This little spanking story is dedicated to BSGAdult List Mom (and Proud
of It) Becky on her birthday - Happy Birthday, Becky!

It's also based on the Adjective Poll on BSGSlash and the adjective and
owner pair that got only one vote.

This is unbeta'd because neither of my beta readers enjoy spanking fics,
but thanks to Fingers for pointing out I had two stories in one
originally.  

Title: Devious
Author: rita 
E-mail:  mommacita1@juno.com 
Rating: R for nudity
Pairings: None really, but SB/A implied
Archive: Yes, please
Series: No
Website: http://www.geocities.com/jennylmr/index.html (And thanks to
Jenlmr for hosting me)

Disclaimer: I don't own the boys nor do I make any profit from my
writing.  I just like to play with them and I mostly put my toys back as
good as new.

Warnings (if needed): Spanking fic.

Summary: Starbuck is being blamed for a series of pranks. But who is
setting him up?

***

"Enter."

"You sent for me, Colonel?" Starbuck put his best 'I can't imagine why
you'd want to speak with me' expression on.

"Yes, Lieutenant, I did.  And you can wipe that innocent look off your
face.  You should know by now it doesn't work with me." Colonel Tigh
didn't even bother to look up as he spoke.

"Sir?" 

The dark Colonel's face darkened further. Starbuck hadn't known that was
possible and it definitely made him uneasy.  "Give it a rest, Lieutenant.
You don't fool anybody anymore."

Starbuck wracked his brain to think of what he had done.  Since he and
Apollo had gotten together he'd done his best to stay out of trouble. 
Unable to come up with anything, he finally said, "I'm sorry, Colonel,
but I honestly have no idea why I'm here."

The Colonel rose from behind his desk.  "Too many possibilities,
Lieutenant?" he sneered.  

"No, I ..."

"Don't bother," Tigh interrupted. "I must admit you're stooping to more
and more juvenile pranks though - a video eye in the Women's Triad Locker
Room?  Really, Starbuck."

"What?" Starbuck was baffled.  "I didn't ..."

"I said, don't bother," the Colonel interrupted again. "Short sheeting
beds, too. Really. I would have thought you could be more inventive. 
Well, juvenile pranks deserve juvenile punishment."  He came around the
desk.  "Drop your pants and bend over my table."

"What!" Starbuck just stared at the senior officer.  "But I didn't ..."

"Can it, Lieutenant!" Tigh roared. "I'm really not interested in your
excuses.  There is no other Warrior who would do these sorts of things."
He shook a sheaf of papers at Starbuck. "Now. Pants down. Or do I have to
have Security in here?"

***

Apollo chuckled.  "Well, Bucko, it does, ah, resemble your handiwork, you
know."

Starbuck stared at Apollo for a micron.  He wasn't going to get any
sympathy from his lover.  And if not from Apollo, from no one.  He
sighed.  "Okay, but I *didn't* do it and he went ahead and punished me
anyway."

"Could you prove it wasn't you?"

Starbuck just stared this time.  Apollo knew the answer.

"Come, sit down, love."  Apollo caught himself and managed to sound
contrite.  "I'm sorry.  I forgot.  Would you like me to rub some ointment
on?"

Starbuck grunted noncommittally.  He wanted to get out of his clothes,
they were rubbing his raw backside. And ointment sounded soothing. "I
suppose," he finally said.

"Go on into the bedroom and get undressed, then," Apollo said.  "I'll get
the ointment and join you."  

As Starbuck headed into the bedroom, he didn't notice the strange smile
that played around Apollo's lips.

***

"I know I'll regret asking, but *how* did the ... culprit ... know when
it was Sheba in the turbowash - or was it just a coincidence?" Adama
asked.

"Oh, no coincidence," Dr. Wilker said, brushing his hands off as he
stepped out of the turbowash stall.  

"Surely the ... culprit ..."

"Why don't you just say 'Starbuck', Commander?  He's the only one who
could have done this - I mean the only one who could have obtained the
means and had the motivation."

"Colonel, please withhold judgment for the micron," Adama said.  "I admit
it looks suspiciously like something Starbuck would do, but ..."

"I've got a file a metron thick of similar 'pranks', Commander," Tigh
complained.  "No one else does this sort of thing at all."

"Very well," Adama conceded, shaking his head.  "Dr. Wilker, surely
*Starbuck* wasn't spying on the turbowash, just waiting for Sheba to take
her turn."

"No, no, nothing so ... mundane as that!" Wilker sounded enthusiastic and
eager to explain. "He had a sensor rigged to recognize her pheromones and
release the chemical only when she was in the stall. Too bad she wasn't
alone."

"Now that clinches it!" Adama exclaimed.  "Starbuck is very bright, to
say nothing of very devious, but he lacks the technical knowledge to set
that up."

"Well, that would be true, Commander," Colonel Tigh began, "except that
Captain Apollo mentioned to me over midday meal the strange information
Starbuck got from Boomer: how to 'collect' someone's pheromones.  He
found it amusing that Starbuck wanted to know if you could gather up
someone's pheromones and keep them stored somewhere."

"I'll bet," Adama growled.  "How did my son know about this ... exchange
of information?"

"Oh, he was having a drink with them in the OC," Tigh said absently.
"What I don't understand," Tigh said turning to the doctor, "is why it
turned Sheba's hair silver, but Cassiopeia's hair that ... odd shade of
green."

Dr. Wilker chuckled.  "Well, I'd guess Cassiopeia had a little secret:
her hair color isn't - or I should say 'wasn't' - naturally blonde.  Of
course, neither of their hair colors is natural now."

Tigh sighed.  "I just had a disciplinary session with him a secton ago
about these juvenile pranks.  I ... spanked him.  I thought that might
convince him to act ... in a more mature manner."

"And I would have thought Apollo could rein him in, but obviously we were
both wrong," Adama said, striding over to the nearest comm unit. 
"Apollo? ... Is Starbuck there with you?... Good. Would you bring him to
the Silver Spar female warriors turbowash, please? ... Yes,
immediately... No, I think I'd rather explain when the two of you get
here."  He hung up and immediately commed another location.  "Dr. Paye?
... Are Sheba and Cassiopeia still there? .... Ah, and how is that going?
.... Permanent, eh?  That's too bad ... But, since nothing can be done to
restore their hair color, would you send them back to the turbowash,
please? ... Thank you, Doctor."

***

"Now that you're all here, I'll explain why I called you.  It seems Sheba
and Cassiopeia had a little mishap in the turbowash.  Ladies, please
remove your head coverings."

The women obeyed, revealing that Sheba's hair was now the exact color of
the Silver Spar on the patch of her uniform, while Cass's hair was a
bilious green-yellow-brown mixture.

Starbuck's mouth fell open in astonishment.  Apollo covered his mouth,
but said nothing.

"Starbuck, would you care to explain?"

"I told you it was him, Sheba!" Cass cried out.

"Why you dirty little ..." Sheba cried lunging for him.

Starbuck was so stunned he didn't move until Sheba had slapped him across
the cheek.

"That's enough, Sheba!" Adama commanded. 

With difficulty, Sheba reined in her temper and stepped back. Cass put
her arm around the other woman in sympathy.

"Starbuck," Adama remarked, "Whatever your reasons for this practical
joke, you will be disciplined for it. The only question is what your
punishment should be."

"I think he should be put into the turbowash," Cass announced.

Tigh looked thoughtful.  "Not a bad idea.  Can you arrange that, Doctor?"

"Certainly.  What color would you like?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the chemical combination he used bleached their hair permanently
silver, so that it can't be washed out or covered over with another
color.  But it doesn't have to be silver."

"Won't his turn *this* color?" Cass asked.

"Uh, no, my dear," Wilker explained apologetically.  "As I've already
told the Commander and the Colonel, your hair didn't turn, err, *that*
color because you're a blonde, but because you're a blonde through ...
chemical means."

Cass turned bright red and walked up to Starbuck.  "I will *never*
forgive you for this, Starbuck," she hissed.  Then, before anyone could
stop her, she reached out and slapped his other cheek..

"Feel better?" Sheba asked as Cass walked back to her. She put her arm
around the former blonde.

"Actually, yes," Cass said firmly.

"So," said Dr. Wilker brightly, "what color would you prefer for
Starbuck?"

Everyone but Starbuck looked at each other blankly.  

Finally, Apollo stepped around Starbuck and approached Sheba with a
thoughtful look on his face.  "You know," he said, fingering her dull
silver hair, "it looks like the intent was to have Sheba's hair match her
squad color - silver.  Why not have Starbuck's match his - blue?"

There were nods all around.  From everyone but Starbuck, who merely
groaned.

"Then it's settled," Adama said, rubbing his hands together in
satisfaction.  "Doctor, how long will it take you to prepare the
formula?"

"Less than 15 centons,"

"We'll wait here, then." Adama waited for Wilker to leave then motioned
to Tigh.  "Colonel, why don't you go ahead with the rest of the
discipline while we wait."

"Nonono," Starbuck moaned.

"I'm afraid so, Lieutenant.  The Colonel told me about your recent
session with him.  Apparently you didn't get the message, so I think
we'll repeat it.  Right here. Right now. In front of your victims." He
turned back to Tigh.  "Go ahead, Colonel."

"Lieutenant, please give me your belt; I don't have my paddle with me."

"Noooo."

"Ladies, would you do the honors?." Tigh gestured that they should remove
his belt and then pull down his pants and briefs.

Starbuck began to struggle as Cass roughly pulled his pants down while
Sheba held him upright.

"Lieutenant!  Let me make it clear that any resistance will only lead to
additional strokes with the belt." Tigh waited until Starbuck got his
body under control, then addressed the women. "You might as well strip
him completely.  No sense in wasting a perfectly good uniform; I'm sure
the chemicals would ruin it." 

Adama turned to Sheba and Cass.  "Ladies, you don't need to stay to watch
this if it offends your sensibilities."

"Oh, I wouldn't miss this for the world, Commander," Sheba replied. 
"Would you, Cass?"

"Not a chance.  I'm savoring every micron."

***

"It's really quite a nice shade of blue, Bucko," Apollo said, stroking
his lover's upper back to calm him.  The lower back and upper thighs were
a mass of welts. "It matches your eyes."

"At least, being male, I could shave it off," Starbuck said
philosophically.  "That's not what I'm upset about."

"Oh?"

Starbuck turned onto his side, wincing as his still throbbing backside
brushed the bedding.  "I know you don't believe me either, but I didn't
do it."

Apollo turned away to hide a smirk.  "I'll go get some ointment."  He
gestured in the direction of Starbuck's groin.

Once Apollo left, Starbuck didn't try to hold back the tears. Apollo was
already laughing at him; and the news would spread like wild fire. 
Besides, he wasn't convinced anyone on the ship wouldn't be glad to hear
of his humiliation. 

***

"Lieutenant Starbuck, I want to see you in my office as soon as you're
out of Decon."

"Yes, Captain." Starbuck sighed. He slid carefully out of his viper,
wincing as he landed. He was still swollen and in pain.  Getting
undressed was the high point of his day. So far he'd been able to hide
his problem from Apollo by being "asleep" by the time the Captain got
home, but it looked as though he hadn't done as good a job as he thought.
He hurried through Decon and then to the Duty Office; no point in
irritating Apollo further.

When Starbuck got to the Duty Office, Boomer and Apollo were in an
intense conversation that halted as soon as entered the room. "Should I
come back later, sir?" he asked.

"No, no, come in, Starbuck," Apollo said.  "Boomer, I think you need to
bring this, uh, matter to Colonel Tigh's attention."

"If you think so, Captain," Boomer said uncertainly.  

"I do.  It's unfortunate, but I don't feel we should handle it
internally."

"Whatever it is, I didn't do it."

"I don't know, Bucko," Boomer said with a smile and a wink, glancing down
below Starbuck's waist as he passed.  "It sure looks to me like you could
have."

Starbuck went bright red, but before he could muster a reply, Apollo
snapped, "That was the poorest piece of flying I've seen outside a
cadet's first solo, Lieutenant."

"Apollo, Captain, I ..." Starbuck stammered.

"Can it, Starbuck!  You should have been paying attention to the
controls.

"No!  That's not it!"

"No? I bet I can guess what you were doing instead." Apollo's glare
became personal.

Starbuck's shields snapped firmly into place.  "Why don't you let me in
on the information then, Captain?" he snarled.

"I think I will."  With that, Apollo strode to the door and locked it. 
Then he marched back, swung Starbuck around by the shoulders, and pushed
him against the wall, reaching to undo his pants.

Starbuck screamed and pushed Apollo away.

Apollo let go immediately.  That wasn't what he expected at all.

Starbuck sank to the floor, unable to stifle his sobs. He rocked from
side to side praying that the pain would abate.

Apollo crouched next to his lover.  He had been about to accuse him of
self-abuse, but clearly that wasn't the case.  "I thought you were, um,
pleasuring yourself so you could punish me by not having sex."

"Wh-why would I do that?" Starbuck whispered.

"Because of my part in your punishment?" Apollo asked.

Starbuck shook his head.  "You just did what you thought was right," he
gasped.  

"We need to get you to the Life Center."

"No.  I'll be fine.  The pain's ... getting less now."

"Starbuck, you *need* medical attention."

Starbuck managed to stare straight into Apollo's eyes.  "No.  Not after
what ... what everyone thinks I did to Cass.  No way."  He waited until
he saw the understanding blossom in Apollo's eyes.  "It's getting better.
Just taking longer than I thought it would."

"Let me help you to our quarters."

"'Kay."

***

As soon as he was sure Starbuck was settled, Apollo went out into the
main room and commed Boomer.  "Boomer, I've, uh, changed my mind.  I want
to handle the ... " he glanced back to make sure the door to the bedroom
was fully closed. "the incident internally after all... What? .... Oh,
you have.  Ah.  I see."  He sighed.  "No, no, that's okay, Boomer; you
only did what I told you to... No, I'll see you tomorrow.  Starbuck
isn't, uh, feeling well, so I think we'll be staying in tonight."  He
disconnected the comm, and sat down heavily on the couch to wait for the
inevitable call from Colonel Tigh. "Frak! What am I going to do now?  How
do I make this right?"

Tigh didn't bother with a call.  Instead he pounded on the door in a
fury.  When Apollo opened it, he marched in followed by two Security
guards.  "Where is he?" he roared.  He had a swagger stick tucked under
his arm and a riding crop attached to his belt.

Apollo pointed towards the bedroom, saying, "He's asleep; he's not well."

But Tigh didn't listen.  "Go in there and drag him out," he ordered the
two guards.

They returned with a disoriented Starbuck within half a centon.  

"Planning another foray to the public turbo flushes, Lieutenant?" Tigh
sneered.

"No, I ..."

"Don't bother.  You know I've long since stopped listening to your
excuses."  

"What ... what did he do?" Apollo asked, although he already knew the
answer.

"Why don't you tell him, Lieutenant?" Tigh suggested.

Starbuck just shook his head mutely.

"Very well, then, I'll tell your lifemate what you've been up to." He
turned to Apollo. "You're lover here has been painting obscene phrases on
the public turbo flush walls - with his semen."

"No, he couldn't," Apollo began.

Tigh cut him off.  "He did.  We did a DNA match on it."

"Look at him," Apollo insisted.  "He's in too much pain, thanks to the
whipping you gave him.  He literally couldn't."

"He's fooling you," Tigh said flatly.  "Maybe we'll have him give us a
demonstration before I punish him. Yes, that seems appropriate, don't you
think, Captain?" He gestured to the guards. "Pull his pants down."  
The two guards grinned at each other.  They'd been waiting yahrens to do
just that to Starbuck for all the mouthing off he'd done to and about
them and their buddies.  The response they got was not what they
expected.

Starbuck screamed wordlessly as he barely remained standing, naked with
his backside pulsing from having the pants yanked down over it roughly,.

***

Centars later a familiar group was gathered around Starbuck as he lay on
a life support bed in a private room in the Life Center. His face was
paper white and the bright blue eyes and hair looked even brighter in
contrast.  "Now do you believe me?" he whispered, his voice almost
inaudible from the screaming that had gone on for centons until he was
anesthetized.  

"I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am," Tigh said, bowing his head in
shame. "I didn't realize how hard I'd whipped you. I certainly never
meant for you to endure this."

"But why didn't you go for medical treatment when you knew an infection
had set in?" Adama asked.

"Pride, I guess," Starbuck whispered. "And ... maybe ... a little fear -
I was afraid the med techs would ... retaliate for what they thought I
did to Cass."

" I need to apologize as well as Tigh," Adama added. "We never gave you a
chance."

Starbuck waved a hand weakly.  "My reputation preceded me.  I'll be
dragging that baggage around with me for the rest of my life, I guess." 
His eyes filled with tears.  "But it wasn't me - not any of it.  I've
been - it sounds stupid, but I've been trying so hard to be *good*, so
Apollo would be proud of me..." 

"We believe you, son," Adama said, stroking the blue hair, soft despite
it's bizarre color.

"But if it wasn't you," Tigh murmured, "who was it?"

"I think I can explain," Apollo said quietly.  All eyes turned to him
querying.  "In short, it was me."

"You, Apollo?" Adama asked in a disbelieving tone.

"Me.  The first bunch of stuff, it was fun.  I guess I wasn't clever
enough with the video eye, but I knew enough from listening to Boomer
explain it to Starbuck." He turned to his lover.  "I didn't mean for you
to get hurt, love.  Honestly I didn't.  But the spanking didn't seem to
me to be so bad."

"That was your idea, too, if you recall," Tigh put in.

"Yes."  Apollo sighed. "I didn't want Starbuck grounded or put on
punishment detail, so I suggested, err, corporal punishment - to suit the
juvenile nature of the incidents, as it were."  He sighed again.  "And
after you paddled him, I got to comfort him."

"So you decided to continue."

Apollo nodded, shamefaced.

"Which was how you knew he had talked to Boomer about pheromones."

"Yeah.  I wrote it all down so I wouldn't forget.  Before that came up in
conversation, I was going to try a spy-eye again. As far as the formula,
well, I *did* pay attention in bio-chem class, unlike Starbuck."  

Tigh interrupted.  "But this last one - where did you get Starbuck's,
err, semen from?"

The other three men just stared at the Colonel until he reddened. "Ah,
yes.  Of course.  You, uh, stored it over time."

"If I had known you were really injured, I wouldn't have carried on with
it.  But I thought ..."

"Just what I wanted you to think.  That I was mad at you for suggesting
blue dye. I didn't want you to know," Starbuck admitted.

Apollo turned to the two senior officers.  "What are you going to do with
me?" he asked.

After a slight hesitation, Adama spoke.  "I will arrange for a public
exoneration of Starbuck, of course. And  I could confine you to quarters
and, if I knew what part of your duties you especially enjoyed, keep you
from those for a length of time."

"Then you should keep Apollo out of the Duty Office," Starbuck whispered.
"His first love is administration and paperwork.  I come second."  They
all chuckled, but Starbuck said, "It was a joke, but it's also true.
You've raised a duty-bound son who hates to get his hands dirty.  That's
why I do the cleaning and he writes the report about it."

Adama and Tigh both looked thoughtfully at Apollo then at each other. 
Adama spoke first.  "Yes, as I recall, he has a rather weak stomach
around invalids, too.  Bedpans and he don't get along.  And as far as
odors, well, his nose has always been very sensitive."  He straightened
up.  "Well, as your father, I shouldn't get involved.  Tigh, I'll leave
it to you.  Starbuck, again my most abject apologies.  I will consciously
work to give you the benefit of the doubt in the future - and hope you
don't take advantage of it.  Good day, gentlemen."

Tigh looked appraisingly the two remaining men.  "I think I'll follow
your father's line of thought.  I don't think corporal punishment is
what's needed here, either, unless Starbuck would like you to get a taste
of what he went through?" Tigh raised an eyebrow in the Lieutenant's
direction.

Starbuck shook his head no.

"Bearing in mind what your family has just told me, I think the suitable
punishment would be for you to be totally responsible for Starbuck's
care, both while he's in the Life Center and once he's recovering at
home.  No med techs doing the cleaning and feeding, no doctors
administering the topical anesthetics - just you.  Under medical
supervision and training, of course.  Unless Starbuck doesn't want you to
tend him?" Again he raised an eyebrow in Starbuck's direction.  Apollo's
head swiveled to see his abused lover's response.

"No," the bedridden man asserted.  "I ... I think that's just right. 
Thank you, Colonel."

"Very well, then.  Captain, you have your new assignment.  The doctors
have said the Lieutenant will have to be in the Life Center for at least
a secton.  You are assigned here full-time, double shifts until he's
released.  At that time, you may return to light duty, scheduled around
Starbuck's rehabilitation program and personal requirements.  Is that
understood?"

"Yes, sir.  Thank you, sir."

"Fine.  I'll inform Doctor Salik and Doctor Paye that they have a new
orderly.  In your spare time you can empty bedpans on the general ward;
I'm sure they can always use an extra pair of hands."  He turned to
Starbuck.  "Starbuck, I don't have words to say how sorry I am for
misjudging you.  As the Commander said, I will try to do better in the
future."

A ghost of the patented Starbuck grin appeared on the Lieutenant's face. 
"And I'll try to do my best not to give you the opportunity, Colonel." 

Nodding at Apollo, Tigh left the room.

"Can I do anything for you, Bucko?" Apollo asked hesitantly.

"Come here," Starbuck said, patting the bed. 

Apollo obeyed and sat gingerly on the edge of the bed, trying not to jar
the injured man.

"I want to ask you a question, and I want an honest answer," Starbuck
said quietly.

"Okay."

"Why did you do this? Was it to punish me for ... for being wild?"

"No, not at all.  I saw how hard you were trying to please me, to be a
*good* soldier."  Apollo sighed.  "See, that was just it."

"I don't understand," Starbuck said.  ""

Apollo turned bright red.  "You were changing who you were - becoming ...
reliable, caring, obedient. I wanted to see if I could," he whispered.

"Could what?" 

You're the reckless one; I'm dutiful. You're secretive; I'm open. I ... I
wanted to be reckless and secretive - just once.  I wanted to see if I
could be *devious*.  If I could fool everybody."

"You did.  They all thought it was me."

Apollo looked down into his lover's face with serious green eyes.  "Did I
fool you, Bucko?"

"Yes, Apollo.  You fooled me.  I thought you believed I did all those
things."

"Who did you think did it?"

I don't know.  I didn't think about it; too busy feeling sorry for myself
- and then hurting."  Starbuck paused iin thought.  "I guess, I would have
eliminated Bojay, he doesn't have the smarts, and maybe thought Sheba at
first, but she wouldn't ruin her own appearance, so then I would have
looked at, hmm, you and Boomer." He paused again thinking it through. 
"But I would have decided that neither of you would do it - you're too
straightlaced and Boomer, Boomer wouldn't have any reason.  At least,"
now Starbuck sounded uncertain, "at least I don't think he would.  But I
wouldn't have thought you did either." 

"Oh, Starbuck!  I didn't mean to hurt you!  And Boomer never would!"

"Can I ever be sure again?" Starbuck wondered aloud, his voice quavering.

"Oh, Lords!  You can!  I swear.  I'll prove it to you somehow.  If you'll
just give me the chance."

"Well..."  Starbuck's eyes filled and he looked every bit the lost orphan
Apollo had originally fallen in love with.

Apollo gathered Starbuck carefully in his arms and rocked him, rubbing
his back soothingly and nuzzling his hair. He heard Starbuck sigh, but in
that position couldn't see the satisfied smirk on his face.  And of
course, he couldn't hear Starbuck's thoughts: 'Never try to outdo
Starbuck, my love.  You'll only find yourself ... starbucked!'

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