Dedicated to all those who flew behind round engines..
We gotta get rid of those turbines; they're ruining aviation
and our hearing ... A turbine is too simple minded, it has
no mystery. The air travels through it in a straight line
and doesn't pick up any of the pungent fragrance of engine
oil or the sweat of the mechanics who keep them running.
Anybody can start a turbine. You just need to move a switch
from "OFF" to "START" and then remember to move it back to
"ON" after a while. My PC is harder to start.
Cranking a round engine requires skill, finesse and style.
You have to seduce it into starting. It's like waking up a
horny mistress. On some planes, the pilots aren't even
allowed to do it..
Turbines start by whining for a while, then give a
lady-like poof and start whining a little louder.
Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click,
BANG, more rattles, another BANG, a big macho FART or
two, more clicks, a lot more smoke and finally a serious
low pitched roar. We like that. It's a GUY thing...
When you start a round engine, your mind is engaged and you
can concentrate on the flight ahead. Starting a turbine
is like flicking on a ceiling fan: Useful, but, hardly
exciting.
When you have started his round engine successfully your
Crew Chief looks up at you like he'd let you kiss his girl , too! Well, maybe not....
Turbines don't break or catch fire often enough, which leads
to aircrew boredom, complacency and inattention. A round
engine at speed looks and sounds like it's going to blow
any minute. This helps concentrate the mind!
Turbines don't have enough control levers or gauges to keep
a pilot's attention. There's nothing to fiddle with during
long flights.
Turbines smell like a Boy Scout camp full of Coleman Lamps.
Round engines smell like God intended machines to smell.
And no matter what the jet jockeys tell you, a turbine is NOT a round engine!!
Pass this on to an old Round Engine guy (or his son, or
anyone who worked on or flew them) in remembrance of that "Greatest
Generation".
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