Late-night comics make him the butt of jokes
By Verne Gay--Newsday
December 17, 2003
Well, no. Not at all. Not in this universe or any other universe.
And then, just like that, we had to amend this judgement. There he was Sunday: mouth open, very bad hair and a beard that appeared to house a colony of rodents. And the hole. Oh, that hole. Just priceless.
Suddenly, Saddam was one funny guy. "America's most wanted groundhog," declared Jay Leno at the outset of Monday's "Tonight Show." "The Daily Show" caption under a photo of the deposed Iraqi strongman: "Bad Santa." Declared Jimmy Kimmel: "A perfect college roommate...except for the head lice." And yes, of course, David Letterman: "He had been driving around Tikrit in an old yellow cab, and I'm thinking, why didn't he just come to New York City?"
And so it went. Monday was open season on Saddam, and now the question: Why?
"When the news shows make you gasp, the late-night shows help you exhale," says Matthew Felling, media director of the Center for Media and Public Affairs. "The late-night talk shows are part of American culture's news digestion process."
"The reason Saddam is funny is because he is the most notorious criminal on the whole planet, and yet when we finally caught up with him, he looked like Jerry Garcia after a weeklong bender," explains Todd Yasui, executive producer of "The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn."
And, as Rob Corddry, "senior Middle East correspondent" for "The Daily Show" with Jon Stewart reported Monday night, "After months and months of searching, we've finally got the guy who had nothing to do with Sept. 11."
JAY LENO
I'm sure you know by now, he was captured in a hole under a farmhouse. Apparently he was doing the Iraqi version of "The Simple Life."
In fact, when they found him in that hole, Dick Cheney wanted to know, "How deep was the hole?" And, "Was there any oil in it?"
They showed video of Hussein being inspected by a doctor. And then they took a DNA sample from him. Which had to be humiliating. One day you're president of the country, the next day you're being forced to give a DNA sample. And [Bill] Clinton said, "Tell me about it."
At the time of his capture, he had $750,000 in cash on him. They think he may have been trying to buy three gallons of gas from Halliburton.
Even though he had a couple guns on him, he didn't struggle. ... He gave no resistance at all. Even Glen Campbell put up a bigger fight when he got arrested.
JON STEWART
He's nine months on the run and the best thing he could come up with to stay ahead of us was... [a] beard.
They checked him for lice and proclaimed him a member of the need-a-Baath party.
CRAIG KILBORN
The capture of Saddam Hussein is the big news. After the capture, President Bush said those two words that Californians fear the most, "Fair trial."
They gave Saddam a full medical exam after he was caught. How does it feel to know he got a flu shot before you?
DAVID LETTERMAN'S TOP 10
Top 10 Questions Asked by Saddam When He Was Captured
10. "Be honest...have you ever seen a nicer spider hole than this?"
9. "Who's got a coat hanger- this beard itches like a son of a ---!"
8. "Anyone have a mint?"
7. "Is this about the illegal music downloads?"
6. "Am I going to be on 'Cops'?"
5. "Which describes me better right now--'haggard' or 'grizzled'?"
4. "How did you get past my impenetrable Styrofoam brick?"
3. "Do I get the $25-million reward?"
2. "How's the war going?"
1. "Will you go easy on me if I tell you where Martha Stewart is hiding?"
