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This is just a quick one-shot story. I was possessed last night at 3:00am and I couldn't stop writing. Placed somewhere in the recent past, say late December '05 or early January '06, I'm guesstimating here. You really don’t need to know current storyline goings-ons except maybe that Jason lost his memory (again) a bit ago, but then regained it. Jason's involved with Sam and; Carly is currently single (shocker I know!). This is something different for me and I really like how it came out. Jason POV. Enjoy!
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He wants to hate her.
He wants to hate it when she comes to him for help or advice or a shoulder to cry on. He wants to forget that she exists. But that thought is as painful as anything he could imagine.
She brings chaos to his world. He wants his world to be simple. He wants to know that when he asks someone to do something, they'll follow through. He doesn't want that person to follow him or fight him and put their own life at risk. It would be just one more thing to worry about.
He wants to hate her.
When she defends him to others, it internally brings a smile to his face because he knows that she will never back down. He knows that she would fight for him until her last breath.
When she's in trouble, it's always him that she goes to. When she's in pain, it's always him. No one can comfort her the way she needs. No one understands her the way she needs. Only him.
She is unpredictable. Insane. And dangerous to his heart.
He wants to deny his feelings for her and so he latches onto another relationship where he can pretend to be content. Pretend that she is everything he has ever wanted or needed. But there is only one person that he can honestly say owns that title.
He wants to hate her.
He can feel her watching him and Sam from across the Metrocourt restaurant. He wants to tell her again that she needs to move on from Sonny. From Alcazar. But he knows that she will do whatever she wants to do. She always does and always will. Half of him wonders if he asked her to move on from him, what her response would be. The other half already knows that she would never retreat.
Because even though there is a Sonny and an Alcazar, he knows that she would lay down her life for him. And she knows that he would do the same for her in a heartbeat.
He wants to hate her.
He wants to show her how he feels, but he can't. He can count the number of times he's been afraid in his short life and most of those moments revolve around her. The truth of the matter is that she scares the hell out of him. He can't expose his heart to her again and have her destroy it. It nearly killed him the first time.
When Sam leaves him with a quick kiss to the cheek, Carly shoots hateful daggers into her retreating back. After all these years and she still thinks that she has a claim on him. He tilts his head to the side at that thought. She did possess him. She possessed his heart, but he knows that he cannot say the same. He may own part of her heart, but not all.
He wants to hate her.
He catches her gaze and watches as she walks over to his table. She seats herself down in the newly empty chair and he listens as she rambles on about Sam and her never-ending questions on why she left him alone to finish dinner.
He wants to shut her up. He wants to pull her into his arms and kiss the breath out of her. His hand twitches on his lap at that thought.
He wants to hate her.
His eyes bore into hers and she doesn't break the stare.
He would kill for this woman. He would die for her.
She continues to bring chaos to his world.
Her elbow is propped up on the table, her chin resting in the palm of her hand. He studies her face and quickly looks away. He has her face ingrained into his memory. She is still beautiful. She is still the same woman he met in a smoky bar all those years ago. He briefly reflects on that time. No names and sex. Back when life was simpler. Easier.
When he lost his memory of her, he knows how much it hurt her. He knows because she told him. Because he saw it in her eyes. When his memories began to return, it was her that he first remembered clearly. He knows why that was. Because she has had the biggest impact on his life. Because she loved him. Fought for him. Fought with him. He remembers the joy on her face and in her eyes when he told her that he remembered her.
They have both changed over the years. For the better and the worse. But their feelings for one another and their deep impenetrable friendship is one that will never end. It has only continued to grow stronger by each passing day. She is as constant as the air he breathes.
He wants to hate her.
She smiles at him and he can't help but smile back. She owns his heart and he wants to tell her that he wants it back, but it would be a lie.
He takes one last bite of his steak and rests his hand across the small dinner table. She stares at it for a moment and then reaches over and entangles her fingers with his.
He wants to tell her to leave, but his fingers clutch hers tightly at that thought. He can't say it because it would be a lie.
He wants to hate her.
His world would be so much easier if he didn't care about her, but it would be that much more less and empty at the same time. She has hurt him. More than she knows. More than he's ever been willing to admit. But he knows that he has hurt her as well.
Again their eyes bore into one another, no words spoken but it's as intimate a moment as possible.
"I love you, Jase," she finally whispers to him with as much seriousness he's seen or heard from her in the time he's known her.
He nods his head slightly, letting her words drift and settle around him. And it's as if the space between them has seemingly grown smaller, although neither of them has moved an inch.
"I love you too, Carly," he finally voices back.
Her eyes light up and a spark of something deep tells him that it's because of what he said.
He wants to hate her.
But he knows that is a lie.
To hate her would be impossible.
Because he loves her.
And he always will.
Back to my Jason & Carly Fanfic
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