Rose: female, 20s
What?! I can't believe you're doing this to me! I thought you were better than this!
MARK
Well, in all fairness, your comparing the size of my dick to your ex's last week didn't exactly make me want to propose to you.
ROSE
Oh please! That was after you told me you knew at least five other girls who would swallow if I woudn't.
MARK
I was kidding!
ROSE
God dammit! This is not how I wanted to become famous.
MARK
Excuse me?
ROSE
For your murder.
(She pulls a large knife from her purse.)
MARK
Holy shit.
(ROSE walks slowly toward him with the knife, teasing him with it.)
Are you fucking nuts?
ROSE
That’s a stupid question.
MARK
What are you doing with a knife?
ROSE
Stupid question number two. Wanna go for three, Mark? Come on. Make it easier for me.
MARK
Seriously, Rose. You’re making me nervous. What’s with the knife?
ROSE
You’re the one who said “The world would be a better place if stupid hurt.”
MARK
You’re not making any sense.
ROSE
I’m not making any sense? You have a date on Friday and Saturday!
MARK
Come on, Rose. I told you the truth. It’s not like I did it behind your back.
ROSE
When did you ask these girls out?
MARK
Last week.
ROSE
Uh-huh. And did you tell them you have a fiancée?
MARK
They didn’t ask.
ROSE
Oh! I’m sorry! I guess I am stupid. See, normally when a guy asks me out, the first thing I ask is where and when we’ll be going. Not, “Do you have a girlfriend?” I must have been so blind!
MARK
Rose, please.
ROSE
Who are these girls?
MARK
One is from work and the other is an ex-girlfriend.
ROSE
Oh! Gee! That sounds familiar. I should’ve known. You must do this all the time then? Recycle old girlfriends? Is it cool to tell the guys how you did the old girlfriend retap?
MARK
Really, Rose. I mean, you have to admit we are two completely different people. I’m an accountant; you’re an actress. I play golf; you play Shakespeare. I’m Ambercrombie & Fitch; you’re Value Village. It was really doomed from the start. I mean, it really makes me look bad when you meet me and my friends at the bar dressed in overalls like you just crawled ou—and I should shut up because you have a big knife, right?