How To Break A Colonial Warrior

by rita (mommacita1@juno.com)

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, I just like to play with them. 


Prolog

"This is not fair!" Starbuck fairly shouted at his commanding officer,
throwing his latest orders on the desk.

Apollo quirked an eyebrow and reached for the orders. "I don't see anything
wrong with this," he commented calmly after reading them.

"Nothing wrong? Three quartons in a row! What did I do - give Baltar the
keys to the encryption room?"

"This isn't a punishment detail, Starbuck."

"No? When do I get to pilot a viper again?"

"You'll be in a viper during the final phases. You know that."

"Oh, yeah. Doing nursemaid duty. You know that's not what I mean. Tigh and
your father have it in for me. And I didn't even *do* anything this time -
when did I have the chance to do anything?"

"Starbuck, they don't have it in for you. It's just that you're the best
trainer we have."

Starbuck snorted. "I *used* to be the best viper pilot around," he snarled,
then added, "present company excepted, of course. Now I wonder if I could
even find the weapons controls."

"Look, you know perfectly well that if there was any threat to the fleet my
father would pull you from training duty immediately."

"No," Starbuck stated flatly. "I don't know that. I don't know that at
all."

"Besides, you can never tell. There might be some pretty women who need
help with their G-force suits."

Starbuck pulled a rolled-up roster from his belt pouch. "Oh, yeah, Apollo.
Sure. Astar, Meliadux, Casper, Targon, Enclive, Valerius. Lots of pretty
women in this class." He glowered at his Captain's amused smile.

"Well, you could always *pretend* they're Astarte, Meliana, Cassiopeia,
Tarlette, Endora, and Valerie." Apollo was not prepared for his friend's
response.

Starbuck's face went white. The roster crumpled in his fist. "I. don't. do.
that. any. more," he hissed. "Not even your father can make me do that."
Without another word he turned and left the duty office.

***

In another part of the ship, the scene was being viewed on a hand-held
scanner. "Well, isn't that interesting," the older of the two watchers
commented. "There may be more than one way to net this pisca."

The younger man nodded. "We could get a lot more information if we don't
have to resort to physical coercion," he agreed. "The longer he remains
functional, the more information we can get. And that could be a *very*
long time." He ran his tongue over his lips hungrily. "It could take a
*lot* longer."

"Don't enjoy yourself too much, my friend," the first man warned. "You have
a job to do and there'll be repercussions if it doesn't get done. It's one
thing to get all the information you can, but remember - in the end he has
to be destroyed."

"Yes, yes," the other replied, brushing off the implied threat. "But
'destroyed' doesn't have to mean 'dead', does it?"

The first man considered. "No," he said finally. "It doesn't. As long as he
*is* destroyed. We can't have him revealing anything."

"Don't worry, Sire Uri. He'll be incapable of that when I'm done." He
grinned viciously. "But he might still be capable of *other* things."

***

Chapter 1

"All right, then. Quiet down. My name's Starbuck and I'm your trainer. Do
any of you have any flight experience?" He looked skeptically at the six
men in front of him.

"I do."

"And you would be..."

"Valerius. I'm Sire Uri's private pilot."

"So you're experienced with shuttles."

"Yes, sir."

"Ever work with a G-force suit?"

"No. Sire Uri doesn't much like to rough it, so his shuttles are all fully
environmentally equipped: artificial gravity, temperature and humidity
controlled air, the works."

"Well, I'm afraid you won't find 'the works' in a viper, Valerius. But at
least you won't crash into the hull on take-off." Starbuck looked around.
"Anyone else?" There was shuffling of feet and embarrassed looks, but no
one else spoke up. "Right. Well, let's get started then. I'm not big on
bookwork. Never did well with all that theoretical stuff when I was in the
Academy, so I'm certainly not going to force it down your throats. So you
can safely leave your padds and styluses in your quarters from now on." He
looked pointedly at a scrawny man taking notes, who reddened at being
singled out. The others snickered and Starbuck rounded on them. "Here's
your first lesson. Viper pilots work as a team, in a squadron, each pilot
paired with a wingman. You don't have to love your wingman, in fact it's
better if you're not too close, you'll be over-protective. But you do have
to depend on each other and the squadron has to work as a unit. So you
don't bring one member of the squad down. If he's attacked, you protect
him. Remember that." He turned to the man with the padd and stylus. "What's
your name."

"Tarpon, sir."

"Okay, Tarpon. I'm sorry I used you to make my point. It won't happen
again. At least not until I make an example of all the others." He smiled
reassuringly and was relieved when Tarpon smiled back. "But I was being
honest about the bookwork. I guess some of the trainers give exams and
such, but I don't. Your simulator scores and your flights are the only
tests you'll get from me. That and some timing tests on how fast you can
get into a G-force suit or prep for launch. Any questions?"

"Yeah - I mean, yes, sir. I have a question."

"Umm, let's set a ground rule until I get to recognize you. I'm lousy with
names. Give me your name when you speak, please."

"Right. Aster. What will we be doing first?"

"First we'll get acquainted with the simulators. Valerius? Can you manage
one?

"I think so, sir."

"All right, then. We'll get through the first run a little faster. Let's
see, Tarpon and, uh, you - what's your name?"

"Enclive, sir."

"Enclive. Tarpon and Enclive, you're with me. Aster and ... you must be
Meliadux?"

"Right, sir."

"You two are with Valerius. Valerius boot up number six; I'll take number
one and we'll just cruise around the Colonies. You others get on either
side of the cockpit and lean in to watch."

***

"Ah, there you are. How was your first day of class?"

"Very funny, Uri!"

"That's *Sire* Uri. I may be paying you, but that doesn't mean you don't
have to show proper respect."

"Right. *Sire* Uri. I'm tired. If I had wanted to be a viper pilot I would
have found a way to get into the *real* Academy back on Caprica."

"Yes. No doubt you would have bribed or blackmailed your way in." Sire Uri
paused. When there was no response he said peevishly, "Well, don't you want
to know what I learned?"

"Will it help me get to him?"

"Of course, you fool! Do you think I'd be here if I didn't have useful
information for you? It would appear, Starbuck was always the sexual
darling - but he wasn't always the sexual darling of the ladies!"

"I figured that out from the fit he pitched the other day. Tell me
something useful."

"He was originally forced to pleasure the older boys while they hid from
the Cylons on his home world after it was attacked. When they were
transferred to the orphanage, though, he was properly trained. Voice
commands and gestures. They're standard. In fact, they're codified."

Uri handed a small disk to the younger man. "Here's the list. You should be
able to slip a couple of them in. And when he responds, you'll have your
opportunity."

"If he responds, you mean," the other man growled.

"Oh, no. I mean *when*. My source is impeccable. It isn't a question of
whether he'll break, it's a question of how long we can keep him from
reverting completely. Of course, I'll still enjoy him then, but he won't be
very useful for political purposes - only to tweak Adama!" He gazed into
the distance for a micron, then came back to himself. "But I'm getting
ahead of myself. Learn the voice commands and hand signals. Then use them
when you've got the opportunity."

"Don't worry. Judging from his hands-on teaching style, I'll have the
opportunity. I assume I can have a little fun on my own before we get down
to business, right?"

"You will anyway, won't you?" Uri remarked dryly, "So what good would it do
me to prohibit it. When do you think you can make your move?"

"Well, if the hand signals aren't too hard to learn, probably at tomorrow's
class. Do you want me to report on my results?"

"Yes. Meet me here tomorrow, same time. If things go well, we can start
getting information even faster than I anticipated."

***

Chapter 2

Who could he recruit to help? Not Tarpon. The little man worshiped the
ground the great Colonial Warrior walked on ever since he'd nipped any
teasing in the bud that first day of class. Aster and Casper? Hmm, maybe.
They were a couple and Starbuck kept them separated. He didn't want too
many people in on it and here he got two for the price of one. And he could
blackmail them to keep them quiet afterwards, too. Same sex relationships
weren't illegal, but they weren't exactly accepted in some quarters either.
And a same sex couple who took part in harassing a Fleet hero - well, even
if Uri's plan didn't work, he'd have that to fall back on. An additional
benefit. Yeah. Aster and Casper would do.

"...homophobic," He watched the lovers exchange glances. "Now don't tell me
you actually believed that felgercarb about not being your lover's
wingman?"

"Well," Aster said, shifting from foot to foot uncomfortably, "It does make
sense. I would be concerned."

The other man snorted. "Yeah, but the further away you are, the more
concerned you get, right? Come on, it's only a joke anyway."

"It *would* be one way to find out if it's true," Casper pointed out. The
couple exchanged glances again. "Okay, what is it you want us to do?"

***

"Lieutenant? Am I doing this right?"

Starbuck came up behind Tarpon and leaned over his shoulder. "Not exactly.
You've almost got it though. Here, let me show you."

'Perfect,' the watcher thought and nodded to Aster. The man wandered over,
just inside Starbuck's peripheral vision and made the pumping motion he'd
been taught, then continued around to observe what Starbuck was showing
Tarpon.

Starbuck jerked away from Tarpon. What the frak had that been in the corner
of his eye? He didn't want to answer the question, but his body did it for
him. An erection sprang up instantly, as though a decayahren hadn't
occurred since last he was given that hand signal. Aster was coming over on
the same side to watch the sequence he was demonstrating. Starbuck turned
slightly away from him as he reached over Tarpon's shoulder to touch the
keypad.

'You'd think he was in on it,' the watcher chuckled to himself, nodding now
to Casper who repeated his lover's actions on Starbuck's other side. Coming
forward, he "noticed" Starbuck's physical condition and raised an eyebrow.
Starbuck reddened and tried unsuccessfully to hide the bulge in his pants
by turning again. This time Aster coughed discreetly, looking down and then
away.

Starbuck tried to avoid brushing against Tarpon's back as he reached past
him to continue the demonstration.

'No, no, my dear Lieutenant, that won't do,' thought the watcher. He
stepped forward, to "get a better look" and "accidentally" pushed Starbuck
into Tarpon.

The smaller man didn't just jerk the way Starbuck had. He literally jumped
away and into Enclive who was on his way towards the simulator. "What the
frak! Lieutenant, I don't swing that way!"

"I ... I didn't mean ... I..." Starbuck was mortified.

"Hey, accidents happen. The man stumbled, Tarpon. Don't get your knickers
into a knot," Valerius said stepping into view.

"It's break time anyway," Meliadux added also coming up from behind
Starbuck.

"Take ten," Starbuck muttered, pushing through the group. Two of the men
didn't get out of the way; one seemed to purposely brush against him.

"Well, *someone* needs a break," one of the group said.

Starbuck didn't know who spoke; he hadn't separated out their voices yet
and couldn't bring himself to look up. The sound of derisive laughter
followed him out of the room. Was he losing his mind? Seeing things -
things he never wanted to see again - after all this time? Not only seeing
them, but responding to them.

***

Chapter 3

"You sent for me, Captain?" Starbuck inquired politely, entering the duty
office.

Apollo didn't waste time on pleasantries. "What does this mean,
Lieutenant?" he snarled, then read from a sheaf of papers. "'The Lieutenant
has frequently harassed homosexual cadets and forced his unwanted
attentions on other cadets during training activities.' Care to comment?"

Starbuck swallowed hard. "I ... I don't know what you're talking about.
What are you reading?"

"Don't lie to *me*, Starbuck. I'm reading an anonymous complaint from
several cadets in your current training class. They swore it out in front
of an opposer, who agreed to keep their identities hidden to avoid
repercussions - from you and - and I quote here - 'his many influential
friends'."

"I'm not lying to you, Captain." Starbuck shifted uneasily at Apollo's
upraised eyebrow. "All right, I do know what they're talking about. But
it's not ... it wasn't ..."

"It wasn't what, Starbuck? For Sagan's sake, give me *something* so I don't
have to hang you out to dry!"

Starbuck sighed. 'Give you something, Captain. I *could* give you the
truth, but then you'd not only hang me out to dry, you'd personally hang me
out an airlock.' Well, a half-truth would have to do. He hated lying to
Apollo, but he couldn't bring himself to risk the truth. "Some ... strange
... things have been happening to me. I ... I almost feel like I'm losing
my mind. I'm having ... I guess they're flashbacks to ... ah, when I was a
teenager." He paused, hoping that would satisfy Apollo, but the Captain
just leaned back in his chair and waited. "I can see how my ... students
... might have misinterpreted things, but ... I swear - Apollo, you know I
would never harass someone for his sexual choice or ... or ... *force*
myself on anyone!"

It was Apollo's turn to sigh. I want to believe you, Lieutenant. But this
arrived shortly after the affidavits." He gestured at a video disk, which
he then picked up and put into his console.

Starbuck lost all hope as the video began. He saw himself on-screen, alone,
in the turbo flush nearest the simulators. He was exposed and masturbating.
The scene changed to a pair of male hands reaching around from behind him -
he knew whose hands they were and he also knew that the only possible
justification for his actions had been cut from the video, but he remained
silent as he heard his video-image order, "Finish me now!" Actually, he had
been begging, not ordering, but even to his own ears it sounded like an
order. The video finished without revealing who the other person in it was.

"Well," Apollo prompted, ejecting the disk. "Do you have anything to say in
you defense?"

Starbuck just shook his head silently.

Apollo stood and walked around the desk. "In that case, you are charged
with conduct unbecoming a Colonial Warrior, public indecency, and sexual
harassment of a person over whom you have authority or influence. Do you
wish to go to trial on these charges, Lieutenant?"

Starbuck shook his head again. "No, sir. I accept the charges as posed."
Before Apollo could do it, Starbuck reached up and removed his Colonial
Warrior's insignia and tossed them onto the desk, knowing Apollo would
disdain to touch even his hand in passing. "May I resign, or will I be
dishonorably discharged, sir?" he asked faintly.

Apollo pressed his lips together. He couldn't believe Starbuck was meekly
accepting this, without even a hint of a fight. There had to be an
explanation for what appeared to be totally out of character. 'Or maybe
I've never really known him at all,' he thought. "I will accept your
resignation, Starbuck."

"Thank you, Captain," Starbuck whispered, grateful to be left that small
dignity. "I'll clean out my locker and be gone within the centare."

***

"You know, it doesn't have to be unpleasant, Lieutenant," Sire Uri purred.
"Just give me the codes to the strategic computer database."

"No, Uri, you'll have to kill me first," Starbuck ground out from between
clenched teeth.

Uri had been disappointed when Starbuck had expressed no surprise at who
was behind his downfall. Of course, there had been the unpleasantness with
that damned agent, but the unexpected failure of life support in that
stockroom had taken care of that. Uri considered the man lying naked under
him. Actually, it might be more effective to keep him as a body servant, at
his side and ready to serve, even in public, than to rip the codes from his
mind. "I'm sorry, Starbuck, but I have no intention of even seriously
damaging you. You're *much* too dear to me! I'll make you a deal though,
dear boy."

"And that would be?" Starbuck asked, prepared to refuse as he had every
attempt to get information from him so far. He acquiesced to servicing Uri
and his cohorts, rather than having videos of himself with the cadets and
in earlier years - videos he hadn't known existed - sent to the IFB, but he
would not reveal military information.

"I believe you are in need of employment." Uri paused until Starbuck nodded
warily. "And I am in need of a ... personal servant. This ... interview and
... audition has proven you will be adequate for the job. Do you accept my
offer?"

"What's the other half of the deal, Uri?" Starbuck asked.

"I will not press you for ... privileged information any further. And that
will be *Sire* Uri henceforth."

Something crumbled inside Starbuck as he answered. "All right, *Sire* Uri.
I accept the position."

"Very good! You may begin," he pulled out of Starbuck, "By cleaning me -
with your mouth."

***

Starbuck and Valerius emerged from their rooms at the same time. "Morning,"
they greeted each other. Starbuck punctuated his greeting with a groan as
he rotated his neck, revealing bite marks on each side.

"You okay,?" the other man asked.

"Yeah, fine," Starbuck replied, "Just a few stiff muscles. Must be getting
old."

Valerius was about to respond when Uri came through the doorway from which
Starbuck had exited. "Good morning, gentlemen," he greeted them cheerily.

"Morning, Sire," they recited in unison, albeit with considerably less
enthusiasm.

Sire Uri grabbed a towel off the drying rack and continued towards the
bath, whistling happily to himself. Starbuck stretched and groaned. "I feel
like I spent sleep cycle wrestling a Nomen," he admitted. "And I'm not sure
who won."

"I am," Valerius commented dryly. Starbuck gave him a warning look and
Valerius shrugged. He got towels for both of them and started towards the
bath. After one more series of stretches and groans, Starbuck followed.

Uri was drying himself off as they approached. "Water's gone cold," he
commented, starting to dress. "Sorry," he continued, not sounding at all
apologetic.

"Great, it'll wake me up," Valerius muttered.

"Didn't sleep well?" Uri asked.

"Animal noises kept me up most of the night," Valerius said pointedly.

"Sorry to hear that," Uri returned with a grin. "I slept like a baby. You
need to get more exercise before bedtime, Valerius. Right, Starbuck?"

"Yeah, sure." Uri cleared his throat warningly, and Starbuck amended his
statement. "Yes, Sire, as you say." Starbuck pulled his shirt over his
head, revealing hand-shaped bruises at his waist.

Uri caught Valerius' eye and returned his glare with a feral grin. "Did you
start breakfast cooking?" he asked, addressing Starbuck.

Starbuck flinched. "Uh, no. I can ... I can do that now," he stammered,
pulling his shirt back on.

"Don't bother," Uri returned, his voice suddenly flat. He sniffed, then
wrinkled his nose. "You need to bathe. I can find someone else to do it.
Finish undressing," he ordered. He leaned back against the wall, arms
folded across his chest, and waited.

Starbuck obediently pulled the shirt back off and dropped his pants,
revealing another set of purpling hand-prints on his buttocks, these topped
by crescent-shaped gouges. He turned without being prompted, revealing long
scratches running down his thighs, along with more bite marks circling his
nipples and bruises along his rib cage. Further down, a raging erection
rose, almost purple in its rigidity.

Valerius turned away and entered the alcove containing the bath.

Uri waved Starbuck towards the bath and turned to go. "Oh, Starbuck," he
called after him as though he'd just remembered something.

"Sire?" Starbuck stopped and turned to look at him.

"Don't bother to dress after your bath. The Council rescinded the public
nudity laws last cycle, so you won't be needing to waste your credits on
clothing any longer." He continued through the doorway, then stopped once
more. "Oh, and, see that you don't ... change anything ... " he stared at
Starbuck's pulsing rod, "without my permission, of course."

Chapter 4

It was the hard-on that got to him, Adama decided walking briskly back to
his quarters with his head down. He'd thought perhaps Starbuck was deep
undercover for Tigh when the resignation and acceptance crossed his desk.
He'd been sure of it when Starbuck first showed up with Uri at a Council
meeting. He hadn't looked to closely at him, not wanting to risk giving him
away if he was undercover. Uri was vain enough to believe Starbuck would
actually *want* to belong to him, as if Starbuck would even want to be part
of that whole lifestyle at all. He had jumped at the opportunity to get out
of it.

Adama smiled, remembering Starbuck's gratitude at being sponsored into the
Academy. His smile broadened as he remembered the tears in the young man's
eyes when Adama firmly assured him that repayment of the only kind he
thought he could give was neither required nor expected. It had taken a
long time before Starbuck really believed that. No, Starbuck would not
voluntarily go back to a life of sexual servitude. Yet there he was, nude
and showing the results of recent rough sex - as well as sporting that
beautiful engorged penis - docilely following Uri into the Council chamber
and standing at military parade rest behind Uri's chair. Adama had to get
to the bottom of this. Decisively he opened his comm link and summoned
Apollo and Tigh.

***

"So what is it today?" Valerius asked sarcastically as Starbuck stumbled
into the breakfast room, clothed for once. "Peeing blood? Unable to
breathe? Or just unable to sit?"

Starbuck just shook his head mutely. He wandered over to the sideboard and
looked at the various offerings. He hesitated, then poured a small glass of
sweet fruit nectar and sat down opposite Valerius. He lifted the glass to
his lips, then put it back down and looked at it with something close to
longing.

Valerius looked at him more closely, but Starbuck continued to stare at the
glass of juice in front of him. Valerius frowned and reached across the
narrow table, raising Starbuck's chin with his fingertips. Starbuck
remained passive as the handprints ringing his throat were exposed.
Valerius hissed in anger. "He tried to kill you?" he growled.

Starbuck shook his head and swallowed twice, wincing each time. "No, no,"
he croaked, tears of pain coming to his eyes as he forced the words out.
"He just got ... carried away trying to make me last longer. " He picked up
the juice again and managed two small sips.

"What in Hades is wrong with the man?"

Starbuck grinned wryly at that. "You have to ask?" he whispered. Valerius
just glared. "He doesn't like to use ... mechanical methods. Prefers to
control ... 'naturally'. Didn't work." He choked, then swallowed again,
before continuing. "Either time."

***

Valerius picked up the two men and their equipment from the Tauran
freighter and showed them into Uri's study. They left their dollies in the
hallway. "That will be all, Valerius," Uri said without looking up. "Close
the door behind you."

Valerius did as he was told, then went to find Starbuck. He hadn't been
with Uri, which was somewhat odd, but occasionally Uri gave him a brief
respite from humiliation. Maybe he was up for a game of Pyramid, Valerius
thought, as he went through to the private quarters. Centons later he was
back outside the office, a frown on his face. Starbuck was nowhere to be
found. Now that he thought about it, he hadn't seen Starbuck in several
cycles. Not since he'd brought him and Uri back from the metal-smith's shop
on the Orion ship.

Uri seemed to continue pushing Starbuck's physical limits, now resorting to
what Starbuck had casually called 'mechanical methods'. 'Poor Starbuck,' he
thought. 'Fitted with a permanent cock ring and that ... thing that was
shoved up his dick!' Valerius squirmed at the thought of what *that* must
have felt like. And then, hanging down between Starbuck's buttocks from a
chain around his waist, what Uri had referred to as a 'punishment dildo' -
had to have been twice the diameter of the largest cock Valerius had ever
seen. At least Starbuck hadn't had that in him. Valerius thought Uri must
just be using it as a threat.

He slipped into the hallway as the office door opened. He heard the sound
of a padlock being undone and a putrid smell wafted into the hallway,
almost causing him to gag. "In there, gentlemen," came Uri's voice. "I'm
sorry for the ... odor. One of them seems to have become a bit ... ripe."

"Prob'ly the older one, Sire," came a gruff response. "Shoulda called us
sooner. But we're use ta the smell, ain't we, Boron?"

"Yeah. Ain't no big deal. Long as the crate don't leak."

***

"I came right here and told the landing crew to call Security, Colonel,"
Valerius said. "I ... I didn't know what else to do."

"Well, *someone* will be put into custody, Pilot," Tigh said cryptically.
"Of course, if you've jumped to a false conclusion, it could be you - for
assault." He nodded towards the two unconscious Taurans in the passenger
section of the shuttle. " However, we won't know if your suspicions are
correct until we've opened the crates. Lords! What is that stench?"

"It's coming from the crate on the right, sir," Reese reported.

"I hate to do this, but open that one first. If there's *not* something
criminal in there, we can get rid of it quickly."

***

Chapter 5

"That would be ... " Valerius stuttered to a stop. Maybe he was wrong. The
rotting corpse was visually unidentifiable.

"Who?" Tigh demanded.

"I ... uh ... I can't be sure," Valerius stammered.

"Has more than one person been missing from Sire Uri's ... entourage?" Tigh
asked grimly.

"It's hard to say," Valerius answered honestly. "He hires people, sometimes
I take them back and forth, but sometimes they use public shuttles or have
their own ships or even stay on the Rising Star."

"I see," Tigh answered, clearly not believing him. "Well, there is a second
... crate. Let's see what it contains before we go any further." He
motioned to Reese and another security guard to reseal the first crate and
open the second. "And don't worry, Pilot Valerius," Tigh continued, turning
back to him, "We can use genetic markers to figure out who this ... being
... was."

Valerius nodded solemnly and was about to speak when Reese shouted, " Oh
Lords! Colonel Tigh! It's ... it's ..." He couldn't finish, but jabbed a
finger spasmodically at the newly opened crate.

Tigh rushed over, took one look and sank to his knees, tears flowing down
his face. "Dear Gods, no!" he cried throwing his hands up in despair and
appealing to Them. "Not Starbuck! No! By all the Goodness of the Lords of
Kobol, don't let him be dead!"

The three other Security guards were puzzled at their stoic leader's
unforeseen outburst. Reese had the presence of mind to gesture them to keep
their eyes, and pistols, on the now-rousing Taurans. Then he summoned up
courage from somewhere and knelt next to Tigh and tentatively reached into
the crate, quite possibly the bravest thing he had ever done. The body
within was chilled but firm. Looking at the wounds, however, Reese
whispered, "Maybe we should thank the Lords that he *is* dead, sir."

Tigh pulled himself together and looked into the crate. He nodded. "Perhaps
you're right, Sergeant. Perhaps you're right. Call for a med team." At
Reese's raised eyebrow, he explained, "There'll have to be an autopsy to
determine ... *exact* cause of death."

Reese nodded his understanding and rose from his knees. "Bring them," he
ordered his men brusquely. Two of the guards hoisted the Taurans roughly
over their shoulders and followed Reese out of the ship.

The Security guard who had helped open the crates stood uncertainly, the
top of Starbuck's crate still in his hands. "Colonel, shall I ..." he mimed
closing the crate.

"No," the Colonel replied harshly, then his voice broke. "Let him ... let
him have light and air for a little longer." He turned back to the still,
battered form crushed in the box. "Why, Starbuck?" he whispered. "Why did
you go back to this? You hated it, why go back? And why go to Uri, of all
of us?" He rose and brushed the dust from his knees, brushing his emotions
to the back of his mind at the same time.

"Colonel, if I don't return, Sire Uri will be suspicious," Valerius
ventured. "If I'm not being detained ..."

"No, no, you did the right thing. Can you keep Uri in the dark for a while?
Until we have firm evidence?"

"You mean you can't just ..."

"I think you've come to the same conclusion I have as to who is responsible
here. But the law requires more than gut feelings. The autopsies and
examinations of the peripheral materiel will provide solid evidence. It
shouldn't take long - two cycles at most, probably less. Starbuck was ...
very popular. I think the medical and scientific departments will give this
their most focused efforts. There'll be swift justice. But it must be done
legally."

"I understand, sir. I can avoid Sire Uri for a few cycles if necessary. I
might ... be sick from the ... uh ... crate's fumes," Valerius suggested,
thinking 'which wouldn't be much of a pretense.'

"All right, then. You're dismissed as soon as we get ... Starbuck ... off
the shuttle. Guard." He motioned the guard to one end of the crate while he
went to the other. "Gently now, Lords know he's been through enough, let's
not ..." he trailed off, realizing that rough treatment would no longer
hurt the blond warrior."

"I understand, Sir," the guard replied quietly.

Together, they carried the open crate out of the shuttle. The body within
shifted slightly and what might have been a creak or the faintest of moans
came from within. The two men exchanged glances and looked down, but saw no
change. They chalked it up to the slight jostling of carrying it down the
ramp, shrugged at each other, and put the crate down carefully near the
elevator.

Valerius waited until he was sure they were clear and took off for the
Rising Star.

Two med teams arrived shortly afterwards with gurneys. They loaded the
crate with the putrefied remains onto one and took it hurriedly to the
science lab for forensic study. They lifted the open crate onto the second
gurney, which creaked under the weight, causing Tigh to frown briefly -
that creak, like the first had sounded like a faint groan. The med team
paused at his frown, but he shook his head. It was just wishful thinking,
and perhaps, as Reese had suggested, it wasn't even something he would wish
on ... Sire Uri. He waved them on and they rolled the gurney onto the
elevator and pressed the level for the Life Center, where the autopsy would
be conducted.

Tigh sighed and started up the stairs, knowing he was taking the long way
not because of the need to be moving, but to delay the micron when he would
have to tell the Commander and his son what had become of Starbuck after
his resignation.

***

Valerius docked the shuttle in Uri's private bay and reported in. Uri was
at his desk with the door open when Valerius stepped into the anteroom.
"Ah, Valerius, there you are. I wondered what kept you," he called.

"Those Taurans insisted I wait in the shuttle until they got the crates off
and checked the contents," he replied.

"Yes, they would," Uri said dryly. "As if they thought I would cheat them.
Humph! Well, I'll be dining with one of the other Council members and won't
need your services further this cycle," he continued, pushing himself up
from his desk. His hand fell on a thick folder. "Actually, if you're not in
a hurry?"

"No, Sire, what do you need?" Valerius replied.

"Could you toss this down the disposal. I was tidying up and want to get
rid of some of the clutter. Just old contracts and such, but, you know,
they're still confidential - wouldn't want them to fall into the wrong
hands." He chuckled and winked knowingly.

"No problem, Sire, I'll dispose of them on my way out," Valerius said,
taking the bundle.

"Excellent. I'd do it myself but I'm running late and I don't want to leave
it until next cycle; I'd probably forget and file 'em all again," Uri
chuckled at his own absent-mindedness as he ushered Valerius out and locked
the office door. He reached into his pocket and withdrew a fat purse.
"Here's a little something for your trouble. Well, I'm off to another
boring dinner meeting. I'm sure you'll have more fun than I will tonight!"
He swept onto his private elevator, smiling in the certainty that the only
evidence linking him to Starbuck's disappearance was itself about to
disappear.

Valerius waited until the elevator doors closed then quickly searched the
folder, finding the video disks and contracts he had thought he'd have to
search for neatly arranged in one bundle. He felt satisfaction at Uri's
hand being the instrument of his own defeat, but couldn't quite bring
himself to smile. He stopped at the Casino long enough to show himself and
the purse Uri had given him and lose some of the ill-gotten credits within,
then hurried to the public shuttle bay and caught a ship to the Galactica.

***

"Cass, I'm ordering you to leave Life Center *now*," Dr. Salik said firmly,
grabbing the sobbing woman by the shoulders and pushing her out the door of
the autopsy room. The gurney and crate stood next to the table with its
troughs for draining fluids, waiting for the contents to be moved there.
After watching through the window to make sure Cass continued out of Life
Center, Salik turned back to the med team with a sigh. Blinking back his
own tears, he said, "All right, let's get ... him ... onto the table. On
three, folks, one, two, ..."

One of the med techs reached around the middle of the body preparing to
help lift it. The pressure on the distended stomach caused what sounded
like a groan to come from the parted lips. Everyone looked up. "Sorry," the
med tech mumbled. "There must be gas in the abdominal cavity," Salik said.
"Can't be helped. Get your arm back in position."

"Yes, sir I'm ready." The med tech tried not to press against the body this
time

"Okay, people. One, two, ..."

"NO-O-O!"

"Frak! That's not gas! Didn't anyone check for life signs?" Salik snarled.

"Well, they said two corpses, sir," one of the med techs began.

"And you believed them? Security guards? Sagan's balls! Get him up onto the
table! Someone find out from Tigh how long he was sealed in there -
obviously there was some air getting in, but probably not enough, and no
heat."

"Do you want to move him into an examining room, sir?"

"No time," Salik snapped. "It's a wonder he's alive at all." He took a
better look at the man now twitching on the table, almost silent whimpers
coming with each barely visible breath. "Great Asimov! It *is* a wonder
he's alive. Get a full surgical kit in here - and a fully cushioned
isolation bed - with warming blankets." Salik could now see that Starbuck
had been jammed so tightly into the crate, his body so twisted, that he
hadn't been able to move. As soon as he was free, he began to twitch
uncontrollably, muscles spasming. His breathing barely moved his chest; a
layman would have missed it. 'Probably been unconscious for centars,' Salik
thought, just before the blue eyes blinked open.

***

"I didn't know!" Apollo cried. "I didn't know any of it until you and
Father told me a secton ago - he never said a thing. I asked him ... and he
just shook his head. And I let him resign." He paused and looked around
wildly at Tigh and his Father. "And now I've killed him!" It came out as a
howl.

"Apollo! Get a hold of yourself! You didn't kill him. He didn't give you
any choice, Lords know who he thought he was protecting..." Adama trailed
off. No, that wasn't true. Starbuck was protecting him, and Tigh, and
everyone else who had, why not be honest? Everyone else who had fucked the
beautiful young man then out of guilt and fear of ruined careers offered
him an opportunity he deserved anyway. "We all thought the past was buried.
I think ... I think Starbuck gave up his life to keep it that way." Tigh
nodded in silent agreement.

"I didn't ... didn't use him that way, although Lords know I would have if
he had given the slightest sign he was interested," Apollo said. "But I
should have known something was wrong. He got so angry when I suggested he
pretend that all-male class was female! And then, I believed he would ...
do what they accused him of. He was my best friend - why did I immediately
think the worst? Gods! You," he turned accusing eyes on his father and the
Colonel, "You betrayed him long ago. And if you looked the other way now,
well, at least you knew the history. But I didn't know any of that, and I
still believed he could ... be so ... amoral. I should have known better. I
knew so much of that crap was an act! But I let him down anyway." The sobs
took over again, wracking his body. "And now it's too late to do
*anything*."

***

Chapter 6

"I said I did *not* want to be disturbed!" Tigh snapped into the comm unit
when it chimed for the third time.

"I'm sorry, sir," Reese's voice came through tinnily. "But the pilot -
Valerius - he's here and, well, I think you ought to see what he's
brought."

"And that couldn't wait?" Tigh snarled. Behind him Adama rubbed his son's
shaking shoulders in a vain attempt to calm him.

"Well, ordinarily, yes, sir, it could wait. But combined with everything
else that's come in ..."

Adama stepped to the comm unit. "'Everything else'?" he asked, "Like what,
Sergeant?"

"Commander. Sir. Well, first two more bodies were found - an ..." a
rustling of papers came out of the comm unit as Reese searched for the
correct names. "Here they are. Aster and Casper. They were a couple, sir.
And, this is the strange part, they were both in Lieutenant Starbuck's last
training class."

"Does it appear there was foul play involved?"

"No, sir. They actually sent notes out to Security and to their families,
timed to arrive after they couldn't be revived. They committed suicide,
sir."

"Then it's just a coincidence that they were in Starbuck's class," Tigh
concluded.

"I don't believe in coincidences," Adama murmured, too low for the comm
unit to pick up.

"Well, sir, I thought so, too, until the science lab results on the ...
unidentified remains came in."

"And?"

The remains have the genetic marker for a Meliadux, another member of the
Lieutenant's class."

"There does seem to be a pattern, Sergeant. Good job."

"Yes, sir. Thank you. But there's more."

"Go on," Adama prompted.

"See, in their notes, Aster and Casper claim they were killing themselves
because they were being blackmailed. And they name Meliadux as the
blackmailer." He hesitated. "Maybe you should read the notes for
yourselves, sirs. They're pretty specific about what they did. They, uh,
they admit they helped harass the Lieutenant."

"It begins to sound as if there was a suicide pact in Starbuck's class,"
Adama observed.

"Well, that's what I thought, too, but Meliadux didn't commit suicide. And
it didn't look to me like Lieutenant Starbuck did either." Apollo's choked
sob came clearly through the comm unit and Reese winced. "Sorry, sir.
Valerius says there was no pact that he knew of, but he's brought videos
with proof there was a conspiracy."

"We'll be right down, Sergeant," Adama announced, and cut the comm unit as
soon as Reese acknowledged his words. "Tigh, let's go." He was no longer
mourning, he was grim and thin-lipped with suppressed anger; ready for
revenge.

"I'm coming, too," Apollo announced, standing shakily.

"I don't think you should, son," Adama began.

"Fine," Apollo said flatly. "Then I'll go to Life Center and see how the
... autopsy's going." He started out strong and defiant, but his voice and
face cracked on the last words. Before either of the other men could stop
him, he strode out of the room, wiping his face on his sleeves as he went.

"It might have been better if he came with us," Tigh said mildly.

Adama shook his head. "No, not really. He doesn't need to see videos of ...
what Starbuck did. And he does need to say his goodbyes." Adama sighed.
"And they can sedate him there if he falls apart." He paused. "If he lets
himself fall apart - I hope he does; he needs to grieve."

"Perhaps you're right, Commander," Tigh replied. "But I saw Starbuck's
body. He doesn't need to see that. It would be better if his last vision
was of Starbuck alive - even if he was servicing someone."

Adama raised his eyebrows at that. "Even if he was servicing - us?"

"Yes, old friend, even that would be better than what I saw in that crate."

***

Apollo nearly ran into Cass, who was pacing outside Life Center. "Apollo,
you don't want to go in there. Dr. Salik sent me away. No one should see
him ... like that."

"I don't care, Cassie. I have to go in. This is my fault. I let it happen."
He pushed her aside and went through the doors.

"Keep trying. Stress the urgency," a harried med tech was saying to an
attendant at a comm unit. "We have to know how long ..." He whirled at the
sound of the opening doors. "Captain Apollo! Did Colonel Tigh send you? How
long was Lieutenant Starbuck in the crate?"

"What? What difference does it make?" Apollo was bewildered and suddenly
exhausted. He sank into the nearest chair and put his head in his hands.

The med tech recognized borderline hysteria and responded patiently. "The
heat and oxygen supply in the crate was inadequate to support life. We need
to know whether to check for brain damage in the absence of head trauma."

Apollo took a moment to absorb what was being said. "You mean, you mean he
might have been alive when ... when he was put into the crate?" he said in
a voice full of horror.

"Of course he was alive. He was still alive when we ... oh!" The med tech
suddenly realized what Apollo was thinking.

"He was alive?! When he got here he was alive?" Apollo was shrieking now.

"Yes. Calm down, Captain, please. Yes, he was alive, just barely. Dr.
Salik's been trying ..."

"To contact us, yes, I know. Where?" Apollo forced himself to sound
rational.

The med tech gestured towards the clearly labeled autopsy room.

'Too late. Too late even when I had a second chance,' Apollo thought. "I
have to see him," he declared.

"Captain! You can't go in there. It's a sterile environment; you could
contaminate him!"

Apollo shoved the med tech aside. "What difference could that make now? I
already contaminated him! Hades! I condemned him!"

Apollo stopped short as the autopsy room's automatic doors swung open. But
instead of the sheet-covered gurney he expected to see, Dr. Salik came out
wheeling an isolation bed and giving quiet orders to the two med techs who
accompanied him. "... private room, not the intensive care ward. Lights on
20% at all times, full-time monitoring - get Cass to do that, it'll make
her feel better. No sedation under any circumstances unless I personally
authorize it. No visitors until further notice. And tell anyone who asks
that it's going to be sectons, not cycles. And start immediately on ..."
Salik turned, sensing someone at his shoulder. "Ah, Apollo. I'll be right
with you. Just let me finish here." He turned back and continued his
directions.

Apollo moved past him to the side of the isolation bed. Starbuck lay on his
side, his body swathed in bandages from breastbone to thighs. The clear
enclosure was slightly steamed. Apollo put a hand on it, looking perplexed.

The med tech standing nearest him smiled reassuringly and said quietly,
"We're still warming and hydrating him. He's also getting an extra rich
oxygen mixture. It's a little like a sauna in there - a healing sauna."

Apollo nodded. "Can I ... just look at him?"

The med tech glanced up at Salik, who nodded. "Go ahead, Captain," she
said, stepping back.

Apollo's shadow roused Starbuck, who opened tired eyes to see who was
nearing him. Salik had said he would be safe, but still ... not that there
was anything he could do to defend himself, he thought ruefully. 'Too late
for that, Bucko, you could have done the right thing at the beginning, but
your stupid vanity got in the way. At least I made sure no one else got
sucked in.' He focused his eyes through the mist. Apollo, here? He tried to
raise a hand, but got only pain in response. His eyes filled with tears,
only partly from pain. 'Oh, 'Pol, I tried ...'

"'Pol ..." Apollo jumped at the sound of his name coming faintly from
inside the bed. He looked through the steamed-up enclosure at pain-filled
blue eyes. "He's awake?"

Before the med tech could answer, Salik nodded and pulled the enclosure
open to Starbuck's neck. "We couldn't sedate him; had to use topical
anesthetic. But, just a few microns, he's really too weak for this." He
stepped away, motioning the med techs to follow him, giving the two men a
modicum of privacy.

Apollo leaned more fully into Starbuck's view. "I'm here, Starbuck."

"'Pol ... Captain, I didn't give anything away. I didn't comp ...
compromise security. I swear."

Apollo had to lean into the enclosed area to hear Starbuck's words. He
reassured him, "I know, Starbuck. You'd never risk the Fleet."

Starbuck nodded, the slight motion bringing a moan to his lips. He
swallowed and continued. "Please. Captain? Tell ... tell the C'mander ...
and Tigh ... nothing got out ... he thinks he got one disk from ... the old
days ... but I corrupted it. It's just ... static now - no audio or ...
video. He said he was going to ... destroy ... the others. The videos from
now. Too in ... incriminating."

"Shh, Starbuck, it's all right. We know. It's okay," Apollo assured his
friend, while fresh wounds opened in his own mind as he saw the
faithfulness he had so easily discounted.

"No, Captain, please! Promise me ... promise you'll tell them. Please!"

At the desperate plea, Salik hurried over, frowning at Apollo.

"Yes, of course I'll tell them, Starbuck," Apollo soothed the agitated
mind. "You rest now. I'll be back when you're rested."

"You'll tell them now?"

"Yes, right now. I'll find Father and Tigh and tell them exactly what you
said. Then I'll come back here and wait for you to wake up. But you've got
to try to sleep now."

"'Kay," Starbuck breathed the last word in relief and relaxed, his eyes
drifting shut.

Apollo had leaned so close to hear that last word that his face was almost
touching Starbuck's. Now he closed the small distance between his lips and
Starbuck's and gave him a soft kiss. As he pulled back, he was surprised to
see Starbuck's lips bowed in a smile.

Salik's voice brought Apollo back to reality. "When you find your father
and the Colonel, bring them back with you. It'll be easier to brief all of
you at once." He grimaced at the thought of telling them the damage and
showing them how it had been done. "And there are decisions to be made on
Starbuck's behalf." Apollo looked at him quizzically. "Didn't you know? You
and your father are named Starbuck's next-of-kin."

***

Chapter 7

"It's so unfair," Apollo said in a soft, sad voice, carefully pitched not
to disturb the sleeping man whose blond hair he stroked.

"What do you mean, son?" Adama asked.

"This is all I can do - the only way I can touch him. You, Tigh, Uri, who
else, Dad? You've all touched him in the most intimate ways. Ways that
should mean love. But you didn't mean love - Hades! You and Tigh didn't
mean anything, did you?"

Adama squirmed uncomfortably. "Well, son, the times were different. He was
... earning a living and we were ... expanding our enjoyment of each other.
It *was* consensual. And no one hurt him then - not even Uri. Back then, we
were just relaxing, taking time out from the war. Tigh and I shared him,
true, but ... it just wasn't the ... dirty scene you make it. Cain, now, he
was into humiliation. But even there, it was Starbuck's *job*. And if he
said 'no', we all respected that. And once we learned that he really didn't
enjoy it, that he wanted to be so much more, well, we banded together and
made it happen." Adama gently turned Apollo's head so that their eyes met.
"And we never let him 'pay' for what we did, either - we refused when he
offered - every one of us." Adama sighed. "Then Uri somehow got ...
twisted. I thought he'd forgotten about this; Tigh and I were talking about
it, you know; we had both put it out of our minds entirely until all this
happened. And when Cain was around, he didn't even recognize Lieutenant
Starbuck as the boy we'd played with so many yahrens ago."

Apollo just shook his head. His father didn't understand. "I used to be
able to hug him - if I could find an excuse - or throw my arm around him,
buddy to buddy. Now, unless he's alert enough to recognize that it's me and
that I'd never harm him, he panics. I can't even calm him down by stroking
him like this. I have to talk him out of his panic first, get him to look
at me and see that it's me, tell him I'm going to just stroke his head or
take his hand. I can't rub his back or hold him because, as soon as I'm out
of his line of sight, he seems to forget who's touching him and he starts
to panic again." His voice had gone up as he spoke and now Starbuck stirred
under him, trembling and whimpering. "Shh, Starbuck, it's just me, Apollo,
talking to my father. I didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep."

But as Apollo had said, Starbuck couldn't just go back to sleep. He had to
be sure. He opened sleepy eyes and looked around him. Finally he said,
"'Pol? Were you talking about ... wanting to touch me or did I dream it?"

Apollo glanced at his father who gave him a warning glance that said:
'Don't lie to him.'

"You didn't dream it, Starbuck. But I won't touch you, not in any way you
don't want."

Starbuck shook his head impatiently. "No, that's okay. You can. It's just
..." he sighed. Body servants didn't make demands - ever. Part of him knew
that wasn't right for the circumstances, but he couldn't focus on why.
"It's just, if you could wait ... just a few cycles longer, until I ...
adjust." It wasn't quite what he meant, but it was as close as his internal
censor would let him get. He hurried with an alternative. "Or if you can't,
if you would just tell me before you start, I'll do my best not to ... not
to be afraid."

Sometime while Starbuck was speaking, Adama had slipped out without
disturbing the two younger men. Now Apollo's mind registered the outer door
to their shared quarters sliding closed. He didn't allow himself to be
distracted. "I can wait, Starbuck. I *will* wait - until you want me to
touch you." This was the hard part, getting Starbuck to believe him. "And
if you never actually want it, then it will *not* happen."

To Apollo's surprise, Starbuck protested. He pushed himself into a sitting
position, with just a hiss of discomfort, took Apollo's hand in both of
his, and looked Apollo straight in the eye. "'Pol, it's what I am. It's
what I do. My *wanting* doesn't come into it anymore than whether I want to
shoot Cylons when they happen to fly at us. It's in the job description."

"You're a viper pilot, not a ... sex toy."

"I can't be a viper pilot with a damaged bladder." Starbuck said bluntly.
"I can be a sex toy. It adds to the ... performance."

***

"Uncle Starbuck? Are you awake?"

"Hmm?" Starbuck rolled towards the voice and opened his eyes. Boxey stood,
hands held carefully behind his back, calling softly to him. "Hi, Boxey. Is
something wrong?"

"Dad didn't come back from patrol last night and now Grandpa had to go to
the bridge. He said to check on you, but not to wake you. And not to touch
you. I knew *that*. I'm not a baby!"

"Of course you're not." Starbuck agreed, sitting up carefully against his
pillows.

"And I locked Muffit into my room so he wouldn't jump on you. Grandpa
didn't even tell me that."

"Thank you, Boxey. That was very considerate of you," Starbuck praised him
solemnly, waiting to hear the real issue.

"Only, only ..." A quivering voice and one tear signaled that Boxey was
getting down to the reason he *had* awakened Starbuck.

"Come here, Boxey. It's okay." Starbuck held out an arm.

Boxey shook his head and took a step back. "Dad said not to. 'Not under any
circumstances.'"

Starbuck let his arm drop. "Oh. Of course. Well, you listen to your Dad; he
... he knows what's right. Sometimes I don't." 'Guess it's one thing to
*say* I'm not a sex toy and another to believe it enough to trust me too
close to your son,' he thought at Apollo.

Boxey looked up and his mouth quirked into a grin, despite his tear-filled
eyes. "That's why he's the Captain and you're the Lieutenant, right?"

Starbuck forced a smile. "That's right." He tried to gather his thoughts,
pushing aside both physical and emotional pain. "Tell you what though. Give
me a couple of centons to wash and dress, and I'll make us a special
breakfast." He paused, suddenly uncertain. "That's allowed, isn't it?" he
asked.

Boxey nodded eagerly. "Can I let Muffit out, too?" he asked.

"Sure. In fact, while you're waiting for me to get ready, why don't you set
the table - and set a place for Muffit, too."

Boxey giggled. "O-kay!" he yelled, running out.

***

"When's my Dad coming home?" Boxey asked plaintively.

"Well, the Commander commed while you were in your bath," Starbuck said.
"He said they've had a signal from him and as soon as they clear the mine
field he's going to send a shuttle for him. He might be home by the time
you wake up," 'if there are enough uninjured warriors to go after him,' he
added silently. "But if you don't go to sleep, that's going to be a long
time coming," he pointed out.

"That doesn't make any sense at all!" Boxey said. "But I guess you mean
it's my bedtime."

"Yep, that's exactly what I mean."

"Will you read me a story?"

"Sure. Tell you what: you pick out a story and get into bed while I ... um
..."

"Go to the turbo flush?" Boxey asked. Starbuck nodded. "You do that a lot.
Grandpa said if you didn't remember by yourself I should remind you, but
you always remembered."

"Yeah, today I did. I don't always. Sometimes I'm too ... sleepy ... to
remember." Starbuck stopped himself. The kid didn't need details of his
handicaps. "Anyway, you get the story ready and I'll be there in a micron."

***

"Muffit needed a story, too, huh?"

"Is it okay?"

"Sure. What story do you want?"

"Muffit wants a story about all the warriors coming home to Earth."

"Uh huh." Starbuck sat gingerly on the edge of the bed. Muffit crept over
and put his head in Starbuck's lap. "Think this would be okay with your Dad
and Grandpa?" Starbuck asked.

"Sure. 'Cept they don't think I should sleep with Muffit." Boxey averred.
"How come Muffit can sit in your lap and I can't?"

"I don't think Muffit counts like a person does," Starbuck explained,
trying to be as vague as he could.

"Well, if I sat in your lap, but didn't touch you, would that be okay?"

Starbuck could see Boxey's chin quivering. Starbuck decided he'd face Adama
and Apollo's wrath later. Right now there was a little boy who needed
someone to hold him, and Starbuck was the only one around. "Sure, kid,
it'll be fine Just don't squirm around too much, okay?"

***

Adama walked into Boxey's room and found its three occupants asleep, curled
around each other. Starbuck was propped against the headboard and pillows,
with Boxey asleep against his chest. Muffit "slept" across their laps.
Adama chuckled softly and drew the blanket up around them.

Some sense of a new presence in the room roused Starbuck. Aware of the
weight on his chest and legs, he didn't move, but let his senses sharpen
his memory. When he remembered where he was, he opened his eyes and met the
Commander's. Panic rose in him and he stiffened, only his innate protective
instincts keeping him from falling apart completely.

"I didn't mean to wake you, Starbuck," Adama whispered. "Are you all right
there or do you want me to help you get untangled?"

"I ... um ... I didn't mean to fall asleep, Commander. I didn't do anything
to Boxey, I swear! He told me I wasn't to touch him. But ... but he was so
worried about Apollo, and ..." Starbuck knew he was babbling. He should
just own up to his actions and take his punishment. He pulled himself
together with difficulty. "I'm sorry, Commander. I know I shouldn't have
rocked him to sleep. I shouldn't have touched him."

Adama didn't get to be Commander of the Fleet without being perceptive. He
understood immediately where Starbuck's thoughts were leading and cut him
off. "Nonsense, Lieutenant, you did exactly the right thing. I told Boxey
not to touch *you* because I didn't want you to wake up abruptly - you
sometimes don't react well to being awakened suddenly." He waited for
Starbuck to absorb his words.

Starbuck nodded slowly, understanding he wouldn't be punished, at least not
this time. He'd have to be careful though. The Commander had always been
forgiving of mistakes, but the Captain had a quick temper. "Thank you,
sir."

"Are you comfortable or do you want me to help you move?" Adama repeated.

"I ... I guess I'm okay here. It's ... kind of nice, actually," Starbuck
admitted, risking a glance at Adama to see how he reacted. He received a
smile in response and relaxed slightly. "I'd probably be happier in the
morning if I lay down, though," he added.

Adama helped him slide into a horizontal position without waking Boxey.
Muffit roused, but merely gave a mechanical yawn and rearranged himself
around the new configuration. Adama pulled the covers up again, then leaned
down and kissed Boxey's forehead. On impulse, he did the same to Starbuck.
"Sleep well," he whispered.

Starbuck had a surprised smile on his face as he murmured, "You, too,
Commander," and closed his eyes.

*** Chapter 8

Starbuck quietly exited Boxey's bedroom and paused uncertainly.

"Asleep?" the Commander asked from the computer console without looking up.

"Finally," Starbuck responded and, taking advantage of the opening,
continued, "He wants to know when someone will be going to get his father."

Adama sighed and stretched kinked muscles. He turned toward the young man
still standing in the entryway. "I wish I could give you an answer. But
we're still fighting rear-guard action and that's taking all the warriors
and cadets who can still man vipers."

Starbuck nodded his understanding. "And we'll be out of range of his
emergency beacon in another few cycles, won't we?" Adama nodded and winced,
partly from having to admit that he was about to abandon his son and partly
from the pain that even that small movement evinced from tense muscles.
Starbuck caught the wince and moved quickly behind the Commander's chair.
He put his hands tentatively on Adama's shoulders and said, "Let me help
you with that."

Adama hesitated, not wanting to reinforce the sexual relationship that was
still hanging over them. He pretended not to understand. "Help with what,
Starbuck?"

Starbuck chuckled softly. "I was offering to give you a massage,
Commander," he said. "Just a massage," he clarified, then added, "Unless
you want more." Before the Commander could respond, he continued, "But,
actually, since you asked, I could help with your other problem as well."

"Starbuck," Adama began.

Starbuck squeezed the Commander's shoulders lightly. "Massage?" he asked.

"Yes, that would be ... very welcome," Adama admitted, leaning forward
slightly.

"The couch would be better," Starbuck suggested. "I doubt just easing the
tension in your neck will be enough."

"All right," Adama said, rising and lying on his stomach on the couch. "But
*just* a massage," he added as Starbuck swung a leg over him, to kneel
astride him.

"Just a massage, Commander," Starbuck assured him. "I just wanted to let
you know that ..." he paused to get the words right the first time. "I want
you to know that if you want more, it would be my pleasure to serve you."
He began kneading the Commander's stiff muscles, precluding additional
conversation for a while. Finally, satisfied with his efforts, Starbuck sat
back on his haunches to rest.

"That feels much better, thank you," Adama murmured, lulled into a doze by
the younger man's ministrations.

"My pleasure, sir," Starbuck replied. He hesitated, then plunged on. "If I
may, I'd like to go back to our previous conversation." Adama nodded for
him to continue. Starbuck began stroking the Commander's back as he spoke.
"I know I can't pilot a viper with my ... injuries, but I think I could
manage a shuttle. And that's what we really need to rescue Apollo."

"Starbuck, let's sit face to face to discuss this," Adama suggested.
Starbuck stood so that Adama could get into a seated position, then sat on
the opposite end of the couch. "I'm not sure anyone ever discussed the full
extent of your ... injuries with you. I know I haven't."

"No, no one has," Starbuck said. "I've probably learned more from Boxey in
the past secton than from anyone else. I knew my bladder had burst, and now
I know that it's not going to get any better than it already is - I'm never
going to be able to even run a short patrol in a viper. And from what Boxey
tells me, I must have had a massive internal infection, because my ability
to digest food is impaired. And I've noticed I need quite a bit more sleep
than I used to, so I suspect my lungs and heart were also impacted. I
gather from your expression that I'm not going to improve much."

Adama shook his head. "No, Dr. Salik doesn't think so. As long as you take
your medication, though, you can lead a fairly normal life."

"But not the 'normal life' of a Colonial Warrior, right Commander?"
Starbuck finished for him.

"Yes, at least not as an active pilot. There are other positions, but ..."
Adama paused, not knowing how to continue.

"But there's something else. Something Boxey doesn't know or that I haven't
figured out yet."

Adama looked even more uncomfortable. "I don't know how to begin. We ...
weren't sure it would be necessary to tell you. But you've ... recovered
far better than Dr. Salik predicted. Especially since this latest attack."

"Maybe because I had to fend for myself - or have Boxey look after me?"

"Probably. There's so much we don't know about the human mind."

"Please tell me, Commander. Maybe I don't have the right to know." He
looked closely at Adama and saw that he was hitting the mark, "But if, as
you say, I've recovered more than anticipated and since I'm aware that
there is something else ... wrong, I'd like to know what it is."

"You were in a ... sealed crate ... for a long period of time, we're not
sure exactly how long, but perhaps as much as four or five cycles. The
crate wasn't air-tight or you wouldn't be alive at all, but ..."Adama
stopped short. "Perhaps Dr. Salik should be part of this conversation," he
said abruptly.

But Starbuck shook his head slowly and took up where Adama had left off.
"But there wasn't sufficient oxygen for a person to survive without brain
damage, is that what you're saying? And I presume Dr. Salik found evidence
of brain damage when he was examining me."

Adama nodded. "I don't know the technical terms, but you haven't lost the
capability to do anything, as far as he - and we - have been able to
determine. And you don't seem to have any kind of amnesia."

"But I seem confused about who I am and how I should act? I know I *am*
confused. I just didn't think that was ... physical."

"No, it's not - at least not as far as I know. I would guess that's a
psychological reaction to everything that's happened to you since Uri
started his machinations."

"Then ... what? It must be something I really am unaware of. But I want to
know. Please."

Adama sighed. "You ... lose time. Left on your own, asleep, you won't wake
yourself. Actually, I took advantage of that during the first few cycles of
the Cylon attack." He grimaced. "I'm sorry. It wasn't the right thing to
do, but it was the easiest. And I know it left you believing that your
physical control was even less than it is."

Starbuck nodded. He had been embarrassed and ashamed to wake finding the
Commander cleaning him. "So my body doesn't wake me."

"No, but a voice alarm would do it. There's more though. You also go into a
kind of suspension if you're not stimulated." At Starbuck's frown, Adama
backtracked. "I don't mean sexually, Starbuck. Sorry. Poor choice of words.
If your mind isn't kept focused on something or someone, you fall into a
fugue state. Again, you can be easily roused by someone speaking to you,
but ..."

"That precludes almost any occupation where I'm not closely supervised,"
Starbuck finished for him, speaking softly.

"Not necessarily. As long as your mind is occupied - busy - you're fine. So
I'm sure there's a place for you on the Galactica. We just have to ensure
that someone checks on you every so often." Adama forced himself to harden
his tone. "But I can't send you off in a shuttle to rescue Apollo, much as
a I want to. There isn't enough to occupy your mind during the trip, most
of it's automated."

"I understand, Commander," Starbuck assured him. "Umm, speaking of
sleeping, though, I'm kind of tired."

"And it's getting late. Go on and get ready for bed. I'll be headed that
way myself in a few centons."

"Good night, Commander. And ... thanks for being honest with me."

"Good night, Starbuck."

***

"There's gotta be a way," Starbuck murmured as he lay in bed. "Wait a
micron! I've got it! Now, all I've got to do is get a shuttle and launch
clearance ..."

***

"You there, Cora?" Starbuck called softly, seating himself at the shuttle
controls.

"Of course, Starbuck, where else would I be?" the computer purred in
response to the question.

"Right. Okay, here's the deal. I need you to talk to me every ... hmm ...
every 15 centons. And make sure I answer you in a way that makes sense."

"'Makes sense'? Can you be more specific, please?"

"Hmm. How about this: Every 15 centons, you ask me, 'Starbuck, are you
awake?' And keep asking until *I* ask you what time it is, okay?"

"Whatever you say, dear," the Cora unit responded. "Should I assume you
also want me to let you know if anything *important* happens?"

"Well, of course!" Starbuck snapped. "Oh, and if the Galactica tries to
contact us, maintain communications silence until either I or Captain
Apollo countermands this order."

"Humph! That means I can't talk to anyone!"

"You're a frakking computer! You don't *need* to talk to anyone!" Starbuck
hissed.

"Well, you don't need to be insulting. I suppose you'd like an automated
launch while maintaining communications silence, too?"

"If you wouldn't mind," Starbuck said through clenched teeth.

"Anything you want, Starbuck. You know that."

Starbuck just sighed.

***

"He did *what*!?"

"I'm sorry, Colonel, but Lieutenant Starbuck initiated an automated launch
of the experimental long-range shuttle. I just assumed he had gotten
clearance to test it."

"Tigh to Adama," the Colonel called into his comm unit. "Oh, he's going to
*love* hearing this," he muttered.

***

Chapter 9

"You're awake, aren't you, Starbuck?" Cora asked.

"Yeah. What time is it?"

"Fifteen centons later than it was the last time you asked," the computer
unit snapped. "Why are we doing this?"

"Because ... because ..." Starbuck began. He reminded himself that he was
talking to a computer, which made it a little easier. "Because I'm
brain-damaged and the Commander told me that I sometimes phase out."

"Well, you haven't yet," Cora remarked. "Am I supposed to wake you every 15
centons during your sleep cycle, too?"

"No, of course not. Go to regular sleep cycle status then. But for now go
to every 30 centons, okay?"

"Your wish is my command."

Starbuck shook his head. That Cora unit was *too* lifelike. Ah, well. Maybe
he should have asked the Commander how often he shut down and under what
circumstances. Too late now. The Commander would undoubtedly shut him down
permanently when he got back. 'But at least we'll have Apollo back. That's
what really matters.'

***

"...awake? Starbuck, are you awake?"

"Hmm? Yeah, I'm awake."

"Starbuck, are you awake?"

"Yes, frak it! I mean ... what time is it?"

"That's better. Do you really want to know, or was that just a code to stop
me from cycling through the command sequence?"

"No, I want to know."

"It's 1305."

"It took you five centons to wake me?"

"That's correct. Maybe you were just tired. Why don't you go into sleep
cycle?"

"Thanks, but it wasn't that I was just tired. I shut off without even
realizing it. I guess that's what I've been doing all along. But I do
usually take a nap about now. Okay, wake me in two centars."

***

"Warning! Warning! Approaching planetary mass."

"Return console to manual," Starbuck commanded, instantly alert.

"Well, *that* certainly didn't take five centons; more like five microns,"
Cora commented.

"Not now, Cora," Starbuck snapped, bringing up displays and searching for
man-made material on the planet's surface. "But save any data you're
compiling for later correlation. Who knows? Maybe if you can find a
pattern, I can be of some use somewhere."

"Archiving data on Starbuck biorhythms and environment for later
correlation."

"Scan for artificial structures on the surface."

"One structure."

"Display location."

A three-dimensional representation of the planet they were approaching was
displayed with a flashing light on one of the land masses. A list of
environmental conditions, along with a listing of artificial materials let
Starbuck know that the atmosphere was breathable and the structure was
concordant with a viper. Starbuck took the shuttle into a low orbit.

"What are you doing, Starbuck? That orbit is too low for the shuttle to
maintain?"

"I'm scanning for life; you keep us from crashing."

"You're scanning - visually?" If a computer could sound incredulous, Cora
did.

"Sure, I know what I'm looking for and I can process the data faster than I
can give you the parameters, let alone key them in."

"Humph!"

"Frak! No signs of independent movement. Okay, take us down. Put us as
close to the crash site as you can."

***

"I want to know how this happened and I want procedures put in place
immediately to prevent it happening ever again!" Adama thundered.

Tigh spoke in calm counterpoint to his Commander's agitation. "I can tell
you exactly how it happened. And how it happened is exactly why we'll never
be able to prevent it happening again, no matter what we do - short of
incarcerating the Lieutenant."

"He's brain-damaged. He has no business trying to pilot a two-station
shuttle by himself anyway, let alone an experimental model, and in his
current condition ..."

"In his current condition, he managed to convince the launch and bridge
crew that he was authorized. At least he took the shuttle with the Cora
unit in it."

"Yes," said Adama thoughtfully, finally calming down enough to think. "That
must be why he took the experimental shuttle. To ensure he'd have back-up.
If his whole scheme wasn't doomed from the start by his physical and mental
disabilities, it would be interesting to see if his idea worked."

"Are you done bein' mad at Uncle Starbuck?" a small voice asked from behind
the two men.

Adama knelt down to be at Boxey's level. "We're not angry at Starbuck,
Boxey," he explained gently. "We're worried about him. He's not ...
completely well yet."

"But no one else was going to get Dad, were they? And Starbuck promised me
someone would go get him. Starbuck always keeps his promises," the boy said
solemnly.

The two men exchanged glances. Strange as it sounded, they realized the
crafty Lieutenant *did* always keep his promises - but he was very careful
about when he made promises, and to whom. "You're right, Boxey," Adama
conceded. "Let's just hope Starbuck finds your father and they both get
back safely."

***

"Stay in idle mode, Cora," Starbuck instructed as he opened the hatch and
rolled the ramp out. "I may need you in a hurry." He pulled a sled behind
him, knowing he was not strong enough to lift Apollo, let alone carry him
from the viper to the shuttle.

"I'll be ready, Starbuck," the computer assured him.

Checking that the hatch sealed behind him. Starbuck got his bearings and
took off at a steady pace for the viper's crash site. 'Well, at least it
came in on a relatively flat trajectory,' he thought. 'Apollo must have
maintained some control as he came down.' The thought cheered him and he
quickened his pace to follow the trail of broken plants and then flattened
ground cover. In less than half a centar he was standing next to the viper,
panting heavily, and noticing how his heart was pounding in his chest.
'What else haven't they told me?' he wondered. 'Either I've lost more time
than I thought from what the Commander said - like sectons instead of the
odd centar here and there - or I'm in much worse shape physically than
anyone's let on.' He shook the thoughts from his head. There were more
important things to worry about than being a little winded for now. "'Pol?"
he called. "Captain Apollo! Respond!"

Faintly, from inside the flattened viper he heard, "Here. In here. Caught
under blast shield."

Starbuck forgot about his pounding chest and shortness of breath as he tore
away the canopy. In short order he was leaning over his best friend.

"Starbuck?" Apollo said in disbelief. "Lords, I must be hallucinating."

"It's okay, 'Pol. You're not imagining things. I'll get you out in a
centon." Starbuck tapped his transmitter and spoke to Cora. "Cora, darlin',
would you mind flying over my position at about, oh, 20 metrons and let out
the grappling chain -slowly?"

"It would be my pleasure, Starbuck," came the response.

Apollo shook his head and muttered, "He's not really here. He's back on the
Galactica, probably semi-conscious, if that. I just *want* him to be here -
want him to be able to be here."

"No, 'Pol, it's me. I just had to arrange for a little more help than I
used to," Starbuck assured him.

"Must be ... not eating. Maybe this is what it's like to die of
starvation."

Starbuck gave up trying to convince him and directed Cora to pull the front
of the viper off Apollo. Once that was accomplished, he ordered her to land
again, orienting the shuttle so that it's hatch was facing the viper. Then
he manipulated the sledge so that it was against Apollo's side. "You've
gotta help me here, buddy. I can't lift you. Pull yourself onto the sledge
and I'll get your legs on."

The order made too much sense to Apollo to be a figment of his imagination.
"Starbuck, you're really here."

"That's what I've been telling you, Captain. Now do the best you can to get
onto the sledge." Apollo obeyed, getting most of his upper body moved over.
"There you go. Okay now I'll lift your legs and you swing from ... from
wherever you can swing from to get the rest of you on."

"I think I can lift my hips," Apollo offered.

"That would be good. Let's try it."

It took several tries, but finally Apollo was solidly on the sledge.
Starbuck started the motor and guided it towards the shuttle. As soon as he
got Apollo settled in the rear of the shuttle, he ordered, "Cora, lift off.
Fastest route back to the Fleet." Starbuck moved back to Apollo then and
checked him over.

"Just my legs, I think," Apollo said. "I've been able to move everything
else. I *was* getting hungry though. Rations ran out two or three planetary
cycles ago."

"Well, you don't seem to have any internal injuries. Your legs look pretty
bad, but no bones are sticking out. I guess if the rations haven't killed
you yet you can have more." Starbuck rose to get the emergency kit and
swayed, on his feet. "Whoa! I guess I'll try that a little more slowly."
Holding on to the bulkhead, he went to the locker and returned with a
package of rations and two bulbs of water. He collapsed in a heap next to
Apollo, offering him the rations and one of the bulbs. He tried to open the
other one for himself, but didn't have the strength.

Apollo watched with mounting concern. "Starbuck, how long has it been since
you've eaten?"

"Don't know. I left right after Boxey went to his instructional period. I
ate with him right before that."

"You haven't eaten since?"

"No. Commander told me how ... bad off I was, so I figured rations were not
a good experiment to try if I wanted to be able to help you." He paused.
"But I thought water'd be okay. If I could open it."

Apollo propped himself up against a bulkhead. "Come here. Starbuck crawled
over and Apollo pulled him up against his chest. "I better hold it for you,
too. You're so shaky you'll probably spill it."

"Yeah," said Starbuck sleepily. He sucked the bulb dry then fell asleep
against Apollo, thinking that it felt very familiar.

***

Chapter 10

"Is he going to be okay?" The quiet voice startled those surrounding
Apollo.

Dr. Salik straightened. "You woke by yourself?"

"Not really. I think you woke me when you moved me."

"You didn't respond."

Starbuck reddened. "I ... wasn't sure where I was. If it was Uri, sometimes
it was better to pretend to still be out."

"It's all right, Starbuck," Adama comforted him. He had made sure Apollo
was indeed all right, then come over to where Starbuck lay.

Starbuck looked up at the Commander, a faint smile on his face. "How much
trouble am I in?" he asked.

The Commander chuckled. He wanted to tell Starbuck that he deserved a
spanking, but knew it would be taken the wrong way. "We can discuss that
later. I feel that I share responsibility because I wasn't fully open with
you about your disabilities. And of course your ... unauthorized action was
successful, so that has to be taken into account."

"And right now you're dehydrated and malnourished," Salik pointed out. "So
after I examine you more thoroughly you'll be sharing a semi-private room
in Life Center with your Captain there. You'll both be hooked up to IV
lines and restrained if necessary."

"I won't need to be restrained," Starbuck whispered desperately.

"It's all right, Starbuck, Dr. Salik was just joking. No one's going to
restrain you."

***

"You two were made for each other!"

"Great." Came from both beds.

"See what I mean?" Dr. Salik walked out laughing.

"So every 15 minutes I have to make sure you're awake?" Apollo asked.

Starbuck shrugged. "If you don't want me bothering you, you can just
neglect to do it," he suggested. "Your father did," he added.

"Didn't that bother you?"

"I didn't know until he told me. And he had good reason."

Apollo laughed. "You were being that much of a pain in the neck?"

Starbuck joined in the laughter, then shook his head. "Not exactly. But if
I was awake I had to be watched, I guess. And reminded to go to the turbo
flush. And he had to make sure I only ate what I was supposed to. And that
Boxey and Muffit didn't scare me. Which actually they didn't. But I was
pretty confused for a while, so he thought that they might scare me and
then that would frighten Boxey. And he didn't want me to ..." He stopped
speaking abruptly.

"Starbuck? You there?"

"Yeah. I don't *think* I drop out like that."

"Then why did you stop talking?"

"I was just rambling."

"You never could lie to me, Bucko. What were you going to say?"

"It doesn't matter," Starbuck mumbled.

"Come on, tell me. Otherwise not only will I make sure you don't phase out,
I won't let you get any sleep."

"No chance of your phasing out, huh?"

"Nope."

Starbuck sighed. "It's not like I don't understand. It just ... the way I
found out, you know ... it ... I felt bad. Because, because ... frak it! It
wasn't my fault! And ... " he stopped to get himself under control. "Sorry.
I do understand why, but ... even then I knew how much Uri had taken away
from me, so it hurt to have one more thing gone. And now that I know how
little I have left - although I guess I should be grateful just to be alive
... it just seems ...it's just so unfair."

"Starbuck, I don't know what it is that upset you. But I do know Father
wouldn't intentionally hurt you."

"No, no, I didn't mean that he would, or that I thought he would. Felger!"
Starbuck was gasping for breath. "Can't breathe. What'd I do now?"

Apollo had already pressed the call button and Cass came running in.
Starbuck was sitting on the edge of his bed, hand to his chest, his lips
turning blue. Cass quickly grabbed an oxygen mask and held it over his
mouth and nose. "Breathe!" she commanded. "Slow and deep. That's it. Keep
going. All right." She put Starbuck's hand over the mask. "Hold it there
and keep breathing into the mask."

When she was sure he understood, she removed her hand and reached for a
stethoscope. Gently she pushed Starbuck back on the bed and listened to his
heart and lungs. She frowned then picked up a small vial and syringe. "I'm
going to give you a sedative."

Starbuck shook his head violently.

"Yes. Your heart is racing and you're hyperventilating. It's a vicious
cycle and we have to stop it before you do some real damage."

Starbuck lay still as she injected him. Cass held the oxygen mask over his
face for a few centons longer, until his body started to relax. When she
removed the mask, Apollo could see Starbuck's eyes were already
half-closed. "What did you do to upset him, Captain?" Cass asked.

"I don't know. He was telling me about what happened while I was gone and
he started, well, censoring himself. I guess I upset him by insisting he
tell me everything."

"I guess so," Cass replied caustically.

"Well, why don't you tell me, then?" Apollo demanded. "Or call Salik in if
you prefer."

"I'll ask Dr. Salik to brief you while Starbuck sleeps." Cass checked the
other bed. Starbuck's eyes were now fully closed and his breathing was slow
and even. All I know is that once things got really bad with the Cylons,
Starbuck took over caring for Boxey and pretty much running the household
for Adama. It took a big load off the Commander, I know."

"When I left, it took both of us just to make sure Starbuck got the
attention he needed, so he didn't lose control of himself or phase out in a
dangerous situation. I couldn't believe it was him when he came to rescue
me."

Cass looked affectionately at the sleeping man. "He never ceases to amaze
me. He wouldn't let a little thing like brain damage or impaired internal
organs stop him from going after you. And damned if he didn't find a way
when everyone else had given up." She turned back to Apollo. "I'll see if
Dr. Salik can come in now."

When he was sure Cassiopeia was gone, Starbuck spoke softly, "'Pol?"

"You're awake?"

"Barely. It's not your fault I flipped out. I'm so messed up, I do it to
myself. If you really want to know what I was going to say, I'll tell you."

"You don't have to, Bucko."

"Yeah, I do. It was that you didn't want me and Boxey touching. It hurt me
that you wouldn't trust me not to ... do anything to him. But then I
realized that you were right. I'm not fit to be near anyone. I should have
spaced myself when it started up again."

"Starbuck! Don't talk like that! Uri set you up. He knew your past and used
it to try to damage the whole military system so he could take over."

"I know. But if I had stopped it all at the beginning..."

Apollo changed the subject. "Do you remember what I said to you when you
first came home?"

Starbuck struggled into a sitting position and furrowed his brow. "That
you'd never make me ... perform for you?" he asked.

"What I said before that," Apollo prompted.

"That you ... wanted me." Starbuck tried to get out of the bed. If Apollo
wanted to be served, he would serve him.

"Starbuck! I didn't mean now! But why would you think I wouldn't want you
to touch anyone, when I told you I wanted you?"

"That's different. Boxey - you didn't trust me not to ... corrupt him,"
Starbuck explained, swinging his feet over the edge of the bed. "I
understand." He paused to regain his equilibrium. "But, the thing is, I
wouldn't. I'd never ... do something ... do what was done to me ... to
someone else. Just like I didn't tell Uri what he wanted to know. But I
still understand. I'll stay away from Boxey." He rose and staggered
unsteadily towards Apollo's bed. "If I had just ended it," he continued the
previous topic, "I wouldn't have been a major embarrassment to the
Commander. Or a burden to you. Frak! Salik should have let me die; I was
ninety per cent dead anyway."

Salik rushed in followed by two orderlies who grabbed Starbuck. Alarms had
gone off at the med tech station when Starbuck left his bed. "Restrain
him," Salik ordered.

"Please, no," Starbuck begged. "I'll be good."

"Just until the sedative wears off, Lieutenant," Salik said, and gestured
the orderlies to continue.

"Try to sleep, Bucko. You're not thinking straight. We'll talk more when
you wake up."

"Apollo. I'm brain damaged, remember? I can't think straight anymore. But
I'll try to sleep." He faked a yawn. "Don't think I can stay awake anyway."
'And I won't bring this subject up again,' he vowed silently.

***

"Good, you're awake," came a strange male voice as Starbuck's eyes
fluttered open. "Time for a bath."

Starbuck looked up at an unfamiliar face. He was tied to a bed and whoever
this was, Starbuck realized with rising panic, was undressing him. "No!" he
screamed. "No, no more, no more!" He fought his restraints, quickly
exhausting himself.

"I need some help in here," the other man called. "He's not coherent."

Starbuck heard a babble of voices, among them Cassiopeia's. "What are you
doing? Get away from him! Weren't you briefed?" Cass pushed the new orderly
aside roughly and made sure she was in Starbuck's line of sight.

"Cass?" Starbuck asked hoarsely. "Why are they doing this? I'll be good."
It occurred to him that maybe this was his punishment for disobeying Adama.
He stopped struggling. "Okay, okay. Go ahead. I won't fight. I remember
now. I disobeyed the Commander; I have to be punished."

"Everyone out!" Cass ordered. "Get that new guy briefed - don't let anyone
*near* here until they're briefed. And somebody bring Captain Apollo in
here." She turned back to Starbuck. "No, you aren't being punished. You're
coming out of sedation and you're confused. You were out a long while and
you needed to be cleaned up." She made a mental note to check Starbuck's
chart and find out why he was so groggy.

"Apollo wheeled himself through the door. "What happened?"

"I think he came around just as one of the new orderlies was cleaning him
up. The orderly didn't handle it very well." Cass explained.

Starbuck's voice came from behind her. "I'll be good. I don't need to be
restrained. You can ... you can ask the Commander. I know how to behave."

"He's disoriented. Do you know what he's talking about?" Cass asked.

"Never mind. He's not disoriented. I'll take care of it. I can bathe him,
too." Apollo motioned her away.

"Well, do you want him in the restraints or should I remove them?" Cass
asked.

I'll take care of it, I said!" Apollo fairly shouted. Cass looked dubious
but left the bathing room.

"'Pol?"

"I'm right here, Bucko. Just me. Everyone else is gone."

"You going to punish me?"

"No, Starbuck. No one's going to punish you."

"No? 'Kay." Starbuck didn't believe he wasn't about to be punished, but he
lay quietly.

"This is going to be a little awkward, Starbuck, with me stuck in the
chair. If I'm too rough, let me know, okay?"

"'Kay." Apollo had never hurt him, didn't enjoy hurting.

Apollo frowned at Starbuck's too quiet voice; Starbuck didn't believe what
he was hearing. Apollo sighed. He'd just have to prove he meant it by his
actions. "I'm going to undress you now so I can clean you up." Starbuck
nodded and closed his eyes. Apollo opened his pajama bottoms. "Can you
raise up a little so I can slide these down? That's good. Raise up a little
higher now so I can push the towel under you."

Apollo ran warm water into a basin and put it and a soft cloth on the edge
of the bathing table. Dipping the cloth into the water, he reached over and
began cleaning Starbuck by feel. Starbuck flinched and whimpered. "Am I
hurting you, Bucko?" he asked, concerned.

Starbuck was trembling. What did Apollo want him to answer. If he said no,
would Apollo become rougher? He opted for the truth. "A little. It's okay;
I'm more scared than hurting."

"I told you to let me know if I hurt you," Apollo reminded him.

"I know."

"But you won't tell me, will you?"

It was too much for Starbuck. With another whimper, his bladder let go and
he soaked the towel Apollo placed under him. "Sorry, sorry," he gasped
between sobs, trying to regain some semblance of control.

"It's all right. I can't see what I'm doing though. Let me see if I can
lean against the table." Grabbing another towel, he pulled himself upright.
Coaxing Starbuck to raise his buttocks again, Apollo removed the soiled
towel and replaced it with a fresh one. Then he gently began cleaning the
frightened man. "You're so beautiful," he murmured, stroking Starbuck's
genitals. Starbuck moaned softly, but not in pain. "I'm going to clean
between your legs now," Apollo said, reluctantly abandoning the hardening
shaft. "Can you spread your legs for me?"

Starbuck complied and felt the warm, gentle strokes move down his thighs.
Gradually he began to relax. "Doesn't hurt," he murmured.

"Good. Are you okay now?" At Starbuck's nod, Apollo continued. "I'm going
to release the restraints so you can roll over and I'll clean your
backside. Just hang on your side a micron when you roll so I can put down a
clean towel."

Apollo released the restraints and Starbuck obediently rolled onto his side
and waited until Apollo gently pushed his hip. Then he rolled onto his
stomach. Apollo began cleaning his buttocks and Starbuck felt his cock
harden against the towel. He gripped the edges of the table until his
knuckles turned white.

"Am I hurting you?"

"No. Not hurting. Just ... arousing."

Apollo laughed softly. "Let me know if it gets to be too much." He
continued cleaning in gentle circles, then dipped between the cheeks and
wiped quickly but firmly.

With a cry, Starbuck stiffened. He panted a few times, then relaxed again.

Apollo paused and waited. When Starbuck relaxed, he asked, "Ready? I'll
make this as quick as I can."

Starbuck nodded and tensed slightly. Apollo rubbed his back until he
relaxed again. Then he gently separated Starbuck's nether cheeks and went
in for a more thorough cleaning.

Starbuck tensed and struggled to maintain control. But the friction of his
already erect member against the toweling as Apollo pressed down was too
much. "Can't ... hold back," he gasped as he felt himself tighten up.

Instead of stopping, Apollo moved further inward, rimming and then entering
Starbuck's anus with a fingertip. To Apollo's surprise, instead of
flinching away, Starbuck surged toward the finger. With no further warning
he came, pummeling himself against the table top as Apollo continued
finger-fucking him.. Starbuck's last coherent thought was that Apollo would
surely punish him now.

When Starbuck's vision cleared, Apollo had pulled him down into his lap and
was gently cleaning the cum from his stomach. As his eyes fluttered open,
Apollo gently kissed him. "I'm sorry, Starbuck. I promised I'd wait, but
you're so beautiful," he whispered.

Starbuck could only look up into the green eyes in wonder. 'This must be
what love is like,' he thought, surrendering completely to the man who held
him.

***

Chapter 11

"Come on, Starbuck, my cooking isn't that bad. Try a little."

"Your cooking is just fine, Apollo. But we both know I won't keep it down.
Why try?"

Apollo sighed. He blamed himself for Starbuck's setback. But Starbuck just
took it as inevitable and wouldn't even fight. "Dr. Salik said it might be
temporary. You've got to keep trying." He smiled and lowered his voice
seductively. "I'll give you a sponge bath if you'll eat."

Starbuck looked up from the primaries he was mashing on his plate. "Why?"

"Why?"

"Yes. Why? As in, 'why keep trying?'. What use am I to myself or anyone
else? I can't fly, which is the thing I'm best at," Apollo cleared his
throat and raised an eyebrow, causing Starbuck to revise his statement.
"Okay, one of the two things I'm best at. I can't do menial jobs, which my
brain damage would otherwise allow me to do, because of my physical
limitations. I can't do clerical or administrative work, which my physical
limitations would allow, because it's too boring and my brain shuts down.
Admittedly I can do sex, but I don't think that counts real high on the
Commander's list of job functions requiring immediate filling."

"It's not just sex, Starbuck, although you are good at that. I don't want -
no, I won't let you market yourself, even though we both know there is a
market, so don't even bother to go there."

"What is it, then?" Starbuck demanded, drizzling lecha into his mashed
primaries and angrily mashing them further. Occasionally, if he liquefied
his food enough, he could trick his digestive system into processing it.
"What makes it worth trying to get my body to accept enough nutrients for
me to 'thrive' as Salik puts it?"

"I love you," Apollo said simply.

Starbuck looked at him. "And that's enough?" Apollo nodded, green eyes
meeting blue steadily. They held each other's eyes for a full centon. Then
Starbuck dropped his eyes to his plate, nodded once, more to himself than
Apollo, and put a spoonful of mashed primaries in his mouth, chewing and
swallowing carefully, then spooning up another mouthful.

Apollo watched his lover for several centons before turning to his own
food, chewing and swallowing thoughtfully.

***

Once he had decided that Apollo's need for him was enough reason to go on
living, Starbuck had chopped everything he was capable of doing into
twenty-centon blocks. If he stayed at one task longer than twenty centons
he was apt to shut down, so he varied his routine to ensure his brain kept
functioning. Initially, he kept to their quarters, cleaning and cooking,
with short naps interrupted by preset computer alarms in between. As he
grew stronger and organized the household tasks better, he found he had
more time on his hands, and was less tired, than he had been initially. So
he looked for things that needed doing.

He walked Boxey to his class because it got him out of their quarters and
gave him necessary exercise. Once there, he usually asked if there was
anything he could help with, small repairs and the like. He became friendly
with the teachers and when they mentioned the lack of non-textbook reading
material, he asked how he could help. Setae, one of the older teachers,
showed him the sparse library she was in charge of; it contained all that
the teachers themselves had been able to salvage and bring aboard with them
after the Destruction. Starbuck began asking everyone he came into contact
with whether they had material they would be willing to donate. Setae
turned the library over to Starbuck. Starbuck organized what he got and
started a lending library that he ran for the students once a secton,
immediately after learning period. About a sectare after he started it, one
of the parents, picking up her daughter, asked whether he had contacted the
senior ship.

Starbuck contacted Chameleon, who came over on the shuttle to take him to
the senior ship, since it was more than a twenty-centon trip. Once there,
Starbuck found that Siress Blassie had arranged a reception, with Starbuck
as one of the speakers, on how the seniors could contribute to the fleet.
In addition to being so overwhelmed with donations that he and Setae had to
make several additional trips to bring all the books, vids, and tapes back,
the seniors asked if they could help run the library, allowing it to be
open more frequently and to more than just the fleet children. Starbuck
organized that, too.

Last secton, Setae had brought in an IFB reporter named Genie to interview
Starbuck about the new library for a human interest report on the news.
"Why don't you do the interview, Setae?" Starbuck suggested. "The library's
really yours; I'm just a volunteer."

"I won't hear of it!" Setae said. "This is all the result of your work. All
I did was complain. You took it from there."

"Yes, but it isn't just me," Starbuck protested. "Look at all the parents
and guardians, look at all the seniors who pitch in."

"But none of this would have happened if you hadn't started it," Genie said
smiling disarmingly.

"Don't try to con a man who's made a career of it," Starbuck said,
softening his words with a smile. Genie's eyes flashed, but she didn't
budge. Starbuck decided to try compromise. "Look, I'll show you around and
introduce you to some of the regular volunteers. They can tell you all
about what we're doing here." Setae excused herself as soon as she saw
Starbuck coming around.

"What is it you're afraid of, Lieutenant?" Genie asked once Setae was out
of earshot.

"I don't want the IFB reporting on me. I'm getting along and I don't want
any attention," Starbuck said bluntly, not meeting her eyes.

"So you think I've been sent to do a pity piece." It was a bald statement.

Starbuck looked up from the papers he was shuffling. "Yeah, basically."

"You *are* a hero, you know," Genie pointed out.

"A fallen hero. 'Gee look how far down he's been and isn't it wonderful he
can put a whole sentence together now.' No thank you."

"If I promise to focus on the library, not you, and give you approval on
the final cut, will you let me interview you?" Genie asked. Starbuck
reluctantly acquiesced. Her questions showed her sincerity and, the
following cycle, she contacted Starbuck with the offer of used vids of
children's shows and adult recreational shows, courtesy of the IFB. She
also asked Starbuck to tape a public service announcement asking for
donations with her. When he demurred, because he felt it was too trivial to
ask someone to take him to and from the Rising Star, Genie volunteered to
serve as escort.

When the time came for him to approve the fifteen-centon piece - extensive
for a public interest story - for public broadcast, Starbuck once again
sought to take the spotlight off himself. He boldly suggested that the IFB
sponsor a "grand opening" reception, including an invitation-only screening
of the piece. To his surprise, Genie got the head of IFB not only to
approve, but to act as emcee for the event.

Starbuck hadn't made much of his work on the library. Compared to keeping
the Fleet safe and moving towards Earth, what he did seemed unimportant to
him. Boxey knew all about it, of course, since he was involved from the
start, and brought it up at dinner on occasion. Apollo, assuming Starbuck
was one of many guardians tapped to help out, cautioned him not to
overextend himself. He was vaguely aware that Starbuck visited with
Chameleon and had made friends through the school who occasionally took him
with them off-ship, and he was pleased to see Starbuck starting to make a
life for himself again, but he didn't realize what Starbuck's "little
volunteer effort" was all about.

Commander Adama knew as much as Apollo did until he received the formal
invitation to attend the opening ceremonies and give a short speech. Then
he made a few discreet inquiries through some of the bridge crew who had
children in the ship's school and became even more impressed with the
disabled Lieutenant than he had been before.

When Boxey came home with the invitation, the Commander immediately
promised he would be there. Apollo thought that was a bit curious, but read
the invitation himself and asked Starbuck whether he thought he might be up
to attending. Before Starbuck could reply, Boxey piped up. "Of course he's
gonna be there, Dad. He's in charge of the whole thing!"

Starbuck gently corrected him. "Now, Boxey, I know you're glad I can do
this, and so am I, but I'm just one of the volunteers. You know I can't
even do anything by myself, so all I do is work with one or another of the
parents or seniors. I just have more time than most of the volunteers, so I
seem to be there more." Turning to Apollo, he answered, "I did promise to
attend. I probably should have asked you first. If you don't think I should
go ..." he trailed off, his deep insecurity coming to the surface at the
first sign of resistance.

Adama immediately intervened, knowing the truth lay more with Boxey's
interpretation than Starbuck's. "Of course you should go - at least to make
an appearance. As I understand it, it's a celebration of the volunteers who
made the library a reality, and you're certainly one of them. If you get
too tired, or don't feel well, I'll see you back home," He assured the
self-effacing young man. Turning to Apollo, he stressed, "And you should be
there, too. I've heard from some of the parents who serve on the bridge
that this is a truly amazing venture."

Apollo knew his father was trying to tell him something, but all he could
get from the unspoken message was the importance of not discouraging
Starbuck or disappointing Boxey. Lords knew he stumbled into both of those
pits often enough. "I'll try my best to rearrange the schedules so I'm
free," he promised Boxey. "But if I can't, and that would only be because
too many other parents who are pilots want to be there, you'll have your
grandfather and uncle with you, which is more than most of the students
will have, I'll bet."

Boxey nodded, but thought his father was missing the point. "Yeah, but
Uncle Starbuck ..."

Apollo misunderstood and thought he saw a complaint coming. "Will be just
fine," he cut his son off.

Boxey made a face and shook his head. Adults were *so* dense sometimes. "I
know that," he said. "But you should be there."

"I said I'd try," Apollo repeated. "I'll try my best."

***

Apollo found he'd be unable to attend after all, when requests came in from
every squadron for time off during that cycle. Many of the pilots were
single parents, and he knew from experience how difficult it was for them
to find time for their children and how precious that time was, so he
granted every request and regretfully told Boxey and Starbuck he wouldn't
be free.

"No problem, Apollo," Starbuck said, his voice cheerful. "Just keep the
Cylons away until after the ceremony. He bent to check something in the
baker and told himself it was a sign of his brain damage that he felt
disappointed.

"You just don't understand," Boxey muttered and stamped off to his room.

***

Apollo came in and automatically looked over at the view port. As usual,
Starbuck was curled up on the view port's seat in a nest of pillows. Apollo
smiled, a little sad that one of the highlights of Starbuck's day was
watching the stars go by, but happy that he was always there at the end of
Apollo's duty shift. The quarters were immaculate and Apollo could smell
something simmering, either in the baker or the warmer. He walked over to
rouse his lover.

Starbuck turned at Apollo's approach and rose to greet him with a surprised
smile. "I didn't expect you home before we left," he said. "I made you
supper and left it in the warmer."

"Smells delicious," Apollo said appreciatively. Starbuck had turned out to
be a good cook, probably because of his intent focus on whatever he was
making. "You look delicious, too," he said taking note of Starbuck's dress
uniform.

"Oh, the Commander thought I should wear this. Maybe because you weren't
going to be there and it would make Boxey feel special. Commander's in his
dress uniform, too. He's getting Boxey ready so I could rest for a few
centons. It's been a long day getting the library ready and all."

"Funny thing. Colonel Tigh came down at the last centon, cursing a blue
streak and saying regulations stated he had to stand squadron duty at least
once every five yahrens or go through recertification, and that no one had
seen fit to notify him that he was overdue until he got the recert notice.
So, here I am. And, since I *am* here, if you're too tired, you could stay
home and go to bed."

Starbuck blinked. "Okay, sure. I'll ... I'll get undressed." Head down, he
brushed past Apollo.

The Commander coming out of Boxey's room, calling back, "*Matched* socks,
young man," when Starbuck bumped into him.

"G'night, Commander. Have a good time," Starbuck murmured.

The Commander looked up abruptly to see a tear start down Starbuck's cheek.
Through the entrance to the living area, he heard Apollo call, "Starbuck,
wait! I didn't mean ..."

What had his fool son done now to hurt this fragile man?, Adama wondered.
He put a hand on Starbuck's shoulder to stop him. "Are you ill, Starbuck?"
he asked.

Starbuck shook his head without raising it. "No, sir. But the Captain's
here, so I guess I don't need to go. He told me to go to bed."

"That's ridiculous!" Adama said, drawing Starbuck with him back to the
living area where Apollo stood looking baffled and helpless. Adama turned
Starbuck toward him and raised his chin with a fingertip, then gently wiped
the single tear from Starbuck's face. "This is *your* night," he said in a
tone that broached no denial. "Apollo has nothing to do with it." He glared
at the hapless Captain over Starbuck's shoulder, then brought his gaze back
to the Lieutenant. "*We're* due at the library now, for the reception line.
Get your cape on." As Starbuck moved off to get his cape, casting a fearful
glance at Apollo as he passed, Adama addressed the latter. "Your son seems
to be having difficulty locating matching socks. Perhaps you could assist
him and then join the festivities. Boxey knows which table you're at. You
won't be sitting with Starbuck and me, since we're at the head table." With
those cryptic words, he joined Starbuck at the door and headed out, leaving
Apollo standing with his mouth open in the center of the living area.

***

Apollo arrived in the midst of the applause for Adama's speech, but he
would hear clips of it again and again in the sectons following the
library's public opening, as the IFB replayed one of its great successes.

Boxey pulled him to a table halfway down the side of the room, the only
table with empty seats, as the head of IFB rose. He held his hands up for
silence. "Now, I know you're expecting a long-winded self-congratulatory
speech about the Interfleet Broadcasting Service. But, frankly, this isn't
the time or place for it. It's the place to celebrate one man's ability to
bring a teacher's wish into a reality that will stand as a monument to ..."
he stopped and cleared his throat, as Genie frantically pulled on his
jacket, shaking her head negatively. Starbuck had pushed back his chair,
white-faced, and would have fled the dais, had Adama not put an arm around
the chair's back to stop him. The head of IFB chuckled and said, "I guess
old habits die hard. This is the place to celebrate the return of yet
another part of civilization to our Fleet - the library. But right now,
it's the time to eat. So let's enjoy the fine meal donated by," He referred
to his cards as both Genie and Starbuck relaxed and Boxey forced Apollo to
sit. "Donated by the Pinnacle Restaurant on the Rising Star and ... Mickey
D's?" he looked down at Genie for confirmation and she smothered a giggle
and nodded. "Mickey D's, the favorite of children everywhere." Boxey and a
number of the other children scattered among the table clapped their hands
happily - their good friend Starbuck had come through for them.

Apollo smiled his thanks at the Rising Star waiter who served him and
looked over at Boxey who was pulling paper wrapped protein and mushie
finger food out of what looked like a miniature daggit shelter. "Wow! They
even gave us the whole new set of warrior models!" he marveled.

Apollo turned his attention to his food and frowned. Looking up, he saw
Starbuck, listening intently to something the older woman on his left was
saying, absently eat a forkful of what looked like the same rich food as he
had. "He can't eat this," Apollo whispered and half-rose.

"Dad, sit *down*," Boxey hissed.

On his other side, a perfectly coiffed blonde matron tapped his wrist to
get his attention. He turned to her, annoyed at the distraction. "Captain
Apollo," she said, "I can see you're worried about Lieutenant Starbuck's
... stomach."

"Well, yes, Siress ..."

"Circe," the woman replied and continued smoothly. "Don't be. Those of us
on the catering committee, including Henri," she indicated the Rising Star
maitre d, serving the head table, "Had a little conspiracy going. We went
to the Pinnacle for mid-day meal several times while planning this little
get-together and we made sure the Lieutenant was able to sample every dish
we considered. Henri took note of the dishes that didn't entail ..." she
looked for a delicate way to put it, "a trip to the turbo flush," she
blushed lightly as she explained. "And the darling man put together this
dinner using only those dishes. And the Lieutenant was so grateful, as if
we had gone out of our way to do him some tremendous favor, when it was
really nothing. He said our idea had worked so well, he was trying it at
home - having little bits of new foods and seeing how they 'sat', as he put
it."

"Yeah, Dad, didn't you know Uncle Starbuck's been trying out stuff for
snacks and if he doesn't get sick, he makes it for dinner?" Boxey said
around a mouthful of mushies.

"I ... I hadn't noticed," Apollo admitted. "I guess there's a lot I haven't
been noticing."

"That's for sure," Boxey agreed.

***

After dinner, the IFB head introduced the video that would go fleet-wide
during the next cycle. Finally, Apollo was able to put everyone's seemingly
cryptic remarks together. Starbuck had single-handedly created a fleet-wide
library that virtually everyone could feel a part of and everyone could
use. 'Why didn't he say anything about it?' Apollo wondered. 'Maybe I
didn't give him the chance.'

After the video finished, Genie rose, introduced herself, thanked Adama and
her own boss, and, finally, introduced Starbuck. The video, as promised,
did not dwell on Starbuck. Nonetheless, he was clearly at the center of it.

Starbuck came to the podium and stood for a micron, apparently lost in
thought. Then he spoke. "I keep wanting to say, 'this is such a small
thing; it's not important,' but looking out at all the people who made it
happen, and watching the news story, I realized that to say that would be
insulting to everyone involved. In that video you just saw, it seems like
I'm the one who did it all, but that's just not true. All I did was ask a
few people if they had any extra books or tapes. Once I got 'em, I turned
around and handed them out again - it's pure scam, something anyone who
knows me can tell you I'm very skilled at. The only difference was, this
time I didn't make any profit."

This brought another round of laughter and applause. When it died down,
Starbuck continued. "Or maybe I did. Until I started hunting down spare
books, I was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't fly a viper any
more. I thought my life was pretty much over. Then Chameleon and Siress
Blassie introduced me to all the wonderful people on the senior ship. They
each have more energy in their little fingers than a viper packs in its
turbo engines! They've lost everything they spent their lives building, but
they don't sit around and mope. And I started meeting all these kids - just
starting their lives. They're not cursing us adults for letting the Cylons
destroy the only homes they ever knew. No, they think we're all great
heroes - all of us, not just the warriors - for keeping them alive. And the
parents who volunteer their time, not just to the library, but to me
personally - because I can't do much on my own, but there was always
someone willing to set aside whatever they were doing to help me. They all
showed me what's really important. Now, I'm not saying that keeping clear
of the Cylons and finding Earth isn't important - if I said that, the
Commander would have the locks changed before I got home."

Starbuck grinned and looked down the dais to make sure Adama knew he was
joking, allowing the laughter to peak before he quieted the group and
continued. "But there are other things that are important, too. I
remembered something from my school days while I was watching the video -
don't look so surprised, Apollo; occasionally I paid attention if the
teacher was pretty enough." Starbuck waited again for the chuckles to let
up. "And I wrote it down. Now, I might not have gotten it exactly right,
but I don't think Siress Theresa is here, and the sentiment *is* right: 'We
must work in the present to build a future, but never forget the past.' It
struck me that, maybe, that's what we've done by building this library. And
if we have, I can't take the credit for it. But you all can. So right now,
I'd like you to all stand up, look around, and give yourselves and each
other a big round of applause."

As the crowd stood and cheered, Genie tapped Starbuck on the arm. He leaned
down to hear her, looked puzzled for a micron, then smiled and nodded. When
the room quieted down, Starbuck grinned at the audience and said, "And now
a word from our sponsors." Into the laughter, he continued, "Seriously,
I've been asked to thank those groups who've helped us with funding and
donations, but I'm going to start at the beginning with my thank yous.
First, thanks to Siress Setae and all the faculty and staff at the ship's
school, who started the library from their own personal libraries and
wanted to do more for their students. I've already thanked the volunteer
parents and guardians, and the volunteers from the senior ship, but they
deserve a second mention. For tonight's fine dining, I'd like to personally
thank Henri and his staff from the Pinnacle, as well as Loki and his crew
from Mickey D's. You folks ought to get together more often - it would make
eating out much more pleasant for a lot of families." This was accompanied
by a number of 'hear, hears' from parents. "And last, but not least, I find
myself in the unusual position of thanking the IFB. Their ... sensitive
reporting on this story, their donations of materials and credits, and
their on-going support in the form of the public service announcement that
ended the video you just saw - they've promised to keep it in rotation for
at least half a yahren - guarantee that this library will continue to
grow." He turned to the head of the IFB. "Now, I've only got one
recommendation for improvement. I think you should have Genie reporting the
Triad matches - especially when a Blue Squadron team plays."

When the laughter died down again, Starbuck made a show of looking at his
chrono. "Whew! That's what you get for not telling me I had to speak until
I got here. I've gone over my twenty centons - and those of you who've been
working with me on this project know what that means. Luckily, I don't have
anything left to say. I'd just like to thank everyone once more and wish
you all a pleasant cycle."

Starbuck turned to go back to his seat, but found a smiling Adama blocking
his way. Genie and Setae stood and moved to the podium together. Adama
moved Starbuck to stand between him and Setae, who linked her arm in his as
Genie began speaking. "Lieutenant Starbuck is not at all what I expected
him to be. Quite frankly, I expected him to take sole credit for this whole
project. Instead, from our very first meeting, he has insisted that he's
just one volunteer among many. He didn't even want to be interviewed at
first. But as I interviewed other volunteers, it became clear to me that
this project would never have gotten started, let alone become the
fleet-wide symbol of what we can do even as we travel through space,
without him. Siress Setae and I tried to think of a way to show him how
everyone involved with the library - sponsors, donors, volunteers, and
users - felt. We knew he wouldn't accept anything of value for himself, and
we couldn't come up with an idea. So we turned it over to the children.
Siress Setae?"

"Thank you Genie. Starbuck, we asked the children what they thought you
would like. And they said, 'A book.' So the teachers helped them write one.
We made numbered copies. Numbers two through ten will be in your stack
waiting to be catalogued next cycle you're in, and numbers eleven and up
will be sold with the proceeds going towards starting satellite libraries
on some of the other ships. But the original, copy number one, is for you.
Here is the first edition of 'Starbuck and the Space-borne Library'
personally autographed by all its authors, artists, and contributors."

The entire room stood and applauded. Starbuck took the book and held it up,
but said nothing. The grin on his face and the tears in his eyes said it
all for him.

*** Chapter 12

"And then when I told him how proud I was of him, he practically got mad at
me," Apollo told Boomer the next day.

"Starbuck got mad at you? Doesn't sound like the Starbuck I've known since
..."

"Since Uri had at him?" Apollo finished for him. "Exactly. Only, I don't
know if that's good or not."

Boomer shrugged. "Don't know what to tell you, Captain. I hardly ever see
him unless you bring him to the OC with you. I figured it just hurts him
too much to be around pilots knowing he'll never be allowed to fly again."

"I don't think so. He wants to be around his old friends, but he's
nervous," Apollo explained. "And if I bring him, I think he feels safe if
he phases out. He knows I'll take care of him." Apollo sighed. "But it
appears I don't really need to take care of him anymore."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Boomer asked.

"Yes, of course," Apollo said hastily. "I just ... I don't understand why I
didn't see it."

"Maybe you didn't want to," Boomer said mildly.

"You mean you think I *like* having to treat him like an infant who needs
constant watching?"

"Well, except when you're treating him like a pet daggit."

"What!"

"How'd you just put it, you told him how proud you were of him? I've seen
it in the OC. He'll go to the bar and bring you back a mug of grog and you
practically pet him."

"I want to encourage him. When he does something right, I mean ..."

"I've seen you take food away from him, too - right out of his hands."

"I don't want him to get sick."

"Did you ever think how that might make him feel - you're doing that in
public?" Boomer asked mildly.

"Oh."

***

"Starbuck, did you forget your check-up?" Apollo asked, scanning the
headers on his message list.

Starbuck looked up from the book he was reading. "No. I went last secton.
Why?"

"Salik has an urgent message for me. Hang on a micron," Apollo said,
reading it. Starbuck came up behind him and read over his shoulder. Apollo
looked up at him, a concerned frown creasing his face. "Are you feeling all
right, Bucko?"

Starbuck was puzzled by the message, an urgent request for Apollo to bring
Starbuck to Life Center as soon as possible. "Yeah, 'Pol. I'm fine. At
least I *thought* I was."

"Well, let me comm him and see if he's still there."

Starbuck nodded. "Might as well get it over with."

***

"I didn't mean to alarm either of you, but I thought it would be simpler to
have both of you here while I figure out what's going on," Dr. Salik began.

"What do you mean?" Apollo asked.

"Well, I'm not quite sure. So I'd like to start by asking you both some
questions. All right?" Both men nodded. "Starbuck, have you been napping
much lately?"

Starbuck shook his head. "No, hardly at all. I still allow the time for it,
but usually I'm not sleepy. I'm tired by the end of the day, but it's a
different kind of feeling. I sometimes just rest and listen to music or
watch the stars, but I don't fall right to sleep like I did, umm, at
first."

"Does Starbuck seem overtired to you, Apollo?"

"Well, the other night..."

Starbuck protested again, only the second time since his recovery from Uri
that Apollo could remember. "Apollo! I'd been moving furniture all day! Of
course I was tired."

Apollo conceded quickly. "Actually, that's about the only time recently.
And he knew he was tired."

"Have you had to waken him or found him napping?"

"Not in the last few sectons, no. Even when he's curled up in the port
seat," Apollo smiled at the image that brought up, "he turns around to
greet me before I even come over. I used to almost find him sound asleep
there when I got off shift."

"Have you 'lost time' lately?"

"Not that I know of, but ..." Starbuck looked at Apollo.

"No, you haven't phased out at all lately. I thought that was because you
had gotten so organized."

"What do you mean, 'organized'?" Dr. Salik asked.

"Um, I ... uh ... I kind of organized my routine around a twenty-centon
time slot," Starbuck admitted shyly. "That way, I wasn't falling asleep -
phasing out - in the middle of cooking or something."

"How long can you go without phasing out?" Salik asked. "Is it still around
twenty centons?"

"I really don't know. You mean without someone keeping me aware?"

"You've actually had people doing that?" Salik asked Apollo with a frown.

But it was Starbuck who answered. "I don't know that Apollo ever did."
Apollo shook his head. "But I asked ... I guess I asked Chameleon first,
but then some of the other volunteers - the ones I didn't think would look
at me like I was totally out of it - to take me to the other ships. I was
afraid that I'd phase out on the shuttle - they're pretty boring - and no
one would be there to wake me."

"Hmm. Well, let me ask you this. Did any of your ... companions ... have to
rouse you?"

"No. Usually we'd chat and I don't think I phase out in the middle of a
conversation. But actually," Starbuck paused to think, "Sometimes, with
Chameleon especially, we'd just sit there, and I'm pretty sure I stayed
with it the whole time. *He* dozed off a couple of times, though," Starbuck
said with a grin. He frowned in thought. "I usually know when I'm awakened,
don't I?" he asked Apollo.

"All but when we first brought you home," Apollo agreed. "But then you
weren't really fully awake most of the time then."

Starbuck nodded. "I can't think of being roused by anyone or by the
computer in ... a sectare at least."

Apollo nodded his agreement. "So what's this about, Doctor?"

"Let me show you something," he said and took them into the lab, where he
turned on the film viewers and clipped up three brain scans. "This first
one is a baseline scan of you, Starbuck, from when you first came on board
the Galactica." He pointed at the left scan. "This middle one was the one I
took when we first recovered you." It was noticeably dimmer around the
circumference.

"Does the gray mean dead areas?" Starbuck asked.

"Well, areas that aren't being used; the neurons there aren't firing,"
Salik answered.

"I used to have a lot more active neurons," Starbuck said sadly.

Apollo looked at Salik, wondering what he was up to. Surely he wasn't
trying to make Starbuck feel his loss even more strongly. Before he could
say anything though, Salik focused their attention on the scan on the
right. "This is the scan I took last secton."

The two men stared at the scan. Salik watched as their eyes flicked between
the middle scan and the one on the right.

"I'm getting better?" Starbuck asked.

Apollo's eyes flicked now between left and right scans. "More than that,
Bucko. You're healing, but you're also ... making new paths?" he asked
Salik, who nodded.

"Wish I'd paid more attention in bio-chem class," Starbuck muttered. Apollo
chuckled.

Salik put the first scan over the latest. "See here and here, the bright
areas overlap almost exactly?" Starbuck nodded. "That's where your brain
has healed. And where you can see the latest scan starting to map the older
one - that's active healing. Now see here, where the new scan is gray, but
your early scan was yellow?"

Starbuck sighed. "That's where I'm not healing."

"Yes and no," Salik said. "Look more closely at the new scan. See those
jagged lines? Starbuck nodded. "Those are what Apollo called 'new paths'.
Your brain is looking for - and finding - new ways to function in some of
the areas that aren't healing."

"What does it mean?" Starbuck asked, not wanting to guess, almost afraid to
hear the answer.

"Well, it means your brain damage is decreasing, although the healed areas
may not be fully functioning and the new paths aren't reinforced yet."

"What does it mean for *me*?" Starbuck clarified.

"That's up to you, Starbuck," the doctor said. "You can do nothing and go
about rebuilding your life if you want to."

"Or?"

"Or you could test your limits. Don't set computer alarms and find out
whether you wake up by yourself from sleep or naps. Take the shuttle
alone." He paused significantly. "Schedule time on the flight simulators."

"Doctor!" Apollo's sharp voice cut through the optimistic air. "Unless
you're sure, do you think you should set Starbuck up for failure?"

"Apollo, do *you* think you should hold him back?" Salik countered.

"I don't think it's up to you to decide."

"I'm giving my patient my medical opinion - which he asked for."

"Don't you think you should have checked with my father and me first?"

"You really are enjoying playing God aren't you, Captain?"

"Stop it! Both of you!" Both men turned, startled, to find Starbuck
fighting tears. His voice trembled as he continued. "You're both right. And
you're both wrong. Doctor, I think Apollo's right - you should have let him
and the Commander know you thought I was capable of making my own decisions
before you gave them to me to make." He forestalled Apollo's interruption
with a raised hand. "Yes, Apollo, I know I was certified incompetent to
care for myself and that you and the Commander are my guardians." He paused
and took a deep breath. His voice was soft as he continued, and he took
Apollo's hands in his. "But if I am able to make my own decisions, you've
got to let me. I need you there to catch me when I fall, but give me a
chance to make my own mistakes again." He chuckled softly. "Lords know I've
always been good at making mistakes."

***

"Am I doing better, love?" Apollo asked as he stroked Starbuck's soft hair
in the pleasant aftermath of lovemaking.

"Hmm? Better than what, 'Pol? I've never had any complaints about your
sexual style."

Apollo swatted him lightly. "I meant in general. Am I giving you enough
room?"

"Too much," Starbuck answered squirming closer and grinding his ass into
Apollo's groin. That got him another slap. "Okay, okay. You're doing fine.
Is it that difficult?"

"It's getting easier. Although watching you almost smear yourself on the
hull doing your first solo wasn't easy."

"I know. I don't think I could have held it together if you hadn't been
there when I finally *did* land."

"But it was a mechanical failure."

"Be honest, Apollo. You didn't think it was mechanical and neither did I.
If Boomer hadn't thought it was inconsistent with the way I was flying to
lose it like that, I'd probably have given up." He turned and snuggled into
Apollo's shoulder. "Boomer's a good friend."

"He is. To both of us," Apollo agreed.

"But to answer your question, yes, 'Pol, you are doing better. Sometimes I
can see you trying not to interfere, but sometimes ... sometimes I think
you really do treat me like ... "

"Like what, love?"

"Like you used to. Before."

"Before Uri?"

"Yes, but that actually wasn't what I was thinking." Starbuck paused and
laughed. "That's the first time 'before' *didn't* mean 'before Uri', I
think. I like that. But I meant 'before we were ... lovers'. When we were
best friends."

"I loved you even then."

"I know. You told me. But you never showed it."

"You were *too* straight. I didn't dare. And then I found out ..."

Starbuck put a hand over his mouth. "Don't. Don't go there. Someday I want
us to talk about it. I want to know what your father thought and I want you
to know how I felt. But I can't yet."

"Starbuck - you don't have to answer if you don't want to - but, did you
ever have feelings for me back then?"

"I didn't dare. I would have denied them, not let myself think about them.
But I must have at some level. I always wanted to be with you."

"Do you ... do you have feelings about me now? Or is this, just 'what you
do' as you put it?"

Starbuck leaned away so he could look into Apollo's eyes. "I *did* say
that, didn't I? And I meant it. I would have served you out of gratitude
and obligation. I still would." He saw disappointment cloud the green eyes.
"But you pleasured me first. And I loved you for it. You didn't take, you
gave - you were the first one ever to do that. The only one."

Apollo leaned towards Starbuck and kissed him softly. "It's okay. You don't
have to force an answer you don't mean. I shouldn't have asked."

Starbuck tried again, feeling he had somehow disappointed Apollo. He had
never been in this situation before, never had a purely mutual
relationship, so he wasn't sure how to behave, what to say. "I'm not going
to leave. Not unless you want me to."

"I know. Shh, sleep now." Apollo wrapped his arms around Starbuck and
closed his eyes. It wasn't Starbuck's fault that he had asked for something
Starbuck couldn't give.

Starbuck watched Apollo sleep. Usually his face relaxed in sleep and a
slight smile would appear. Starbuck fantasized the smile was for him. But
tonight Apollo's face looked sad. 'If he was awake, he'd be crying,'
Starbuck thought. Obviously, Starbuck didn't have the words to convince
Apollo that he was more than a favorite customer.

Starbuck felt Apollo's grip loosen as he relaxed into deeper sleep and it
came to him. Maybe he couldn't *tell* Apollo that he wasn't just serving
him, but maybe he could show him. He fell asleep thinking of the ways
Apollo comforted him when he was upset.

***

Starbuck arrived home tired from his first full day of work as a test
pilot. His damaged body prevented him from resuming fighter pilot duties,
but he was able to assist in developing new and improved vipers and
shuttles.

Apollo had gotten home before Starbuck and made dinner. He'd checked with
several of Boxey's friends' mothers to find out what Starbuck could eat. He
felt foolish not knowing, but swallowed his pride and made the calls. The
Commander had taken Boxey to his first pugilist match on the Orion
freighter and they were staying there as Sire Roma's guests for the night.
Dinner was simple, but Starbuck was thrilled with Apollo's effort and ate
heartily.

After dinner, they cuddled on the couch and exchanged news about their
days. Noticing Starbuck's eyelids beginning to droop, "How would you like
me to give you one of my famous sponge baths and put you to bed?" he asked.

Starbuck started to protest, not wanting Apollo to think he couldn't handle
a fulltime job, then changed his mind. "Well, I'd rather have a strong cup
of kaffe to wake me up, but since my body would rebel at that, I'll let you
lull me the rest of the way to sleep."

***

Waking early, Starbuck found Apollo stretched out beside him, but turned
away, as he knew he would be. When Starbuck was tired, Apollo always slept
with his back to him, so Starbuck wouldn't feel pressured to offer himself.
This was what had changed Starbuck's mind the previous cycle, because it
gave him the chance to put his plan to work.

Starbuck spooned up behind Apollo, an unfamiliar position, but the smell
and feel of the man were familiar enough that he wasn't put off. Gently he
slid one arm underneath Apollo and the other over and around him.

Apollo mumbled in his sleep and patted the hands at his chest, holding them
there without awakening.

Starbuck pulled Apollo closer and buried his face in Apollo's hair. It was
coarser and springier than his own, with a smell that was uniquely Apollo,
and it felt good against his nose and cheeks.

Apollo hummed in pleasure at the nuzzling and rubbed his body against
Starbuck's. To Starbuck's surprise, he found himself hardening against
Apollo. He hadn't been at all sure that would happen, although he knew more
than one method to force an erection and he'd been ready to do that if
necessary.

Apollo murmured and pulled Starbuck's hands lower on his body. Since they
both slept nude, Starbuck easily found Apollo's erection. It felt odd to be
feeling it from this direction, but he began stroking. Apollo's indistinct
murmurs grew louder and almost comprehensible. Starbuck wondered a little
fearfully who he was dreaming about. He wasn't sure he wanted to know. He
continued stroking Apollo, trying not to make sense of the words.

Apollo began rolling his hips, each roll bringing Starbuck's erection
closer to Apollo's entrance. Apollo's words were clear now, "Yes, baby, do
it. Let me know how it feels. Fill me. Come inside me."

Apollo had another lover, one who could fully satisfy him. Starbuck
wondered when Apollo would break the news to him. Would he want to share
Starbuck's services? Starbuck decided it didn't matter. He was about to
pull away, slide over Apollo and finish him orally, servicing him the way
he was supposed to, when Apollo spoke again. "Please, Starbuck, do it now,
come inside me now! Don't make me wait!"

Was he hearing correctly? Did Apollo want him? "'Pol?" Starbuck whispered
in his ear, positioning his precum-covered cock at Apollo's anus. "May I?"

Apollo's eyes sprang open. This wasn't his frequent wet dream. He was
guiding another pair of hands over his erection. There was an erect penis
between his buttocks, waiting for permission to plunge in. And Starbuck's
voice wasn't inside his head, but outside, whispering in his ear.

Apollo's hesitation convinced Starbuck he had been mistaken. "Sorry,
Apollo. I thought you'd like ... sorry."

The voice was still in his ear, but the penis was retreating. With some
difficulty, Apollo reached back and pulled Starbuck back into position.
"Don't you dare move away!" he groaned.

"You want me to?" Starbuck was more than a little uncertain now, although
his body was quite sure where it wanted to be.

Apollo pushed on Starbuck's buttocks and thrust back with his hips
simultaneously, pushing the tip of Starbuck's cock into him. "Does that
answer your question?" he hissed, pumping as best he could in this awkward
position.

Starbuck gasped at the sudden tightness surrounding his cock, then nodded
against Apollo's head. Reaching back with one hand, he removed Apollo's
hand from his rear. "Let me," he panted, beginning to thrust in a rhythm to
match his hand pumping Apollo's member. Working backwards from his
knowledge of being on the receiving end, Starbuck found Apollo's prostate
and soon had him grinding and writhing against him. When he felt Apollo
swell and harden further in his hand, Starbuck increased the speed of his
thrusts and Apollo went rigid and came with a howl, spasming his whole
body.

The unexpected muscular contractions took Starbuck by surprise and he lost
control instantly, cumming more forcefully than he could ever remember,
slamming against Apollo until it became too much and he blacked out. He
came to in Apollo's arms. "Did I do all right?" he asked.

"Did you ...?" the concern in Apollo's green eyes turned to joy and love.
"Was that the first time you ever had a man?" Starbuck nodded and reddened.
Apollo hugged him tighter. "Oh, love! You are a very quick study! It was
perfect!"

"Except that I passed out," Starbuck pointed out. "I should be holding
you."

"Would you like to?" Apollo asked. Starbuck nodded and with a quick
movement, Apollo placed himself in Starbuck's arms.

Starbuck nuzzled Apollo's hair while stroking down his arms, and felt
himself becoming aroused again. "Does this happen to you?" he asked,
honestly puzzled.

"All the time," Apollo replied. "See?" He brought Starbuck's hand to his
own rising member. "But you get hard again, too, if you don't fall right to
sleep."

Starbuck's voice changed, hardened somehow. "That's different. That's what
I was trained to do."

Now Apollo's voice changed. "But this, he pressed back against Starbuck's
erection, "isn't?"

"No. I was never trained to dominate. This isn't something I made happen -
it just happened, and when I got hard rubbing against you before, that was
... not something I was trained to do either." He rubbed against Apollo
again, feeling both of them harden in response. "It feels different, too.
Better, somehow." He paused, enjoying the sensation. "When I came, that was
... like nothing I'd ever experienced."

Apollo laughed. "That I already guessed." He turned in Starbuck's arms and
moved back to look into his eyes. "Starbuck, why did you make love to me?"

Starbuck fought to get the words right. "To answer your question." Apollo
looked perplexed. "You didn't understand that I wasn't just ... serving
you. I kept getting the words wrong, and I could tell you didn't
understand. So I thought I'd show you. By doing something that wasn't
serving, wasn't 'what I do'. I didn't know I'd enjoy it so much; I didn't
even know if I'd like it. I just wanted to convince you. Did I?"

"Oh, yes, love. I believe you now." Apollo kissed him. When they came up
for air, he asked, "So, did you enjoy it enough to want to do it again
sometime?"

"You'll let me?" Starbuck asked eagerly.

"Well, I still want my turns, too, but I'm sure we can work it out," Apollo
grinned. He felt Starbuck's erection bob against his stomach. "Hey, you
want to try something else new?" Starbuck nodded. "Cup your hands around
both our erections. That's it. Now I'm going to cover your hands with mine
and set the pace, okay?" In a very short time, the lovers had gone from
panting to moaning and from there it was only a short jump to the
simultaneous screams that signaled completion. Then they lay in each
other's arms, sated and relaxed.

"Apollo?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

End.

    Source: geocities.com/jennylmr