| JOKE OF THE WEEK |
 |
| Wanna see your joke here? Email it to me at kilby43@yahoo.com |
| New Holiday for Guys |
| Every 14th of February, guys get the chance to display their fondness for their wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinners, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Secretly......guys feel left out. That's right....left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it. Which is why a new holiday has been created. March 20th is now officially "Steak & BJ Day." Simple, effective and self-explanatory....this holiday has been created so you ladies can have a day to show your man just how much you love him. No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town--the name of the holiday explains it all.....just a steak and a BJ. That's it. This twin pairing of Valentine's Day and Steak & BJ Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a memorable March! It's like a perpetual love machine. The word is already spreading, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world. |
| Letter to Kotex |
| Dear Kotex, I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as: -Staying active during your period can relieve cramps. -Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches. -Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh. -Try Kotex blah blah blah other products. Obviously the person behind this was someone who has never possessed a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman TO HER FACE that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. See what happens and report back. I'll wait. While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate from the vending machine. I guaran-damn-tee that the first responders will be females who just ovulated. Look, females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygeine products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own recipies for survival, many containing alcohol. Printing out *** advice while sneaking in ads for the brand THAT WAS ALREADY PURCHASED is just plain annoying, not to mention rude and enough to send a girl running to the Always brand. Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put the *** in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer. There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your urterine state to everyone in the store. The goal of your product should be functional invisibility at every stage, including at the point of purchase. So take your tips for living and shove them right up your ***. (Try drinking 6-8 glasses of water to make you feel fresher while you're doing it.) Ovarily yours, Miss PMS |