Goodbye To You

Of all the things
I've believed in
I just want to
Get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days
That pass me by

On some level, Carly knew that sitting alone on the docks in the middle of the night was not a good idea. Unfortunately, she really didn’t care at the moment. She sat there, overlooking the water like she had a million other times trying to pinpoint what it was exactly that she was feeling.

Hurt.

Anger.

Betrayal.

Hurt.

Gut wrenching hurt.

She wiped another tear away from her cheek angrily. She would not cry over this. But the tears refused to listen.

She bit her bottom lip and waited for him to come. She knew him so well. At least she thought she did. There it was again. That quick stab of pain.

Everyone always leaves me.

Why was she so surprised? Bobbie. Her adopted father. Tony. Jason. Sonny. Jason. Jason again. Supposedly for the last time.

She wanted to hurt him. Make him feel what she was feeling now. Another tear.

God, why did it hurt so much?

She continued to practice her speech in her head. What would she say to him?

You’re such an asshole. Who do you think you are? Were you even planning on telling me or were you just gonna make like last time and leave without a goodbye?

She shook her head. No. She didn’t like that -- too screechy.

I thought that after all these years as friends; I’d warrant being on the list of people who you told you were leaving. I mean is there anybody in Port Charles who doesn’t know?

Or maybe –

You were the one person that never lied to me, Jason. I think that’s what hurts the most.

Her eyes misted over, but she blinked them back, this time not allowing the tears to come. She briefly wondered if he’d show up.

What if he already left? No. No, Luke said that he was leaving tonight. He’d have to go through the docks to get to Jake’s. Unless he was on his bike.

Fear shot through her. He’d be on his bike when he left.

Shit. She froze silently and it wasn’t due to doubt. He’s here.

He was there. Watching her. She sensed him come up behind her, but she didn’t look back at him. Kept her eyes trained on the water in front of her as she replayed her speech in her head again.

Jason, you’re an asshole. I hate you and . . . . please God don’t leave me again. I love you. I need you. Take me with you.

“Carly,” he gently sighed.

She squeezed her eyes shut. No. He doesn’t deserve to be groveled at. He should be the one doing the groveling.

Jason. Asshole. Leaving. Should have told me. Thought I meant more to you. Fuck off. Have a nice life. Bye.

Yes. That’s what she would say. Nice, direct, and to the point. And most importantly – no tears. Too many tears spilled for him, over him, with him. No.

Say your peace, Carly. Make him feel like the asshole he is and leave. No more, no less and don’t look at him. No looking. That would be bad.

She crossed her arms over her chest. She willed herself not to cry in front of him. But the tears stubbornly fell again.

“I’ve been waiting for you,” she told him softly, still not looking back in his direction. He wasn’t expecting her. She had caught him off guard.

Good.

“So,” she began in a false cheery tone. “What’s up?” She finally looked back at him, not making eye contact. She saw him tense and shove his hands in his coat pockets. “I mean I haven’t seen you for what? A week now?” she asked causally. “A lot can happen in a week . . . for example, the new club is opening at the end of the month. Did I tell you that? Oh and my divorce. It was finalized on Wednesday. Great news, huh? So what’s new with you, Jase?”

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

He sighed deeply and made his way towards her. When he sat down next to her on the bench, she got up and walked to the edge of the dock. She didn’t have to look back at him to know that he was either shaking his head or pinching the bridge of his nose. Those were Jason’s ‘why me?’ gestures.

“Who told you?” he finally asked her softly.

She grunted in irritation and shook her head. “Tell me what, Jason? That my best friend was leaving town and didn’t even bother to tell me? That or the fact that you’ve known for more than three weeks and didn’t think it was important enough for me to know.”

“Carly—”

“No, I don’t care. You have no idea what that felt like. And to find out from Luke of all people on top of it. Were you ever planning on telling me? Or were you just gonna send a postcard?”

“You don’t--,” he began again.

"No!” she snapped. “Three weeks, Jason. You’ve known for three weeks that you were leaving Port Charles and not one word. Actually you said a lot. Just not to me.”

“Carly, you know I love you.”

“Shut up!'' she yelled and finally turned around to face him. ''You say all the pretty words, Jason. You love me. You respect me. You’re happy I’m in your life. Is this how you show that? By leaving me again without a word?”

“It's not . . .”

“No. I don’t care what your excuse is. I thought you cared about me. I thought I was your best friend,” her voice cracked and more tears fell. “Turns out I’ve never been more wrong in my life.”

She sniffed somberly and raised her head high as she wiped away the last stray tear.

“Goodbye, Jason. Have a nice life.”

She quickly ascended the stairs and turned back to face him. “See, it’s not so hard is it?” she asked softly and rounded the corner never looking back.

Four months later
Port Charles, New York

"Come on, baby, we can go upstairs, grab a room just you and me . . ."

The cell phone ringing in his coat pocket put a halt to his attempts to seduce the young waitress.

"Get lost sweetheart," he muttered as he reached for his phone.

She flipped him off and walked away from him with a flip of her hair. He groaned as his eyes focused on her retreating ass.

"Yeah?" he sighed angrily into the phone not bothering to check the number of the caller.

"Is there a problem, Derek?" the voice on the other side of the line asked calmly.

Derek’s blood ran cold when he realized who it was. "No, sir, Mr. Morgan, everything's fine."

"You sure?"

"Y-yes sir."

"Good . . . If I find out again that you spend your time trying to find someone to fuck instead of watching who you're supposed to be watching . . ."

"No, sir," he interrupted. "It w-won't happen again."

"Good."

The dead air coming from the other line caused Derek to breathe deep. He made his way back into the club and searched for his assigned ward. He found the blonde woman behind the bar, pouring a drink for a customer.

He sighed in relief and stood out of her line of vision. Sometimes he really hated his job.

Two weeks later
Honolulu, Hawaii

"How is she?"

“Do you want me to tell you the truth or what you want to hear?”

“What do you think, Manny?”

“She’s happy, Jason. Really happy. She met this guy, everything checked out clean on him. She and Michael have moved on.”

Jason nodded his head slowly and took a deep breath. He finally raised his head and looked at his friend sadly.

“How’s she really doing?”

“Same as two weeks ago, Jase. She’s miserable. She spends all of her time at the club and every minute she’s not there, she’s with Michael. She doesn't go out otherwise. She puts up a front for Luke and Bobbie, but they know . . .”

“Stop,” Jason sighed.

“This is what you wanted, right?” Manny asked. “You left so she wouldn’t get any false hopes. So she wouldn’t think the two of you had a chance again. So--”

“Shut up, Manny.” He ran his hands through his hair and down his face. “Just . . . shut up.”

Four days later
Port Charles, New York

Carly stood behind the large mahogany bar, pouring a drink as she chatted with one of her regulars. With her perfected plastic smile plastered on her face she sat the drink in front of the man and gave her best winning laugh when he chuckled at his own joke.

She really hated her job sometimes.

Night after night it was the same thing. Talk, smile, laugh, talk, smile, laugh. When all she felt inside was emptiness. She shook her head and steeled herself. She shouldn’t feel this way. She should be happy. Excited. Everything except miserable. She was free from her doomed marriage. Her son was healthy and happy. She had a brand new successful club.

And she missed her best friend like there was no tomorrow.

She’d give anything to see him again. To let him know that she was still pissed at him, but that she would always love him. It had been almost five months and not once had she tried to contact him or vice versa. It was a clean break, she should be happy. But she wasn’t.

She just wanted to know that he was alive, safe, happy.

She smiled at the customer and walked away before the first tear fell. She hated herself for reacting this way. She should be glad that he was gone because he hurt her so much. Happy that she had the final word in their otherwise fucked relationship.

She walked into the back office and took in a steadying breath. She wasn't surprised to feel the tears falling down her face.

Bastard.

She missed him like no tomorrow and she absolutely hated him for that. She resigned herself a long time ago to the fact that she would love him for the rest of her life.

She sat down on one of the chairs and sighed, wiping the tears away. Jason would always hold her heart in his hands and she didn't want it back. If she took it back it meant that she would never see him again.

She stood from her chair and made her way to the small window taking in a breath of the evening air. A familiar shiver went down her spine and she had to fight back the hope that she suddenly felt. Her office door swung open, but she didn't dare turn around for fear that she was dreaming.

"Carly."

She hung her head and tried to fight the urge to run into his arms. She continued to stare out the window instead.

Would this be hello or goodbye? She didn't know and honestly didn't care. She just wanted to see her best friend again and she had a feeling that he did as well. She finally turned around to face him and her heart flipped in her chest.

"Hi, Jase."

She smiled despite herself and his eyes sparkled in return. And in that moment they both knew.

He was finally home to stay.

Authors note: Sorry folks, but this is where it ends. lol. I really wanted this one to be left open ended. As is the case with a few of my other stories, this one was based on true events that happened to me. I hope you enjoyed it because this one is really close to my heart.

Back to my Jason & Carly Fanfic