Jarbaby's
list
So, here they are, the five famous men that I am
allowed to have sex with if the opportunity arises. We have some changes to
the list from it's last manifestation, one of which I'm sure you will find almost
instantly SHOCKING. If you know any of the list members, please tell them that
I'm waiting, up on the Northside of Chicago, for their delicate ministrations
to my body.
As
always, first in the charts and first in our hearts, the growly, berzerk, musclebound
maniac from Liepzig, Germany...weighing in at 240 lbs, six feet even, Till Lindemann.
I realized on the train this morning that I have loved him for slightly over
3 years. Three years and...about 15 days to be exact. I can't count the first
day I saw him live, because I didn't know his name, and just referred to him
as "the lead singer of rammstein". Of course, looking back on that
now, I just laugh. Because clearly, he's so much more than that.
Interesting Factoids That Contribute To His
Sexiness: Hands down, Till is the best, sexiest smoker I have ever had the
pleasure of watching smoke. My God, it's wonderful. He's an athlete, a swimmer,
a healthy rock star, and a good father. So behind that devilish exterior beats
the heart of a sensitive romantic. Or something like that. I just hope he brings
a whip.
There's
a picture of Doug Weight on the front page of his website that shows him in
a much more "clean cut American boy" light, but I had to put up this
picture as well because he looks a little angry, and man I love hockey. Doug Weight looks like he could throw ya around a little bit, not unlike his predecessor
Till. A few situps wouldn't kill him, but who am I to judge. Hockey players
playing ping pong stirs my loins.
Interesting Factoids That Contribute to His
Sexiness: Hockey hockey hockey. Hockey
is sexy. It's a rebel sport. It's a violent, manly, fast sport. I love hockey.
He also is right up there in the "Jarbaby Theory of Excellence" ratings,
as he is one of the best hockey players around. A trophy boy.
Why
is Kerry Wood so sad in this picture? I think it's obvious: he just found out
that I'm married. Kerry Wood, I hear, is sort of a prick. And someone told me
that with the intention of throwing me off his trail. Baby, don't you know?
I'm all about the arrogant pricks. Besides, he's a nice Texas boy, with a blistering
fast ball. I dig him, and I dig his coach Oscar, too. A three way with the Cubs
pitching staff is something I'm considering for the offseason.
Interesting Factoids That Contribute to His
Sexiness: Mainly, it's his relative non-sexiness
to everyone else. I feel like I'm the only one in love with Kerry Wood, so it's
like I've got a little boy to myself, she said, wringing her hands. Give me
two hours in a hotel with Woody. I will screw him UP.
At
the Bears/Vikings game last week, the announcer said "Bennett is brought
down by URLACHER". And I turned to my friend and said, "I'd like to
be brought down by Urlacher", and she rolled her eyes.
Interesting Factoids That Contribute To His
Sexiness: Once again, the Jarbaby Theory
of Excellence. Rookie of the year, nice attitude, good boy, well loved by the
city. He's also got that classic, barbed wire tattoo on his bulging, rippling
bicep. AND he likes baseball, AND he's a Cubs fan. I'm just staring at his picture
after every word I type. He may move up in the ranks sooner than I thought.
Let's see how Dougie does this season.
Mary
Magdalene in a Miata, is Hugh Jackman hot. Real hot. White hot. He always ends
up at the bottom of the list though because 1) he's so rarely in the public
eye these days and 2) he's got that goofy Australian accent (sorry dpr). He
also sometimes strikes me as a little too...nice or clean cut or something.
I mean, look at the life of TIll Lindeman and then glance down here and nice,
married, sensible shoes Jackman. I don't know. It's a toss up.
Interesting Factoids That Contribute To HIs
Sexiness: He played f-ing Wolverine for
the love of Christ. The sexiest superhero in the world.
So what have we learned? Indeed, Gary Sinise has
fallen from the face of the list. Why? I haven't seen him around lately. Jason
Behr also fell from good graces, now that Roswell is sort of defunct (UPN isn't
a real network). But as always, Till remains at the top (and I remain beneath
him...grwowwwl).
Boy oh boy...my husband sure puts up with a lot,
doesn't he?
back
to front
mail
As
always, first in the charts and first in our hearts, the growly, berzerk, musclebound
maniac from Liepzig, Germany...weighing in at 240 lbs, six feet even, Till Lindemann.
I realized on the train this morning that I have loved him for slightly over
3 years. Three years and...about 15 days to be exact. I can't count the first
day I saw him live, because I didn't know his name, and just referred to him
as "the lead singer of rammstein". Of course, looking back on that
now, I just laugh. Because clearly, he's so much more than that.
There's
a picture of Doug Weight on the front page of his website that shows him in
a much more "clean cut American boy" light, but I had to put up this
picture as well because he looks a little angry, and man I love hockey. Doug Weight looks like he could throw ya around a little bit, not unlike his predecessor
Till. A few situps wouldn't kill him, but who am I to judge. Hockey players
playing ping pong stirs my loins.