I was walking through Central Park on a cloudy, Sunday morning, trying to sort things out in my head. So much has happened in the last week--too much. My latest assistant had quit. We'd fought Gary Feldman again and ultimately forced him to accept a plea in a gruesome rape and attempted murder case. Adam had pulled a Truman with the primary against Feldman, despite the judge's attempt to disbar me over a drunk driving case from four months back. I'd been exonerated, not that it made me feel any better. I'd tried to quit three times, Adam refusing to accept it every one of those. I was shocked when that had happened--I hurt his chances at reelection and politics were more important to him than I was.

I was still reeling from all this and trying to make sense of it all; oblivious to everyone around me. That's when I saw her. She was standing by the pond with her five year old daughter and her fiancee that she had left the D.A.'s office for. I'd seen her last on Monday, six days ago, as she was leaving the courthouse after testifying in my disbarment hearing. I had thought I hit rock bottom years ago, after...., but this was much worse. I'd buried myself in my work, when it happened, trying to drown everything out. It had helped, but alcohol had been the only thing that could help me forget. It had all been brought up again during the trial of Dressler, the drunk driver who killed three people. Jamie had directly confronted me about it then, I'd denied it, told her to mind her own business and drank uncontrollably for a while after that. That was before I saw what the impact of realizing what he had done did to Dressler. I sobered up immediately. Even now, two years after it happened, I avoided any contact with anything that reminded me. I quickly decided that leaving would be my best option.

It was too late though...she'd already seen me. Jamie turned to David and whispered something, then they and Katie began walking towards me. "Jamie," I said, trying desperately to find the words I wanted to say so badly. "How are you doing?"

"Jack," she replied coolly, unsure of what to say.

"Mommy, can I go feed the ducks now?" Katie asked. "You promised!"

She looked towards David. "Would you take her?" she asked quietly.

He nodded. "Sure this won't give Neal something else to sue over?" he joked.

Jamie smiled and punched his arm. "It will if you tell him."

David turned his attention back to Jamie's daughter. "Hey, Kate, want me to take you? I've got some bread here we can feed them."

"Uh-huh. Can I hold it?" Katie asked.

"Sure, kiddo." David handed her the bad of bread heels. "Let's go." He hoisted her up on his shoulders as she squealed with delight, then went back down the dirt path to the pond.

Jamie watched them leave. "What did they do?"

"Who, David and Katie?" I asked stupidly.

She smiled at me. "No, the disciplinary committee. I heard Adam beat Feldman in the primary."

"Yeah, it didn't come as much of a surprise to us. Adam's been the D.A. here for 25 years. Feldman got trashed in my hearing enough, I heard. Some of it leaked out to the papers and the voters heard all about how my hearing was just mudslinging and I got caught in the middle. Fortunately, I was exonerated."

She laughed. "I'm glad some of what I said leaked out."

I was astounded. "You...you told them how he was interfering with everything?"

She sighed. "Jack, you weren't a saint either. You were in just as much, if not more, trouble as him. The only difference was that you had an excuse."

"What are you talking about?"

Jamie shifted her weight uncomfortably. "I told the truth, Jack. ALL of it, including WHY you did it."

I was stunned and couldn't think of a single thing to say.

"They were making it clear that you were going to be in VERY big trouble....I was forced to tell them about Claire: how she was going to pick you up, the way you were directly affected, the sentence of the other driver...I'm sorry."

"So....that's why they asked me those questions? About her, I mean."

"Yeah," she answered quietly. "I'm sorry." Her blue eyes were full of concern for me. "You won't start drinking again, will you?"

This was not helping me sort things out. I shrugged, not sure what to say.

"Hey," she said, trying hard to brighten the mood, "you're coming to the wedding, right? It's next month."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." I gave her a great big fake smile.

She saw right through it. "Jack, I want to help you any way I can, but first you have to help yourself."

I knew it and she knew I knew it. "Thanks, Jamie....I owe you."

She smiled and looked back at David and Katie. They were running back towards us. "Mommy, David says we don't have any more bread for the ducks!" Katie complained. "One of them pulled the whole piece out of my hand!"

"Looks like we'd better go get some more bread for those ducks, Jamie," David told her.

"I've got somewhere I've got to go right now anyways," I said. "I'll see you at the wedding, Jamie."

She nodded and grabbed David's hand. They followed Katie back down the path. I stood there watching until I couldn't see them any more.

I knew where I had to go. I hadn't visited her in two years, since the funeral, but Jamie was right. I had to begin helping myself before anyone else could, and that meant letting go.

So what'd you think?