~ I Shall Believe ~

Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe

Carly sagged against the hotel door behind her and laid her head in her hands. How did her life get to this point? Everything had happened so quickly and in such a short amount of time. The bomb, her plan, Sonny leaving, being held hostage, and on and on. She smirked proudly at herself, a lesser person would be in Ferncliff at this point. How's that for trying to stay positive.

She had just left Sonny and had begged him for what seemed to be the millionth time for him to forgive her so that they could move forward. He wouldn't budge. It's not like this was the first time she fucked up and God knows it wouldn't be the last. Why didn't he get that? That was the catch, she knew she fucked up. She panicked, end of story. Granted it was probably the biggest fuck up of her life, but it wasn't meant to be malicious. Check that, there was one bigger fuck up that she'd regret for the rest of her life and it didn't compare to this one. She shook her head quickly, trying to rid the thought from her head.

"Don't go there, Caroline," she told herself.

Her concentration fell to her mother. Bobbie's big mouth hadn't helped matters either to say the least. Pregnant? No, she knew better. No matter how much she tried to convince herself, she knew she wasn't pregnant. She remembered how she felt when she was pregnant with Michael. No, this was just her grasping at straws trying to save her failing marriage. She began to laugh humorlessly. Why? Why was she fighting so hard to save a marriage that was doomed from the beginning? It had been a long time since she had fought this hard for something. Not since Jason.

Jason. Her laughing morphed into choked dry sobs. If she were honest with herself that's why she was holding onto Sonny so tightly. She didn't think she could lose her last connection to Jason.

"God, what I wouldn't give for you to be here with me, Jase," she cried sadly.

The tears began to fall silently from her closed eyelids as she leaned her head against the door. She was completely and utterly alone. Her son was a million miles away because she was afraid of what might happen to him if she were to bring him home. Her hus-- Sonny would have nothing to do with her. She ordered her mother out of her life for what seemed to be the thousandth time. And her best friend was gone. Left without a goodbye. Again.

"God, I hate you for that, Jason," she said angrily. "You promised you wouldn't do that to me again and you did," she snapped her fingers, "just like that."

In the long run it was probably better that way. She didn't have to degrade herself and throw herself at his feet begging him to stay. But why would he stay? It certainly wouldn't have been for her. Maybe little Lizzie Webber, but not her. She shook her head slowly. She would never understand what he saw in that little twit.

"Bastard," she hissed through her teeth.

She began to angrily wipe away the tears with her palms. She would not cry because of him. At least not today and not right now. She shook her head again and finally opened her eyes. The empty impersonal hotel room greeted her in kind.

"Home sweet home," she muttered.

Why was she even here? Obviously the penthouse was unliveable, but even if it were she wouldn’t want to go back there. It wasn’t her home anymore. The Brownstone? No, she really didn’t want to be around Bobbie at the moment. Jake's? She sucked in a breath. No, too many memories there. Happy memories, wonderful memories, delicious memories, but they were painful memories at the same time. There would be too many 'what ifs' and 'if onlys' circling her head if she stayed there. There was nowhere else to go.

She contemplated that for a few seconds.

"Fuck this," she muttered.

She got up from the floor and headed towards the bedroom. She pulled her suitcase from the closet and threw it on the bed as she began to unzip it. She went back to the closet and began to pull her clothes from the hangers.

"Fuck all this shit," she said angrily.

She went to the dresser and grabbed her clothes from there as well. Why the hell was she staying there? Why was she still in Port Charles, period? Her marriage was over and she really didn't feel like fighting Sonny anymore.

"It's his fucking loss anyways," she cursed loudly.

Her and Bobbie constantly fought. She loved her mother, but she lived without her for over twenty years, so she knew she could do it again. On top of it all, her son wasn't even in the same damn country as her! The fact that her idiot of an ex-husband was breathing down her neck threatening to sue her for custody of Michael was one of the reasons why he was away. She'd chop off AJ's dick before that would happen. So who was left to keep her from staying?

Absofuckinglutely no one.

She finished throwing the clothes in her suitcase and began to search for her purse. She'd stop by the bank and withdraw all of the cash she had been hoarding. Stupid was definitely one quality that no one could accuse Caroline Benson of being. She knew she had a nice chunk of change waiting for her. Sonny didn’t know about the account and neither did her mother, no one did. Jason was the only one who knew and that was because he set it up for her. She'd leave for Martinique, get her son and leave for some unknown destination. It didn't matter where as long as it wasn't Port Charles.

She entered back into the living room. "Where the fuck did I live my purse?" she muttered.

She spotted it on the floor and bent over to pick it up. As she did the contents spilled out and scattered across the carpet.

"Damnit!"

She took in a deep breath to calm herself and crouched down to pick up the items. One by one she threw them back into her bag. She reached for the last article and her hand froze as she realized what it was. It was a picture of her, Michael, and Jason. Her family. She sat back on the floor and stared at the photo. How did things get so messed up? She shook her head slowly and brought the picture to her lips and kissed it lightly.

"Goodbye," she whispered.

Carly stood up and walked over to the trashcan. She lowered her hand as she gripped the picture tightly. She couldn’t do it. She took a deep breath and stuffed the picture back in her purse. She began to walk back to the bedroom, but the light knocking at the door changed her direction. She didn't bother to look through the peephole and threw the door open.

"What?!" she shouted impatiently. Her eyes widened and her purse hit the floor as the contents once again spilled out.

"Jason?" she said quietly. Were her eyes deceiving her? Was it really him?

He smiled gently at her. "Hey, Carly."

Yeah, it was him all right. She crossed her arms over her chest. "What do you want, Jase? Sonny send you?"

He shook his head. "You gonna let me in or what?"

She looked at him for a few seconds and stepped out of his way. She tried to keep the cold look on her face, but it was hard to do so considering that her heart was pounding like crazy in her chest. She could swear that he'd be able to hear it, it was so loud. She slammed the door shut with her foot and stared at him as her arms tightened across her chest. It was a downright defensive posture and she knew it.

"Sonny send you?" she repeated.

He tilted his head to the side, as he looked her over. She'd been crying and she was trying to be tough, but he knew she was falling apart inside.

He shook his head. "No one sent me, Carly. I'm here because I want to be here."

"Right and I'm supposed to believe that because?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "How about because you're my best friend."

She didn't argue that. "If you're here to yell at me, don't bother. I've already had my fill for two lifetimes."

"Why would I yell at you?" he asked sincerely.

She looked at him and for the first time took in his appearance. His hair was slightly blonder and he had a rich brown tan that made his impossibly blue eyes seem even bluer. He looked beautiful. Her gaze fell to the ground and she noticed the contents of her purse splayed across the carpet.

"I don't think you'll want to be my friend after you find out what I did," she said sadly.

Jason closed the distance between them and stood in front of her. Her gaze was set on the floor and she wouldn't look him in the eye. He lifted her chin with his index finger and their eyes locked.

"I'll always be your friend, Carly, no matter what." He began to stroke her cheek. "But if you're talking about your recent 'plan'," he grinned, "I already know."

Her eyes began to water. Not because she was glad he knew, but because she saw no sign of hatred or disgust in his eyes. She couldn't help it and launched herself into his arms. He held her tightly and sank his head into the crook of her neck.

A perfect fit, just as always.

She pulled back slightly and put a hand to her forehead. "God, I missed you," she whispered.

"I missed you too," he said quietly.

She completely pulled back from him and punched him hard on the arm. "Don’t you ever fucking leave again without saying goodbye to me again you asshole!"

"It's good to see you too, Carly," he answered sarcastically.

"Don't you even dare laugh, Morgan because you're ass is grass."

He raised an eyebrow at that. "Glad to see your sense of humor is still working."

She smirked at him. "So," she began. "Who told you? Sonny?"

He lost his smile and raked a hand through his hair. He sat down on the couch and Carly followed. "I haven't heard from Sonny in months. We stopped talking and I've been keeping tabs through another source."

"Johnny," Carly said simply.

He looked at her curiously. "Yeah. But I've been out of touch for the past month or so. No one had a way of contacting me until I had some stuff settled, but as soon as I found out I came."

"You know about Emily?"

He nodded slowly. "I stopped off at the clinic first."

She tilted her head to the side. "I thought no one knew where she was." He opened his mouth to respond but she held up her hand. "Never mind."

They stayed silent for a few moments.

"Jase," she began.

"Don't," he cut her off. "It's okay."

"You believe me?"

He tilted his head to the side and looked at her questionably. "Why wouldn't I?"

She closed her eyes and realized yet again that she was with the wrong man.

"You got scared, Carly. You shouldn't have to apologize for that." He cleared his throat. "Listen, Sonny doesn't know I'm here and I want it to stay that way. Our relationship is pretty much finished and this was the last blow. I came here because I know you, Carly. And if you need my help, I'm here."

She shook her head sadly. "I don't want you to bail me out anymore, Jason. You shouldn’t have to come running every time I fuck up. That's no life for either one of us."

He looked at her and he knew she was being completely honest. He took in a deep breath and grew serious. "You're right about that."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "What?"

"This is the last time I offer to bail you out."

"What do you mean? Jason, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. It's just -- That's the other reason I'm here. I came to say goodbye. There's not going to be a next time, this is it, Carly."

She nodded slowly registering what he was saying. She cleared her throat and bit her bottom lip. "Well it's a good thing you stopped by today then."

"Why's that?"

She stood from the couch and motioned for him to follow her into the bedroom. He did and as he entered the room, he saw the packed suitcase sitting on her bed.

"Going somewhere?"

"Yeah, to get Michael and then we're taking off."

Jason tried to hide the hurt, but Carly noticed the brief flicker of regret in his eyes.

"Where you headed after that?"

"I don't know," she answered honestly.

Jason shook his head as he began to walk back into the living room and finally noticed Carly's things splattered across the ground. He crouched down and began to pick them up, fighting the lump out of his throat. He froze when he saw the picture of them -- his family. He began to stand, but his eyes never left the photo. He had the thing memorized because he carried a copy wherever he went.

"You still have this?" he asked slightly surprised as his eyes traveled back to her.

"Of course I do, Jason. I told you that you'd always be Michael's father no matter what."

"What about, Sonny?"

"What about him?" she asked angrily. "Don’t you even dare try to talk me into staying to be with him. You did that once when you convinced me to marry him, but it's not gonna fly this time, Jase."

"I thought you loved him, Carly," he said quietly.

She shook her head sadly. "No, I don't. I thought I did, I convinced myself I did, and I let other people convince me that I did. But I was lying to myself. There's only one man I'm in love with and it's not Sonny. The pathetic thing is that this guy -- This guy I'm in love with, he doesn't love me back."

"Stupid man," he said.

"Yeah, he is," she agreed.

"Do I know this guy?"

She smiled sadly. "Yeah . . . it's you."

He shook his head at her. "Can't be."

"Why do you say that?" she asked.

"First of all, I'm not stupid and second, this guy is in love with you."

She looked at him in shock. "What did you say?"

He cleared his throat and placed his hands on his hips. "I love you, Carly. I'm in love with you."

She blinked rapidly and placed a hand to her head. "You're in love with me? Since when?"

"I don't know when it happened, Carly. All I know is that it's true. I planned on coming back here before this happened to tell you."

"Why?"

"To give you a choice. I realized that I really didn't give you that option last year and that was wrong of me. I gave the choice to Sonny, but it should have been yours."

"So you're giving me an ultimatum? What if this-- this thing with Sonny never happened?"

"I would still be here. You have to choose, Carly. Him or me because I don’t plan on coming back here and I can't watch you be with another man."

She nodded thoughtfully. "You realize what you're saying, right? You can't back out of this, Jason. I'm giving you an out right now and it's the only one I'm gonna give you."

"I don't want an out, Carly. I only want you."

He closed the distance between them and brushed back a tear that had fallen from her cheek with his thumb. "You're an asshole," she whispered.

"Does that mean you don’t want me?" he asked with a smirk.

"It means," she shook her head, speechless.

Jason grabbed her face in his hands and kissed her hungrily. Her arms snaked around his neck and she kissed him just as passionately. They pulled apart and she smiled lovingly at him.

"It means," she laughed softly. "It means let's go get our son," she finished.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One Year Later . . .

"Michael!" Carly called from the bottom of the stairs. "Michael, I'm serious, if you're not down here by the time I count to five, you're in trouble mister. 1 . . . 2 . . ."

The little boy sprinted down the stairs before she hit 3. "Morning, Mommy," he said happily as he hugged her legs. "Is he back?"

"No," she said with a smile as she ruffled his hair. "Now go eat."

He sulked into the kitchen and Carly shook her head as she laughed. "That's not gonna work, sweetie."

She began to follow him, but the loud pounding at the door stopped her in her tracks. Her heart began to skip and a lump formed in her throat.

"It's him!" Michael shouted as he flung open the door. "Johnny!" Michael shouted happily.

Johnny picked him up and gave him a hug. "Hey there, kiddo. Giving Mommy a hard time?" Michael nodded his head proudly. "Good boy."

He put Michael back on the floor and walked over to where Carly was still frozen in place. "Hey, Carly," he smiled at her.

She flung her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. "Thank god!" She pulled back from his embrace and her eyes shifted back to the door. Nothing. She glanced at Johnny. Nothing. Carly began to walk towards the door and as she was about to walk over the threshold, a pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist. She squealed in delight and began to laugh as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Thank god your home," she said happily.

He pulled his head away from the crook of her neck and looked into her eyes. "It's good to be home." He kissed her lightly and she deepened the kiss, sliding her tongue into his mouth. They pulled back, both with smiles on their faces. She let go of his neck and took a step back away from him. She smiled sweetly at him and then punched him hard in the middle of his chest. He sucked in a deep breath and rubbed the spot where she hit him.

"Fuck, Carly, that hurt," he muttered. "You teach her that?" he asked Johnny with a glare.

"Hey, you're the one that said it'd be a good idea."

He looked back at Carly. She had her hands placed at her hips and she was fuming. "Carly--"

"Don’t. I don't want to here it. I'm glad you're home, because now I can kill you myself."

"Daddy!" Michael screamed as he ran into his arms.

"Hey, buddy," he said softly as he picked him up. "You been keeping your mom busy?"

"Yep!"

"Good boy." He kissed his head and squeezed him tight again. "Did you eat breakfast?"

"Not yet."

"Okay, go eat and I'll join you in a little bit."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"I love you, daddy."

"I love you too, buddy."

He set him down and watched as Michael ran into the kitchen.

"I think I'll join him," Johnny said as he followed him. "Michael, save me some Cap'n Crunch."

Carly folded her arms across her chest, still beyond angry.

"I'm sorry," he simply said.

"Fuck you!" she shouted. "You said you wouldn't leave without saying goodbye again, you asshole."

"I left a note."

"You're such a prick, Jason Morgan!"

"Yeah, I know," he smirked.

Carly plopped down on the couch and began to play with a throw pillow.

Jason rubbed the back of his neck as he watched her. "I am sorry, Carly, but I didn't want to wake you up and worry you."

"You've been gone for two days, Jason. I don't want to hear it."

"Carly, we had to leave right then and there. You know I'd never leave you like that if I had a choice, right?" He sat next to her and took her hand. "Forgive me?"

"I'll think about it," she muttered, already feeling her anger disappear.

He began to kiss her neck. "How about now?"

"Just a little," she said as she bit her lip.

He kissed her lips lightly. "Now?"

"Now."

They began to kiss again and he laid her back on the couch as his body covered hers. "I missed you," he whispered as he pulled back from her slightly.

"I missed you too," she whispered back.

He began to undo the button of her jeans while kissing her neck.

"Wait!" Carly said as she steadied his hand.

Jason groaned loudly. "If this is your idea of payback, it's cruel."

"No, it's not," she laughed. She got up and stood in front of him.

Jason propped himself up with his elbow and stared at her curiously. "Carly, what's up?"

"I have something to tell you," she said seriously. "I was gonna tell you two days ago, but you know you did that whole leaving thing."

He sat up completely and continued to stare at her. "Carly, you OK?"

"Shhh," she silenced him. She kneeled in front of him and placed her hands on his knees. "Jason," she smiled brightly at him. "I'm pregnant."

His mouth fell open and a large lump formed in his throat. "Pregnant?" he whispered. Carly nodded happily. "Pregnant," he said again. He began to smile and helped Carly to her feet. He hugged her tightly and lifted her off the ground.

She began to laugh softly. "Congratulations, daddy."

He set her back on the floor and gently took her face in his hands as he stroked her cheeks with his thumbs. "God, I love you," he said happily.

"I know," she laughed.

Jason & Carly Fanfic