She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE- She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT
She is not a BAD COOK- She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE
She is not HALF NAKED- She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED
She does not WEAR TO MUCH JEWELRY- She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED
She is not CONCIETED- She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES
She does not GAIN WEIGHT- She is a METABOLLIC UNDERACHIEVER
She is not TOO SKINNY- She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKE-UP- She has REACHED COSMETIC SATURATION
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME- She COMMITS FRAGRANCE ABUSE
She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS- She is GRAVITY RESISTANT
He is not a BAD DANCER- He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN
He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME- He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS
He is not BALDING- He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION
He is not a CRADDLE ROBBER- He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS
He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK- He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL
He does not act like a TOTAL ASS- He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION
He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG- He has SWINE EMPATHY
He is not AFRAID OF COMMITMENT- He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
