Title: Frack The Cat
Author: Jen Lmr
Rating: NC-17 Language warning too, if you consider 'frack' foul language.
Pairing: Apollo/Starbuck
Dedication: To Jage's cat 'Frack'. And to Betty, to cheer her.
Summary: A new edition to Apollo's household creates madness and mayhem.
***
Apollo came into his quarters carrying a box with little airholes poked
into the sides.
"Boxey! I have a surprise for you!"
"What is it? What is it?"
Apollo proudly opened the box and out popped a furry little head with
pointed little ears. It sniffed around a few times, then jumped up out of
the box.
"Oh dad!" Boxey squealed, "It's sooo cute!"
"I'm glad you like him."
"Like him, I *love* him! Thanks dad." Boxey walked over to give Apollo a
hug, absently brushing Muffit aside as he did so.
Apollo grinned inwardly. He'd been secretly hoping that this was going to
mean they could finally deactivate Muffit. And the cat was just so cute,
more importantly it was just so 'quiet'.
"Does Starbuck know about him yet?"
"No, I thought we'd surprise him. I'm sure he'll love him."
They played with the cat for a long while. Muffit sitting obediently in
the corner where Boxey had shooed him off to.
Some time later Starbuck arrived. It had been a long duty shift and he was
feeling tired, but as always, happy to be spending the evening with
Apollo.
He was greeted by a very exuberant Boxey and a beaming Apollo.
"What's up?"
"This!" Boxey exclaimed, holding up the cat.
"A cat?" Starbuck asked dubiously.
Apollo pulled him aside and whispered, "Yeah, isn't it a great idea? I
know it'll take a little getting used to, but if I have to listen to that
awful wheezing sound Muffit makes one more time...grrrrrrr!"
The cat looked up sharply at the grrrr.
Starbuck gave a slight grin. "Well, I guess so," still sounding a little
doubtful, "if it makes you happy. He is kinda cute, now that I get a
better look at him."
"Hey, dad, what should we name him?"
"I hadn't really given it much thought. I'm sure we'll think of
something."
They settled down to a nice meal, played with the cat for awhile, helped
Boxey with his studies etc. They eventually got him off to sleep with the
cat nestled up next to him and Muffit sitting all but forgotten in a
corner of his room, then headed off together to Apollo's room. In both of
their opinions this last was *always* the best part of the evening.
***
Early the next morning, Starbuck awoke feeling very satisfied after a
rousing bout of very hot sex, and began getting dressed to head back to
the barracks before Boxey awoke. They both suspected Boxey knew about them
but neither one of them were very anxious to broach the subject with
Boxey.
Just as Starbuck was pulling on his boot...*squish*...then, "What the
frack?!"
Starbuck pulled his foot out of his boot, looking with disgust at his now
very soiled sock. "Why you little frack!" He glared at the arrogantly
retreating cat. Then he gingerly pulled off his sock, limped to the
turboflush to wash off his foot, and muttered foul things the whole way.
Upon returning to the bedroom, he found Apollo sitting up in the bed,
shaking with silent laughter.
"You think this is funny?"
Apollo just nodded his head in the affirmative and continued laughing.
Starbuck picked up Apollo's boots and inspected them, "I notice your boots
seem perfectly clean!"
Apollo just laughed harder, "You...you...should have seen yourself...ha ha
ha ha...'fracking cat!' he he he he."
"Well personally, I don't find this the least bit funny!"
"Oh come on, he's still pretty young, and in a new home, and ha ha ha, it
was kinda funny."
Starbuck just grumbled, 'borrowed' a pair of Apollo's socks, rinsed out
his boot, and headed out of Apollo's quarters, one of his feet making a
definite sloshing sound as he went.
Apollo fell back onto the bed, still laughing.
***
By the time Starbuck arrived at Apollo's the next evening, he'd calmed
down considerably. Although, from time to time he gave the cat a dirty
look, which caused fresh laughter from Apollo.
Late that night after Boxey was sound asleep, Starbuck had forgotten about
the cat completely, as he was busy thoroughly fracking Apollo from behind.
Just when he'd worked up a steady rhythm that was causing his eyes to roll
back in his head, he felt a blinding knife sharp pain in his lower back.
He screamed and whipped his head around, only to find himself staring into
the arrogant face of that fracking cat! He'd apparently launched himself
at him from the top of the dresser that was halfway across the room!
Apollo, who had been thoroughly lost in the moment, jerked his head up and
back at the sound of Starbuck's scream. When he saw the cause of
Starbuck's outburst, he put his head back down and groaned. Since Apollo
was no longer looking, Starbuck reached back, grabbed the cat and hurled
him to the other side of the room with a grunt of satisfaction.
Apollo, mistaking Starbuck's satisfied grunt for one of purely sexual
pleasure, resumed his backwards thrusting, "Did the...oh...uh...cat
leave?"
Starbuck, who'd immediately resumed his forward thrusting answered,
"Ohh...uhhuhnn...cat left."
"Mmmmmmm...gooood."
Not much later they each came forcefully, and after their breathing had
settled, they rolled over and snuggled up together.
"You know Pol, I'm definitely getting the feeling that the cat doesn't
like me."
"Frack? Er, I mean, the cat? Nonsense." Apollo said nuzzling the side of
Starbuck's neck, "Believe me sweetheart, who could possibly not like you?"
"He attacked me during sex!"
"Maybe he's just a little jealous. If you were having sex with someone
else I know *I'd* be jealous." More nuzzling, kissing, and cuddling.
"Trust me, he *loves* you. I know I do." Much more kissing and nuzzling.
Starbuck, feeling extremely mollified, reluctantly agreed with Apollo. But
not until after *way* more cuddling and kissing. 'May as well milk it for
all its worth, after all the cat *did* jump on me and it *did* hurt.'
***
The next morning, Starbuck woke up early and began getting dressed as
usual, carefully checking his boots before putting them on. So far so
good. So he grabbed his jacket and headed towards the door. Then he
noticed a really bad smell. That fracking cat pooped on my jacket!
Storming back into the bedroom, "Apollo, look what that little frack did!"
Apollo tried to hide a smirk.
"It's not funny! That fracking cat hates me! Now its either Frack the cat
or frack me! And I'm telling you, it better be fracking me!" Then he
stormed out.
Apollo, tried to call after him to wait, but the 'Frack the cat or frack
me' line had him in stitches! And the look on his face! Hahahahaha
hahahaha! Who knew Starbuck would be so jealous and insecure over a cat!
Hahahahahahahahaha!
***
Apollo caught up with Starbuck during their duty shift later that day. He
did his best to soothe his irate lover and promised to send Boxey and the
cat to Athena's for the night so that they could spend a quiet, romantic
evening alone. He even promised to take him out for a very expensive meal
on the Rising Star.
Starbuck, who was feeling a little foolish for his outburst, especially
since Apollo was being so nice, readily agreed, already beginning to look
forward to this evening.
***
Apollo returned home at the end of the day feeling lighthearted. He just
hated it when Starbuck was mad at him.
When he opened the door to his quarters, his mouth gaped open at the scene
that greeted him. Athena, who had come over with Boxey to collect a few of
the things he'd need to spend the night, not to mention the cat, was
chasing Muffit around the living area. That wasn't the worst of it. Boxey
was lying on the floor laughing hysterically. That still wasn't the worst
of it. The cat was quite literally *riding* Muffit around the room!
"What the frack?!" Apollo exclaimed, taking in the scene.
"Apollo!" A very disheveled Athena began, "I came over to get the cat
and," trying to catch her breath, "when I tried to put him in the box to
take her back to my place, well, he just lept out of my arms, jumped onto
Muffit's back," still breathing hard, "there was this spark, then I don't
know, a short circuit I guess...then Muffit just started running all over
the place!"
Apollo looked at his sister, looked at Boxey, looked at Muffit, who had
finally collapsed into a heap, then looked at the cat, who was now sitting
primly on Muffit's back and looking smug. He just couldn't help it, he
burst into a fit of laughter so strong that tears were running down his
face. He couldn't help it, that cat was just *too* funny!
"Apollo! This isn't the least bit humorous! I come all the way over here,
to do *you* a favor, I might add, and this is the thanks I get! Come on,
Boxey, we're leaving!" And with a glare towards her brother, "And without
the cat I might add!"
She grabbed the bag of Boxey's stuff and huffed out the door, dragging a
protesting Boxey behind her.
"But...but...but..." Apollo protested. 'Frack! Starbuck is *not* going to
like this! Oh well, we'll be gone until late and I can butter him up over
dinner. Maybe we could even take a private chamber there. Although, the
cat might be awfully lonely and scared, here all night alone in a strange
place and all...'
He went over to the wall comm unit, and after reaching Starbuck, asked him
to meet him at the shuttle bay instead of his quarters.
"Why the shuttle bay?"
"Oh, you know. I'm starving and I just thought it would be quicker that
way."
"There hasn't been any other changes of plans, have there?"
'Was that a note of suspicion he heard in Starbuck's voice? Better bring
extra cubits just in case. A couple bottles of ambrosa seem to work
wonders on Starbuck's disposition, not to mention his libido.'
"No, Starbuck. Just a nice romantic evening." Starbuck agreed and they
ended the comm.
Looking around his quarters, he figured he better straighten the place up
a bit, just in case they ended up back here. He dragged the now defunct
Muffit into his bedroom closet, making sure the door was closed. He
straightened up a few other things that had toppled over in the fray, then
went to take a quick turbowash before heading out to meet Starbuck.
***
He greeted Starbuck warmly, feeling extremely happy that Starbuck seemed
to be over his recent anger with him.
Starbuck greeted him warmly back. They headed off to board the shuttle,
talking softly, and exchanging the occasional discreet kiss.
As promised, Apollo had spared no expense. They were promptly escorted
into a private dining chamber as soon as they'd arrived. The beaming smile
that Starbuck gave him after they were alone and seated, would have been
worth *twice* the price.
They both spoke at once, "I'm sorry..." then laughed together.
"You can go first." Starbuck offered.
"I just wanted to say how sorry I am, that's all. I tried to stop you from
leaving this morning, but I don't think you heard me..."
"No, you were laughing too hard to be very intelligible." Starbuck said
wryly.
"I'm sorry about that too. I really am."
"Didn't sound real sorry at the moment."
"I know. I know. But I really like that cat. And I really love you. You
know that I would always choose you. But, I wish you two would try to get
along. Please."
Starbuck melted at that sweet look in Apollo's eyes and agreed that the
fracking cat, maybe wasn't as bad as he thought. Maybe he *could* have
been overreacting and the cat maybe wasn't as bad as all that. He'd do
anything for Apollo. He vowed that the next time he saw that cat, he'd
make a real effort to be friendly to him.
That was better than Apollo had hoped for. They settled back into the
cushions, had a wonderful, relaxing dinner, a couple bottles of ambrosa,
then had the most tender, mind shattering make-up sex.
***
After dozing a little, they hurriedly dressed at the sound of the waiter
chiming at the door. Apollo tipped him heavily and they decided to head
back to Apollo's quarters after all. Apollo (secretly worried a little
about Frack, er, the cat), Starbuck (feeling a little guilty after the
wonderful evening he'd had and vowing to get along with said Frack, er,
cat).
Upon arriving home, Apollo asked Starbuck to make himself comfortable in
the living area.
Humming happily to himself in the kitchen, opening another bottle of
ambrosa that he'd had chilling (never hurts to be prepared). He puttered
around for a bit, getting glasses and a few little snacks he'd had
prepared. 'I'm like a regular Junior Colonial Campfire Boy,' he thought,
feeling giddy from the ambrosa he'd already had.
He headed back out to the living area and...his mouth gaped open at the
scene that greeted him! There was Starbuck, half reclined on the longseat,
playing with Frack, er, I mean, the cat! Nuzzling their faces together
even! And he seems to be enjoying himself!
Starbuck looked up at him from the longseat and smiled, "You know Apollo,
maybe you were right about this cat. He's really not so bad after all. He
even came over to me when I called his name."
"Uh, Starbuck, we haven't named him yet."
"Whatever. Mmmmm, are those snacks for me?" Starbuck leaned forward
eagerly. And he wasn't looking at the plate in Apollo's hand.
"You bet! Just promise me you won't call the cat 'frack' in front of
Boxey's young ears."
"Deal."
***
The next morning after an incredible night of mind blowing sex, Starbuck
started to get up and get dressed to leave early as usual. Apollo stopped
him, "Uh uh. Boxey won't be home until after late learning period. Sleep
in."
Nodding sleepily, Starbuck rolled over and fell asleep. He was next
awakened by the sound of Apollo yelling, "Why that little frack!"
He looked up to see Apollo shaking something really nasty and all too
familiar out of his own boot. Starbuck rolled over, face buried into his
pillow, laughing hysterically.
The End