Series: 4 of 4
Author: Bell Pie toggledog@yahoo.com
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: R
Author’s Notes: Ok, here is where it gets really dark. Includes child abuse. Back to Harry’s POV. This one was inspired by Tori Amos’ beautiful but tragic song, ‘Winter’. Actually, I’ll include it at the end, so you can see how it fits in, particularly with both Draco’s POV and Harry’s POV on Draco
To all who liked, thank you!!!
More notes at bottom. This has been revised a little.
I glanced around the room, taking in all the familiar faces. Remus and Sirius sat together, as far away from Snape as possible. Mcgonagall sat on the armchair, alongside Sirius’ couch. Next to her, kneading his hands in tension, was Arthur Weasley. I sat opposite him, next to the scowling Severus. Pain pinched at my stomach at the thought that one man was missing; Albus Dumbledore. Indeed, all of these meetings were marked by this loss. I caught Mcgonagall’s eyes and she smiled at me. I smiled back. In the fluffy yellow cushioned chair that was once a favourite of Dumbledore’s, sat Clarissa, head of Defense against the Black Arts at Hogwarts. In my sixth year, while I was battling my confusion over a certain blonde nemesis, this red-haired beauty had turned my eye, momentarily. It was her commanding presence that started the meeting.
"So, the issue is one Lucius Malfoy."
"I have the warrant for him here in my suitcase." Mr Weasley stated. "We have enough evidence, now to-"
"He is not letting anyone into the Malfoy manor." Mcgonagall stated. "In fact, it has been completely cut off from all wizard intervention. He has, in effect, closed him and his family from the outside world, and us from them."
"That is what concerns me." Clarissa stated. I felt a coil of worry wind in my stomach. Clarissa had the ability to tap into the minds of others. Sirius touched my hand, briefly.
"Were you able to contact any of them?" Remus asked her.
Clarissa nodded. I noted how weary she appeared. "Not Lucius. His son, Draco."
I felt pain in my palms and realized I’d clenched my fists so tight, I’d dug my nails into them. Clarissa turned her head and looked me in the eye.
"I’m sorry, Harry."
"What happened?" I felt numb.
"He was slapping his wife. When Draco intervened, he turned his anger on his son."
I felt the blood drain from my body. This can’t be happening.
"Is he alright?"
"It depends on your definition. Yes, bruises and cuts will heal."
I pressed my hand against my stomach, feeling sick.
"This is all Potter’s fault!" Snape stood up. " I was informed by Lucius that Draco and Potter were involved. Lucius was furious about it. With good cause."
Sirius all stood up and charged towards Severus, eyes blazing. Mcgonagall stepped between them.
"This is no one’s fault but Lucius’!" She snapped. "Sit down both of you."
Both men glared at each other, then resumed their positions, still not breaking eye contact. Snape’s words cut a hole straight through me.
My fault. If I had known, I wouldn’t have… I would have said no, I would have never even laid a finger on him. I should have known. Lucius was not to be trusted. Lucius was insane. Now, Draco was hurt. Sirius touched my hand again. I pulled it away. I couldn’t bear anyone’s touch in that instant.
Clarissa looked straight at me as she spoke. "Lucius is at the end of his tether. He knows there is no way out, that we will be looking for him. His actions are those of a desperate man."
Draco had come to me for help and I turned him away. No, worse, I in as much as told him he was worthless. My own words came thundering back to me.
"I pity you, Malfoy. Your best is anyone else’s worst."
And his reply, standing in the middle of a muggle road crying, showing me insight into his mind, his longing to make me proud, but never succeeding. If only I could see him now. I’d laugh at him, but not in a derisive way. I’d tell him he didn’t need to try with me. I didn’t care for the defenses he put up, or the lengths he went, to be as he felt I wanted him to be.
"So, the question is, what do we do?"
The room was silent.
"Is there anyway at all we can get into the Malfoy Manor?"’ Remus asked.
"The place is a hundred percent spell proof, charm-proof and curse proof. If we tried to apparate, we’d just rebound back to where we came. If we tried to walk there, we wouldn’t find it." Mcgonagall’s frustration sounded in her voice.
"Is there any way we can make them come out?" I asked, weakly.
The others appeared to think on this.
"If we take the blame off Lucius for the murders and place the blame on someone else, like say, Potter, he would come out, I’d suggest." Snape smiled bitterly
Sirius sat up in his chair. "Now-"
"That could be an idea." Remus interrupted him. If we can somehow convince Lucius that he has been cleared of all wrongdoings. And he detests you, Sirius…"
Sirius narrowed his eyes. "What are you saying, Remus?"
"I’m saying that maybe you’ve been playing us as fools the entire time. Maybe we found some long thought lost evidence that you, in fact, did kill those muggles all those years ago and was involved with Voldermont in his latest reign."
"It wouldn’t work." Mcgonagall said.
"He knows how smart Sirius is. Perhaps it is not beyond consideration, at least that Sirius might-"
The coffee table before Snape suddenly shot across the room. Clarissa jumped out of the way as it headed straight for her.
"Now, who-?" Remus began, as it crashed against the wall, opposite.
"Someone’s trying to-" Clarissa clutched at her head.
The coffee lamp next to Mcgonagall started to shake, the vibrations getting higher and higher until it exploded. Mcgonagall jumped to the side just in time to avoid getting pierced by hundreds of tiny glass shards.
He appeared in the centre of the room, in the space the coffee table had just occupied. His hair was a lot more tangled than I had ever seen it. He lifted his head to reveal a face thankfully unmarred but for a single ugly purple bruise down the left side of the jaw.
"Draco." I couldn’t help but voice my shock. That exploded into pure joy. I didn’t care that the others were in the room. For me there was now only me and him. I ran straight into him, bowling him over.
"Argh! Harry!" He protested. I knelt in front of him and ran my fingers through his hair, laughing softly, as I softly kissed his forehead, moving down his nose, across his cheek, marveling at the soft skin and features that were mine. Yes, all mine.
"Do we have to watch this spectacle?" I heard Snape behind me.
"Leave them alone." I heard Remus shoot back.
"Ah, Harry?" Mcgonagall sounded deeply surprized.
"I’m sorry." I kissed his nose once more. "I am so sorry." I lifted his hand and kissed the palm. "Please forgive me." I turned his arm over and kissed his wrist. He wasn’t turning away, but he wasn’t responding, either.
I looked into his face, stopping my affections for the moment. He was watching me with a peculiar expression on his face, as though he was endeavoring to look straight into me, straight through to my soul and dissect that.
"How touching." I heard the voice and shuddered. In that instant, Lucius appeared in the room. I turned to find five wands pointed at him.
"You really are rather stupid, Lucius, appearing here." Snape said.
" I won’t be here long."
"That’s true." Sirius smiled. "You’ll be in Askaban very soon."
Lucius stared at Draco a long while. "I’ve taken the protection charm off my house. In the third loungeroom, you’ll find the body of my wife." His voice broke. "I’m here to hand myself in."
I looked from him to Draco in shock. Both Father and son held eyes.
"What trick is this?" Snape asked.
Lucius refused to look away from Draco. "No trick. I… I hit her and she banged her head. She was trying to protect her son."
Mcgonagall nodded at Snape, Remus and Sirius.
"Be careful".
They instantly apparated, no doubt going to the Malfoy manor.
"He is telling the truth." Tracks of tears ran down Clarissa’s cheeks.
Draco roze to his feet, still eyeing his father.
"Well, I guess we’ll have to… ah, bind you then, and wait for the others to come back." Mcgonagall seemed a little frazzled.
"I’m sorry." Lucius whispered at his son. Draco stepped up to his father. The moment was electric. I could feel all the atmosphere being sucked out of the room. Lucius didn’t flinch as his son spat straight into his face, before storming out of the room.
I stared at Lucius a moment, trying to gather my swirling thoughts, before taking after Draco.
"Leave me alone, Harry." He sounded tired, defeated.
"Draco, please stop. Please don’t run away from me again. I can’t bear it."
He stopped but didn’t turn. "You’d best not be near me, Harry. You don’t deserve someone like me."
"Shouldn’t I have the right to decide that?"
He was silent a moment. "You can’t be with me"
"Damn you!" I couldn’t keep up with the swirling emotions in my head. "What arrogance you have to decide for me whether or not I can be with you."
He turned to face me, face filled with such torment, I felt my own heart break. The anger overcame this and I welcomed it. It helped me to think.
"I don’t care what you’ve done! And I don’t care about the crap Lucius has filled your head with. You’re stronger than that. I know it. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry about what’s happened but please don’t push me away again. I can help you. Please let me help you."
"No." Anger flashed in his pale eyes. "You think you’ve got me all figured out. You think you know me. And you talk about arrogance! What right have you to decide who I am?"
I could hear voices in the room behind us. Severus had arrived back.
"You’re right. I don’t know you. Every time I think I have at least a glimpse of who you are, you turn around and surprize me once more. I’m sorry that in the past I never considered that there was more to you than what appeared. But I can tell you now, that I know not to do it, now."
His eyes softened once more. More sound from the other room. I glanced to the side, briefly, then stepped up to him. He didn’t move.
"The most annoying thing of this entire charade is," I took a deep breath. "I love you, you prick. But, I don’t think you can ever love me back." He turned to move away. I gripped his arm with my hand. "Not because you’re arrogant, or because you love yourself too much. That’s not what I was going to say, though I think that’s what you thought I’d say. No, you can’t love me because, painful as this is to say, you can’t love yourself." I felt tears prick at my eyes. His head was hung low, but I could see droplets run down his pale cheeks. "To me it’s obvious how beautiful and smart and wonderful and loveable you are. Why can’t you see it?"
A person stepped into the hall behind us. I released his arm. Sirius looked as if he regretted interrupting us.
"The Ministers for Magic are here. They’re about to take Lucius away."
I nodded, dumbly. Sirius disappeared back into the room. I took a step forward, only to be pulled back, into his hungering mouth, his embrace. He was holding me so tight, it was dimly painful. I reciprocated, wrapping my arm around him, reaching up to touch his hair, opening my eyes to see the glistening tears on his cheeks.
We pulled away. I noticed that he was trembling.
"I’m such a mess." He admitted. " I don’t understand why you even bother."
I smiled dimly. "I’m Harry Potter. You know I can’t go a day without saving someone."
He managed to smile weakly.
"Come on."
We walked back down the hall and stepped into the room, which had now multiplied with people. Lucius was standing between two wizards, hands bound behind his back. I was somewhat grateful, only for Draco’s sake, that the Dementors had been destroyed the year before. Askaban had lost its spooky allure. The place that had driven wizards to madness and death was gone, replaced by what some referred to as a ‘holiday camp’. A part of me was angered by this. Lucius deserved worse. After all that he’d done.
Draco stepped up to his father, expression unreadable.
"Would you visit me?" Lucius sounded so pathetic. It elicited a soft gasp from me. Draco looked down, faced his father again.
"I don’t know. I don’t think so."
He turned to face me. "Harry." His voice was odd. "Can we go into the hall?"
We stepped out of the room, back into the chilly corridor. When he looked up at me, his face was twisted with anger. He swung his hand back and I caught it in time before it was about to smash into my face.
"You never said anything good about them. Oh, precious Harry Potter. If he says Narcissa’s a total snob then it’s got to be true, doesn’t it? You didn’t know her." His voice still shook with anger in contrast to the tears that ran down his face. "You! The all powerful, all loved, all round nice guy Harry Potter. She wasn’t like him! I hate him! How could he do it?"
He bent his head forward, placing his face in his hands. I wanted to reach over and touch him, but couldn’t. After a moment, he stepped back into the room. I followed, watched him cut across the room to Snape. Despite the circumstances, I didn’t intend to go near this man. Remus moved beside me and placed a hand on my shoulder. We ignored the various wizards glancing at me but seeming to be wary of coming close.
"Are you alright?"
I nodded. We were silent a while.
"That was quite a show you put on there. I think Sirius is a little disturbed. And Snape…" I flushed a little, the embarrassment finally arriving.
"I’m sorry." Was all I could say
"I’ve got to say, I’m, well, I’m very surprized at your choice. But, I guess we don’t decide, do we?"
Mcgonagall called him over to her, as Draco stepped away from Snape (who looked like he’d swallowed a goldfish coated in paint) and moved back to me, giving me a slightly frustrated, embarassed look. I realized he was ready to talk to me once more.
"What was that about?" I asked, gaining his pout.
"I just wanted to know what happened with the investigation."
Ah, yes. The man who had lit a match to my beloved. For the first time in my entire life, I felt proud of Snape. I know I would have done the exact same thing. Even so, it was very disturbing to feel any positive emotions towards such a man.
"Well?"
"Well, you know what Snape’s like. He isn’t very forthcoming with information. As far as I can gather, he won’t be punished for his actions."
"Oh."
I tried to decide how I felt about this. Absolute indifference. I was happy, for Draco’s sake. But I wasn’t too bothered by Snape or anything that happened to him. But then, he had healed Draco, keeping the flawless translucence of his skin, regrowing his hair to the extent that it outdid its earlier beauty. No, Snape didn’t deserve my indifference. He deserved my gratitude.
The Minister officials turned back to Draco. "Is there anything else you would like to say?"
Draco shook his head. No.
A few cursory glances at me and the officials apparated out of the room, with Lucius. Mcgonagall and Clarissa joined them, leaving Draco, Remus, Sirius, Snape and myself.
"Draco." Remus’ voice was soft. "You might be called to give evidence against Lucius."
"Why lie to the boy, Lupin?" Snape growled. "You will have to give evidence against Lucius. There is no doubt about it."
Draco frowned into his shoes, face twisting with emotion. I wanted to touch him, reassure him, but it didn’t seem right. He suddenly grabbed my wrist. I blinked as we disappeared out of the room, to be appear in a room I had never been in before. But, I knew where I was. I didn’t even have to glance at the sneering Malfoys on the wall, or intricate snake pattern in the carpet to know I was standing in the Malfoy loungeroom.
"We shouldn’t be here. We’ll destroy the evidence."
"This isn’t the room that it happened in. There are sixteen different loungerooms in this house, Harry."
Sixteen! What the hell would they want with sixteen different loungerooms? It totally baffled me.
He turned his back to me and stepped towards one of the open wood fires, warming his hands.
"I wanted to show you what he did."
Still facing away from me, he removed his shirt, dropping it to the ground beside him. I couldn’t contain my hiss of breath. His back was so covered in bruises and cuts, I was hard pressed to find any clear skin. It was beautiful, in a sickly absurd way, the intensely violent eruption of reds, purples, blues and blacks in varying shapes on the smooth skin.
"The second time, he used his belt. That was when Mum tried to interfere. He slapped her and started beating into her. I… I could handle him beating me but not her. Never her. I fought him. He got so angry that he bit me."
I looked closer. Sure enough, between his shoulder blades were the unmistakable indents of teeth marks.
"Then he felt bad. He told me he was sorry, that he didn’t mean it. That I’d made him do it. I think he felt genuine remorse." He sighed. "The final time… it was just like any other. He was laying into me and Mother tried to interfere and he pushed her back. I really don’t think he meant for it to happen. She hit her temple, really hard on the corner of the mantelpiece. He’s not a bad person, Harry."
What? Just minutes before you said you hated him!
It seemed in this time of crisis he was being so contradictory that he was only causing confusion in me.
I gently touched the back of his arm, reached down to stroke his fingers. As much as he loved my hair, I loved his hands. I would annoy him greatly by wanting to spend hours stroking them, lifting each finger up individually, admiring their beauty. To me, they were symbolic of his entire being.
"She was so beautiful, Harry. I don’t know if I can…I took an impression of my injuries for evidence. I want you to erase the bruises."
I took out my wand and pointed it at my hands, muttering the spell.
"Injustus."
A curious tingling overtook my hands, crept up my arms to encircle my head. I drew three fingers softly across his back. He moaned as the healing power took effect, a soft white light crackling across his skin like electricity. I leant over and kissed the white skin as the bruises faded, zigzagging my fingers down his back. I reached the bite mark, stroking down it with the tips of my fingers. As the redness gradually disappeared, he shuddered and sharply intook air. One hand curled around my head and pulled it to his mouth. I closed my eyes, enjoying his soft lips on mine, our tongues clashing, as my hands continued to do their work. My fingers worked at a particularly dark bruise and he jumped a little, moaning into my mouth, twisting his fingers into my raven hair. My fingers continued their course, as he withdrew from our lip lock to kiss my neck, taking tiny nips with his teeth, causing moans of my own. The tingling withdrew, indicating that the healing had finished. I managed to extricate myself from his talented mouth to examine his back. It was now as white as it had ever been.
He turned to face me, latching a hand around my neck, face flushed, looking eager. I softly disentangled myself from him, with some effort on my part. The familiar scowl returned.
"Please, Harry. I can’t deal with this right now. Just… distract me. I don’t want to think about it. I just want to be with you."
" I don’t want you to leave." I said, unsurely.
"Believe me, Harry. I’m not leaving."
He leant forward. I drew back a little.
I wished we could just… forget everything that’s happened between us in the past. Just start afresh. No, that wasn’t true. We needed those memories, as pained as some of them were.
"Damn, you annoy me!" I smiled sadly at his confusion. "Those days after the Hogwarts Express, those long, long days just waiting for anything from you, any sign, even if it was big ‘fuck you’. I could barely sleep, I couldn’t eat. This wasn’t supposed to happen to me. I’m Harry Potter. I can deal with anything, or so I thought."
He frowned back at me, grey eyes intense with emotion.
"I hated you so much. You drove me insane. I could have had anyone. Anyone. And I kept coming back to you. Well, you were a good screw-"
I mock punched him in the arm.
"I wasn’t exactly low on offers." I admitted.
He smiled. "Hey, just let me have that, ok? Sure you can be the most famous, most revered, most liked, most idolized, most whatever boy in the school. Just let me be the most desired boy in the school. For my own ego." He joked.
"Darl, I don’t think you even noticed how many people were tripping over their own feet just to talk to you." I said, seriously.
He regarded me with a look of pure pain. "Yeah, they all liked me either because of the influence of Lucius or because they wanted to fuck me."
"It doesn’t matter what they think!" I reassured him softly. "I love you because of you. And, yes, I feel like I’ll go insane, sometimes and I hate your prejudice against muggles and wizards that aren’t purebloods. But, underneath all of those defenses you put up, that’s the real you. And even if you can’t see it, I know that he’s beautiful. I love you and I want to help you find him, to love him as I do. Because you’re worth it." I sighed. "Actually, I just want to fuck you."
A myriad of emotions crossed his face. There was no mask now. This was him, the true him. The one I had fallen in love with.
"You’re beautiful, Harry."
I knew what he was trying to do, repaying the compliment, but there really was no need. This time I leant in to caress him but he pushed me back.
"Please don’t leave me. Not now. I’ve lost everything. What am I going to do, Harry? I feel like both of them are dead. And I can’t think about it… I just can’t. It’s agony."
I reached my hand and cupped his pointed chin up so we were looking eye to eye. "I can’t leave you. Not now."
His eyes searched my face for a moment. "I need to say this. I don’t care if you believe me or not." He closed his eyes then affixed them onto mine. " I love you. At least, I think I do. I’ve… I’ve never felt like this before so I don’t really have anything to compare it to."
I felt an entire block of hurt escape my body, to be replaced by the most intense joy I had ever experienced. All of the tragedies and pain heaped on my heart; the loss of Cedric, the loss of Dumbledore, my own parent’s death were dimmed with the promise of love reborn.
Resurrection. Yes, we would be each other’s.
He would dig my heart out of the darkness and I would rediscover for him his innocence.
And there on the Malfoy loungeroom floor, I gathered him into my arms and held him to me, never wanting to let go.
And I never did.
THE END.
(Phew!)
Winter- Tori Amos (again, copyrighted to Tori. I’m just using it as reference)
Snow can wait, I forgot my mittens
Wipe my nose, get my new boots on
I get a little warm in my heart when I think of winter
I put my hand in my father’s glove
I run off where the drifts get deeper
Sleeping beauty trips me with a frown
I hear a voice ‘You must learn to stand up
For yourself ‘cause I can’t always be around’
He says
When you gonna make up your mind?
When you gonna love you as much as I do?
When you gonna make up your mind?
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I’ll always want you near
You say that things change my dear
Boys get discovered as winter melts
Flowers competing for the sun
Years go by and I’m here still waiting
Withering where some snowman was
Mirror, mirror where’s the crystal palace?
But I only can see myself
Skating around the truth of who I am
But I know, Dad, the ice is getting thin
Hair is grey and the fires are burning
So many dreams on the shelf
You say I wanted you to be proud of me
I always wanted that myself
When you gonna make up your mind?
When you gonna love you as much as I do?
When you gonna make up your mind?
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses have gone ahead
I tell you that I’ll always want you near
You say that things change my dear.