Newtown Terminate Cleary's Contract

Brophy was a bad influence

Newtown Celtic have confirmed that they have cancelled the contract of Trevor Cleary, who has been on the run from the law for some time. Manager Paul Harty cited irreconcilable differences as the reason behind the decision, and says that he has no regrets.

  Police fugitive and former Newtown Celtic playboy Trevor Cleary was spotted on the run on the continent, as he continues to evade police capture. Cleary is wanted on a number of police charges, including fraud, drink driving, illegal immigration, and befouling a public roundabout. Police were alerted to the fugitive’s whereabouts by the wave of dodgy carpentry spreading across Europe at present. Cleary, whose real name is Julio Tanzoco Gonzalez 3^rd, often poses as a carpenter and has been known to steal money from elderly women.

  Cleary came to Ireland when he was spotted playing in the streets of Mexico by club scout Sean Nealon. However, he never settled at the club and had a number of well-publicised run-ins with manager Sir Clive. Some of these were over contract issues; some were over substandard shelving Cleary put up in his kitchen. He also struck up a close friendship with club misfit and all round bad egg James Brophy, and the two became close friends and drinking partners, embarking on a string of drug fuelled binges over the following months. Club officials had hoped that the troublesome star would settle down after getting married to a local girl earlier this year. However, that was not the case and Cleary was eventually ratted out to local police by a mysterious tipster, known only as the Badger.

  Cleary has been on the run for a number of months but it seems the net is about to close in on the little brown one. Newtown Celtic spokesperson Rodge Carmody had this to say when asked about the fugitive; “We do not, nor have we ever condoned the actions of Trevor Cleary. He has dragged the good name of this club through the mud and that is simply not acceptable. He has still not paid for a number of pieces of post match chicken, and this is not good enough. We have terminated his contract with immediate effect and wish to have nothing more to do with him.”