The Matrix: Ravished

by Alisa Morgan

Harry poked gingerly at the package on his bed, waiting for it to explode or sprout bristling spines. Slightly disappointed when nothing happened he opened it. And stared.

"Ron!"

An elephant flung itself up the stairs, and Ron Weasley stuck his head round the door looking expectant.

"Look what someone's sent me!"

Ron glanced at it approvingly.

"Nice."

"But I never get thing like this usually!" Harry muttered.

Ron was forced to agree. "Roses, women's knickers..." They gave a collective shudder. "Not usually coats."

"It must be some evil plot. Maybe the coat's poisoned or something. D'you think I should tell Dumbledore?"

"Nah" Ron shook his head. "It's just one of your many insane fans entering a whole new realm of weirdness."

"Well, I don't want it." Harry shuddered fastidiously. "I don't know where it's been." "Can I have it?"

Malfoy was glaring at him. At least, Harry thought he was. As Malfoy was wearing mirrored sunglasses it was hard to tell. Harry shrugged mentally and turned to Ron, who was luxuriating in the coat.

"It really suits you, you know."

And so it was that Harry had completely forgotten the possible-evil-glaring incident when Malfoy dragged him into a conveniently classroom.

"Why is he wearing it?" Draco hissed.

After careful thought, Harry discarded 'huh?' in favour of "What?"

"The coat Potter. Why is the weasel wearing it?"

The proverbial light burst on Harry. "You sent it?"

"Of course I sent it. Who else has such impeccable taste and can afford such expensive tailoring?"

"Ok. I get that you sent it. But why did you give me a coat?"

Draco heaved a long suffering sigh. "We're representing good and evil, right? Therefore we should at least dress for the part, Mr Potter."

A suspicion slowly dawned on Harry. "You've been watching 'The Matrix', haven't you? That's why the sunglasses, and the coat, and the 'Mr Potter'-ing, isn't it?"

Malfoy didn't have the grace to look abashed, but he squirmed a bit as he nodded. There was a pause. Then Harry spoke, his voice filled with determination, confidence, and an attempt to sound like Keanu Reeves.

"Well, if we're going to do this, we should damn well do it properly. What are you wearing under those robes?" Before Malfoy could protest, he'd brushed aside the material to reveal...nothing. Harry's brain did a triple-take. Naked Draco...

"Er...Potter, could I have my robes back please?"

"Gah?"

"Robes, Potter."

"Hngh?"

Giving up on the monosyllabic, drooling idiot Harry had become, Draco yanked his robes back. Harry blinked. Then his brain caught up.

"You're not wearing any clothes!"

"Wrong again Potter" Malfoy drawled, self-confidence restored along with his robes.

"You're not wearing any clothes under that!"

"More accurate, at least."

"But...why?"

"Don't like clothes, bad for the circulation."

Harry had a sudden mental image of Draco Malfoy's 'improved circulatory system'.

"Gah."

"Oh not again Potter. I know I'm gorgeous, but really, this is umph..."

When Harry finally released his mouth it was all Draco could do not to wail.

"But this isn't how it's supposed to go!"

"Who cares? This is more fun."

Grabbing a spluttering Draco, Harry set about enthusiastically proving his theory and demonstrating, once and for all, that films aren't a patch on reality.