Title: What You're Missing
Author: jat_sapphire
Address: jat_sapphire@yahoo.com
Codes: K/S, G
Summary: Bit of fluff (think Valentine's Day). Kirk thinks over what he and Spock don't (yet) have.
Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and Kirk and Spock. This is just the child of my own brain, not meant to infringe and definitely not profitable.
Archive: This story (or whatever it is) was exclusive to The Neutral Zine until the next issue went up; now it's just here and in the NZ archive. Thanks to everybody whose UST stories I've enjoyed. This hasn't been beta-read.
What You're Missing
I know we're best friends already, but you're missing something. You don't realize how much deeper this could be, if we shared everything I wish I could share with you.
I know we've been together on vacation, and you've seen me come back from some wilder shore leaves and raised an eyebrow over me, but you're missing something. You don't know how very good it feels to let go, really let go. It's not a helpless feeling. It's powerful. I could show you. I know I could.
I know you've touched my face, and my arms through my uniform, but you're missing something. You don't know how the rest of my skin feels. I lie in my bed and touch it myself and just imagine how it would feel to you. How the rougher parts would feel soft after all and the smooth parts would rasp against your skin, and how much we can feel just from that if we try.
I know we've occasionally slept in the same room, but you're missing something. You don't know what it's like to wake up in the same bed, to watch someone sleep with his head on your shoulder, to feel their hair spread out on your skin and their breath brush past you again and again. I don't think you've even looked at me when I'm asleep, though I did catch you asleep once and I couldn't look enough. I woke you, just looking. I don't know if you even remember.
I know we've smiled into each other's eyes, but you're missing something, because you always turn away too quickly. You don't know what it's like to be lost in someone else's gaze, to feel like you're falling or flying, to feel touched when we're still across the room from each other. Sometimes, sometimes I feel it start but you always stop it.
Spock, what you're missing! Our whole lives, it feels like.
And the worst part is, I have to miss it too.
I really miss it.
**end**