Insubordination 

By rita (mommacita1@juno.com)

Rating: NC-17

Pairings:  A/S, S/Cain, S/other Pegasus warriors

Disclaimer:  These characters don't belong to me, I just like to
play with them.

Warnings:  M/M slash, consensual and non-consensual.

Based on Jenn's "great story idea", with thanks and apologies -
this probably isn't the way you saw it proceeding, is it, Jenn?

Part 1

Apollo pushed Starbuck against the wall. "Don't you EVER do that
again!"

Starbuck could only stand there, trembling...he knew he'd made a
BIG mistake. What started out as a 'brilliant plan' turned out to
be a disaster. He just wanted to get Apollo's attention. He
certainly got it all right, just not in the way he'd hoped.

Or so he thought.

The next day when he walked into the duty office, Apollo suddenly
grabbed him and said, "What the frak were you thinking?  This
isn't the Galactica!"

At that moment Commander Cain walked in, unannounced as usual.
"Absolutely correct, Captain.  This is *not* the Galactica.  Did
you want to press charges against this ... pervert?"

Starbuck went still.  Apollo's next words would make all the
difference. 'Please press charges, Apollo,' he begged silently.

But Apollo didn't want his long-time lover disciplined.  Thinking
to save him from anything more than a minor rebuke, he replied,
"Thank you, Commander, but no.  I don't want to press charges.
The Lieutenant is still mourning the loss of the Galactica.
Since we're the only two warriors who survived, he needed to
confirm that I was real.  I was about to explain to him the
inappropriateness of his actions when you came in."

"Commendable, Captain.  But the Lieutenant's choice of ...
confirmation was more than inappropriate.  It was a public
nonconsensual homosexual assault on a superior officer."  Cain
paused and tapped his riding crop against his thigh.  Starbuck
shivered in response.  Cain nodded towards Starbuck and addressed
the two Security Officers who has accompanied him.  "Take him to
the pilots' ready room and assemble all male pilots there.

The Security men saluted smartly and, after removing his side arm
and handing it to Cain, took Starbuck none-too-gently by the arms
and led him off.

Cain turned back to Apollo.  "Normally, as the Lieutenant's
immediate superior, I would expect you to discipline him for this
... lapse.  But because you were the victim in the assault, I'm
going to excuse you from responsibility for disciplinary action.
I will take that upon myself.  It's fortunate both for the
Lieutenant and for the Pegasus that you don't wish to press
charges.  I would have been forced to demote him in rank and
sentence him to time in the brig if you had and, frankly, despite
his ... antisocial ... tendencies, we can't afford to lose him as
a viper pilot."  He paused.  "He'll be brought to your quarters
following discipline so that you can be assured that he was
properly punished.  You may administer further discipline as you
see fit at that time - but remember, we need him capable of
piloting, so exercise restraint."

***

"So, Commander, what are you going to do with me?  Publicly strip
me of rank?"

"No, Lieutenant.  As I told Captain Apollo, you're too valuable
as a pilot for me to do that.  No," he paused thoughtfully.  "I
can't have you stripped of rank.  But I can have you stripped."

The pilots who formed a loose circle around the Commander and the
Lieutenant stirred uneasily at these words.  The female pilots,
excluded from the ready room, but standing outside the door,
heard the Commander clearly and began murmuring among themselves.
The sounds of their whispers carried into the ready room.

Cain scowled.  "I'll have silence and military obedience in here
or the Lieutenant will not be the only one disciplined!" he
bellowed.  The male pilots drew themselves up into parade rest
positions.  Outside, Sheba hushed the women, a grim look on her
face.  "Captain Bojay," Cain snapped, "As ranking officer, it
falls to you to ensure compliance with my orders."

"Yes, sir!" Bojay replied stepping forward.  "What are the
Commander's orders, sir?"

"Take charge of the Lieutenant," Cain replied, and signaled his
dismissal to the Security men, who left with expressions of
relief on their faces.

Bojay stepped into the circle, and stood behind and to the side
of Starbuck, just out of arm's reach, one hand on his laser
pistol;  he knew his old friend too well to risk being
unprepared.  Starbuck stood still though, knowing there was no
point in resisting or trying to escape.  He was going to be
stripped and physically disciplined and there was nothing he
could do about it.  He reined in his temper;  mouthing off would
just make it worse.

"Lieutenant Starbuck," Cain intoned.  "You sexually assaulted a
superior officer in the presence of witnesses.  Not only did you
accost him in a sexual manner without his consent, you accosted
someone of the same gender.  That bespeaks a serious disturbance
in your mental stability.  In addition, you demonstrated
insubordination.  Perhaps on the Galactica such lapses were
allowed, but this is not the Galactica.  I believe in punishing
infractions so that the appropriate lesson is learned.  The
lesson you will learn today is that you are subordinate, not just
to superior officers, but to every other warrior on this ship.
When the lesson is done, you will report to Captain Apollo and
demonstrate your understanding of your subordinate position for
as long a period of time as he deems appropriate."  He turned to
Bojay.  "Strip him," he commanded, as he took off his gloves and
began unbuckling his belt.  "I'll begin the demonstration.  Each
of you," he turned slowly, meeting the eyes of every man in the
circle, "will take a turn.  Captain Bojay, you will restrain the
Lieutenant during the discipline in such a way that the
Lieutenant will be demonstrating his subordination to you
throughout the lesson."

Bojay had finished stripping Starbuck.  Now he turned the passive
man to face him and held him by the shoulders, bracing him for
the blows both men assumed were about to fall.

"No, Captain," Cain said, annoyed.  "On the floor."  Only now did
Bojay see that his Commander had exposed his thick member and was
stroking it into readiness.  "And you'll want to ... make
yourself available, too.

Bojay opened his pants and pulled out his flaccid penis.  "I'm
sorry, Starbuck," he whispered as he sat cross-legged on the
floor, pulling Starbuck down with him and forcing his friend's
face into his lap.

***

Part 2

Apollo's door chimed, but before he could open his mouth to call
"Come", Bojay was coming through, heavily supporting a barely
conscious Starbuck.  Apollo jumped up and raced to Starbuck's
other side, helping Bojay move him towards the couch.  Apollo
made to lay Starbuck on his back, but Bojay pulled them all back
upright hastily.

"Not on his back, 'Pol.  Here, better let me;  I know where he's
not hurt."  With care that Apollo had only heard Starbuck speak
of, Bojay took Starbuck in his arms, holding him under the arms
and knees, and knelt in front of the couch.  "Okay, Bucko, you're
level with the couch. Can you roll onto your stomach?"

"Again, Captain?" It was almost a sob.

Bojay corrected him gently, not moving from the position in which
he held Starbuck.  "No, Starbuck.  No more of that.  It's over.
We're in Apollo's quarters.  I just want to lay you down on the
couch."

"Yes, sir."  Starbuck didn't believe him, but what choice did he
have?  Carefully he rolled himself out of Bojay's arms and onto
the couch.  Then he bent his knees and reached under himself to
start undoing his pants.

Bojay stopped him with a hand over his.  "No, Starbuck.  I meant
it.  It's over."

This time Starbuck turned his head to look at Bojay.  He saw only
sincerity in Bojay's eyes.  With a sigh, he allowed his body to
relax.  "Yes, sir.  Thank you, sir,"  he whispered.  Then he
roused himself again.  "What does Captain Apollo want me to do,
sir?" he asked, twisting to get a glimpse of Apollo and biting
back a moan when his buttocks grazed the back of the couch.

"Apollo wants you to rest," Bojay answered softly, pushing
Starbuck back into a prone position.  "Don't you, Apollo?"

Apollo had been watching and listening in silent horror.
Something was dreadfully wrong.  Starbuck even *sounded* wrong.
At his name, he hurriedly reran the question in his head and
responded, stepping into Starbuck's line of sight, "Yes, yes.  Of
course that's what I want.  You rest now, Bucko."  He waited
until Starbuck murmured, "Yes, sir," and closed his eyes, then
turned to Bojay.  "What happened?"

"Discipline," Bojay answered and the two captains started at the
echo of the word coming from the couch.  They turned back to see
Starbuck's eyes open again.

Apollo thought he looked haunted.

"It's all right," Bojay soothed.  "Close your eyes and rest."

"Yes, sir."  Starbuck shifted slightly and whimpered as he
obeyed.  With an effort he kept his eyes closed and relaxed his
body, even though that seemed to increase the pain.

"You have any painkillers?" Bojay asked Apollo.

"Yes, but they're for my migraines.  They're controlled substance
signed out to me."

Bojay looked steadily into Apollo's eyes.  "I think you're having
a really bad migraine right now, aren't you?"

Apollo's eyes flicked to his lover, lower lip sucked in between
his teeth to and eyes squeezed tightly shut to prevent crying
out.  "Right.  Worst one I ever had."  He hurried to the turbo
flush and came back with the small bottle of pills and a glass of
water.

"Starbuck," Bojay called softly, kneeling at the Lieutenant's
head.  "I'm going to raise your head now and I want you to take
the pills Apollo's going to give you."

He reached around Starbuck's shoulders to raise his head enough
to swallow the pills, but Starbuck misunderstood and rolled onto
his back to sit up.  Immediately he went rigid, raising his
buttocks and thighs off the cushions and screamed in pain.

Apollo dropped water and pills and pulled his agonized lover to
him.  Starbuck's screams faded to hiccupping sobs, but he
remained rigid in Apollo's arms.

Bojay got another glass of water and shook an additional pill out
of the pill bottle.  At Apollo's intake of breath, he shook his
head in warning.  Gently he pulled Starbuck's head back.  "Open
your mouth, Starbuck.  I'm going to put the pills in and then
give you water to swallow them with."

Starbuck obeyed and, centons later, relaxed against Apollo as the
narcotics brought blessed unconsciousness.  In concert, the two
captains lay Starbuck down on his stomach on the couch.

"Now tell me what happened," Apollo demanded, sitting back on his
heels.

Bojay motioned him away from the couch.  He wasn't sure how
deeply asleep Starbuck was, and his friend didn't need to hear
his "discipline" recounted.  In a low voice, he said, "Cain had
us gang-rape him."

"By all the Lords of Kobol," Apollo whispered, "why?"

"To hold him up as a lesson to anyone who might question the
Commander's orders," Bojay replied simply.  "Some of us do, you
know. He called Starbuck's infraction a sexual assault, but
everyone knows you and he were together until you came aboard the
Pegasus, so no one believes that.  Then he pulled out
insubordination and said that Starbuck would be shown he was
subordinate to all of us and would have to prove he understood
afterwards.  With you."

Apollo stood silent, remembering the orphan he had first met in
secondary school, who was full of rebellion but flinched away
from the most casual touch.  He remembered the time on leave from
the Academy when they were solicited by a flamboyant transsexual
in a club.  Apollo had laughingly put the man off, but Starbuck
had initially reacted submissively, as though he were under
orders to obey, then caught himself and became enraged.  Apollo
had barely kept him from physically assaulting the fellow.

It had taken a long time for Apollo to realize he loved
Starbuck.  When he finally confessed his love in a drunken micron
following Serena's death, Starbuck had gone white with shock, but
insisted that Apollo use him as he needed to.  Apollo, drunk and
grief-stricken, had taken Starbuck at his word.  He still felt
guilt over that.  When he awakened, Starbuck lay beside him,
exactly as Apollo had left him when he fell asleep, eyes open but
blank of all emotion, almost gray instead of blue.  At Apollo's
hung over moans, Starbuck had roused and helped him get to the
turbo flush.  He didn't dress until Apollo started to, but then
he seemed to be fine, if you didn't look at those blank eyes.

Apollo kept his distance after that, but watched his friend
closely.  Slowly color and emotion returned to Starbuck's eyes,
and when Apollo moved to reinstate their friendship, Starbuck met
him more than halfway, but neither man mentioned their night
together.

It was sectars later that Starbuck hesitantly asked whether he
had been "unsatisfactory".  Apollo was quick to assure him that
it was quite the opposite.  Apollo remembered the confusion in
Starbuck's eyes as he asked, "Then why don't you want me
anymore?"  That was the start of their real relationship.  Slowly
and sometimes painfully, Apollo taught Starbuck what physical
love could be.  Even so, it was a yahren before Starbuck
initiated lovemaking.  And then, all too soon and all too
tragically, came the battle with the Cylons over the fueling
station.  The Galactica was gone and Apollo and Starbuck found
themselves on the Pegasus, where homosexuality was considered a
mental defect and unquestioning obedience to orders was expected.

The two men agreed that they would have to put their relationship
in the past and be friends off-duty, Captain and Lieutenant
on-duty.  But Starbuck had reached a breaking point only a cycle
ago, needing the love he had come to expect from Apollo.  And now
he had paid for that need in a way that was all too familiar.

The door sliding open without chiming roused Apollo, who looked
up to see Sheba slipping in as soon as the opening was wide
enough to accommodate her.  She held out a small package to Bojay
and nodded in greeting to Apollo, her eyes on Starbuck's still
form.  "Cass wanted to come, but I was afraid her absence from
Life Center would be noticed.  If Father found out she was
helping ..." she let her whisper trail off into nothingness.
"How is he?"

"Out.  Apollo had some migraine meds."

"Thank the Lords.  Cass couldn't give me anything like that;
I've never had chronic pain and it would look suspicious.  She
gave me first aid supplies to run over to the children's
section.  Barton has already logged them in."

Bojay smiled at her and turned to Apollo.  "We have to be
careful, but we do have allies.  You'll get to know them now."

"I want to know the details, but let's make Starbuck as
comfortable as we can first."

As they gently undressed the unconscious man and applied topical
analgesics, Sheba spoke brusquely.  "The details are simple,
Apollo.  My father wants absolute, unquestioning obedience.  He's
had his eye on Starbuck since you two were stranded here.  He's
even questioned us about possible problems.  He knows Starbuck's
reputation and he was just waiting for him to try a con or refuse
an order before he made him a scapegoat.  He made all the male
pilots rape Starbuck while Bojay held him down.  He went first
and he whipped Starbuck with his riding crop in between.  He had
the female pilots wait outside where they could hear everything.
Then he made us come in and see what they had done while Starbuck
stood in the center of the room at attention."  Her voice
cracked.

Bojay picked up the story as he and Apollo carried Starbuck into
the bedroom.  Sheba piled pillows around him on end, so that the
comforter they placed over him wouldn't rub against his
injuries.  "He didn't resist, but Cain acted as if he did - the
whipping and all.  I ... was supposed to force him to perform
oral sex on me while the others raped him, but I faked it.  I
think he knows that ... I hope he knows."  He took a deep
breath.  "Anyway, after Sheba led the other women out - and they
all moved as quickly as they could without getting Cain angry -
Cain ordered me to dress him and bring him to you."

Sheba interrupted.  "I can't hear this.  I'm around Father too
much.  And I'd better leave before I'm missed.  My stomach was
upset by what I saw, but I have to slip back into Life Center
through the attendant entrance and out through the patient
entrance before Father comes looking for me.  I'm going to be
indisposed for the rest of the secton, but I can't do any better
than that.  When you visit me to see how I'm doing, let me know
what else you need.  I'll pass it on to Cass and she'll bring
what she can."  She went to the door.  "When he wakes up, tell
him no one wanted to do this.  We're all just frakking cowards,
afraid to stand up to ... my father."  She schooled her
expression and left, walking swiftly down little used corridors
until she was back in Life Center.

Bojay looked at Apollo to make sure he understood what Sheba was
saying and doing.

"She's taking an awful risk," Apollo commented.

"Only one we all should have taken long ago.  It shouldn't have
come to this.  And she and I knew it would as soon as you two
were on board.  Cain knew Starbuck was the weak link.  She's
right.  We're all cowards.  He's had scapegoats before, just not
this bad.  We should've acted long ago.  But, look, he's *given*
Starbuck to you.  He doesn't know, he couldn't believe it if he
were told, that you might like men.  So he figures you'll turn on
Starbuck now.  Keep him and abuse him sexually.  The way he sees
it, it'll strengthen his case.  But it's your opportunity - and
ours.  If you two can play along, we might be able to work out a
plan to put an end to this."

"How so?"

"To keep Starbuck in his place, you might well give him to
deserving pilots as a reward.  You might even invite groups of
others here to share him. We'll let you know who;  not everyone
sees the Commander the way we've come to.  Although I suspect
there are more who do after tonight.  I better get out of here,
too, though.  Cain's got eyes everywhere.  Which reminds me,
you're going to have to do some public ... activities to prove
yourself to Cain."  He strode to the door and stood in the
doorway, keeping it open.  "Oh, yeah, Apollo," he said, smirking,
"I *know* you'll take *good* care of the pervert!  See ya
later!"  With that he walked through the door and down the hall,
laughing.

Apollo was left standing along in his quarters, wondering whether
Starbuck would survive this plan intact.  He knew his lover would
go along with it, even encourage him to act publicly, if
necessary.  But would he - and their love - survive?

***

Part 3

Starbuck's small cry of pain, as he woke and rolled over before
he was fully awake, brought Apollo into the bedroom on the run.

"'Pol?" Starbuck began, then memory returned and he corrected
himself.  "I mean, Captain.  Am I in your quarters, sir?"

"Yes, Bucko.  But we're alone, you don't have to be formal."

"Yes, sir.  Thank you, sir."

Apollo's stomach twisted.  He had to know whether it was an act.
"Starbuck, look at me," he said softly.

Slowly and painfully, Starbuck turned his head and raised himself
on his forearms to look up at his Captain.  He bit his lower lip
to keep from crying out as his shoulders brushed the comforter
laying over him.  But it was Apollo who barely kept from crying
out when he looked into his lover's blank, gray eyes.  Starbuck
wasn't acting.

***

"Did the pill help, Starbuck?"

Starbuck had been laying on his side, but rolled over onto his
back, to look up at the Captain, since he seemed to want eye
contact.  His lips thinned, but the pain was apparently bearable
now. "Yes, sir.  Thank you, sir."

Apollo sighed.  "Can you let me put a topical anesthetic on?
That should dull the pain some more."

"Of course, sir."  Starbuck grimaced as he pushed the comforter
off, but made no complaint.  He rolled obediently onto his
stomach, turning his head towards Apollo.

"I'll be as gentle as I can, Starbuck," Apollo said as he
surveyed the welts and bruises, "but it's going to hurt.  Don't
be afraid to cry out."

"Yes, sir.  I won't, sir."

Starbuck whimpered as Apollo spread the anesthetic cream over his
shoulders, working down his back.  Apollo encouraged him, saying,
"That's right.  Let it out.  It's okay."

Starbuck didn't know why the Captain would want him to cry, but
he didn't have to fake it;  the pain was all too real.  'Maybe
this is how he'll know when I can take more.  Maybe I will have
to pretend it's worse than it is in a few cycles,' Starbuck
thought.  'But not now.'

Apollo smoothed the cream over Starbuck's buttocks, feeling the
man tremble as his whimpers turned to sobs.  "Starbuck?" he
asked, concerned.  "Do you want me to give you more painkillers?
Two more should knock you out and I can finish then."

"No, sir." Starbuck sniffed back the tears.  "I'm sorry, sir.
I'll do better."

"I've ... I've got to go inside ... with an antibiotic so you
won't get infected."

"Yes, sir.  I understand," Starbuck said, managing to keep his
voice steady.

"I'll be as quick as I can," Apollo promised.  Then he steeled
himself and quickly pushed a coated finger into Starbuck's torn
anus. He ignored the scream that was torn from the injured man's
throat only long enough to be sure he got antibiotic past the
rings of muscle.  Then he pulled his finger out quickly and
gathered the traumatized man to him, rocking him and crooning
wordlessly until the screams subsided to sobs and then finally to
close-mouthed moans.  'How am I going to reach him?' Apollo
wondered.  'Bojay and Sheba's plans all hinge on him, but Cain
may have outfoxed them again, without even knowing it.'  Then he
cursed himself for thinking of their need to use Starbuck as a
messenger and decoy when he should only be thinking of healing
the person he loved most in the world.

***

"He's no better?"  Bojay glanced at the closed bedroom door and
kept his voice to a whisper.  Starbuck was sleeping, something he
did rarely and briefly since the rape.

Apollo shook his head.  "It's still 'yes, sir', 'no, sir', and
thank you, sir" and not much else.  He knew from the first time
he regained consciousness who I am and where he is, so it's not
that kind of breakdown."  Apollo fell silent.

"What aren't you telling me?" Bojay probed gently.

Apollo sighed.  He didn't want to betray Starbuck any further
than he already had.  "I've ... seen him like this before.  But I
could back off then;  give him space and time to recover.  If I
do that now ..."

"Cain will step into the breech.  No, you can't do that.  But ...
frak!  Look, we've talked about it, the .. I guess you'd say
governing group of us.  I know we could still use Starbuck.  He
sure as Hades wouldn't go to Cain and rat us out.  He'll obey and
do whatever you tell him to.  But, we can't do that.  It's just
the sort of thing Cain would do;  we'd be lowering ourselves to
his level.  Again."

"Cain's been to see him, you know."

"Sheba told me.  Told her he was so scared he soiled himself.
Said he needed Starbuck back 'in working condition' before the
next Cylon raid, and, since he seemed to be part of the problem,
she's now to be checking up on him."

"Yeah, she told me, too.  She's supposed to come on to me as a
cover for making sure he's not faking it.  Seems I've a
reputation for being too soft-hearted."

Bojay snorted.  "Obviously, Commander Cain never served under
you, or he wouldn't think that. But at least she can come here
openly now."

***

"Captain?  I ... I don't want to be a bother," Starbuck began
hesitantly.

"You're not a bother, Starbuck, don't think that," Apollo assured
him, encouraged that he had opened a conversation.

"Yes, sir."  Starbuck knew better than that, but needed to find
out exactly what his situation was.  "I know I'm not healed
enough to return to duty, Sir, but I can take care of myself now
and I wondered when I could return to bachelor quarters."

Apollo looked at the defeated man propped up in the bed.  He
probably wasn't well enough to care for himself, although his
external injuries were well on their way to healing. He had only
been managing without pain pills for two cycles, so badly injured
was his rectum.  "Starbuck?" Apollo asked thoughtfully, "Does it
hurt when I put the antibiotic inside you?"

"No, sir," Starbuck answered with just the slightest hesitation.
He shivered once as he wondered where this conversation was
leading.

Apollo wasn't sure whether to believe him, but continued anyway.
"You'll be done with the antibiotic treatment at the end of the
secton," he said.  "But you won't be going back to the bunkroom.
You'll be staying here ... indefinitely."

"Oh."  Starbuck swallowed hard.  "Thank you, sir," he managed to
choke out before he had to bite his lip to hold back a sob.

"Do you want to talk about what's bothering you, Starbuck?"

Starbuck took the gentle question as an order.  "Yes, sir.  I
just ... wondered what the Captain was going to do with me ...
once I'm recovered."

Apollo answered with another question.  "What do you remember
about what happened to you?"

Starbuck furrowed his brow, wanting to give an accurate answer.
"I sexually assaulted you outside the OC, sir.  And Commander
Cain disciplined me accordingly.  And made me ... " Starbuck
tried to think of a good word to use.  He didn't like
"subordinate";  it didn't indicate he understood his place on the
Pegasus, but he couldn't come up with another.  "Sorry, sir.
Commander Cain used the word 'subordinate' - subordinate to
everyone else, but especially to you.  And he ... Commander Cain
made it clear that I had to..." he searched for the right word
again, shrugged and gave up. "He gave me to you.  To use however
you want.  Sir."

"Starbuck, I know this is going to be hard for you to believe,
but the reason I want you to stay here is so that I can be sure
no one else will hurt you."

'No one *else*,' Starbuck thought.  'Well, I guess I know the
situation now.'  Aloud he simply replied, "Yes, sir," once more.

***

Part 4

"All right, you have your assignments.  Any questions?"  Apollo
scanned the room quickly.  "Good.  Dismissed," he said when no
one raised any questions.  "Ah, Starbuck, could you stay a
micron.?"

Starbuck stiffened.  "Yes, sir," he replied.  The other warriors
filed out.  Soft murmurs of "poor guy" and "he oughta tell him to
put it out an airlock" were mixed with snickers and "you know he
loves it" as they exited.  One or two cast angry glances back at
the Captain, who was leaning against the desk in a provocative
pose, while others went out of their way to clasp Starbuck's
shoulder or pat his back as they passed.

Sheba played the hard-ass.  "Let's keep it moving," she snapped.
"I hope I'm not hearing any inappropriate comments about superior
officers."  That quieted the pilots down before less
understanding ears could take note of who was expressing
displeasure.

But one usually quiet and submissive ensign burst out, "We're all
a bunch of frakking cowards!"

"That will be enough, Armand!" Sheba growled.  "Report to Captain
Bojay's office when your duty shift ends."  He flinched, but she
turned away to hide her smile.  'Another recruit,' she thought
happily.

***

In the office, Starbuck approached his Captain and began to
disrobe.

"You don't have to strip, Starbuck.  No one's going to come in."

"Thank you, sir," Starbuck murmured as he dropped gracefully to
his knees and reached for Apollo's crotch.

Apollo shook his head.  "You don't have to do that either.  We're
just trying to find out who's sympathetic."

Starbuck looked up with his usual blank expression, his hand
still on Apollo's crotch.  There was a definite bulge growing
there.  His face creased in a perplexed frown for a micron as he
studied the Captain's expression.  Then his expression cleared
and he looked directly into Apollo's eyes.  "What if I want to?"
he asked softly, a slight smile lightening his features.

"Starbuck?" Apollo focused more closely on the man kneeling
before him.  Clear blue eyes gazed back at him, light with
amusement.  He fell to his knees and pulled his lover into a
tight hug.  "I didn't think I'd get you back."

I wasn't sure until now.  I thought ... well, what I thought
doesn't make much sense.  But I've been listening to you and
Sheba and Bojay and you've only ever hurt me or used me when Cain
or people who didn't know us were around.  And now, you could
have ... you know I would have obeyed."

"Yes, I know," Apollo said, barely above a whisper.  And it's
been killing me.  Driving Sheba and Bojay crazy, too.  It's not
right.  You didn't seem to understand, didn't even remember what
we had together.  So we were abusing you as badly as Cain did."

"No."  Starbuck spoke firmly, taking Apollo's hands in his.  "You
tried to explain, I remember hearing the words.  I just couldn't
accept them.  It was all jumbled in my mind, not only with what
Cain did to me, but with what they forced me to do in the
orphanage.  It's happened before."

"I know."

"Yeah, well.  Anyway, I'm okay now, so," he gestured at the bulge
in Apollo's uniform, "May I?"

***

In the end, it was Starbuck who thought of the plan and Starbuck
who made it work.

Following through with the original idea, Apollo held a gathering
to celebrate another secton free of Cylon raids.  A known
sympathizer of the Commander's was there, so Apollo told Starbuck
to "work the room".

Starbuck, already naked when the invited guests had arrived,
obeyed without protest, moving from one guest to the next, doing
his or her bidding, his expression blank, eyes dull and glazed.
He ended with Apollo, and remained with his head on Apollo's lap
when he was done.  Apollo idly stroked his head, occasionally
running a finger along his spine and into his crack.

Once everyone but the squad leaders had left, Apollo asked
Starbuck if he wanted to get dressed.

"No, I'm fine," Starbuck replied in a tired voice. Then he licked
his teeth and lips and grimaced.  "But I would like to brush my
teeth, if that's okay."

Apollo bent to kiss Starbuck's forehead.  "Of course, love.  Go
ahead."

Once Starbuck had left the room, Sheba remarked on the absence of
"sirs" in his response to Apollo.

Apollo recounted the way that Starbuck had let him know he was
recovered mentally and emotionally.

"Oh, ye of little faith," Bojay teased Apollo.  Turning serious,
he asked, "But is he willing to take part?  It was bad enough
when he sort of didn't know what he was doing or why, but we
can't *force* him ..."

"You don't have to force me, Bojay," Starbuck answered for
himself, returning to lean against Apollo. "Just tell me what you
need me to do.  I seem to have found a way to turn myself off and
then back on again.  It makes being used a lot more tolerable."

"I don't like it when you turn yourself off," Apollo protested.
"It makes me think you've phased out again."

"I know, love," Starbuck pulled himself into Apollo's lap and
stroked his cheek.  "But I don't think I could have pulled off
'working the room' if I couldn't turn off."  He swiveled around
to face Bojay and Sheba.  "So what's the plan?"

The two Pegasus officers looked at each other uncomfortably.
Finally Sheba spoke.  "The plan only got as far as seeing who was
with us, who we could count on to keep quiet, and who we had to
avoid or ... dispose of.  Beyond that, we've thought of using you
as a messenger - with Apollo giving you out as a reward to
deserving warriors, but not what messages we'd need you to carry
or anything beyond that."

Starbuck shook his head in dismay.  "It's a damned good thing I
decided to rejoin you.  All three of you are too caught up in
rules and regulations to really carry off a mutiny."

***

Part 5

"I don't like this plan.  I don't like it at all!" Apollo
muttered angrily.

"So come up with a better one," Starbuck suggested, playing with
his lover's hair.  Apollo swatted his hand away, but didn't
otherwise respond.  "Thought so," Starbuck continued smugly.  He
snuggled up to Apollo on the couch.  "Love me?"

"Always," Apollo said fervently.  "I'll never push you away
again.  Look at all the trouble I caused."

Starbuck nodded somberly, then grinned.  "Of course, if you had
kissed me back, Cain probably would have spaced both of us."  He
ground his naked rump into Apollo's lap.  "But I meant love me,
as in, would you please make love to me now while we've still got
the chance."

"That's what I don't like about this plan of yours," Apollo
grumbled.  He started to push Starbuck off his lap, realized that
he had just promised never to do that, sighed, and hugged him
closer.  "What if it gets too much for you?  What if you can't
turn yourself back on?"

Starbuck pulled back to look into Apollo's eyes.  His own blue
eyes were serious with just a trace of fear.  "'Pol," he asked
quietly.  "If something like that does happen, will you take care
of me?"

"Of course I will!" Apollo exclaimed.  He wrapped Starbuck
tightly in his arms.  "Shall we make love now - while we have the
chance?"

"Actually," Starbuck sighed, "If you could just hold me for a
while, that would be fine."

***

"Father?  Do you have a centon?"

"For you, Sheba, of course.  Come in, come in."  Cain stood and
ushered his daughter to the seating group in one corner of his
office.  "We haven't had a chance to talk in sectons.  What
brings you now?"  He kissed her forehead as they sat down.

"Well, this is awkward," Sheba began.  "You know how you asked me
to make sure Apollo was ... training Starbuck properly?"

"Yes.  I also recall how irate you were when I suggested how you
might approach him."

Sheba wished she could fake a blush, but since she couldn't she
put her hands up to her cheeks as though to cover one.  "Dad!
Well, I told you I didn't need to do that.  And I was right."

"Yes, you were.  You seem to have had a much better idea than
your old dad.  I'm used to the more traditional ways.  I forgot
that men and women are equals now and can just be friends."

"Well, Apollo needed friends on the Pegasus anyway.  He pretty
much only knew me and Bojay.  Now he's quite popular, even hosted
a small celebration the other cycle."

"Really?"  Cain feigned surprise, having gotten a full report.
"Well, that's good.  He's a good man and he's lost everyone.
Well, everyone but Starbuck, that is.  And Cass, I suppose."

"No, he and Cass were never close.  Not that they're enemies or
anything; they just never had anything in common."  Sheba
mentally crossed her fingers as she told this blatant lie.  "And,
of course, after what Starbuck pulled, well, Apollo doesn't
exactly think of him as a friend anymore."

"No?  Well, I suppose it's for the best.  He needs to distance
himself from ... lower elements, if you know what I mean."

"Yes, I do, and I agree."  Sheba lowered her eyes and counted to
ten.  "And, umm, that's what I came to see you about."

"I don't understand, sweetheart."

"I ... that is, Apollo and I ... well, we've found we've got a
great deal in common.  And, well, I think he's a very attractive
man."

"Ah, so without starting out to seduce him, you've fallen for
him."

"Something like that."

"Does he feel the same way."

"Yes.  Yes, he does.  But he also feels an obligation to you."

"To me?  How so?"

"He feels obligated to keep Starbuck in check.  And that kind of
puts a damper on things for him and me."

"I've observed Starbuck and heard reports that he's responded to
Apollo's training very well.  He's still capable of independent
thought when he's on duty, but is otherwise completely submissive
to Apollo's will."

"Yes, Daddy, and that's the problem!  Apollo feels he needs
constant reinforcement.  And that means he's always with us!
Now, I'm not complaining.  Starbuck definitely knows how to
please," Sheba allowed herself a small smile, "but I'd really
like time alone with Apollo, if you know what I mean."  She
looked away, murmuring, "I can't believe I'm saying this to my
own father!"

Cain chuckled indulgently.  "There, there, baby, who else could
you come to if not your father?"  He cleared his throat. "If
Starbuck is as well-trained as he appears, he should be able to
go back to bachelor quarters," he said firmly.

"Well, we tried that.  Apollo and Bojay sat down with Starbuck
and told him how pleased they were with his progress and that
they thought he was ready to do just that."  Sheba shook her head
sadly.  "He just fell apart.  Bojay says he begged them not to
send him away - he offered to serve Bojay if Apollo didn't want
him anymore - and when Bojay said that wasn't appropriate,
Starbuck just fell apart.  Apollo said it was like the first time
you visited to see how he was doing."  Sheba sniffed and let that
sink in before she continued.  "Apollo feels responsible, you
know how he is.  He said that going back to bachelor quarters
thinking they're going to ... gang up on him ... Starbuck would
become useless as a warrior.  He knows how valuable Starbuck is
as a pilot, so he's willing to give up his ... social life ...
for the good of the Pegasus."

"You should be very proud of him, Sheba," Cain admonished.  "Not
many men would be willing to make that sacrifice."

"True enough, Daddy.  Bojay's not.  But then, I think Starbuck
disgusts him.  He seems to actually *like* ... pleasuring the
men."  She faked a shudder, which turned real as she realized she
had come to the part of her speech where she had to throw
Starbuck to the wolf.  "But, Daddy, it's not fair to Apollo - or
to me - no matter how noble it is.  So,"  She rose and walked
behind his chair, kneading his shoulders and kissing the top of
his head as she had always done when she wanted something from
him.  "I thought, maybe, just for a while, you could take
Starbuck under your wing.  He shouldn't be as afraid of you as he
is, but he should respect you.  And I know you know how to
complete his training so he will be able to go back to bachelor
quarters.  Please, Daddy, will you?" she wheedled.  "For me?"

***

"Enter!" Apollo called.

Cain strode in to find Starbuck on his knees between Apollo's
legs.  Apollo was reclining in his chair, pants opened and penis
out.  He rapped Starbuck sharply on the head.  "Return to your
duties, Starbuck," he ordered.

Starbuck obediently lowered his head to Apollo's genitals and
began sucking him off.

"Commander, I hope you'll forgive me for not rising, but I feel
it's important that Starbuck learn not to be distracted."

Cain sat opposite Apollo, where he had a clear view.  His own
cock was rising in response to what he was seeing.  "Quite all
right, Captain.  By all means, finish the lesson."

When Apollo had climaxed and Starbuck had cleaned and redressed
him, Apollo directed him to approach Cain.  Starbuck did as he
was told, but he was shaking.  "And don't you *dare* wet
yourself!" Apollo commanded.

The trembling increased as Starbuck approached the Commander.
When Cain raised Starbuck's lowered chin with a finger, forcing
Starbuck to look at him, the naked man did lose control and urine
rolled down his legs.

Apollo jumped out of his chair, livid with anger.  "How dare you
disobey me?" he thundered.  "Clean yourself up and then come back
to clean up the floor - and bring the paddle with you."

"Yes, sir," Starbuck murmured miserably.  He got to his feet and
nearly flew out of the room.

"I apologize, Commander.  I can't seem to break him of that bad
habit.  Whenever he's frightened ..."

Cain saw an opportunity to make his move.  He waved Apollo to
silence.  "It's all right, Captain.  But you're right, he does
need to get past this unreasonable fear of me.  He needs to
respect and obey me, true, but he can't even function around me
in his current state."

"I've tried, sir, but nothing seems to work," Apollo admitted.

"You're not to blame," Cain consoled him.  "Perhaps he needs to
be shown that as long as he is submissive and obedient, he has
nothing to fear from me."  He paused as though thinking.  "I have
an idea!  Why don't I take him into my care for a secton or two?"

"Commander, with all due respect, do you have the time to spend
on such a trivial matter?"

"It's not trivial, Captain.  It's affecting two of my warriors:
the Lieutenant and you.  Neither of you can be at peak
performance levels while he's unmanned by fear and you have to
cope with the consequences.."  Apollo nodded reluctantly.  "It's
settled then.  I'll take him back to my quarters right now."

Starbuck entered the room, placed the paddle at Apollo's feet,
and began cleaning the rug at Cain's feet.  When he finished, he
disposed of the towel and came back on hands and knees to kneel
uncertainly between the two men.  He turned trusting blue eyes on
Apollo and waited for instructions.

"Starbuck," Apollo began, but Cain cut him off.

"Lieutenant, do you feel more in control of your body?"

"Yes, sir," Starbuck replied softly, turning his head towards the
Commander.  "I'm sorry for my lapse, sir.  Will you be
disciplining me?"  He picked up the paddle and offered it to
Cain.

Cain shook his head.  We've decided to forego the discipline this
time.  Instead, the Captain and I feel you need additional
training to help you ... control your urges.  You'll be coming
with me."  He stood and walked over to the kneeling man.  "Stand
up, I won't have you crawling behind me in public.

Starbuck stood and once again turned his eyes to Apollo, trying
to let him know he understood and it was all according to plan.

"Starbuck, get dressed and pack enough clothes for two sectons,"
Apollo instructed.

"That won't be necessary, Captain," Cain overrode him. "Part of
his training with me will be not to be distracted from his duties
- even his warrior duties - by the state oof his body."

Apollo watched in horror as Starbuck's eyes turned a dull gray.
His face lost what expression it had previously.  Then Starbuck
turned away from Apollo and moved to stand just behind and to the
side of Cain.  "I'm ready to go with you, sir."

Cain nodded his approval at the obedience.  "You've made a good
start with him, Captain.  Now enjoy the respite from your
labors."  Cain strode to the door, Starbuck a few steps behind
him.  "I'm sure you'll be pleased with how much he improves with
only a little more work."

The two men disappeared and the door slid shut behind them.  Only
then did Apollo collapse onto the floor, hands over his face,
sobbing.

***

Part 6

Apollo tried to pay attention to the briefing, but it was
difficult.  Starbuck was in plain sight, sitting back on his
haunches like some semi-sentient alien creature in a zoological
exhibit.  It was the first time he had seen Starbuck close up in
two sectons and he didn't like what he was seeing.  Starbuck's
head was up, but he stared unfocused straight ahead.  Idly, his
hands played with his cock and balls.  Apollo had expected a
collar and leash, or else restraints, but all he could see was a
cock ring and dildo, connected by a thin metal strand.

He had seen Starbuck only at a distance since he had left with
Cain.  Cain had immediately transferred the Lieutenant to Bojay's
Silver Spar squadron and Apollo could only watch as he climbed,
naked, into and out of the viper cockpit.  He had had a collar
and leash on at those times, and been escorted either by Cain or
one of his trusted aides.  The leash was taken off only when
Starbuck was secured in his viper and put back on before he
climbed out.

Bojay had been able to get closer, but not communicate other than
with subtle gestures, which Starbuck returned, signaling that all
was going according to plan.  He had reported that there were no
signs of physical abuse, described the cock ring and dildo, and
assured Apollo that the collar was not binding or choking.
Sheba, assigned as Starbuck's wingman, said he responded crisply
and professionally once in the cockpit and contributed during
debriefs to the extent of answering questions put to him
directly.

"Does that meet with your approval, Captain Apollo?" Cain asked,
calling Apollo's attention back to the meeting.

Apollo tore his eyes away from Starbuck and colored briefly.
"I'm sorry, sir, I'm afraid my attention lapsed.

Cain smiled indulgently and glanced at Starbuck, who immediately
turned his head to meet the Commander's eyes.  "Yes, Captain, I
can understand the distraction.  Starbuck, how long has it been
since you last required discipline?" he asked.

"One secton, 72 centars, sir," Starbuck answered promptly.

"And our agreed upon time period before reward?"

"Two sectons, sir."

"Do you think a partial early reward would interfere with your
training?"

"No, sir!  I'll be good.  I can maintain discipline, sir,"
Starbuck responded almost eagerly.

"Very well, then.  In view of the ... distraction to other
warriors, you may wear your uniform pants, tunic, and jacket,
when you are on-duty on-board the ship.  You may begin now."

"Yes, sir.  Thank you, sir," Starbuck fell to hands and knees and
crawled rapidly to the door.

"Oh, and Starbuck?"  The crawling man froze in place and looked
back over his shoulders, the hope in his eyes dying as he
turned.  "When you're on duty, as now, you may walk upright - for
efficiency."

"Yes, sir," Starbuck repeated.  "Thank you, sir."  He rose
quickly and exited.

***

"If he's going to be part of the search team, he needs to be
armed," Bojay insisted.  Sheba, standing beside him in Cain's
office, nodded her agreement.

"I understand your logic, Captain," Cain said.  "However, despite
his excellent response to training, I'm not convinced of his
stability."

Apollo, behind the two Pegasus officers, spoke up.  "Then leave
him off the search team."

"Can't do that, Captain," Cain responded crisply.  "It's a
Galactica signal, as far as we can tell, and I need someone from
the Galactica to be part of the mission.  A Galactican will
recognize falsification before someone from the Pegasus would.
Since you're disabled," Cain gestured at the sling Apollo wore, a
memento of the abortive ground mission three cycles previous, "it
has to be Starbuck."

Sheba exchanged glances with Bojay while Cain was focused on
Apollo.  They came to silent agreement and she spoke up slowly.
"How about this, then, Commander?  We'll give him an uncharged
weapon, but I'll have an extra charged one on me.  If he shows
any signs of turning the weapon on himself or anyone else, we'll
know he isn't stable, and no harm will be done.  If he doesn't,
and if we run into hostiles, I'll give him the charged pistol."

Cain considered, then nodded.  "That will work," he said
finally.  "And it will be a good test.  Very well, then.  The
search and rescue mission will begin in three centars."

The three officers saluted and left the office.

Starbuck stood passively next to Sheba for the briefing.  At the
end of it, Cain called him forward and handed him a holster and
laser pistol.  "We're all trusting you, Lieutenant," he said.
"Don't let us down."

"No, sir.  I won't, sir," Starbuck replied quickly, buckling the
weapon belt around his slim waist.  The heavy belt and holster
made his weight loss even more apparent.  Sheba, waiting in the
doorway, thought he looked fragile, like someone with a chronic
illness.

"Are you wired?" Sheba murmured as they walked down the hallway.

Starbuck shook his head.  "No, ma'am.  The collar was wired and
the viper is monitored, but right now I'm clean."

Sheba nodded, then continued. "The pistol isn't loaded.  As soon
as we're on-planet, I'll give you the loaded one."  She stopped
in the deserted hallway and put a hand on his shoulder.  He
flinched, but turned to face her.  "I'm not supposed to do that
unless there are hostiles.  Apollo and Bojay, they're not so sure
you won't try something.  They agree with my father in this case,
but I trust you."  She said the last words with a slight
hesitancy, after looking into his blank eyes.

"They think I'd hurt other warriors?" Starbuck asked in
disbelief.

Sheba shook her head.  "No.  Well, Cain probably does, but not
Apollo and Bojay.  They're afraid you'll turn the pistol on
yourself."  She looked at him with a silent question.

"No, ma'am - Sheba," as he corrected himself, Starbuck's eyes
flickered and focused.  "I'm okay.  Cain, he ... he tried his
best, but ..." a faint echo of the old Starbuck grin appeared,
"I'm still following the plan."  He turned serious.  "I get to
keep the weapon if I'm a good boy?" he asked.

"He didn't say, but I don't think that'll be a problem.
Especially if this isn't a ruse and he thinks it's not charged."
Starbuck nodded.  "Starbuck ...?" Sheba started, then censored
herself.  She *would not* ask the question.

But Starbuck knew.  He put a gentle hand on her shoulder now, and
assured her softly.  "Only on stun.  I swear, Sheba, unless I'm
fighting for my life, I'll only stun him."

She pulled him into a hug, but felt him stiffen and released
him.  "Thank you," she whispered, still leaning towards him.
Straightening, she said, "We'd better get to the mess hall before
we're missed."

***

"Starbuck, what do you think?" Bojay's voice cracked over the
comm line.

Starbuck checked his sensor readings.  "It's a Galactica armed
shuttle, Captain," he confirmed.  "And last I knew there was only
one of those operative.  Anybody getting life signs?"

A chorus of negatives was the response.  "Okay then, one more
flyby to check for any other artificial structures, and we'll
land," Bojay instructed.

***

"How many should be in it?" Sheba asked as the team cautiously
approached the wreckage.

"Two, it's really more of an extra-wide viper than a shuttle.
Never worked exactly right, either," Starbuck said.  He looked
around confirming that the entire team was composed of
mutineers.  There'd be final planning before they returned to the
Pegasus, no matter what they found in the shuttle.  "Apollo and I
used to test it, give our opinions to the braincases in the
Science Lab, and they'd give it back to us still loused up.
Never took our advice for what we needed.  Frakking thing
probably crashed without any help from the Cylons."

"Could it get out here on its own, Starbuck?" one of the other
pilots asked.

Starbuck thought for a micron, calculating distances.  "Not from
where we last saw the Galactica.  But if Adama's been following
our vapor trail - and Lords know the Cylons have, so why
shouldn't he be?"  There was a murmur of discontented agreement;
one more thing the great Commander Cain hadn't gotten quite
right.  "If he's been shadowing us, staying out of Cylon sensor
range, he'd be out of our range, too.  He might have sent the
shuttle out to scout."  Starbuck paused.  "Or the Cylons might
have captured it and brought it here as a lure."

"Well, we're about to find out," Bojay said from the front of the
team, as their point guard sprinted back signaling.

Starbuck moved up next to Bojay as they came within sight of the
shuttle.  It had landed on its side, as though the starboard
turbo had ceased functioning.  The hatch was ajar, and they
halted at Bojay's signal, just out of laser range.

"May I?" Starbuck asked.

"Go ahead, Bucko," Bojay encouraged him.  "We'll wait for your
signal.

Starbuck drew his laser pistol and checked its charge, grinning
quickly at Sheba when it showed full.  Until then, he hadn't been
quite sure she had trusted him with a loaded weapon.  He circled
slightly, to approach the hatch from the windowless rear of the
vehicle.  Carefully, he coded in the entry code on the undamaged
keypad and, with a slight scraping noise, the hatch began to
open.  Starbuck kept his pistol at the ready.

"Halt!" came the command from within the shuttle.  Underlying the
voice was a continuous moaning.  "Identify yourself."

"Boomer?" Starbuck called, recognizing the voice. He kept his
pistol out but hid it along the side of his leg.  "It's Starbuck,
with a team from the Pegasus.  Are you all right."

"Starbuck?"  Boomer's voice held suspicion. "Step into the entry,
where I can see you."

Starbuck complied, but kept his weapon out:  it could still be a
trap.  The interior of the shuttle was dark, but as his eyes
adjusted he could see two figures near the escape pods, one
hunched protectively over the other.  "Can I turn on my wrist
light?" Starbuck asked diffidently.

"Yes, but keep it away from my eyes," Boomer replied.

Starbuck flicked the light on.  Boomer squatted next to another
warrior.  The second warrior was the one moaning.  Starbuck
surveyed the entire shuttle with the wrist light.  Finding
nothing amiss, he holstered his weapon.  "You all right,
Boom-boom?" he asked  stepping closer.

"Yeah, I'm okay.  Just some bruises.  Jolly got the worst of it."

"Let me call the rest of the team in," Starbuck said.  "We've got
a med-tech with us."

"Good," Boomer answered, nodding.  "I've done about all I can,
and the emergency kit's pain killers ran out cycles ago."  He
wondered why Starbuck didn't come closer, but didn't get the
chance to think about it long as the rest of the team surged in.

***

"We'll wait until both Apollo and Jolly are healed," Bojay said.
There were nods around the campfire.  Boomer had been briefed on
the Pegasus situation and confidently offered the assistance of
the Galactica which was, as Starbuck had surmised, shadowing them
just out of Cylon sensor range.

"Agreed." Starbuck said.  He had kept his distance from Boomer,
but now he turned to him.  "Boom-boom, let's take a little walk."
He looked at Bojay, who waved him on.  Starbuck smiled his
thanks.  "There's another part of this ... situation you need to
... be aware of."

***

Part 7

"We're all set," Boomer murmured to Apollo as they climbed out of
their cockpits.  "They'll swing around at light speed, avoiding
the Cylons and us, then double back, running dark."

Apollo did a quick calculation in his head.  "Two sectons, then?"

Boomer mentally checked.  "Sounds right."

"I'll let Sheba know.  She'll spread the word."  The men had been
moving from the viper bay to the deconn area, speaking tonelessly
without moving their lips, their low voices lost in the hum of
machinery.  Now Apollo raised his voice.  "OC after deconn,
Boom-boom?  Drinks are on me!"

"Free drinks?  How could I resist?" Boomer answered in a jovial
tone.

***

"Shall I get that, Commander?" Starbuck asked politely as the
comm unit chimed, not stopping his thrusting onto the club Cain
held.  Cain needed time to recuperate from his last two climaxes,
one into Starbuck's rear, the second down his throat.  While he
waited, he amused himself by further humiliating the submissive
man, forcing him to harshly stimulate himself, to prove he was
completely obedient to Cain's will.

"It can wait," Cain said harshly.  "And so can you."

"Yes, sir," Starbuck agreed dully.  He ached from lack of
release, but knew better than to disagree.

"I, however, am ready for more oral stimulation."  Cain jerked
the club out of Starbuck's rectum and held it out.  Starbuck
sucked it into his mouth, cleaning his own wastes and blood from
the club.  When he was done, he loosened the suction, to let Cain
know, but left the club in his mouth.  When Cain pulled it out,
Starbuck kept his mouth open, awaiting the next order. Cain
handed Starbuck the electrified cock ring and dildo, which he put
on, tightening the cock ring as much as he dared without losing
control, forcing stretched anal muscles to hold the dildo.

The remote control for the set hung from Cain's belt.  Originally
it had been a discipline device, but Starbuck needed few
disciplinary measures of late.  Cain used it now mainly to amuse
himself, waking Starbuck with a jolt of electricity, or
increasing his "performance" by slowly upping the voltage until
Starbuck lost control.  Cain smiled at the memory - when he lost
control, Starbuck required discipline.  A lovely, if vicious,
cycle.  Once, in a fit of fury, Cain had set the control to its
highest level, Starbuck had a burn line circling the base of his
penis from that. Cain supposed there was a similar mark in his
channel but, of course, Cain had shut it off as soon as Starbuck
lost consciousness, so no real damage was done.

Starbuck watched Cain finger the remote control warily.  "Do you
want me to perform, Sir?" he asked, wondering if the release
would be worth the pain.

Cain watched the man's bloated rod bob hopefully at the thought
of performing and the relief at the performance's end, and
grinned evilly at him.  "Haven't you learned not to try a con
game yet, Lieutenant?" he asked.  "No, you will not perform.  You
will not get release this cycle, just because you suggested it.
Did you think I would fall for such a transparent ploy?"

"No, sir," Starbuck replied quickly.

"Well, let's see how clever your mouth is at pleasuring, since
it's so poor at lying," Cain said, indicating his still flaccid
organ.  "Bring me to completion and I *might* not punish you for
your indiscretion."

Starbuck crawled over and sucked up the limp muscle.  Just as he
began to work his tongue around it, the comm unit chimed again,
this time in the emergency code.  Cain cursed and pushed Starbuck
away.  Starbuck lay where he fell, on his back, next to his
folded uniform.  His holstered pistol lay atop the uniform, all
kept close at hand due to the frequency of Cylon raids and the
need to be ready for an alert at all times.

"What is it?" snarled Cain into the unit.  "I said I was not to
be disturbed, yet I've been commed *twice*!  It had better be
important."

The tinny voice stammered an apology, then continued, "We've got
a target coming towards us from Sector Gamma, sir.  We thought
you would want to know."

"Coming *from* Sector Gamma?" Cain asked, incredulous.  Behind
him, Starbuck warily rose into a crouch.  "Are you sure?"

"Yes, Commander, we've checked the scanners twice;  even focused
the long-range scanners to minimum distance, just to be certain."

"What kind of target?" Cain demanded.

"It appears to be a Battlestar, sir," came the hesitant
response.  Starbuck loosened his pistol in its holster without
looking.  His eyes never left Cain's figure.

"Are you sure it's not an echo?"  Cain questioned, beginning to
pace.

"Yes, sir, quite sure."

"Very well.  Go to red alert.  I'll be right up."  Cain turned to
find Starbuck, standing and aiming his pistol at him.  "Put that
down.  It's not charged anyway."

"I don't think so, Commander," Starbuck said in a soft, dangerous
voice.  He fired and Cain fell to his knees, twitching at the
stun ray.  Starbuck ran to the comm unit, keying the unicom.

Cain forced his screaming muscles to obey.  Scrabbling, he
grabbed the remote control, swung the dial to maximum voltage,
and squeezed the button.

Starbuck convulsed as the electricity surged along his genitals
and up his rectum.  Somehow, he managed to turn and shoot at Cain
again.  Cain fell forward onto his stomach, but the remote
control remained active in the fist tucked under his body.

Sobbing in pain, Starbuck opened the channel and gasped, "The
plan is green to go.  Repeat, green to go."  Then he fell
unconscious, curling around his mutilated genitals in a fetal
position.

At his words, fully a third of the ship's complement pulled
hidden weapons and aimed them at predetermined targets, stunning
those within range who supported Cain's tyranny and brutality.
Others, not willing to join in the mutiny, but giving silent
support, simply stepped away from their control panels and out of
the line of fire.  The ship rocked as controls spun free.

Starbuck's bladder let go when a brief loss of internal gravity
threw him against the leg of the desk. At the same time a jolt to
his prostate caused him to ejaculate, the combined liquid
emissions short circuiting the almost lethal circuit.  The wire
sizzled, burned deep into his scrotum, the dildo was sealed to
scorched rectal tissue, and the cock ring seemed to have
half-melted into the base of his penis.  Cain was thrown against
the fooder, head first, and lost consciousness, remote control
still clutched tight.  Commander and Lieutenant both lay in agony
that seared through their unconscious minds as the plan played
out around them.

***

It was not until the Galactica came abreast and surgically
sheared off each of the Pegasus' gun turrets that Bridge Officer
Tolan surrendered.  While Bojay and the other Pegasus "mutineers"
rounded up the loyalists and locked them in a hastily setup brig,
Boomer and Jolly manned the bridge, establishing contact with
Colonel Tigh and Commander Adama.  Apollo and Sheba helped Cass
tend the wounded from both camps, ensuring the loyalists were
secured to their cots in Life Center and well-guarded.

It was not until Bojay joined them that they realized two members
of the crew were unaccounted for:  Cain and Starbuck.  As one,
they headed for Commander Cain's quarters.

Getting no response to their door chime and knocks, and hearing
only silence within, they readied their laser pistols and burst
in.  The smell of burnt flesh assailed them and weak groans came
from one corner of the room.  They separated and looked around
cautiously.

Apollo was the first to spot Starbuck, lying still in a naked
huddle, his burned balls visible below his bloody anus.  With a
cry of despair, Apollo fell to his knees and lifted the lifeless
head into his lap.

Bojay had followed the groaning to find Cain just beginning to
stir.  His head was bloody and his eyes unfocused, but he seemed
otherwise uninjured.  He groaned and brought his hands to his
head, dropping the remote control.  Bojay picked it up and saw
the voltage setting.  Looking down, Bojay brought his pistol to
bear on his former Commander.

Sheba stood in the middle of the room, watching Bojay.  She was
about to tell him not to shoot when a whimper whirled her around
and she had her first real look at Starbuck's wounds. When Apollo
lifted Starbuck into his lap, he fully exposed the disaster that
had been his lover's genitals, as well as shocking him into
consciousness.  The dead gray eyes that stared into Sheba's as
she looked up from his mutilation made her gasp.

Then Starbuck spoke, his voice the barest of whispers, his eyes
gazing at her steadily.  "I only stunned him, Lieutenant.  I kept
my promise."

Sheba knelt next to Apollo and stroked the blond head in his
lap.  "I know you did.  I should never have made you promise."

"I've got to get him to Life Center," Apollo said.

Sheba nodded. With a brief kiss to Starbuck's forehead, she rose
and walked over to Bojay who hadn't dared turn his head away from
the wily Commander.  Silently, he handed her the remote control.

"Is he still alive?"  Cain rasped, starting to get to his knees.

"Yes - no thanks to you, Father," Sheba said.  Without another
word, she smoothly raised her laser pistol and shot him.  Her
pistol wasn't set on stun.

***

***

Part 8

Sheba lowered her weapon and turned to Bojay.  "He was about to grab
your pistol and kill all of us," she said calmly.

Bojay met her eyes and they exchanged steady looks.  "Yes, he was,"
Bojay agreed.  "Let's see what else he used on Starbuck.  The
doctors will want to know.

Sheba nodded and they went through the quarters thoroughly, moving
together.  There was the collar and leash, also electrified, as it
turned out, and several anal plugs and dildoes that were meant to
cut or burn.  "Nothing that showed," Sheba murmured.

"No one ever said your father was a stupid man," Bojay replied.

"Don't call him that," Sheba said with a vehemence that made Bojay
turn with raised eyebrows.  "My father died - who knows when?
Certainly the Commander Cain ruling this Battlestar was not the man
who raised me.  I knew that the moment I came on board.  It was
subtle at first, but ... "  she shook her head.

Bojay put an arm around her shoulders and hugged her to him.  "It's
all right.  I understand.  Let's check the bedroom."

Sheba nodded and again they walked together, Bojay's arm slipping
down from her shoulders to catch up her hand.  Sheba's hand
tightened as the lights came up in the bedroom.  The bed was there,
of course, complete with the restraints at the corners that they had
expected to see; these were not restraints for playing at bondage,
but unlined leather and metal shackles, meant to confine and hurt.
But what made Sheba cling to Bojay was the other major piece of
furniture - if you could call it that - a large cage, also equipped
with shackles and other bindings.  It wasn't large enough for a man
to sit or kneel upright in, nor lie down without curling
uncomfortably.  But it was clear that the occupant would be unable
to sit, kneel, or lie down on the grating that served as a floor for
the cage.  The shackles and bindings would hold him on hands and
widely spread knees, and the largest dildo Bojay had ever seen hung
suspended, ready for insertion.  It was crusted over and Bojay
didn't want to think about what the crust consisted of.  "Dear
Lords," Bojay whispered and choked on the words.  "Why didn't he
tell us?  He must have known we couldn't see his ... injuries.  When
we were out of spy range, why didn't he say anything?"

Sheba looked at Bojay, dry-eyed.  "Because, if he had, we would have
... I would have come back here and killed him on the spot.  We ...
I would have thrown the plan away.  And Starbuck *knew* that, knew
me - and probably you and Apollo, too," Bojay nodded that she was
correct, "knew us well enough to predict that.  And he also knew we
*had* to follow the plan.  Otherwise we'd all wind up in the brig at
best, or more victims at worst."

Bojay thought for a micron, then nodded again and turned back to the
task at hand.  "We've got to get that ... thing to Life Center.
That and the rest of the stuff.  They'll need to know what to look
for and how to treat it.  And we've got to dismantle this before
Apollo sees it."

"Before Apollo sees what?" came a deep voice from the doorway.

Bojay and Sheba jumped at the unexpected intrusion and turned to see
Commander Adama.  Bojay nodded in greeting.  "Commander."  Then he
stepped aside and gestured.  "Before Apollo sees *this*, sir.
Starbuck was apparently kept in here by Cain."

Adama stared for a full centon, then nodded slowly.  "Take what
evidence will be useful for Life Center and then destroy it,
Captain.  Then I'll need your help to sort through who we can trust
as warriors on the Galactica."  He turned to Sheba.  "My deepest
condolences, my dear.  If you need time ..."

Sheba shook her head, standing straight and meeting his eyes
levelly.  "I am not in mourning, Commander.  My father died many
yahrens ago.  Something possessed his body, but I've put it out of
its misery now.  I would be proud to serve under you on the
Galactica if you'll have me."

Adama offered her his arm.  "I accept your offer.  Consider yourself
transferred to the Galactica.  Colonel Tigh is on the bridge in
temporary command.  Perhaps you could pilot the first shuttle of
wounded to the Galactica?  I'll be on board as well.  Apollo took
Starbuck directly there in my shuttle as soon as I landed.
Captain?"

Bojay turned from his task.  "Yes, Commander?"

"When you're done here, would you please lead the first squadron of
transferred warriors to the Galactica?"

"It would be my honor, sir."

***

"I'm fine, Captain," Starbuck was arguing with Apollo when Adama
arrived in the Galactica Life Center.  "Dr. Salik treated my burns
and gave me pain medication.  There's no reason I should take up a
bed when there are so many non-ambulatory wounded.  I can recover
..." he faltered.  "Wherever I'm billeted, sir."

Before Apollo could protest or pull rank, Adama asked mildly, "Are
you sure you're well enough to leave Life Center, Lieutenant?  When
I saw you in the Pegasus shuttle bay you didn't look healthy at
all."

Starbuck turned red with shame.  Half-unconscious with pain, he
didn't know who had seen him - or how much they had seen.  "Yes,
sir, Commander.  I'm not fit for duty yet, sir, but I don't need to
take up space here."

Adama looked skeptical and called Salik over.  "Doctor, the
Lieutenant tells me you've released him from Life Center?"

Salik frowned.  "He's physically capable of treating his own
injuries and medicating himself during his recovery.  We *are*
overcrowded here, with the ... refugees from the Pegasus,
Commander.  If not for that, I would insist he stay here for a full
psych eval.  As it is, I'll be monitoring his quarters and expect
him back twice a secton until I give him full clearance to return to
duty."

Apollo whispered something in his father's ear and Adama nodded.
"Where would you recommend the Lieutenant be billeted, Doctor?" he
asked.

"I can go to Bachelor Quarters, sir," Starbuck put in quickly.  "I
don't expect special assignment."

"Absolutely not!" Salik and Apollo said simultaneously.  Starbuck
flinched and Apollo subsided, but Salik continued.  "Starbuck, you
are probably still in shock.  When that wears off and you have time
to think about the nature of your injuries ..."

"I'll be fine, Doctor.  Honest, Commander," Starbuck turned to
Adama, a pleading note in his voice. "I can handle it.  I've ...
I've been ... abused before.  I can work through it."  Adama looked
at Dr. Salik, who shook his head.  "Sir, please.  I'll go for
whatever psych eval and counseling you require, but I don't need
special arrangements."

"We have too many new warriors needing billets for you to be in
bachelor quarters in any case, Lieutenant.  All senior staff will be
placed in two-person quarters for the time being.  That will mean
some doubling up in the case of the Captains, but it can't be
avoided.  Captain Bojay and Lieutenant Sheba have requested that
they be quartered together.  Lieutenants Boomer and Jolly are
already sharing quarters.  It would be easiest if you and Captain
Apollo doubled up as well, but if that isn't ... appropriate ..."

Starbuck wondered what Adama knew.  In sudden fear of being
insubordinate, he fell silent..

Dr. Salik, ignorant of the role Apollo had been forced to play in
Starbuck's torture, said, "Captain Apollo is familiar with the
nature of Lieutenant's physical and psychological injuries.  He
would seem to be a very good choice for room mate."

"Apollo?" Adama asked.

"I agree with Dr. Salik, father," Apollo responded quietly.  "As
long as it's all right with Starbuck."

In a flat voice, devoid of emotion, Starbuck said,  "Whatever you
feel is best, sirs.  I'll go wherever I'm told."

***

Apollo had watched with a sinking feeling as Starbuck reverted.
When he had first come out of treatment, he had seemed like the old
Starbuck, but Dr. Salik had been right, once the shock of being back
on the Galactica wore off, he became submissive again.  Apollo
wondered if he wouldn't be better off with Boomer, who had never
hurt him, but knew - in general - what had happened.  After Starbuck
left, he voiced that idea to Adama and Salik, but Salik shook his
head, suggesting Starbuck would feel that Apollo was rejecting him.

Apollo had hoped to get to the quarters he shared with Starbuck
within a centare, but there was too much to be done.  Starbuck had
promised to go straight there from Life Center and Apollo had no
doubt he had done just that.  Three centars later, after being fully
briefed in private, Adama dismissed his son, telling him to show
Starbuck that he still loved him.  Apollo hurried to their quarters,
the sinking feeling growing worse as he approached.

Apollo keyed the entry code and walked in to find what he had
feared:  Starbuck knelt naked on the floor in the living area,
waiting for him.  Perhaps he had dozed while waiting, but at the
sound of the door opening, he had come to a kneeling up position,
head bowed, waiting for orders.

Apollo knelt in front of him and spoke gently.  "Starbuck, we're
back on the Galactica now.  We don't have to pretend.  You don't
have to serve me, love."

Starbuck looked up at the gentle tone and tried to process the
words.  "I ... I wasn't sure, sir.  And there weren't any...
bedclothes.  Dr. Salik said not to keep the pants on too long
because they'd chafe, so ..."  he shrugged.  "I didn't want to
disobey him, Captain, and ... I know we're on the Galactica, but the
Commander assigned me to you ..." he trailed off into silence and
looked down again.

"Starbuck, look at me," Apollo urged.  Blank, gray eyes met his.  He
burst out,  "Oh, Starbuck, you said you'd be able to come back!"

"Captain!  Apollo!"  Starbuck reached for his distraught lover's
hands.  "I'm trying.  I know where I am ... mostly.  I need a little
time."

Apollo squeezed the hands holding his.  "It's all right, love.  I'll
be here for you whenever you're ready."

Starbuck's eyes flickered between blue and gray as he watched
Apollo.  "For now, Apollo, Captain, just ... if you would, sir ...
just tell me what to do.  I don't know any more ..."

"Yes.  I can do that," Apollo said, although it broke his heart to
think that he would have to play the Master again. Apollo looked
more carefully at Starbuck's face.  Tear tracks marked his cheeks,
although he wasn't crying now.  "Starbuck, are you in pain?"

"Umm, a little," Starbuck admitted.  "But," seeing where Apollo was
looking, he scrubbed at his cheeks. "That wasn't why I was crying,
sir.  I ... I wanted to be ready for you.  Only ..." Tears sprang
into the fully blue eyes.  "Only I couldn't.  "I tried ... to clean
myself, but ... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"  He collapsed into
a sobbing ball.

Apollo pulled Starbuck into his arms and rubbed his back.  "Easy,
love.  Of course you can't prepare yourself.  You're badly burned
and cut.  I don't need that - I don't *want* it.  Not until Dr.
Salik says we can."  Apollo's voice remained soothing, but he was
thinking, 'if we ever can.' Salik had received Cain's "toys" and,
while not showing them to Apollo, described the scarring and damage.

Starbuck nodded and sniffled, pulling himself together.  Apollo
continued holding him and he gave himself up to the comfort of his
lover's arms.  His head still burrowed into Apollo's shoulder, he
murmured, "But it didn't hurt to stroke myself. Only ..."

"Only what?"  Apollo stroked Starbuck's hair, encouraging him to
speak.  "Tell me, love.  Nothing bad will happen to you.  Let me
share.  We'll get through it together."

"'Kay," Starbuck said, nuzzling Apollo's neck.  "I couldn't get
hard.  No matter what I tried.  I know you want me naked and erect
when you walk in ..."  He stopped short and pulled away, shaking his
head as if to clear it.  "No, wait.  That isn't right, is it?"
Apollo shook his head, a sad smile on his face.  He didn't let go of
Starbuck, although he didn't restrain him either.  "No, that was
Cain, not you."  A wail escaped from Starbuck's mouth as the full
impact of Cain's torture hit him.  "Apollo, what are we going to
do?  How could I confuse you and Cain?  Oh, Lords, Apollo, what did
he do to me?"

***

Part 9

"You sure you'll be all right alone, Bucko?"

"Yes, s..., I mean, yeah, Apollo, I'm sure.  I'm wide awake now.
I'll be fine."

Apollo looked at the frail figure on the couch, seeing through the
confident smile and relaxed posture.  He noted that Starbuck was
"relaxing" on his side, propped on one elbow; despite the fact that
he claimed to no longer be in pain, he rarely sat on his buttocks if
he could avoid it.  He looked above the smile to where the
cheekbones stuck out beyond the dark circles under the sunken eyes.
Apollo knew how tired he was, awakened by Starbuck's nightmares
sleep cycle after sleep cycle, jolted by his screams and sobs.  But
he also knew that after a nightmare, Starbuck stayed awake for the
rest of the sleep cycle, so that Apollo could get the rest he needed
to function on duty. 'What did he do to you, that it's this bad?'
Apollo thought.  'If we knew, we could fight past it.'  But he
didn't speak aloud.

"'Pol?" Starbuck's soft voice called him back to the micron.
"You're going to be late for your shift."

"I'm worried about you," Apollo admitted.

"You want me to talk it out."  Starbuck made it a statement.  Apollo
nodded, surprised that Starbuck had said out loud what he was afraid
to.  Starbuck shifted uncomfortably on the couch.  "Can you be
...just a few centons late?"  Apollo raised an eyebrow and Starbuck
chuckled.  "No, I don't think we can solve everything in a few
centons - I couldn't even tell you everything that fast, but maybe
you could tell me what ..." he stopped and corrected himself, "help
me decide what to do."

"I'll comm Boomer.  He'll cover for me," Apollo said, suiting action
to word.

"Come sit on the couch with me," Starbuck invited.

Again Apollo was surprised; Starbuck generally kept his distance
from everyone, including Apollo, unless he needed physical comfort,
which he usually was willing to admit only when in pain or terror
from a nightmare. He hastened to comply.

Starbuck took Apollo's hands in his and stroked them as he spoke.
He watched the twined hands, never looking up at his partner.  "You
must wonder how much I remember and how much I shut out," he began.
"I think I remember everything.  Close enough anyway.  The Commander
told me you didn't ... didn't see the ... apparatus Cain used, that
Bojay and Sheba destroyed it.  But I know Salik told you what he
must have done and I'm sure you've forced Bojay and Sheba to
describe what they saw.  And that's okay with me.  But I don't want
you to know what happened, cycle by cycle." He squeezed Apollo's
hands.  "I love you.  I don't want you to see those images whenever
... whenever we're together. Can you live with not knowing?"

"*I* can live with not knowing," Apollo confirmed, "But can you live
without telling someone?  Bucko, you need to get it out, you've got
it all bottled up inside you - what he did, what you feel - it comes
out in the nightmares, but you keep it hidden when you're awake."

Starbuck shook his head.  "Obviously I don't keep it hidden well
enough. But that's what I needed you to say.  I *will* tell someone,
but it won't be you."

"Have you made some arrangements for ..."

"Counseling?  Yeah, sort of.  I had a complete psych eval last
secton, mostly while you were on patrol."  At Apollo's astonished
expression, Starbuck smiled.  "I bet you thought I wouldn't do it
'til you dragged me to Life Center, didn't you?  Well, I did.  I umm
asked Cassie to come and get me; I couldn't make myself leave here.
Anyway, according to Salik I'm liable to ... regress is the word he
used - regress without warning if I see someone I'm not ... sure
about.  And, uh, after I told him about when I was with you and the
part Bojay and Sheba played, he said if he had known that he
wouldn't have recommended we be quartered together."

"Are you trying to tell me you want to move out?"

"No, no.  Matter of fact, I told him I wouldn't, not unless you
wanted me to. I told him we were working on it and most of the time
I could remember *where* I was and that made the difference.  He
wasn't thrilled, but he accepted it.  Anyway, he gave me different
options for counseling and, what I wanted to tell you, as long as
you're okay with it, is that I'd like to do one of them - on my own
at first.  Eventually I think I want you with me - I need to ... to
separate you and Cain - Gods that sound awful!"

"It's okay, Bucko.  I know what you mean."

"So is it okay if I do this on my own - I don't ... I mean I'd
rather you didn't even know what it is, at least at first." Starbuck
finally raised his eyes to meet Apollo's.

Apollo nodded solemnly.  "You do what you need to do.  I'll manage.
All I want is to have you back - really back."

Starbuck relaxed and leaned forward to place a kiss, chaste but full
of promise and hope, on Apollo's lips.

***

The corridor leading to the therapy rooms was every bit as dark as
Starbuck remembered it.  He kept imagining demons and ghost
engineers moving in his peripheral vision, but no one hailed him.
He almost sighed in relief when he saw the familiar blue velvet
couch as the lights came up in the therapy room. "I'm back," he said
into the air.

NOTE:  According to the novelization of the episode "The Young
Lords", "Battlestar Galactica 4: The Young Warriors", by Glen A.
Larson and Robert Thurston, Starbuck underwent voluntary therapy
just before the patrol that ended with his crash on Antila.

"Welcome, Lieutenant," the soothing, disembodied voice replied.
"Will you lie down willingly, this time?"

"Uh, yeah, sure," Starbuck said moving towards the couch.  "Only I'm
a little uncomfortable lying on my back."

"You may lie any way you wish.  Make yourself comfortable."

"Thanks."  Starbuck lay down on his side, with his back to the wall.

"Specify your problem, please," the voice said once Starbuck stopped
moving.

"Hmm.  Well, let's see.  I was held captive by a ... renegade
Commander on another Battlestar and physically and sexually abused."

"Well, you certainly had no difficulty stating your problem this
time," the voice noted.  "Taking that as the general background,
what trouble are you having as a result of your captivity and
abuse?"

"Ah, basically, I'm having problems adjusting to life back on the
Galactica."

"In what ways?"

"Let's see.  I can't sleep without nightmares, I'm afraid to leave
my quarters alone, I'm afraid of anyone on the ship I don't
recognize and a lot of people I do, I can't hold food down, and I
can't umm get umm an erection."

"Some of that:  the nightmares and inability to eat and maintain an
erection are easily classifiable as the result of trauma.  However,
to understand your waking fears, I will require specifics about your
captivity."

"Yeah, I kind of thought you might.  Can't you umm pluck it out of
my head like you did last time?"

"You mean use an imagery session?  That will be helpful, but in
order to place the imagery properly, I need to understand more about
what happened to you. You may recall that you told me quite a bit
about yourself and your situation before our last imagery session."

"Yeah.  I guess.  Okay.  Where do you want me to start?"

"I believe that starting where the problem started would be best."

"Right.  Well, Apollo and I were stranded on the Pegasus ..."
Starbuck spent most of the rest of the session describing the events
that led to his humiliation and discipline.  "And then he led me out
of Apollo's quarters.  As soon as the door closed, he grabbed me by
the neck and penis and told me that 'the soft life' I'd been living
was over.  Oh, Gods!"

"My sensors indicate a loss of bladder control.  Do you require
medical assistance, Lieutenant?"

"N-no.  But Cain must be enjoying this if he can see it from
wherever he is now."

"I am unaware that Commander Cain, or anyone else for that matter,
is viewing this therapy session."

"No.  He isn't - not literally.  He's dead.  They told me they
killed him.  It's just that, whenever I lost control like ... like
this, he really enjoyed it.  Said it showed submission. Then he'd
punish me for it, but he wanted me to ... to piss myself."

The machine seemed to pause to consider several avenues to pursue.
"Lieutenant," it said finally, "do you believe that Cain is alive?"

Starbuck considered the question for several microns.  "No.  I'm
sure he's dead."

"Then intellectually you know he can no longer see you or harm you."

"Not directly, no.  As far as watching me wet myself, I was speaking
figuratively.  As far as harming me, I'm not so sure you're right.
He's still harming me."  Starbuck paused, wondering at his ability
to clinically discuss himself while lying in his own urine.  "Uh,
did I damage the fabric?"

"No, it is self-cleaning.  Do not concern yourself about it.
However, your uniform is not.  If you would remove the soiled items
and put them in the lighted alcove, they will be cleaned and ready
for you by the end of the session."

Starbuck didn't want to undress, but the thought of walking through
the ship in a stained and pungent uniform was even less acceptable
to him.   "All right," he said, toeing his boots off. He shivered as
he pulled the wet clothing off, exposing his damaged genitals and
buttocks.

"If you would remove the remainder of your uniform, I will raise the
room temperature to compensate for your lack of attire," the voice
suggested.

Starbuck nodded and completed disrobing, putting his jacket, tunic,
and socks in another alcove that lit up as he looked around for a
place to leave them.  He remained standing uncertainly at the side
of the room, refraining from falling to his knees with an effort.

"Please lie down again," the voice said.  When Starbuck settled on
his side on the couch, the voice prompted, "Continue.  Tell me what
he did."

"He had this cage that he kept me in during sleep cycle.  My wrists,
knees and ankles were chained to the sides of the cage and metal
bands wrapped around my chest and hips to keep me from collapsing to
the bottom of the cage.  There was a dildo - he called it the
'punishment dildo' - that went up my rectum and held me in place
there.  It attached to my cock ring with a wire.  It was wider than
... than any cock I've ever seen and longer, too.  It vibrated and
sent out electric pulses.  The shocks were carried through the wire
to the cock ring.  If I was bad, he left it going on low all sleep
cycle.  During waking cycles, the cock ring attached to a small
electrified dildo. He carried the remote to set the voltage for
that.  That's what did this," Starbuck gestured at the burn scars on
his genitals.  "And if I was outside his quarters, I wore a choke
collar that had a leash that could be used to shock me.  Then he had
other ... objects he put in my ass, my mouth, up my cock.  Some of
them burned, some cut, some just stopped anything from getting
out."  Starbuck ground to a halt, having listed all the instruments
he was tortured with.  He felt drained.

"These were used for punishment or discipline?" the voice asked.

"Yes.  Well, mostly.  Sometimes just to entertain him."

"What would cause you to be punished or disciplined?"

"Not obeying."

"Could you be more specific?  What were you expected to do?"

"Anything he asked.  Perform sexually.  Service him.  Serve as his
turbo flush and turbo wash." Starbuck choked at the last words and
began to retch.  A receptacle slid out of the couch at his head
level and some sort of mechanical arm guided his head to lean over
it.

When Starbuck's heaves had subsided, the voice asked, "Would you
like to rinse your mouth?"

"Yes, please.  Gods, I'm a mess!"

"It is to be expected and you should not blame yourself.  Perhaps
you would prefer to pour the water yourself?"

Starbuck found that strangely reassuring.  There was the sound of a
wall sliding aside, and a sink appeared.  Disposable cups were
stacked on one side.  Starbuck rose shakily and went to the sink,
first rinsing his mouth, then drinking.  He drank several cups of
water, realizing that his stomach did not object to the liquid.  As
he returned to the couch, he noted that the receptacle had vanished
along with whatever had supported him as he vomited, "Thank you," he
said to the therapy machine. "I guess that's why I haven't been able
to eat, huh?"

"You are quite welcome. It is most likely that the repressed memory
of what you were forced to ingest has prevented you from returning
to normal feeding."

"Will this make it better?"

"In all likelihood your awareness of the cause will assist you in
overcoming your eating dysfunction.  To return to the subject, how
long did this routine of abuse and punishment cycle go on?"

"I'm not sure;  several sectars, but I'm not sure exactly how many."

"All right.  Let's turn to something else.  You've been having
nightmares."

"Bad ones.  They wake Apollo up before they wake me up.  Then I
don't know where I am.  Lately I've been staying awake so Apollo can
get some sleep. 'Course that just seems to make them worse when I do
fall asleep."

"Sleep deprivation will do that," the voice commented.  "Dreams can
be very helpful.  Tell me about yours."

"Well, they're pretty much the same as what I just told you.  I'm
back on the Pegasus, with all those electrical devices and I'm doing
my best to obey everyone, but I never can.  So I'm always getting
punished."

"That sounds like memory rather than dream.  Are there any specific
differences between what actually happened and your dreams?"

Starbuck hesitated.  "Well, yes.  There are two things that are very
different."

"Can you tell me what they are?"

"I ... I beg for punishment in the dreams;  I never did that."

"And the other difference?"

"The person who's ... doing all these things.  It's not Cain in my
dreams."

"Can you identify the person who tortures you in your dreams?"

Starbuck was silent for a long time.  Then, as tears rolled down his
face, he whispered, "Apollo.  Apollo does it."

***

Part 10

"What have you observed this secton?" the therapy computer's voice
asked Starbuck.  Starbuck's "homework" had been to observe his own
reactions during the secton, not try to change them, merely observe
them.

Starbuck lay on his back, finally healed enough to be comfortable
that way.  He had taken the computer's suggestion that he remove his
clothes at the start of each session - the dredging of memories he
had repressed consistently caused him to lose control of himself in
one way or another, it seemed.  It should have been humiliating, he
supposed, but instead it felt natural, right.  It occurred to him
that was what he had observed and he said so.  "It's not just here,"
he explained.  "I ... I know what normal behavior is;  it's not like
I've forgotten.  And I usually act that way, but what I *want* to
do, what *feels* right is ... is like this: being naked, kneeling in
front of my mas ... Captain Apollo or Boomer or Commander Adama -
almost everybody, I guess.  I'd actually feel more comfortable - I
know I would - if I could just get away with that."  He paused and
his voice was little more than a whisper when he continued.  "I know
that's not normal, not good."

"We aren't here to judge.  You have made insightful observations,
but I sense you are holding back something."

Starbuck sighed.  He wasn't sure how the computer could pick up some
of his thoughts but not others;  nonetheless, he knew it could and
did.  "Yeah.  I keep wanting - you know, when I have nightmares,
sometimes I ... soil myself or cum?  Even though I can't even get a
hard-on when I'm awake - except here..." He realized he was fondling
himself and made an effort to stop.

"Do you need restraints?" the voice asked.

"Yes, please," Starbuck breathed.  He sighed with pleasure at being
restrained; it was one more thing that felt right when it most
certainly shouldn't.

"You were explaining what you desired after a nightmare," the voice
prompted.

"Yes.  Apollo will wake me up sometimes, and then I'll be
embarrassed, and I'll go and clean myself up.  But sometimes, if I
seem to have gotten past the nightmare and gone back to sleep, he'll
clean me himself.  But he's never punished me for making a mess -
and I ... I want him to."

"You want him to - that would be in your dreams - where you ask to
be tortured?"

"No, I mean, yes, it happens in my dreams - and he does in my
dreams." Starbuck felt himself buck against the restraints at the
memories and tried to will his unruly body into quiescence to no
avail.  He was going to rub himself to climax against the
restraining band at his hips.  Tears of shame  coursed down his
cheeks and he stopped speaking.

"Please continue with what you were saying," the voice prompted
again.

Starbuck swallowed hard and tried to focus.  "I wasn't talking about
being punished in the dreams.  I want him to punish me for soiling
myself during a nightmare.  It's so ... sick!"  And with the last
sobbed word he climaxed, shooting all over himself and the couch.

When Starbuck's breathing was back to normal, the voice asked, "Do
you wish to be cleaned or would you prefer to be released to clean
yourself?"

"Neither," he whispered, tears still flowing.

"What is it you want?"

"I want to be punished."

"It is not within the parameters of my programming to injure a
client in any way," the voice responded primly.  "Punishment would
fall under those restrictions."

"Can't you do it in an imagery session?" Starbuck asked.  "I *need*
to be punished!"

"The safety protocols will not allow it."  There was silence, save
for the humming of the machinery.  Finally the computer voice spoke
again.  "Allow me to digress.  You and Captain Apollo had a sexual
relationship prior to your enslavement, correct?"

"Yes."

"And during your enslavement, as part of the action to free yourself
and the rest of the Pegasus crew, you and he acted out a
Master/Slave relationship."

"Yes."

"And you are now unable to resume your relationship with the Captain
because of your sexual dysfunction?"

"That's right.  I ... I keep trying - mostly when Apollo's not
around, but sometimes he tries, too.  And I can't - not if I'm awake
- except here.  I keep telling him to ...  to use me anyway, to let
me pleasure him.  But he won't.  And he ... he doesn't even punish
me for suggesting it, he just pushes me away."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Because he's too kind."  Starbuck hesitated.  "And I think ...
maybe ... maybe he doesn't want me any more.  Even if I could ... I
think maybe."  He took a deep breath.  "I think if I were well,
Apollo would very gently and very kindly break up with me."

"Do you want to resume your relationship?"

"Oh, yes."

"In what way?  As equals, as you were originally, or as master and
slave?"

"I ... I don't know."

"Perhaps it is something you and the Captain need to explore.  You
are making assumptions about his motivations, that he is allowing
you to stay with him out of pity.  But you don't know that, do you?"

"No."

"Nor does he know about your need to be punished, correct?"

"No, I've never told him."

"The one way we could adapt to your needs and get to the root of
your problems is by having Captain Apollo join you in therapy."

"What do you mean?"

"If you require punishment, as part of an imagery session or in
response to a reenactment of a traumatic event, another human could
provide that, within reason, without enabling the safety alarms.  It
is my conclusion that further therapy would be futile without
Captain Apollo's presence.  He appears to be key to restoring you to
normal functionality."

"What if he says no?"

"Then you will have an answer and we can proceed from there."

***

"Apollo?"

"I thought you were asleep, Starbuck. I just got in; I didn't mean
to wake you."

"I know.  I've been waiting up.  I ... I need to talk to you."

"Can it wait until after sleep cycle?  We both need to get some
sleep."

Starbuck hesitated, but couldn't press the issue.  "Sure.  I'll go
to sleep now."

Something in Starbuck's voice sounded alarms in Apollo.  More
gently, he said, "It doesn't have to wait.  I was going to grab a
bite to eat before turning in anyway.  Want to join me?"

"I don't think I should eat while I talk about this."

"Okay," Apollo approached the bed.  "Do you want me to keep my
distance?"

Starbuck shook his head, thinking, 'No, but you'll want to - you'll
want to get as far away from me as you can by the time I'm done.'

"Should I sit down?"

"Yes.  Please."  Starbuck sighed.  "Umm, I had a therapy session
today."

"Uh huh, I know," Apollo said.  "How's that going?  I know you've
been able to eat better."

"Yeah.  We worked that out right away.  Trust me," he chuckled, "you
don't want to know the details."

"Okay.  So what's happening now?"

"Well, we've kind of reached an impasse in the therapy.  Just like
you and I have kind of reached an impasse."

"How do you mean?"

"Come on, Apollo," Starbuck said, frustrated.  "I may be afraid of
everyone and everything, but that doesn't mean I'm totally unaware
of what goes on around me."

"Starbuck ..."

"Look, I don't know whether you've got someone else, or if you're
just avoiding me, but you make it a point not to be here when I'm
awake.  I feel like I've driven you out of your own quarters.  I
*know* I've driven you out of your bed, but that I can more-or-less
deal with."

"What are you trying to say, Starbuck? The Cylons are wreaking
havoc, half the ships in the fleet are damaged, including the
Galactica, and we're short-handed.  I'm not avoiding you - there
just aren't enough cycles in a secton!"

"I love you, Apollo.  I want to be able to love you again.  But you
won't let me even try anymore."

"I don't want you pleasuring me, Starbuck.  That's not love.  That's
submission.  You need to separate the two.  I don't think you know
whether you love me anymore."

"I do.  Maybe I can't separate it from submission just yet, but I do
know I love you.  The question is, do you still love me?"

"Starbuck, how can you even ask?  I brought you back to my
quarters.  I've taken the best care of you I know how.  I don't want
you serving me out of some ... sense of obligation or confusion with
.. what went on ... on the Pegasus."

"And I don't want you taking care of me out of some sense of
obligation or guilt over what happened on the Pegasus!" Starbuck
shouted.  He calmed himself and reached out for Apollo, who took his
hand in both of his and stroked it.  "Apollo," Starbuck asked
quietly.  "Do you still want me?"

Equally quietly, Apollo responded.  "Yes."

"Will you help me?"

"Of course."

"I ... I need you to take what I can give you - not push me away."

"I'm so sorry, love.  I didn't mean to push you away.  I didn't want
to take pleasure from you when I couldn't give you any back.  I
won't push you away again, I promise."

Starbuck allowed himself to be pulled into Apollo's arms.  He
snuggled there, feeling safe, for a few centons before he pulled
away.  "Let me pleasure you?  Please?"

Apollo nodded and Starbuck stretched him out on the bed.  Quickly he
stripped off his nightshirt and began undressing Apollo, licking and
kissing each spot as he revealed it.  He sucked gently on Apollo's
nipples while fondling his sac, feeling his master harden against
him.  He kissed his way down to the source of the hardness,
engulfing it in his warm mouth, teasing it to pulsing arousal.  Then
he rose over the erect organ and plunged down on it, spearing
himself.

Apollo began to thrust into Starbuck's tight hole, then caught
himself with a gasp. 'What am I doing? I must be hurting him - I
didn't prepare him at all!'

But Starbuck urged him on.  "Yes, Apollo, do it, frak me!  I want to
feel you cum inside me - don't stop!"

It was more than Apollo's fevered mind and body could take.  He had
done without since Starbuck had been taken from him by Cain many
sectars ago.  He pulled out and flipped the slender man under him in
one motion.  Then he reentered him in one thrust, feeling his balls
hit Starbuck's.  He pounded hard, out of control, and came
violently.  Recovering, he slid out of the torn anus and gathered
Starbuck into his arms.  "Oh, Gods!  Why did you let me do that?" he
cried.

Starbuck turned in his arms and kissed him to silence.  "I wanted
it!" he declared.  "Don't you dare feel guilty or apologize."

"But you," Apollo felt the flaccid penis against him.  "You aren't
even aroused."

Starbuck tapped his head.  "Up here I am.  Up here I'm in heaven."
He chuckled.  "Back there I hurt a little - but it's a good hurt."
He snuggled again.  "Will you sleep with me tonight?" he asked.
"Until I wake us up at least?"

"Of course, love," Apollo replied.  "I'll sleep with you all night."

***

"'Pol?"

"Mmm?"

"Don't you have duty shift this cycle?"

"Frak duty shift."

"No, frak is what you do to me.  And very well, too."

Apollo's eyes snapped open.  "I *did* hurt you.  I knew I did."

Starbuck leaned over him.  "No, you didn't.  I'm fine.  I applied
some anesthetic and I'm good as new.  Well, good as I was before
sleep cycle anyway."  He kissed Apollo's nose.  "But don't you have
duty shift?"

Apollo's eyes had drifted shut with the kiss.  Now they opened
again.  "It's first cycle?" Starbuck nodded.  "We slept a whole
sleep cycle?"  Starbuck grinned and nodded again. "Oh, baby, that is
*wonderful*."

"Yeah, it is kind of, isn't it?" Starbuck said.  "Duty shift?"

"Yeah, yeah.  I'm going."

"Umm, 'Pol?"

Apollo turned around in the turbowash entry.  "Hmm?  Want to join
me?"

"Yes!" Starbuck literally jumped at the offer.  "However, before we
get distracted again, I do have something else to ask?"

"Anything, love.  I hope you know that now," Apollo said firmly.

"Okay.  Yeah.  My therapy *is* at an impasse, even if we're not.
And, well, the computer thinks maybe if you could participate ..."

"Of course.  No problem.  I'll rework my schedule around it."

"Apollo, it's not going to be pretty.  It's not like last night.
You don't have to if you don't want to.  I'll manage.  Now that I
know you'll be there, I can manage."

Apollo met the blue eyes steadily.  "No.  You won't do this alone.
I'll be with you.  I've just been waiting for you to tell me it was
time."

***

Part 11

They went down to the therapy room together, walking close to each
other, but not quite touching.  Apollo shuddered as they traversed
the dark, evil-smelling halls and Starbuck immediately stopped and
turned to him.  "You don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"It's just the ... atmosphere, love, not where we're going or what
we might do," Apollo assured him.

Starbuck studied him for a micron, trying to determine whether he
was telling the truth.  "Well, okay, if you're sure," he finally
said.

"I'm sure I want to get out of these halls quickly," Apollo said,
tracking something small and fast-moving that scampered in the
shadows.  "Is the therapy room like this, too?"

"No, not at all," Starbuck assured him.  "It's clean and
comfortable.  Well kept up for something only I seem to have used in
decayahrens."

"Let's go, then."

***

"Welcome, Captain Apollo," the therapy machine intoned as the door
slid closed behind the two warriors.

Apollo looked around for the source of the voice.

"It doesn't have a body, 'Pol," Starbuck explained.  He noticed that
a comfortable arm-chair had joined the couch in the room.  "I think
you're supposed to sit there," he said, motioning towards the
chair.  "I get the couch."  Without thinking he began to undress.

"Uh, Starbuck?" Apollo asked, still standing in front of the door,
as his lover folded his tunic and laid it in the lighted alcove.

"Oh, hmm ... I guess I need to tell you a little bit about ... uh,
what I usually do, huh?"

"That would be nice," Apollo said, folding his arms over his chest.

"Please be seated and allow the Lieutenant to make himself
comfortable.  Then he will explain," the machine voice prompted.

"I think I'd like the explanation first - before the Lieutenant goes
any farther," Apollo said, not liking the suspicions that Starbuck's
undressing provoked.

The machine seemed to sigh.  "Are all warriors this intractable?" he
asked.

"Pretty much," Starbuck said cheerfully.  He turned to Apollo.  "He
doesn't give up;  if we're going to get anywhere, you'd better sit
down."    He pulled off his boots and began unfastening his pants.

"Bucko..."

Naked, Starbuck padded over to Apollo.  "I ... lose control - when I
even *think* about ... "  he bit his lip, consciously fighting for
control.  With a deep breath, he continued in a whisper.  "Like
that, only worse.  Please.  I do this for *me*, for my ... comfort -
as much as I can be comfortable.  This way my clothes are clean and
dry when I leave.  Please, I can explain - I hope - once I'm
settled."

"All right," Apollo said dubiously, and strode to the chair.

Starbuck took another deep breath before following him and settling
in on the couch.  "Where do you want me to start?" he asked, not
sure whether he should speak to the computer or Apollo.

"Start with why you're lying naked on a couch," Apollo replied
firmly.

"Okay.  There are automated ... facilities all over this room - a
turbo-flush, sink, turbo-wash - in the room, and in the couch, too,
that come out if I need them.  The couch has all kinds of devices
tucked away in it.  If I wet or soil it, it cleans itself;  if I'm
sick, it holds me and provides a basin.  And, you're not going to
like this, but there are restraints - sometimes I need those, too.
Sometimes. Not to force me to stay or so I can be ... punished ...
it has rules against that, but because sometimes I ... I can't
control what I do to myself."

"Bucko?"

"You'll see.  You'll see all of it."  Starbuck's voice cracked and
tears overflowed his eyes.  "Frak!  I wish I believed that you'll
still want me when we're done here."

"I will.  I promise."

"Don't promise, Apollo.  You just don't know ..."  Starbuck shook
his head and trailed off into silence.

"Let us begin," the therapy machine suggested.  "Since you are here,
Captain, I must assume that you have reassured Lieutenant Starbuck
that you wish to remain in a relationship with him."

"That's right."

"Very good.  And what has the Lieutenant told you about his progress
here?"

"Only that it was stalled and he needed me to participate to get any
further."

"Hmm.  I guess I should tell you more of what's going on," Starbuck
said hesitantly.

"I believe it would be best if you told the Captain," the machine
agreed.

"Apollo, when I'm here, talking about what happened or about my
nightmares, I kind of relive them," Starbuck began.  "But not, not
exactly as it happened."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I *know* what happened - every micron of it if I stop and
think about it." He shuddered.  "But my nightmares aren't exactly
the same as my memories.  And even though I know I'm not a ... a
slave anymore, what I want isn't ... isn't what people think I
want."

Apollo's eyes narrowed.  "I can't quite follow you, Bucko.  What are
you trying to tell me?"

Starbuck waited for the therapy machine to intervene, but it
remained silent.  "Frak!" he said at last.  "Okay.  My nightmares
are ... very unpleasant.  You know that.  But in them, I want to be
... punished ... when I don't obey or don't succeed in doing ...
whatever I'm commanded to do.  And when I wake up," he flushed red
from head to toe, but forced himself to continue.  "When I wake up I
*still* want to be punished."  He closed his eyes in shame.  When
Apollo remained silent, he opened them, thinking the Captain had
left.  Seeing him sitting, silent and still, he said, "Now you
know.  You can leave now - it's okay."

But Apollo shook his head.  "I'm not leaving," he said in a choked
voice.  He looked around the room, uncertain where to turn as he
addressed the therapy machine.  "May I ask questions?"

"By all means," came the response.

Apollo turned back to Starbuck and leaned forward, towards him.
"Why?"

Starbuck was still recovering from the shock that Apollo hadn't
fled.  "Why what?"

"Why do you want to be punished?"

"In my nightmares, it's because that's the right thing.  It's what a
master *should* do to a slave.  And when I wake up ... for the same
reason.  I soil myself and the bed.  I do in my sleep what I can't
do on your command when I'm awake.  I should be punished.

"You're *NOT* a slave, Starbuck!"

"I know, I know," Starbuck rushed to reassure Apollo that he was
aware of the reality.  "But, you see, I want to be.  I want to be
your slave, Apollo."

Apollo couldn't deal with Starbuck's answer, so he changed the
subject. "What about the nightmares - you're not enjoying yourself
as a slave in those, Starbuck.  I'm sure of that!"

Starbuck nodded.  "No.  I don't enjoy being punished, even in the
nightmares.  But I do enjoy being ... rewarded.  I enjoy servicing
you."

"Wait.  Wait a micron.  In the nightmares - isn't Cain your master?"

Starbuck hung his head.  In a very quiet voice he replied, "No,
Apollo.  What happens in the nightmares is what Cain did to me.  But
my master in the nightmares is you.  And I beg you to do those
things - to punish me - to use me.  I never begged Cain - I swear!
Gods know he tried to get me to, but that I would never do.  But
it's you - and I want you to ... to give me what I deserve."

"
Oh, Lords, Starbuck," Apollo whispered.  "I *did* use you - I even
... I even passed you around.  And I punished you, too.  You only
think it was just Cain.  It wasn't.  It was me, too.  Your
nightmares are right."

"No, 'Pol.  I remember my time with you.  After I knew you wouldn't
really hurt me - not like Cain did - it was okay.  And the things
Cain did," Starbuck choked and went pale.

A guiding metal arm came out of the couch as a drawer slid open
under it revealing a basin.  The arm gently pushed Starbuck's head
over the basin as he began to vomit.  When he finished, he lay
panting for a few microns, then got up and walked to an alcove that
had lit up.  Apollo could see it contained a sink and disposable
glasses.  Starbuck rinsed his mouth and then sipped a glass of
water.

Starbuck finished drinking and started walking back to the couch,
then changed his mind and instead walked to Apollo and knelt in
front of him.  "That's my reaction to Cain.  But I don't vomit
during my nightmares, do I?"  Apollo shook his head.  "I think, I
think if you'll let me, I can show you what happens in the
nightmares."

Cautiously, Apollo said, "All right.  As long as I don't have to
hurt you."

"I can't promise that I won't need you to," Starbuck responded
honestly, "But not right now.  Now I just want to show you what you
do to me - as a master." He smiled gently and rose up so that Apollo
could see his growing erection.  The burn scars were stretched and
shiny, but apparently not causing any pain.  "Tell me what you want
me to do," Starbuck whispered.

"All right," Apollo replied.  He swallowed, aroused at the sight of
Starbuck's arousal.  He continued in a husky voice.  "Play with
yourself.  Let me see how big you can get."

Starbuck stroked himself gently with one hand, fondling his balls
with the other, keeping his eyes on Apollo.  His breathing quickened
as his penis grew, and his strokes quickened and roughened in time
to his short pants.

Apollo's eyes were riveted on his lover's hands and genitals.  He
was breathing in time with Starbuck, and his own organ pressed
against his pants, demanding attention.  Apollo licked his lips as
he saw the first drops of pre-cum bubble up from Starbuck's slit.
"Lick yourself dry," he whispered.

Starbuck bent his head and obeyed, moaning slightly at the
stimulation.  He looked up when he had completed the task, his penis
at attention now, its tip reddened from the tonguing.

"Now kiss me," Apollo demanded, pulling his slave towards him.  "I
want to taste you from your own mouth."

The kiss overwhelmed Starbuck.  He surrendered to his master, but as
soon as his engorged organ rubbed against Apollo's uniform, he
climaxed, spurting over Apollo's tunic and pants.  Apollo didn't
release him, instead he held him tighter, rubbing the slender body
against his own demanding cock until he, too, went over the edge.
Only then did he release Starbuck's mouth from his own and let him
slide from his arms.

When Apollo's breathing and heart-rate slowed, the therapy machine
spoke.  "The chair is self-cleaning, but if you would place your
garments in the receptacle," a light came on over a cubical object,
"they will be cleaned and ready for you to wear shortly."

Apollo nodded, although he had no way of knowing whether the therapy
machine could "see", and reached gingerly to unfasten his sticky
clothing.

Before his fingers touched the mess, Starbuck was there.  "Let me,
please, Master," he offered.

Apollo shook his head.  "You're not ..."

"Please," Starbuck begged.

"I don't know.  Is this ...?" Apollo wasn't even sure how to phrase
the question.

"This is why your presence was required," the machine confirmed.
"You and the Lieutenant need to work through his confusion about the
roles in your relationship and come to a mutually agreeable
resolution before he can heal further and begin to deal with the
rest of his issues."

"But it's not *right*!" Apollo protested.

"I know," Starbuck replied.  "I know.  But I can't help it.  It's
what I want - what I need."

"There is no wrong or right in a private, adult relationship.  There
is only consensual and non-consensual," the computer insisted.

"Go ahead," Apollo said to Starbuck, kissing his upturned face.

Starbuck quickly undressed Apollo and deposited his clothing in the
receptacle.  Then he returned to kneel at Apollo's feet.  "Punish
me," he requested.

"Starbuck!"

"Please."

"Don't ask me to do that."

"I deserve it."

"Why?"

"I came without permission; I soiled you when I came; and I caused
you to cum," Starbuck recited.  "I should be punished."

Apollo closed his eyes.  He couldn't hurt Starbuck.  But surely, if
this wasn't part of the therapy the machine would stop it.  Maybe he
didn't have to actually hurt the confused man kneeling before him.
"Clean me - with your tongue," he ordered as firmly as he could.

With a sigh of pleasure, Starbuck leaned forward and began lapping
the cum from Apollo's groin and thighs.  Apollo felt his cock stir
as he was lovingly laved, and leaned back, moaning.    He felt
Starbuck draw back and look at him for further instructions. He
remembered those blue eyes - not gray, but clear blue - gazing up at
him on the Pegasus as he sucked him off, just the way he was looking
up at him now.  "You've done an excellent job," he said.  "Am I
allowed to reward you for good work?"  Starbuck nodded.  "Then suck
me," he breathed.

Starbuck smiled up at him, then bent to his task, leaning against
his lover's long legs to get closer.  Apollo felt Starbuck's
erection gently tap his shin.  If this brought Starbuck pleasure,
and it brought him pleasure, too, could it be wrong?  Suddenly he
needed more than Starbuck's licks, nips, and scraping were giving
him.  He pulled the blond head into his groin, trying to control his
own movements so that he guided rather than forced.

Starbuck sucked steadily, bringing Apollo deep into his throat.  The
he stopped, with Apollo blocking his throat, and looked directly
into his master's eyes.

Apollo knew what Starbuck wanted but couldn't give it to him.
Instead he began fucking his mouth, thrusting until, with a groan,
he came, hot cum pouring down Starbuck's throat.  Quickly Starbuck
sucked and swallowed, then carefully licked him clean again.

Apollo sank to his knees facing his lover.  "Help me to understand,"
he asked.

"I don't understand myself," Starbuck admitted.  "But I know it
feels right.  I ... I wanted more punishment.  You, you made me
clean you and that felt like punishment, and I liked the reward - I
love sucking you, Apollo. But when I got hard again without
permission you didn't hurt me.  I *need* to be hurt."

"I can't hurt you.  I knew what you wanted.  I couldn't, love."

"I think ... I think maybe if you did - maybe, I don't know for sure
- I wouldn't want it anymore.  But until yyou do, I keep thinking I
do."  Starbuck shook his head.  "I even confuse me sometimes," he
said.

"This can't be right!" Apollo declared.

Starbuck sagged onto the floor.  "No.  It's sick.  Go away, Apollo.
Find someone who's not so messed up."

Apollo grabbed Starbuck by the arms, pulled him upright, and shook
him.  "I won't leave you!  Get that through your head!"  Starbuck
stared at him wide-eyed.  Apollo held him tight enough to leave
hand-shaped bruises.  Starbuck whimpered.  "Is this what you want?
You want me to hurt you - to frighten you?"  When Starbuck didn't
respond, Apollo shook him again. "Well?" he demanded.

"Yes," Starbuck whispered, shivering with fear at Apollo's loss of
control, but craving it.

Controlling his anger with difficulty, Apollo shoved Starbuck away
from him and he fell, spread-eagled, on his back, his rock-hard cock
fully exposed.  "Stay there," Apollo growled.  "Don't move!"  He
turned around.  "You!  Machine, computer, whatever you are!  Is this
safe?"

The calm voice of the machine replied, "In this setting it is safe.
You would be prevented from inflicting permanent or severe damage.
Any implements you require will be provided.  Nothing that could
cause true injury will be permitted."

"All right then.  I'll try it. But first I want my clothes back."  A
counter was lit and Apollo could see his clothes, clean and neatly
folded, lying on it.  He strode over and dressed quickly and
completely. Then he turned back to loom menacingly over Starbuck and
could see that the supine man had wet himself thoroughly, although
his cock was still hard and red.  He toed Starbuck's sac with his
boot.  Starbuck lay perfectly still, staring at him.  Nothing else
happened.

He pushed harder.  Starbuck whimpered and flinched back.  Apollo
raised his foot and brought it down gently, covering Starbuck's
testicles and penis.  He could feel the penis pulse through the sole
of his boot.  Despite his terror, Starbuck was turned on by this
torture.  Apollo shook his head in disbelief.  Slowly he slid his
boot upward along the penis.  Starbuck was shivering
uncontrollably.  Apollo's heel caught at the juncture between sac
and penis and Starbuck cried out.  There was no other response.

Slowly Apollo began to shift his weight onto the foot atop
Starbuck.  Suddenly he was jerked up and back, completely off
Starbuck.  "Warning!" a strident, metallic voice rang out.
"Potential safety hazard!  Cease current activity immediately!"

Slowly Apollo straightened his clothing and smiled.  "All right.
You will prevent real injury," he acknowledged.  "Where do we go
from here."

"I believe the Lieutenant has had enough stimulus for one session,"
the calm voice of the therapy machine responded.  "If you are both
in agreement, we will continue in this direction at our next
session."

Apollo looked at Starbuck, who nodded.  "Okay," Apollo said.  He
walked back to Starbuck to offer a hand getting up and realized that
he was painfully aroused by all that had happened.

Starbuck looked expectantly at Apollo.  Apollo saw that the eyes
staring at him were bright blue with lust and need.

"Tell me what you want next time," Apollo said softly.

"I would rather show you ... "  Starbuck stammered.

"Go ahead," Apollo replied.

Starbuck pulled himself onto the couch.  "Please restrain me," he
said into the air. Restraints circled wrists, elbows, ankles, knees,
and thighs.  One broad band ran across his erect cock.  "For next
time, we should have a paddle, a strap, a riding crop," Starbuck
recited, thrusting against the restraint as he spoke, "dildoes of
several sizes, beginning at the size of the Captain's erect penis
and going up to ..." he moaned and thrust more violently, "going up
to twice the diameter and length, and a, O Gods!, a cock ring! He
came violently as he uttered the last words, then lay panting.

"Yes," Apollo said thoughtfully, looking him over.  "You'll
definitely need to be punished for that performance.  Those supplies
should do to start."

***

Part 12

The screams woke him.  They always did.  He wanted to believe
Starbuck when he insisted that in the nightmare he begged for the
punishment, but the screams were unintelligible.  There were words
in there, but he hadn't taken the time to decipher them, more intent
on stopping the screaming, soothing the pain.  This time he paused
to watch and listen.

"Yes, p-p-please, I sh-should have d-done b-b-better,"  Starbuck
gasped between howls of pain.  He writhed face down on the bed,
trying to evade the invisible strap or whip.  Then his voice changed
as did his motions.  He was thrusting rhythmically with his hips,
pounding into the mattress, and the screams were pleasure-tinged.
"Oh, Gods, more!  Harder! I need ..."  The words merged into a
wordless howl as he shot his wad onto the bed.

Starbuck lay limp and sweat-soaked.  He turned his head towards
where he knew Apollo would be standing.  Knowing it would be futile,
he begged anyway.  "Please.  Punish me."  This time was different.

Striding forward, Apollo ripped the nightshirt off Starbuck and
straddled him in one motion.  With one hand he began slapping his
buttocks, back and forth, while he unfastened his bottoms with the
other hand and pulled his aroused member out.  "Is this what you
want, Starbuck?" he demanded

"Yes, yes, please," came the whimpered response.

"What about this?" Apollo shot back angrily as he thrust himself
into Starbuck's unprepared anus.  His only response was a scream of
pain from the trapped man under him.  He began thrusting, putting
the weight of his whole body into each plunge.  "You want to be
punished?  This is for the mess you made tonight.  This is for
making me do without while you get release every night."  He
punctuated each statement with a brutal dive into the body beneath
him.  "This is for making me the villain in place of Cain. This is
for what you can do in the therapy rooms, but not here.  Never
here."  With the last two words, Apollo came violently and collapsed
on Starbuck's back as the world went white around him.

When he came back to himself, he was disoriented.  Quickly he pulled
out and rolled off the still body beneath him.  Blood dripped from
Starbuck's anus and swelling was evident in his thin buttocks and
the puffy tissues surrounding the stretched hole.  Before he could
think about what to do, let alone speak or take action, he felt
Starbuck turn his head, and he did the same, meeting the blue gaze
hesitantly.

"Thank you," Starbuck whispered, smiling.  "That's what I needed."

"I *hurt* you," Apollo protested.  "I'm so used to those damn
machines stopping me ..."

Starbuck put a finger to his Captain's lips, hushing him.  "Trust
me, I'll live."

"You need to go to Life Center.  And I need to turn myself in."

"No!"  Starbuck rolled and sat up, wincing as he did.  "Don't be
melodramatic, Apollo!  I need to clean myself up and put some
anesthetic on.  You need to stop feeling guilty."

Apollo shook his head.  "I assaulted you.  I have to put myself on
report, at the least."

Starbuck tried a different tack.  "And who's going to help *me*
while you're getting beaten and raped on the prison barge?"  At
Apollo's shocked expression, Starbuck chuckled and continued, "Just
what do you think will happen if you turn yourself in or put
yourself on report?  Nobody's going to listen to poor, damaged me,
no matter what I say.  Be realistic.  You'll be tried and found
guilty.  You'll end up dying on the frakking prison barge - don't
kid yourself, you won't last there - and I'll end up in a locked
ward on the Senior Ship."

Apollo was stunned.  "I didn't think ..."

"That's true," Starbuck agreed cheerfully.  "For once you *didn't*
think - you acted.  Much to my benefit, I might add.  But now you
need to go back to being my old, stolid, Captain, and start thinking
again."  He paused and let that sink in.  "You didn't assault me.
I've been asking for this for, what? Over a sectar at least.  And
we've been doing pretty much the same thing in therapy, so what's
the problem?"

***

Apollo went to the therapy room alone.  He hurried down the
ill-maintained corridors, thinking they seemed even darker and more
dangerous than when he accompanied Starbuck.  The only thing that
kept him from turning around and heading back to the elevator banks
was the overriding need to understand why he could torture Starbuck
- why he was, in fact, turned on by it.

"How do you feel?" the machine asked.

"I *like* it.  And I hate myself for liking it," Apollo responded
honestly, pacing up and down.

"Did you enjoy dominating the Lieutenant while you were on the
Pegasus?"

"No!"

"But you were aroused enough to do so, correct?"

"I *had* to do it.  If I hadn't shown him I could ... do that to
Starbuck, *he* would have taken him that much sooner.  Before I
could make sure Starbuck understood.  Before it was part of a plan.
He would have destroyed Starbuck."

"And what you do in this room with the Lieutenant?"

"What about it?"

The therapy machine made a sound.  'Starbuck's right,' Apollo
thought, 'It does sigh.'  He brought his attention back to what the
machine was saying.

"Do you enjoy dominating the Lieutenant while you are in this room?"

"I ... I'm not sure.  Sometimes.  But I know you won't let me hurt
him."

"Quite.  You even tested that part of my circuitry.  So, would it be
accurate to say you feel it's ... acceptable to enjoy yourself
because you know Starbuck is safe?"

"Yeah."

"Can you now express what is different about engaging in consensual
domination and submission in the privacy of your quarters?"

"It's not *right*!"

"Because you aren't doing it for 'the greater good' or because there
are no safety mechanisms?"

Apollo had to think about that.  "Both," he finally said with great
reluctance.

"What is our purpose in allowing you to inflict pain on the
Lieutenant?"

"We're re-enacting what went on with Cain, to get Starbuck past the
trauma," Apollo answered carefully.

"And are we making progress - or, if you prefer, is Starbuck making
progress?"

"I ... I don't know.  It's just, not the way it was.  Not the way
it's supposed to be."

"Ah."

"Ah?"

"What would you have me say?" the machine asked.

"How about telling me whether *you* think Starbuck's making
progress?" Apollo suggested.

"Very well. My circuits find that somewhat unusual, but not
prohibited.  It appears that Starbuck is regaining control over the
sexual aspect of his life."

"How do you figure that?" Apollo asked skeptically.

"Before you were ... stranded ... on the Pegasus, who was the leader
in your sexual relationship?" the machine asked.

"Starbuck," Apollo answered promptly.

"And last sleep cycle, the events that have brought you here, who
was the leader in those?"

"Me!" Apollo exploded.  "I ... *raped* him!  I finally caved in,
went against your directives to keep it in here, went against all
the morality I know and believe in, and I punished him with my body
- hurt him with purposely rough sex."

"In other words, you gave him what he's been begging for."

"Yes.  Exactly."

"Let me ask the question again:  who was the leader, the instigator
if you will, in the events that occurred last night?"

"I just told you ..." Apollo trailed off thoughtfully.  "You mean,
Starbuck was in charge?  Because he got me to do what he wanted?"

"How did the Lieutenant behave after the ... sexual activity?"

"He was ... happy.  Very ... insistent that I hadn't done anything
wrong."  Apollo's face cleared for the first time since he had
started discussing the previous night.  "He wasn't submissive at
all."

"I believe the vernacular is 'topping from the bottom'.  Is this
unusual for the Lieutenant - not recently, but prior to his trauma?"

Apollo laughed, "Unusual?  No, not at all.  He 'topped from the
bottom' in every aspect of his life -  *career*, social, you name
it.  Actually, probably our sex life was the only time he didn't
have to - he was the dominant one - taught me everything I know
about male to male sex."  Apollo stopped short, shaking his head.
"Are you suggesting he's getting back to normal?"

"I think you need to answer that question for yourself, Captain,"
the machine responded primly.

***

It was the ice water that finally did it, Apollo realized later.  He
crossed the line of Starbuck's tolerance with that.

"No!  Stop!" Starbuck howled.

"You wet yourself; you need to be cleaned up - and punished," Apollo
stated didactically. "I'm just saving myself some time by doing both
at once."

"The frak you are!" Starbuck retorted, jerking free of Apollo's
hands and rolling off the bed.  "I don't have to put up with this!"
He jerked the catheter out of his penis and threw it at Apollo.  "I
have enough problems down there without you freezing me from the
inside out.  First you don't let me use the turbo flush.  Then you
leave the frakking vibrator in.  Then while you're enjoying
yourself, you massage my bladder.  And when it gives way ..." He
stopped as realization dawned.  In righteous indignation he shouted,
"You set me up!"  He hunted for his clothes and pulled them on,
still yelling.  "I don't have to take this!" He pulled off the tunic
he'd donned inside out, reversed it, and yanked it over his head
again.

Apollo sat on the edge of the bed and watched his furious lover
dress.  "No, you don't, love," he said softly.  "But I was beginning
to think I'd never hear you say it."

***

The therapy machine insisted that Starbuck describe what happened in
his own words, with no assistance from Apollo.  It was difficult for
him and he paced around the room as he tried to explain what had
gone through his mind.

"...and then I said something like 'I don't have to put up with
this,' and you," he turned to Apollo, "You agreed with me."
Starbuck stopped his agitated movements and gazed at Apollo, cocking
his head to one side.  "I don't have to put up with anything I don't
like and you'll still love me," he said in a voice full of wonder.

Apollo nodded.

Hesitantly, Starbuck continued.  "I ... I got angry.  Not at me or
at my psyche or my body - at *you*.  And it's okay."

Apollo nodded again.

"No, you don't understand.  I know it's okay with you.  Gods!
You've been telling me for long enough.  But, what's different,
really different, is - it's okay with *me*.  I don't have this ...
sense of dread that something terrible's gonna happen - *should*
happen to me 'cause I got mad at you.  Nothing bad's gonna happen.
I'm allowed."  He reached over and shook Apollo by the shoulders.
"I'm *allowed* to be angry - to yell at you."  He looked shyly at
Apollo.  "Even to say what I want?"

"What do you want, love?" Apollo asked gently.

Starbuck looked around as though he'd just awakened.  "Not here," he
whispered.  He held out his hand.  "Take me home.  I'll tell you at
home."

As Apollo took the proffered hand and stood, the therapy machine
closed the session.  "I will submit a final report to Dr. Salik
assuring him that the Lieutenant is fully capable mentally and
emotionally of resuming duty as a warrior and viper pilot.  Thank
you for making use of the automated therapy system."  With a whir
and a click, the therapy room began shutting down.

***

"Now will you tell me what you want?" Apollo asked after they were
back in their shared quarters.  He paused to check the chrono and
remained standing at the wall unit while Starbuck moved further into
the living area.

"Do you have a duty cycle today?" Starbuck asked, evading the
question by asking another.

"No. Why?"

"Ahh, just because this might take some time," Starbuck said, the
hesitancy creeping back into his quiet voice.  "That is, if you say
it's okay."

"Why don't you tell me what you have in mind, love?" Apollo
encouraged him.

Starbuck was silent for centons.  Finally he walked over to where
Apollo was standing and took his hand.  He looked down at the twined
fingers for another centon.  Finally, shining blue eyes met warm
brown ones.  "Will you let me make love to you?" he breathed.

Apollo's answer was to pull his lover into his arms and carry him
into the bedroom.  And if tears fell from brown eyes onto a blond
head, they were tears of joy.  And if it took some time, that's only
proper for two lovers expressing their undying devotion to each
other.

    Source: geocities.com/jennylmr