| Dear Dear Diary |
| Date: Monday, September 13th Time: 4:14 p.m. Hey, I haven't updated in what seems like forever. Mainly because I haven't had good internet access since I have come to school. We are supposed to have free high speed internet in my apt. but it has been up and running for oh...um like 5 days out of all of the days I have been here. It's starting to really piss me off. The only reason that it worked for those 5 days is because I wrote an email to the director of housing. I have to give her props tho cause she had someone over to fix it the very next day. I am in my stats lab right now. I really like my prof for this class. He's supa cool. He is from Alabama so he talks like Forrest Gump, and he has a really great sense of humor. He actually makes stats fun. Anyways, I turned 20 two weeks ago. That was cool/sad. I kinda know how Julian was feeling when he turned 21. I feel kinda old now that I'm outta my teens, but im sure there are many cool things to come. I had a really good birthday tho. My roommates threw me a party on Friday night and I got kinda drunk. It was really fun. I also had a bday party at Ethan and Hannah's on Sat. that was super fun too! All my good friends were there. And again I got kinda drunk. I am really confused about the guy situation in my life. Julian wants to get back together, and I have to admit, it feels good to be with him. I still love him, but I am don't know if I should give him another chance after everything that has happened. I also went on a date with a guy I met at a party with Jill. His name is Rome' and he is super nice. He is a soccer player and he likes the same kindof music as me, and he also is the same religion, which is very rare to find. He keeps telling me that if I give him a chance he would never take me for granted, that he would treat me like a queen, and he knows he could make me happy. I am very skeptical tho...I think of male promises in general. He kinda freaks me out though cause of how much he says he likes me and he's only known me for like 2 weeks. So anyways, yeah....kinda weird. I ask the advise of my roomies a lot. They tell me some good stuff. Jill thinks that Julian only wants to be with me now since all of his roomies all have gf's. I don't know about that theory. They also think Rome' is coming on pretty strong. yeah. If any of yall have any advice, drop me a line. Anyways, enough about boys. School is going really well. I am ahead in most of my classes. I have been really busy with soccer. Its super time consuming but fun. I have also been working at Papa Johns a few hours a week. I have had a full schedule. It will be kinda nice when soccer is over to be able to have some down time and a social life. But I have been distracted by this my whole class period so I better go. Time to do the HW! Have a greeeeaat day everybody! Love Jenna : ) Date: Monday, October 18th Time: 1:25 p.m. So life is really good....I love my friends and family. Soccer could be better..ok a lot better. So far we have a record of like 0-11. Leaves a lot to be desired, but I don't think it shows the talent of our team. It seems we only try once we get down a goal or two...I think our coach needs to yell at us more..we need that sort of motivation. He is too nice. School is really good. I think I am getting pretty good grades this semester..except maybe in stats, but i can bring it up i think. Its only midterm. I told Rome I didn't want to see him anymore. I felt bad, but I know it is the best thing for me right now. I need to get my head straight. Seeing him was a stressor in my life. Don't ask me whats up with Julian and I. I prefer not to think about that...its a little messed up, and a lot confusing. Anyways here is a song that I really identified with this week for some reason: I need your arms around me I need to feel your touch, I need your understanding, I need your love, Baby, your never there. You tell me that you love me so, You tell me that you care, But when I need you baby, Baby, your never there. On the phone long long distance, always through such, strong resistence. When first you say, your too busy I wonder if you, even miss me. Never there, Your never there, Your never, ever ever ever there. A golden bird that flies away, A candle's fickle flame, To think I held you yesterday, Your love was just a game. Take the time, To get to know me, If you want me, why can't you just show me. We're always on this rollercoaster If you want me, why can't you get closer. --Cake So yeah, I think thats a really good song, thats my state of mind right now...it sounds depressing/sad but really I'm in a really good mood. Life is way too short to worry about things that will never change or that you have no power over. Everyone have a good day! Date: Friday, October 22nd Time: 12:23 a.m. hey, im kinda crabby right now, and i don't usually like to write on here when i am cause I don't want to look back and be like man what a bitch....but i don't give a fuck right now. I am being really anti-social tonight. Jill's sister is here tonight, and I haven't said two words to her. Im sure she thinks im a bitch...meh...no skin off my back. I think i have super PMS. I have been sitting on my computer for the last two hours downloading music. Haha im cool. I got the Saves the Day CD for free tonight cause I got these things from Papa Johns that give you four free downloads and I got enough to where I got the whole CD. So that was pretty cool. My mama and my sisters are coming up tommorrow err today for my soccer game and im sure to go shopping....geez they fucking shop a lot. Meanwhile I am poorer than dirt. Shari fucked around all summer and didn't have a job at all. I had four and I still am struggling to get enough money to pay for groceries. Whatever, im just bitching now....I love Joss Stone lately...she is tight. Her voice sounds like a black womans. (No stereotype intended) So yeah, I hope i get to play a bit in my game today. My knees suck right now, my left one clicks three times everytime i bend it..I don't know what that means but im pretty sure it isn't very good. Another thing I have noticed lately that is weird to me is that every guy that i meet turns out to be a big dipshit. Apparently i attract them. cool cool stuff. oh well maybe i will just become a lesbian. haha....nah i like the cock too much i think. I think that music expresses my emotions so great. It puts into word what I can't. So this is another song that describes my mindset right now. Every afternoon A point I hammer home you had no follow through, no follow through better off alone waiting patiently stranded in your sea singin time in tune where the action is need the stars and moon, stars and moon wanted more than this waiting patiently stranded in your sea Cause I'm waiting for you and all you can do So little to prove time is the task of trust The best of us for hours, for hours Every afternoon A point I hammer home I had no time for you, time for you Your better off alone waiting patiently stranded in your sea Cause im waiting for you and all you can do so little to prove nobody knew must have been you didn't it prove But somebody I'll wait for you you'll wait for me For hours, for hours --The Get Up Kids Date: Sunday, October 31st Time: 7:51 p.m. Yoooo wad up. Happy Halloween!! Man last night was crazy, it was pretty fun all in all. I got ready with my roomies. We had a slutty theme. I was a slutty teacher, hehe I even carried around a ruler to spank bad pupils. Two of my rommies were slutty cowgirls and the other one was a slutty schoolgirl. haha we are such dorks! My roommates looked fricken hot tho. If I swung that way I so woulda done em. At about 8:30 I headed over to Kelsey and Jaimes for some "team bonding." This involved all of us trying to make each other look even sluttier than we already did and then them getting trashed off jungle juice/whop. I some of the fruit, it was really good. We all got crazy and were takin pics and dancing with each other. It was really fun. Then we decided to go to hater's costume party. When the taxis finally got there and we were on our way over I talked to Julian on the celly and he said that the party was busted. Soo we headed to a party on 18th St. and it was packed. It was all Concordia Hockey guys and Moorhead footballs and some random Concordia chicks. Anyways it was fun for awhile. Then, these guys decided to be pigs and were like grabbing me and shit. Needless to say I was pissed. I told one guy who tried to go up my skirt to F off. haha. So I decided then that I wanted to leave. I tried calling Ethan to come pick me up but he didn't answer. So then I called Julian who was on 10th St. and asked him to meet me 1/2 way at 14th St. He was kinda ticked that he had to leave the party, which is understandable. I felt bad but I didn't want to go back and hang out at my apt all by my self. Boring. So we get to 10th st and Ethan called and said he would come pick me up. I went with him to Bennigan's where Hannah and Katie were. We chilled there for awhile and then headed to my apt where we sand some mad karoke. haha we were so bad! at least I was haha. Oh well it was fun. It was really funny at bennigans when I was walking on their slippery tiles in my high heels and short tight skirt and I totally biffed it right in front of a group of servers. haha im so cool. Its hard to recover from that. Anyway, I am gonna shower and head over to Ethan and Hannah's to help them hand out candy. That will be fun. So im gonna head out. Peace. Date: Monday, Novermber 29th Time:12:53 p.m. Hey, I'm back at school from Thanksgiving Break. That break was much needed and I had a lot more fun than I thought I was going to. I got to hang out with my family a lot play with all my cousin's little babies..so cute, and saw a few high school friends. I even went on an early morning adventure with my mom. By adventure I mean we went and stood in line outside of Big K at 6:30 a.m. waiting for doors to open for the "Big Thanksgiving Day Sale" whoo hoo. Not that cool...most of the time I was wondering why I was awake. It meant a lot to my mom that I came tho so was glad to make her happy. An exciting thing on the horizon, I may be going to England this summer...yes finally! I have wanted to go since my junior year of high school but something has always stopped me. Now I have nothing to stop me besides perhaps $$$. I have a meeting with the financial aid office at 2 to see what I can do about loans and such. That would be awesome if i could go. Anyways a thought I have been contemplating for a few days is related to stuff I have been studying in my social psych class. I am at a time in my life wheremy peers and I are all making important possibly life-changing decisions. I have also noticed that there are two main ways in which people are making these decisions. One way is by listening to their gut feeling or heart. The other way is by thinking things through and going with the decision that may be more practical, or a what I call making a decision using your brain. An example of someone I know following their heart is by taking classes or working on completing a major that the person knows will not yeild very much money or security or any number of things people hope for in their profession. They are doing their major simply for the love of the subject matter. An example of someone I have seen of practical thinking is when a person quit doing something that they loved because other's have discouraged it. This thing that they loved may not be the most practical thing to do it would be hard to accomplish some goals while still doing this thing that they love. So they stop and persue their other prerogatives while trying not to do the thing that they once or still love. I think that there could be many reasons why different people choose different ways of reasoning. One could be the environment they are brought up in. Another could simply be personality trait differences....yet another possibility could be the environment that the person is in at the time, that is the people and media's influences on the person. The question that keeps rolling through my head when I am considering this is who ends up happier? Does the person who follows their heart or gut and goes with what they know probably isn't the most practical, but is something they love end up happier in the end and glad that they did what they wanted? or does the person who analyzes the possibilities and possible outcomes come out on top? Does it pay to plan and carefully avoid things in order to accomplish what you think you should want or what outside pressures such as friends or parents want? I don't believe that I have enough life experience to know which has a tendency toward better outcomes. I know which way I reason most of the time, and anyone who knows me can probably tell which I usually go with, but I wonder...Am I making bad decisions? Am I going to look back on my life and regret that one decision that could have changed everything? I can't know right now I can only hope. If any of you who read this have any comments or opinions for me about this subject you should give me a call @ 320-309-4997 or drop me an email @ jjohnshoy@hotmail.com. I would really love to hear what other people think about this. Alright im out. By the way this is a GREAT song....I have been obsessed with the newest Blink CD lately...Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch check it out: "Always" Date: Saturday, December 25th Time: 8:53 p.m. Hey everyone who reads this, and Merry Christmas! Its has been a very Merry Christmas at the Johnshoy house. We opened presents and all and we headed over to my g-ma's in Hancock and had a great feast there. I think the best part of the day tho was sitting around the table having "brunch" with my family. Somehow eating my mom's eggbake, drinking orange juice, and listening to Christmas Classics, while everyone in my family talked, laughed ,and showed each other we cared just felt like the true meaning of Chirstmas. A lot of times it seems like people get so caught up in the whole commercialism of Christmas. Everyone scurries to buy that perfect present, and decorate their houses, and bake all sorts of Christmas foods. I, too, was caught up in this hoopla of the holidays, then today it hit me that its not the presents or any of that that make the holidays. Its spending time with the people you love, and showing them how much you really do care. Although I probably don't call or come home as much as I could. I think this year has been one of the best Christmas' ever. I have spent time with friends and family I love, and although Starbuck isn't the most happenin' of places, I have stayed pretty busy. I have learned that its not things that I do or things that happen to me that will make me happy, but it's all in my outlook on life. Where did I get this wisdom? Psychology Today of course!! That mag is cool shit. I learn a lot from it. In fact, I have been doing a lot of reading over the break, my fave right now is, Stupid White Men by Michael Moore. Ok, this is no femi-nazi book, its written by a white male and is about the corruption of our government. It is a really good read, and I recommend it to anyone. I am really lovin the time off from school. It has given me time to pursue my other interests such as drawing, playing soccer, typing on this thing (which I'm going to try to do more of), and writing. I really want to take drum lesson's next semester. I think im gonna try to take some from a music place called Margarites (sp?) so maybe at this time next year I will be a mad drummer haha. Anyways Im gonna head out, so I wish you all safety and happiness in this holiday season. Date: January 1st, 2005 Time: 3: 36 a.m. Hey, this is my first slightly intoxicated msg, and i'm not really sure why im writing right now, but i do know that drunk boys are gross, especially poock's friend john nilson, hes kinda a perv, anyways, this is taking me forever to write but im super excited for the new year, i have so much to look forward to!! My new years resolution is to be the best person i can be, to make everyone feel like they are important. Cause socializing is rated the most important thing to a humans life satisfaction, a lil psych for ya.... anyways im gonna go to bed and dream about you cause i think you are soo cute. goodnight sweet dreams. luv, ya!! |
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