals
built the Titanic.

-Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels
so good.

-Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

-Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get
us out?

-Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

-Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run
over if you just sit there.

-Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly and for the
same reason.

-An optimist thinks that this is the best possible
world. A pessimist fears that this is true.

-There is always death and taxes; however death
doesn't get worse every year.

-People will accept your ideas much more readily if
you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

-It's easier to fight for one's principles than to
live up to them.

-I don't mind going anywhere as long as it's an
interesting path.

-Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

-Indecision is the key to flexibility.

-It hurts to be on the cutting edge.

-If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.

-I don't get even, I get odder.

-In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

-I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got
around to it.

-My inferiority complex is not as good as yours. I am
having an out of money experience.

-I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

-I am in shape. Round is a shape.

-Practice safe eating - always use condiments. :x

-A day without sunshine is like night.

-If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have
in-laws.

-I am not a perfectionist. My parents were, though.

-Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations
and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist
you like.

-You're getting old when you get the same sensation
from a rocking-chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

-One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of
candy can make you gain five pounds.

-The real art of conversation is not only to say the
right thing at the right time, but also to leave
unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

-Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy
beautician.

-Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells
live forever.

-Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age
comes alone.

-Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

-You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you
grow old because you stopped laughing

-Man has will, but Woman has her way.

-The only people who ever get anything done by standing

around is mannequins.

-How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg?
Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.

-If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

-Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.

-Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a
hot girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

-I can sum up everything I have learned about life in three words...It goes on.