importantstuff

Other Randomness...

                                                      Ways to stay insane
1. AT LUNCH TIME, SIT IN YOUR PARKED CARE W/ SUNGLASSES ON AND POINT
   HAIR DRYER AT PASSING CARS......SEE IF THEY SLOW DOWN.
2. PAGE YOURSELF OVER THE INTERCOM........DON'T DISGUISE YOUR VOICE.
3. EVERY TIME SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING, ASK IF THEY WANT FRIES WITH THAT
4. PUT YOUR GARBAGE CAN ON YOUR DESK AND LABEL IT "IN".
5. PUT DECAF IN THE COFFEE MAKER FOR 3 WEEKS. ONCE EVERYONE HAS
   GOTTEN OVER THEIR CAFFEINE ADDICTIONS, SWITCH TO ESPRESSO.
6. FINISH ALL YOUR SENTENCES WITH "IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PROPHECY".
7. DON'T USE ANY PUNCTUATION.
8. AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE, SKIP RATHER THAN WALK.
9. ASK PEOPLE WHAT SEX THEY ARE. LAUGH HYSTERICALLY AFTER THEY ANSWER.
10. SPECIFY THAT YOUR DRIVE-THROUGH ORDER IS "TO GO".
11. SING ALONG AT THE OPERA.
12. GO TO A POETRY RECITAL AND ASK WHY THE POEMS DON'T RHYME.
13. PUT MOSQUITO NETTING AROUNG YOUR WORK AREA. PLAY A TAPE OF JUNGLE     SOUNDS ALL DAY.
14. FIVE DAYS IN ADVANCE, TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU CAN'T ATTEND THEIR
    PARTY BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT IN THE MOOD.
15. WHEN THE MONEY COMES OUT OF THE ATM, SCREAM "I WON!, I WON! 3rd TIME THIS WEEK!!!!"
16. WHEN LEAVING THE ZOO, START RUNNING TOWARDS THE PARKING         LOT,YELLING "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, THEY'RE LOOSE!!!!
17. TELL YOUR CHILDREN OVER DINNER, "DUE TO THE ECONOMY WE ARE     GOING TO hafta let one of you go"

                                                                         SOME OXYMORONS!!!
found missing, Act naturally, Good grief, Almost exactly, Government organization:-), Sanitary landfill, Legally intoxicated, Small crowd, Taped live, Clearly misunderstood, Pretty ugly, Microsoft Works, happily married:-)jk, Exact estimate , Working vacation , Diet ice cream , Twelve-ounce pound cake , Computer security , Synthetic natural gas , Butt head , Living dead, Genuine imitation, Resident alien...

                                                                           HELPFUL TIPS FOR LIFE
1. dont act in any way shape or form french
2. lucky numbers are stupid
3. dont wipe chicken grease on your face, ull get zits
4. eat junk whenever possible
5. brush your teeth, no one likes a filthy mouth:-)
6. give me a 10 bucks
7. and a kiss, unless ur a guy
8. go jump off a cliff
9. to many french everywhere
nope, no 10-12
13.blank
14.running is allways the best option
15.if you dont like me, i dont care
16. eating double cheeseburgers for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and midnight snack will not make you fat
17. peeing ur pants is cool
18.               is not
19. neither is gwen stefani
20. i am not cool either, so there..
21. dont ever work at convenient shops, youll get shot
22. then you can sue
23. underwear..he he he:-)
24. be nice to the ladies ;-)
25. not to the fags;-)
26. if you want better humor, talk to eric brunton
27. sign my guestbook if i have one.
28. smell good, cause you shouldnt smell bad...
30 and up are currently not in exsistence

POEMS
roses are red
violets are blue
go take a shower
you silly little jew

roses are red
violets are blue
i must wipe my butt
to get rid of the poo:-)

roses are red
violets are silver
do what i tell you
or i will eat your liver:-)

Need to know translations
when a french resturaunt, dont say to the waiter, "je voudrais commander la soeur de chefs, avec du fromage sur elle", because you have just ordered the chefs sister with cheese on her...

"ottenga il vostro pitchfork dal mio chilla del mento", means "get ur pitchfork out of my chin chilla" in italian

if you get captured by a mad spanish operator..."por favor quitar su oxidado cuchilla mi bazo", means "please remove ur rusty cleaver from my spleen" in spanish

if you get pulled over by a german cop..."ich wurde von Ihrer Mutter erklärt, daß es keine
Höchstgeschwindigkeiten in Deutschland gab", means.."i was told by your mother that there was no speed limits in germany"

What you need to know in life
Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark...
One:Don't miss the boat.
Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Six: Build your future on high ground. Seven: For safety sake, travel in
pairs.
Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board
with the cheetahs.
Nine: When you're stressed, float a while.
Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
Eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a
rainbow waiting.