DISCLAIMER: Blame this entire spamfic on the fact that my brain is deep-fried while I'm at work. :P I don't own Ranma ½, although I may claim to in some of my more delirious moments in front of BSR and FileMaker Pro. I know that none of these guys could actually survive working in an office (except for maybe Nabiki), but who cares, this is SPAM! Also, this is in no way meant to be an insult to any of my co-workers. They weren't replaced per their personalities, or my opinion of them, trust me.

A little job clarification may be in order. See, I (and subsequently, they) work in the Development office at a college (for this summer, at least). That's the department that does all the fund raising for the college. The sections of this department (on the floor I work on) are the Vice President of Development's office, Major Gifts (donations of over $500), Planned Giving (self-explanatory), Donor Relations (ditto), and Research (researches parents and alumni to find out how much they can realistically afford to donate to the college). I'm the student worker for Major Gifts and Research, though I occasionally do jobs for Planned Giving. Okay, enough about me, on with the show.

*********************

All seems quiet at first.

In the early morning calm, the brick building seems almost serene, majestic and regal among others of its kind. A faint mist still leaves traces in the air, though, the sun has burned most of it off.

"Where is my coffee?! Sasuke!" The demand sounded throughout the building, making the department's employees cringe.

"Coming, Mr. Kuno!"

A mousy man pushed past two of his co-workers, juggling a pot of the caffeine-infused beverage and a heavy mug on a tray. The other two blinked as he rushed up the stairs ahead of them.

Ranma Saotome, Director of Major Gifts, yawned and took a swig of his sports drink. "Gah, no one should be that awake this early in the morning."

"Baka, you say the same thing every morning!" Akane Tendo, his "Administrative assistant" (translation, secretary) gave him an admonishing glance. "If you don't like getting up, why are you working here?"

He stuck his tongue out at her then nimbly dodged as she swung her purse at him.

"Hey, I could fire you for that. I am your boss, after all." Ranma smirked and dodged another swing. In this manner, the two made their way up the few flights of stairs to their floor, Ranma hopping backwards up the stairs with Akane's purse close behind.

"Ha, only a technicality of office placement!"

"Would you rather be Kuno's?"

"Give it a rest, some of us are trying to get work done, here!" The protest emanated from the office across the hall from the stairwell. Ranma poked his head past the partially closed door and grinned.

"Morning to you, too, Ucchan!"

Ukyou Kuonji, Prospect Reasearcher, replied with a bright smile of her own. "Hey, Ranma-honey, do you think you could get your secretary to turn it down?"

"I am not a secretary!" Akane reached past her supervisor and pushed the door the rest of the way open, surprising Ranma. The pig-tailed man stumbled and managed to avoid a perfect face-plant into the carpet.

"Watch it, I have a meeting today!"

Ukyou shook her head as Ranma rose to his feet and the bickering pair continued down the hall to their department. She turned in her chair and looked out the window for a moment, the sunlight making patterns in the trees next to the building.

"Good Morning, Ukyou-sama."

The researcher groaned internally and turned to her fellow researcher. Her petite co-worker smiled benignly at her from the doorway between their offices.

"Hi, Konatsu." She contained the sigh that threatened to escape. "You know, you really shouldn't call me that, I'm not your supervisor."

"Yes, but you've been here longer, Ukyou-sama." Konatsu held a planner in one manicured hand. "Anyway, I have the itinerary for today."

This time the sigh managed force its way past her lips.

"Okay, let's hear it."

As Konatsu began to list off the days projects, there was a knock at the doorway leading to the hall. The two researchers looked up, Konatsu turning to face the door. They blinked at the sickly looking man standing there.

"What does Kodachi need, this time?" Ukyou asked.

"Well, um, that is, she-" Gosenkugi stopped and handed her a note.

" `A list of all incoming students and their parent's financial status by this afternoon'? That's a bit of a tall order, we aren't even half-way through the first step, yet." She wrote a short note in reply and handed to the nervous little man. "Here. Give this to her and if she has any problems, have her come to me."

Gosenkugi nodded and scurried out of the office, leaving Ukyou and Konatsu to go back to their own work. Confrontations made him nervous.

Two doors down the hall and on the opposite side of the Research office, he reached the door that read `Director of Donor Relations'. Gulping, he carefully opened the door, hoping to sneak the note onto the table next to the door.

"Who dares disturb the Black Rose?"

His hand twitched, and he opened the door enough for him to slip through. The lighting in the room was dim, since Kodachi wasn't expecting anyone until this afternoon. The overall décor was neat and professional, with the odd exception of the vase of black roses in one corner.

"M-miss Kuno?"

Kodachi turned in her chair to look at the strange little man that worked for her. She stared at him in silence for a moment, reveling in the way her gaze made him squirm. After she thought he'd had enough, she steepled her hands in front of her.

"Yes, Hikaru, what is it?"

He inched over to her and handed her the note.

She frowned. "Impudent woman. This will not do." She flipped the little card over and scribbled something. "Here, give my reply to Ms. Kuonji."

He took the note and scrambled out of the office where he was promptly bowled over by a giant panda wheeling a dolly stacked with packages down the hall. The panda looked down at the unconscious young man.

He blinked and pulled out a sign. "Excuse me." After leaving the sign on the boy's comatose form, the panda continued his way down the hall. One of the packages on the dolly cleared its throat and Mr. Panda looked down it.

"Excuse me," a pair of eyes glanced out through two holes in the box. "Have we reached the Research office, yet?"

Another sign. "We just passed it."

"Oops, my stop!" The talking box bounced off the cart, grew arms and legs and ran into Ukyou's office. "Ukyou, darling, I'm here!"

A few seconds later, the box came hurtling out the door to slam against the wall next to the stairwell.

"Get to your own desk, Tsubasa!"

The panda winced and hurried down to the opposite end of the hall, the Planned Giving Office. Once there, he began unloading the packages. A cheerful female voice made him look up.

"Hello, Mr. Saotome. Do you have the pamphlets for Shampoo?" Kasumi smiled serenely at the panda as he held up a sign that answered in the affirmative and handed her a small box from the pile.

"Oh, thank you!"

"My pleasure," the sign read. The "animal" wheeled his dolly back down the hall to the elevator.

Kasumi picked up the rest of the mail from her desk and walked through the doorway behind her station. The sign next to it read "Planned Giving Officer."

"Shampoo, the inserts for the Annual mailing are here." The purple-haired woman in exotic Chinese clothes looked up from her laptop as Kasumi entered. "And we got a letter from Ryouga, too!"

"Hmph, what Lost Boy say? He go to appointments on time for once?" Shampoo stood and retrieved the box from Kasumi as the cheerful woman read the letter out loud.

"To everyone-

Well, I'm in Seattle. The weather is great for this time of year. The address Mr. Karter gave us must be wrong because I couldn't find where he wanted to meet me. I did, however, bump into another alumni while I was here and we had a long talk. After a little persuasion, he agreed to put the college in his will.

I should be back in the office by Friday to make my report. Just in case, though, I've sent my latest trip reports with this letter. Give my regards to Akane.

Later,
Ryouga"

The two turned and looked over to the department's entry way. Stacked off to one side were two large boxes. Mousse, Shampoo's assistant, had already opened the top one and was peering at it through his thick lenses.

"These are dated four months ago."

Kasumi sighed and went to her desk. "Oh my. Well, I guess I'll just have to air out his office again."

Mousse grunted and looked up from the letters, placing his glasses on top of his head. Glancing out the door one last time, his face broke into a grin. "Shampoo my love, you've finally come to your senses-" A familiar foot in his face stopped him from glomping the figure. "Now, why'd you go and do that" He trailed off and feel to the floor.

Ranma shook his head. "Idiot. So, I hear Ryouga can't find his way back to the office again, huh?"

"Ai lan!" Ramna was suddenly in the vice-like grip of his purple-haired co-worker. "Ranma take Shampoo on date tonight, yes?"

"Ack! No, Shampoo, I,umm, I-" He stuttered as he tried to pry her off. "I have an appointment! Yeah, I have to go meet someone. Now, would you please let go?"

Shampoo was about to reply when a shout came from the office behind them.

"SAOTOME! How dare you flirt so openly when you are engaged to the beauteous Akane? And in this sacred temple of commerce no less! I, Tatewaki Kuno, Vice President of this department, will fire you!"

"Hey! It's not what you think--!"

"RANMA!" A mallet came down on the accused's head just as Shampoo let go. "What do think you're doing?!"

Ranma twitched in reply from his position on the floor. Kuno smiled broadly.

"Ah, Akane, my heart soars at the sight of your grace-" WHAM!

"Back off, Kuno."

Ukyou came running down the hall to see what all the commotion was and frowned upon spotting Ranma. "What are doing to my Ranma-honey, sugar?"

"Yes, Violent secretary leave Ai lan alone!" Shampoo retorted.

"I AM NOT A SECRETARY!"

"Shampoo, I'll save you from them!" WHAM!

"Stupid Mousse, Shampoo no need saving!"

"Oh, you will in a minute, hussy."

"Who you call hussy?"

"OHOHOHO! Clearly you are all mistaken if you think Ranma darling cares about any of you."

"Ukyou, darling! I'm the one for you! Charge!" WHAM!

"Take a hint, Tsubasa!"

The girls continued bickering, ignoring the unconscious forms of Kuno, Mousse, Tsubasa, and Ranma. Battle auras raging, the office about to become a war zone, they were halted completely by someone loudly clearing their throat. The four turned to face the person who would dare interrupt them.

Bored eyes met their enraged gaze. "Ladies, ladies, please, this is no way to act in the work place." Nabiki smiled slightly. "Now, why don't we all go and try to get some work done, shall we?"

Grumbling, the girls walked back to their departments, dragging their respective co-workers with them. The office regained its hallowed silence, interrupted only by the sounds of typing and paper-shuffling.

*** Hours later

"How dare you leave the great Tatewaki Kuno lying prone on the floor! For this offense I shall punish you! You're all fi-" CLONK!