Players Unsettled at Newtown


Reports have surfaced of large scale unrest at newly promoted Newtown Celtic. Certain players are unhappy with the way the team is heading, and the off the field antics of a number of top Newtown stars have caused much tension in the camp. The squad rotation system has also come under criticism. One such unsettled player is striker Trevor Cleary. Cleary, who is of Mexican origin, has outlined his frustration at his lack of first team chances. Tan told the Guardian: "I have a tough day's work carrying 2x1s and emptying timber into the skip for Rooster, but I still find the time to come and line out for Celtic, but seem to always find myself on the bench. I feel that maybe the manager is picking on me because I am from South America or because of those dodgy shelves I put up in his kitchen."

Summer signing Richard Jones is another player who is less than 100% happy with the club. The former Ardcroney players' player of the year said "I only agreed to come here cos I was drunk. Curly and Chinky told me that the club was going places, but the only place I've been so far is to casualty because Robbie Cremin keeps breaking my face!!. Look at the state of me now! I could have stayed at Ardcroney where I was >captain and player of the year." Jones is currently in Tenerife undergoing facial reconstruction. When asked if he would be tuning into Newtown's matches on Sky Sports Jones replied "No chance!"

The good name of the club has been dragged through the mud recently. Stories of gambling problems (Alf), sex scandals (Tossy & Tan), gun running (Derro) and excessive drinking (take your pick!) have hounded the club for months now, and it has affected their performances on the pitch. If this does not stop Newtown will find themselves back in the first >division before they know it.